Ron one half Book 2: Middleton Mayhem
by Parareru
Summary: Finally an UPDATE! Ron and Kim have returned to Middleton, the quest for the Talisman behind them. But there are still a few pieces left to clean up as some new problems rear their head. Trouble brews for our heroes as more of Ron's destiny is revealed...
1. Chapter 1: Tadaima Means I'm Home

Ron ½ Book 2: Middleton Mayhem  
By Parareru

Disclaimer: Kim Possible is owned by the Disney Corporation. –So let's see some season DVD sets already!—

This is a continuation of Ron ½. Please read that first, otherwise you may end up being hopelessly lost. Tsk, tsk. You just had to believe Ryoga when he said he knew how to get you home.

_:denotes:_ Chinese speech  
_denotes_ Japanese speech

Chapter 1: Tadaima Means I'm Home

Drakken paced back and forth by the door of his lair and looked at his watch impatiently. It was late. How could he be expected to come up with a plan for world domination without the proper tools? He looked at his watch again and let out an irritated growl.

"Ya know Dr. D, patience is a virtue," Shego chided from her seat in the 'den' as she flipped through her magazine.

"I'm a bad man," he snapped back. "I'm not supposed to have virtues."

"Hmmm," Shego grunted in response noncommittally before a loud alarm announced the presence of an intruder on their doorstep. Shego instantly leapt to the control panel and looked to Drakken for instruction. "Should I arm the booby traps?"

"Relax Shego. I've been expecting him," Drakken said with a wave of his arm and opened the door a crack.

"Do you have it?" Drakken asked in a low tone as he peered through the crack in the door.

"Umm, Mr... Drabben?"

"That's Drakken! And I'm a doctor!" Drakken yelled as he pulled the door open wider.

"Oh, I'm sorry," the mailman said as he fingered through the stack of mail in his hand. "Well, it looks like we have mail for a Dr. Drakken, a Ms. Shego and... a couple of pieces for a Mr. Lipsky."

"Yes, yes, yes," Drakken said eagerly as he snatched the pile of mail and rummaged through it. "Bill, bill, bill, magazine, sweepstakes... Wait! It's not here!"

The mailman looked at Drakken skeptically. "You're a bit young to be expecting a social security check."

"Not social security!" Drakken yelled, a vein pulsing in his forehead. "Not that I actually pay into that," he muttered under his breath.

"Oooh," the carrier said as he realized what his customer must've been expecting. "Sorry, disability checks don't go out until Monday."

"Do I look disabled to you?!" Drakken yelled on the verge of strangling the troublesome postal employee. "I am waiting for a catalog."

"Well, I did have this catalog for a Mr. Drabben," the carrier mentioned. "But you did just say that there's no Drabben living here."

"Wait! That's what I need!" Drakken exclaimed upon catching title of the catalog.

The mail carrier scrutinized the address label and hissed apologetically. "Sorry, but it doesn't say current resident and it is addressed to Mr. Drabben."

"Fine! I'm Drabben! I'm Drabben!" Drakken burst out irritably only to have the carrier regard him skeptically again. "I, uh, forgot that... Drabben's the name... I used to order that catalog!" Drakken smiled widely and tried his best to look credible.

"Well, it is just junk mail anyways," the carrier said with a shrug as he handed over the coveted catalog and continued along on his route.

"That was so painful to watch," Shego said dryly with a shake of her head.

"It doesn't do to antagonize a postal employee, Shego," Drakken said clutching his cherished catalog. "We'd never get our coupons ever again."

"Oh yeah, like we ever _buy_ anything," Shego retorted as she grabbed her new magazine and tossed the bills into the fireplace. "Ooohhh, 'Perfect Hair for the Perfect Date,'" she exclaimed upon reading the title.

"Can we get back to the important thing here?" Drakken said peevishly as he waved his new catalog in the air.

"This is important," Shego said absently as she sat down and began reading.

Drakken growled angrily, rapidly flipped through his catalog and imperiously shoved it on top of Shego's magazine. "There! Read that!" he ordered and proudly stood by as Shego dutifully followed his orders.

"The Mishima Heavy Industries High Capacity Washing Machine for all your industrial washing needs. Powered by a..."

"What?! No! Not that page!" Drakken shouted. "The other one!"

"Ooh, this is nice too," Shego said appreciatively as she looked over the schematics of the war mech displayed on the page. "The Golem 2000, the ultimate weapon for the ultimate mayhem. Able to track and eliminate multiple targets, it is the leader in ground force suppression."

"Exactly," Drakken said with an evil grin. "With an army of those I can finally take over the world."

"So we've stopped designing and building our own war machines?" Shego asked, curiously tapping the picture.

"We may as well let corporate lackeys shoulder the bulk of the tiresome groundwork of testing designs and then there's the mass production angle," Drakken declared loftily.

"And this way you don't have to pay anyone a salary," Shego pointed out.

"I am not cheap, if that's what you're implying," Drakken said with a defensive glare.

"Nooo, never," Shego drawled as she flipped through the catalog. "But personally, as long as we're _stealing_, I'd go with what's on page 37 myself."

"Fine, whatever," Drakken said with a grandiose wave of his hand. "We'll steal that too."

"Of course," Shego sighed and turned back to her magazine.

----

Autumn had come to Middleton in full bloom, painting the hills around the city with broad strokes of red, orange and yellow. A gentle autumn rain bathed the area, causing most of the citizens to take shelter indoors to wait out the storm. The rain also caused one teen citizen of the town to mumble imprecations under her breath.

"'Sunny, with clouds moving in,'" Ron-chan griped as she valiantly trudged through the falling rain. "Yeah, right."

"Come on, Ron. It's not that bad," Kim said as she took Ron-chan's arm.

"Tell that to Rufus," Ron-chan said as she pulled out the shivering naked mole rat and held him close.

"Hehe, wet t-shirt," Rufus chittered with a laugh.

"Hey, I'm not supposed to look good in a wet T-shirt here," Ron-chan shot back with a glare at her pet.

"Actually, right now you look better in a wet T-shirt than I do," Kim quipped and pointed at the blonde's rather 'healthy' chest.

"Gee, thanks," Ron-chan grimaced. "I just want to get home, take a hot shower and get my manhood back."

"And explain to your parents why you turn into a girl when splashed with cold water. Plus there's the matter of your two prospective fiancés," Kim pointed out. "I still can't believe that they managed to get through Immigration that quickly."

Apparently, while they were staying at the Tendo Dojo, Yori had worked with Nabiki Tendo to get her immigration and school transfer paperwork filed and approved. Amazing as that was, winnowing through the massive stacks of forms, Kim was absolutely dumbfounded by how easily Lo Shin had breezed through immigration. Lo Shin's half-hearted response to everyone's stunned surprise was simply that no one was stupid enough to get in a Chinese Amazon's way. Something seemed to be bothering the Amazon, but Kim merely pegged it down as homesickness jitters.

"Well, maybe this will boost my rep with the ladies," Ron-chan said hopefully. "I mean after all, I heard that chicks dig the man that's unattainable."

"And by unattainable you mean female?" Kim asked with an arched brow.

"D'oh," Ron-chan said. "I keep forgetting about that."

"Well, here we are. Home sweet home," Kim said as they stood in front of Ron's house. The lights were on inside the house and there was a car parked in the driveway, so it appeared that at least one of Ron's parents were home.

"I changed my mind, KP," Ron-chan said suddenly. "Can we crash at your place?"

"Nuh uh, no way," Kim said adamantly.

"Come on, it's just us girls. It'll be like a... slumber party," Ron-chan said desperately.

"You're going to need to face your parents sooner or later," Kim argued. "And there is no way I'm going to have all three of you girls in my room."

"Oh, fine," Ron-chan sighed in defeat as she trudged up to the front door and opened the door with the spare key from under the mat.

"I'm home!" Ron-chan called out hesitantly, deepening her voice slightly.

"Ronnie? Is that you?" Mrs. Stoppable called from the kitchen. Ron-chan opened her mouth to answer, but then looked to Kim in desperation.

"Yeah, it's us, Mrs. Stoppable," Kim said to cover Ron's hesitation. 'Go' she mouthed to Ron.

"Oh, Kim. Are you going to stay for dinner?" Mrs. Stoppable asked.

"No, just stopping in to say hi," Kim said as Ron quickly ran to his room and then to the bathroom with an armful of clothes. She quickly beckoned Yori and Lo Shin inside and headed for the kitchen.

"Oh, you poor thing, it's still raining out," Mrs. Stoppable commented, taking in Kim's drenched appearance. She instantly grabbed a small kitchen towel and offered it as a token to the sopping wet redhead. "Why don't you go dry off? I'll have Ron's dad give you a ride home."

"Thanks," Kim said gratefully, taking the towel as Yori and Lo Shin entered the kitchen behind her. "Oh, by the way, this is Yori and Lo Shin," Kim said as she pointed to each girl in turn.

"Hello, mother," Yori and Lo Shin said with a respectful bow before pausing briefly to glare at each other. Mrs. Stoppable paused in her tracks, looked at the girls, then to Kim and finally cast her eyes around for her missing son.

"Kim? Why are these girls calling me mother?" Mrs. Stoppable asked weakly.

Kim rolled her eyes. "As for why they're calling you mother... Well, both of them intend to marry Ron."

"Oh. I see," Mrs. Stoppable said slowly as she sat down heavily at the kitchen table. "Dear?!" Her voice had an edge of hysteria to it as she hollered for her husband.

"Hmm? What is it?" Mr. Stoppable said, entering the kitchen and nodding in greeting to the familiar girl. "Hello, Kim. Nice to see you back."

"Do you have any idea what your son has been up to?" Ron's mother began.

"Well, since Kim's here I would have to say it involved saving the world again," Mr. Stoppable answered and adjusted his glasses, peering at the two strange girls with a puzzled frown on his face. "Who're your friends, Kim?"

"Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad," Ron said as he ran into the kitchen before Kim could make another round of introductions. He ran his fingers through his slightly damp hair as he flashed Kim a grateful look and mouthed his thanks to her.

"Ronald, is there something you need to tell us?" his mother asked from the kitchen table.

"Uh, um," Ron stammered as he floundered around, desperately wondering how much his parents already knew. He glanced at Kim again, hoping to pick up some clues about what his mother wanted him to confess.

"I mean it's one thing to go off saving the world with Kim and missing a couple of weeks of school while you're at it," his mother continued, her voice growing angrier by the second.

Kim was as clueless as Ron about what had angered his mother so and simply shrugged in response to Ron's silent question. Ron looked at his father who merely shrugged and shook his head as well, looking equally confused.

"How could you take advantage of our trust and get these girls _pregnant_?!" Mrs. Stoppable demanded finally.

"Wha? Huh? Oh! N-nuh-nononono! It's not like that at all," Ron said frantically waving his hands in denial. "Uh, they just followed me home!"

Kim rolled her eyes at Ron's lame defense. "It's true Mrs. Stoppable. Ron didn't get these girls pregnant. The issue's a little bit more complicated than that." Ron nodded emphatically in agreement.

"Well, if Kim doesn't mind sharing then I guess we really don't have much say in the matter," Mr. Stoppable commented, causing Kim to draw in a shocked breath. Her mouth flapped open as she tried to think of something to say in response. Ron gibbered incomprehensively as the word 'share' triggered a whole spate of images he wasn't quite prepared to deal with standing there in the kitchen with his parents.

"You know, I always thought Ronald wasn't much of a ladies' man, but he must've made quite an impression if these two girls followed him from... China was it?" Mr. Stoppable continued, ignoring Ron and Kim's momentary embarrassment.

"And Japan," Yori chimed in as Lo Shin nodded in agreement.

"That's one way of putting it," Kim finally managed to get out.

"That's quite the international entourage you've gathered, Ronald," Mr. Stoppable said with a humorous glint in his eye. "Good for you, son! So which one are you going to choose?"

"What?!" Kim and Mrs. Stoppable exploded simultaneously.

"Just kidding, just kidding," Mr. Stoppable laughed briefly to mollify the two outraged women and then looked seriously at the girls. "After all, they're all much too young to be thinking about marriage."

"My thoughts exactly," Mrs. Stoppable said with her arms folded across her chest.

"But since the girls came all this way we may as well let them stay," Mr. Stoppable finished. "Besides, it'll be nice having some more women in the house."

"Booyah!" Rufus agreed, peeking from Ron's cargo pocket.

"But-but where will we put them?" Mrs. Stoppable finally asked.

"Well, easiest thing would be to put them in Ron's room," Mr. Stoppable suggested with a broad grin. "That way no one would have to sneak around in the middle of the night."

Ron's expression was one of wide-eyed, panicked denial while Kim's and Mrs. Stoppable's were one of barely contained outrage. Yori and Lo Shin didn't have much to say, they were too busy blushing.

"The girls will sleep in the guest room," Mrs. Stoppable ground out as she glared at her husband.

"Of course, dear," Mr. Stoppable laughed as he rubbed the back of his head. "I wasn't _really_ serious about putting the girls in Ronald's room."

"Of course you weren't, dear," Mrs. Stoppable sighed as she led her two guests to the guest bedroom. "It's really coming down out there," she mentioned as she looked out the window. "Would you mind driving Kim home while I get the girls settled in?"

"No problem, Hon," Mr. Stoppable nodded dutifully. "Care to come along Ronald?"

"Um, sure," Ron agreed with a hesitant look out the window. "I'll be right back," he called over his shoulder as he made a dash for his room.

Mr. Stoppable gave his son a quizzical look when Ron returned wearing a bright yellow rain hat, slicker, rain pants, galoshes and carrying an oversized umbrella in his hand. "Ronald, it's just a rain storm, not a hurricane," his father pointed out.

"Well, uh, better safe than sorry," Ron chuckled weakly as the three of them stepped into the car.

"So Kim, how did your mission to Japan go?" Mr. Stoppable asked conversationally as he started the car and began the drive to Kim's house.

Both Kim and Ron twitched slightly as they recalled the series of events that had taken place in Japan. "Oh, just... fine," Kim managed to get out after an involuntary glance at Ron. "Though we don't really know what happened to Monkey Fist."

"I'm sure the two of you will catch him eventually," Mr. Stoppable replied confidently. "So did you see a lot of the country while you were there?"

"Not really, Dad," Ron answered. "We were a bit busy."

"I know, I know. But I hear that those Japanese hot springs are really something else," Mr. Stoppable said.

"Well, you know those open air baths aren't really my thing," Kim chuckled as she nonchalantly waved the question aside.

"Worried that Ron'd peek?" Mr. Stoppable asked with a mischievous glance through the rear-view mirror.

"WHAT?!" Ron bellowed as Kim felt her cheeks grow hot.

"Why so coy Ron? You've taken a bath with Kim before," Mr. Stoppable said.

"We were five years old!"

"There's no reason to be shy now then," Ron's dad said.

"That's not the point!" Ron yelled.

"It-it's okay, Ron," Kim said as she laid a calming hand on Ron's arm. "Your dad's just teasing." Kim could still feel the heat of her blush on her cheeks though.

"Yup, don't mind me," Mr. Stoppable advised the two teens as he pulled the car into the Possible driveway. "Besides we're here."

It was still raining heavily, so Ron hurriedly stepped out the car before it had come to a complete stop and ran around to the other side as he snapped open the umbrella. He gave Kim a little half bow as he opened her door and offered her the sheltering protection of the umbrella. "Thank you, kind sir," Kim giggled.

Ron gave Kim another bow. "My pleasure, dear lady," he said gallantly.

"Don't be long now!" Mr. Stoppable called from the car causing Ron to stumble slightly.

"Aheh, sorry about that, KP," Ron said as he waved a hand back in the general direction of his father.

"He was just having somefun at your expense," Kim said tolerantly as she brushed her hair behind her ear.

"Well, thanks for covering for me earlier," Ron said gratefully as he lowered his voice and leaned in closer. "I really gotta figure out a way to break my curse to my parents."

"N-no big," Kim stammered as she felt her blush return. "Do you think it'll be okay having Yori and Lo Shin in your house?"

"Considering how my mother freaked out, I don't think they'll be stepping a foot out of the guest room," Ron answered. "Oh, hey, did you know Lo Shin's birthday is coming up in a couple of days?"

"No, I didn't," Kim replied with a shake of her head.

"It just came up on the plane ride for some reason or other. She seemed a little weirded out about it though."

"Maybe she's homesick," Kim speculated. "I know I'd be if that was the first time I'd ever left home by myself."

"Hmm, maybe," Ron agreed. "Maybe we shoul—"

Whatever Ron had planned, he was interrupted as they heard Kim's front door open.

"Oh, I thought I saw a car pull into the driveway," Mr. Possible said as he stood in the doorway. The two friends gave a guilty start as they realized how close they were standing and surreptitiously eased away from each other.

"Y-yeah, it was raining so we decided to drop Kim off so she wouldn't get drenched," Ron explained as Kim turned to hug her father in greeting.

"Well, that was nice of your father, Ronald," Mr. Possible said with a nod to the lad. "Thanks for driving Kimmie home, Frank," he called to Ron's father with a wave.

"Not a problem, Alan!" Mr. Stoppable called back as he lowered the car window. "Come on, Ron. We should get home and help your mother."

"Yeah! So, uh, call you later KP?" Ron asked as he began to make his way to the car.

"You'd better," Kim replied with mock ferocity. "And tell your parents," she advised Ron in a low voice meant for the two of them alone. "It'll only make it worse if you keep it a secret."

"Got it, KP."

Ron fidgeted pensively during the ride home. Several times he looked as if he was about to say something to his father, but then Ron just settled back into his seat. Mr. Stoppable watched his son's inner turmoil and simply waited patiently for Ron to reveal what was on his mind.

"You know, it's been a while since we've had both families together for anything," Mr. Stoppable finally commented to break the silence.

Ron only grunted, barely even aware that his father was talking to him.

"So maybe we should invite the Possibles over for Thanksgiving this year," Mr. Stoppable suggested.

Ron continued with his barely responsive grunts. Mr. Stoppable glanced at his son and decided that something would have to be done to shake the boy out of his funk.

"So I figured instead of turkey this year, we'll just serve up a giant pile of cheese, then after that we can have Rufus marry the garden gnome, cause well everyone loves a wedding and a chance to say mazel tov."

"Uh hu—h?" Ron shook his head as his father regained his attention. "Sorry, zoned out there for a minute."

"Is there something you need to tell me, Ronald?" Mr. Stoppable asked.

Ron pursed his lips thoughtfully. "Well... it's a biggie. I figure I should tell you and Mom together so I don't have to repeat myself."

"That important, huh?"

"Oh yeah," Ron confirmed with a lift of his eyebrows.

"Well, I suppose it's a good thing that we're nearly home then."

"Hmmm," Ron mumbled as he looked out his window to see the patterns of rain streaking by.

Mrs. Stoppable was busy watering the plants in the living room when the Stoppable men returned. "So Kim got home okay?" she asked.

"Yup, but I think Ronald has something important to tell us," Mr. Stoppable said as Ron shucked his rain gear.

"You'd better sit down," Ron advised his parents. Looking at each other curiously, they both did as their son asked, his mother placing the watering can on the coffee table.

Ron took a deep breath to steel himself as he looked to both of his parents. "See. Mom. Dad. Something happened during our mission in China. Something weird," he began to explain his predicament. "Well, we hired a guide and we got into a fight with the villain near these springs and I sorta fell into one of them."

"It's okay, Ronnie," his mother said in an attempt to comfort him. "You're maybe a little less coordinated that some other people, but Kim depends on you. You're a bigger help to her than you think."

"That's not what's bugging me," Ron denied with a brief shake of his head. "It's kinda hard to explain really."

"Ronald, whatever it is, we'll understand," his father said, causing Ron to begin pacing before them.

Gritting his teeth, Ron grabbed the watering can that his mother had placed on the table and took another deep breath to tighten his resolve. "It'll be easier if I show you," he sighed as he upended the canister over his head.

Ron felt his point of view shift a few inches lower as he shrank slightly due to his change. She shifted her shoulders slightly to adjust the fit of her shirt and looked expectantly at her parents as she cinched her belt tighter. Both of them could do little more than stare in wide-eyed amazement as their only son turned into a shorter, well-endowed girl. Mrs. Stoppable swallowed heavily and opened her mouth several times, but couldn't force any words out.

Ron's father finally cleared his throat with a confused look on his face. "Son, when I said it'll be nice to have some more girls around the house, this wasn't what I meant."

---

"Well, at least it's out in the open now," Kim said over the phone. "It seems like they're okay with your curse."

"Yeah, but I think my mom was more tweaked 'bout my pouring the water on the carpet," Ron replied as he ran his finger through his damp blond hair.

"Well, at least neither of them passed out when you became a girl," Kim pointed out.

"I know. Hey, has Wade managed to come up with anything on Monkey Fist?" Ron asked as the thought occurred to him.

He could hear Kim shaking her head. "I checked in when I got home. Nothing so far. Which I guess is good and bad..."

"Cause that'd mean he's not dead," Ron finished, finally voicing the hidden fear that had been gnawing at him. That he'd actually killed a man. There was a long pause on the other end of the line.

"I'm sure he'll turn up eventually, Ron," Kim said softly.

"Thanks, KP. Ya know... I-I'm kinda wiped so I'm going to hit the sack," he said.

Kim wanted to say more, to help Ron deal with the burden of guilt he must have been carrying all this time, but her instincts told her that now simply wasn't the time. Even though he couldn't see it, she gave Ron an encouraging smile that she hoped he could somehow hear and draw strength from. "Okay, night Ron."

"G'night Kim."

---

Mt. Niri - Japan

The monks had kept vigil over the injured traveler they had discovered as they made their way down from the shrine at the peak of Mt. Niri. The strange man mumbled fitfully in his unconsciousness as they tended to his wounds. They had no idea where the man had come from, no one had seen him ascend the mountain and the monks had certainly not seen him descending from the peak until they found him lying by the trail in his injured state.

It was as if he had simply fallen out of the sky.

Utter foolishness.

The stranger's lips parted in a soft groan. "Ronald..." he mumbled as his face began to twitch at some painful memory.

_I think he's waking up,_ an acolyte said softly to his companion.

_I'll get the Abbot,_ the other said as he rose to his feet.

"Not like this..." the stranger mumbled as his breath began to come in ragged gasps and his twitching intensified. "No..."

The tremors grew more violent and the stranger's eyes suddenly flew open and he took in his surroundings, his eyes clouded and confused. He flailed about on his pallet, panicked and frightened.

_Do not be afraid,_ the remaining acolyte said in an attempt to ease the wounded man's distress. _You were injured, but you're safe here at Niri._

The stranger's breathing eased slightly as the words slowly filtered through his fear clouded mind. He swallowed several times as he worked his tongue around to work some moisture in his mouth.

_Ronald..._ he gasped.

_My honor to meet you, Ronald,_ the acolyte said. _I am called Hirosuke._

_No, that's... not my name,_ the stranger disagreed with a weak shake of his head.

_My apologies_, Hirosuke apologized. _Do you remember what happened to you? How you ended up on the trail beaten and left for dead?_

The stranger's brow furrowed and after a moment shook his head in frustration.

_I shall return soon with some food for you,_ Hirosuke said as he stood up to leave. _If there is anything else we can do for you please let us know._

_Thank you,_ the stranger said gratefully. _But would you also happen to know who I am?_

Next: Adjustments

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing

I know the amnesia thing has been done before, over and over and over again. But trust me. I am going somewhere with this.

Now in this modern age, why wouldn't the monks know about Monkey Fist you ask? Well, they're the type to isolate themselves from the world, no TV, no newspapers, no radio. Just themselves in their monastery on the path to enlightenment.

Ron's parents are a little difficult to define, considering that they get so little screen time. However, Mrs. Stoppable seems to be a little bit uptight, while Mr. Stoppable seems a little more easygoing.

Technically, I don't a postal carrier would be that anal about delivering a catalog. Normally, they'd just say 'the hell with it' and hand it over. But it was fun to tweak Drakken a bit.

Ah yes, Mishima Heavy Industries and the Golem 2000 are from All Purpose Cultural Cat Girl Nuku Nuku which I believe is trademarked by ADV films.

Stay tuned as Ron readjusts to his life in Middleton, making new friends and enemies. Or make that as Rhonda makes new friends... hehe_** :Evil Impulses:**_ hehe


	2. Chapter 2: Adjustments

Ron ½ Book 2: Middleton Mayhem  
By Parareru

Disclaimer: Kim Possible is owned by the Disney Corporation. –So let's see some season DVD sets already!—

This is a continuation of Ron ½. Please read that first, otherwise you may end up being hopelessly lost. Tsk, tsk. You just had to believe Ryoga when he said he knew how to get you home.

_:denotes:_ Chinese speech  
_denotes_ Japanese speech

Chapter 2: Adjustments

Paradise? Pshaw.

Eden? Who needed it?

Heaven? It could wait.

This was better. Much better.

It was a veritable mountain of nacos.

Ron ran happily for the mountain and dove in, burrowing through it like a gopher, swimming through it like a dolphin until he reached the peak of the naco mountain, where he tossed handfuls of nacos up in the air to let them bounce off the top of his head. Content and king of all he surveyed, Ron Stoppable began to scarf down as many of the scrumptious snacks as he possibly could.

Unfortunately, his joy was short-lived as the giant winged monkeys descended from the sky and stole the entire mountain of nacos away. Ron ran as fast as his feet could carry him after the thieving monkeys, but the monkeys always managed to stay just within sight, taunting him with their hooting cries. Then Ron inexplicably felt himself begin to slow and he looked down in surprise at the shackles that had magically appeared on his feet. He could hear the rattle of a chain behind him as some unseen force began to pull him inexorably backwards.

"Nooo!" Ron wailed as his nacos passed forever beyond his reach. "Noooo..."

"Quiet!" Rufus snarled as he jumped up and landed hard on Ron's forehead, knocking his master into a deeper, and much quieter, state of unconsciousness.

Grumbling under his breath, Rufus curled up on the top of the pillow and went back to sleep.

---

Ron's nose twitched as the scent of something pleasant touched his nostrils. He stretched his neck out from under his covers and sniffed experimentally. It was definitely a scent worth exploring. He almost seemed to float down the stairs with a dreamy smile on his face as his nose led him to the source of those wonderful smells.

"Good morning, Ron-san," Yori chirped with a serene smile. Ron blinked the sleep from his eyes as he regarded Yori. The ninja student was wearing her hair in her usual hair band, but instead of a ninja gi or her school uniform, or even a dress or jeans. She was wearing an apron.

Just an apron.

"Would you care for some breakfast?" Yori said as she reached behind her neck for the apron ties.

Ron's eyes grew to the size of saucers. "Aaiieee!"

Rufus growled as he hopped onto Ron's chest, reached back and socked the boy on the jaw with a mighty naked mole rat punch. Ron's eyes rolled up into his head and he flopped back onto the bed, blessedly unconscious once again.

Muttering under his breath about his lack of sleep, Rufus once again curled up on the pillow and went back to his dreams of carving out a home inside of a giant cheese wheel in Wisconsin.

---

Ron's nose twitched as the scent of something pleasant tickled his nostrils. Cautiously he stretched his neck out from under his covers and took an experimental sniff. It was definitely a scent worth further investigation. With a dreamy, half-aware grin on his face Ron nearly seemed to float down the stairs as he followed his nose to find the source of that wonderful scent.

He poked his head into the kitchen and smiled when he saw a full breakfast laid out on the table for him. With a broad grin, Ron sat at the table and grabbed the utensils, ready to dig in.

"Good morning, Airen," Lo Shin purred from behind Ron causing the blond to stiffen in shock. "You're about to eat my breakfast," she said with a pout evident in her tone.

"Heh heh, sorry about that," Ron said in sheepish apology as he set the utensils down and turned to give Lo Shin her seat when he froze in panic.

"I would love to _share _with you though," Lo Shin continued purring, not caring in the slightest that she wasn't wearing a stitch of clothing

Ron's eyes bulged. "Aaaiiieeeeee!"

Rufus sat up, his left eye twitching irritably. He grabbed the baseball bat that Ron had conveniently left by the side of the bed and gave Ron a quick, but firm rap on the top of his head. Ron swayed drunkenly for a moment before returning to the land of Nod with a gurgle.

Grumbling, Rufus grabbed the blanket, yanked it off the bed and shambled from the room in search of a quieter locale to get some sleep.

---

Ron woke shivering from the cold and let out a long, drawn out groan as he briefly wondered where his blanket had gone. "Man, I thought sleep was supposed to help make a body good," he griped as he rubbed his head. He waited for some sound of acknowledgement from Rufus and looked around in confusion when no comment came in response to his complaint.

"Hmm, guess Rufus woke up early this morning," he mumbled as he shuffled off to the bathroom. Halfway down the hall, Ron found his missing blanket with his naked mole rat burrowed in the pile. Rufus snored contentedly away as Ron squatted down beside the impromptu nest and gave his pet a gentle shake.

"Hey, buddy. What are you doing out here?" Ron asked curiously.

Rufus blearily looked up at Ron with a scowl on his face. Crossly, he swatted Ron's hand aside, gathered up the blanket, and blew a raspberry at Ron before he stalked off, muttering under his breath all the while.

"Boy, he's cranky today," Ron commented as he shut the bathroom door.

After a splash of water on his face, Ron felt a little more human as he ambled down to the kitchen. He took an experimental sniff and then cautiously poked his head into the kitchen.

"Well, good morning sleepy head," Mrs. Stoppable greeted her son from the kitchen table with a euphoric smile. "Sleep well?"

"Like I was on top of a log," Ron groaned as he sat down across from his mother and let his chin sink to the table.

"Is something bugging you, Ronnie?"

"Nope, just glad that you're dressed," Ron mumbled sleepily, his eyes half closed as if he were on the verge of falling asleep again. Well used to her son's odd turn of phrase, Mrs. Stoppable just gave her son a motherly pat on top of his head.

"Hey, I thought you were still tweaked by Yori and Lo Shin showing up last night," Ron asked as he lifted his chin slightly from the table.

Mrs. Stoppable dragged her forefinger along the length of the kitchen table and held it up for inspection right in front of Ron's face. "What do you see there?" she asked.

Ron blinked a couple of times and stared cross-eyed at the finger. Finally, he shook his head, unsure of what his mother wanted him to see. "Uh, I don't see anything."

"Exactly," Mrs. Stoppable said with a broad smile. "There's not a spot in this entire kitchen."

"Hey, congratulations Mom," Ron said as he gave her a thumbs up. "Wait... What?"

"The girls got up early this morning and cleaned _everything_," Mrs. Stoppable explained, the blissful smile never leaving her face.

"Huh?" Ron's confusion was plainly displayed on his face.

"Remember when I had you clean the garage as my Mother's Day gift?"

Ron shuddered. "How could I forget?" he answered as he recalled the garden gnome staring back at him with those evil eyes. Not even that all consuming oozing muck thing that Kim had brought back had been able to destroy that thing.

"This is better."

Gears began turning in Ron's sleep clouded mind as he tried to determine all the ramifications of this new development. Good or bad. That was the question.

His mother was happy. That was good.

His mother was happy that the girls were here. That was good... and sorta bad.

Ron probably could have continued with this line of deductive reasoning for the better part of a week, but sadly, he didn't get the chance.

"Hey you two, the girls have breakfast set up in the other room," Mr. Stoppable said as he poked his head into the kitchen.

"Ooh, breakfast," Ron said, his stomach reasserting itself as the sole ruler of his decision-making processes. Ron dutifully seated himself at the table, pausing only briefly to wonder why they were having breakfast in the dining room instead of the kitchen.

"Well this is nice," Mrs. Stoppable commented appreciatively. "I can't remember the last time all of were here for breakfast."

"Good morning, Ron," Yori and Lo Shin caroled in unison from behind Ron.

"Bwah!" Ron yelped as he jumped out of his chair, spun in mid air and landed in a crouch on the seat, clutching the seat back protectively. The two girls giggled amongst themselves at Ron's display of agility as he sheepishly righted himself.

"Morning," Ron said, though sight of Yori and Lo Shin wearing aprons gave him a nervous twitch for some reason. "So, uh, what's for breakfast?" he asked haltingly as he shook his head to clear it and regain his senses.

Both girls managed to look sheepish at that question until Lo Shin volunteered an explanation. "We couldn't agree on what to make for you so..." They turned to a covered cart and each pulled out large tray as Ron raised an eyebrow in wonder.

Okay, so it was to be a buffet style breakfast. He couldn't see what there was to get so embarrassed about. He was about to open his mouth to say so when the girls set their respective trays before him.

Ron twitched slightly as he looked from the girls to the two heavily laden trays of breakfast in front of him; one Japanese and one Chinese. The two girls gave each other a challenging look as they meekly backed away from the table.

"We decided to let you decide which you liked best," Yori finished.

Ron looked around the table and saw that everyone had a similar setup before them. Both of his parents sampled from each of their trays before devoting their full attention to their favorite one, his mother had chosen Yori's cooking, while his father had decided on Lo Shin's. Even Rufus had a similar set of trays in front of him, though scaled down to naked mole rat size.

"Uh, little help Rufus?" Ron pleaded.

"Sorry," Rufus groaned, stuffed and rendered nearly immobile from his own massive breakfast. Ron's little buddy had polished off both trays in record time and raised a thumb in approval. "Good food."

"Well, dig in, Ron," his father suggested. "You wouldn't want it to get cold."

"There's more if you want, Ron-san," Yori suggested and Ron stared at her suspiciously.

Ron's nervous twitch grew more exaggerated as he slowly reached for his pair of chopstick. Both girls leaned forward expectantly, watching to see which girl's breakfast Ron would choose. Both of them knew after all that the surest way to a man's heart was through his stomach. Moreover, both knew that Ron would be the tiebreaker, the one who would determine who was the better cook. Ron inhaled deeply, closed his eyes and prayed to God for the strength to handle this ordeal.

His eyes opened and his hands lashed out in a blur.

Yori and Lo Shin stared in shock. Slowly the girls blinked, not sure who had won the challenge, if there even was a winner. Every plate that had been placed before Ron now rattled on the trays, thoroughly cleaned.

"Thanks for the food," Ron groaned as he ponderously rose from the table. There was a greenish pallor to his complexion as he swayed unsteadily and held a hand protectively over his stomach. "I-I'm going to go get dressed now," he said as a slight burp escaped his lips.

---

"Oh, I'm so full," Ron groaned as he managed something of a stately waddle on the way to Kim's house.

"Uh hoo hoo, ditto," Rufus agreed from Ron's pocket, far too stuffed to risk tackling the ascent to Ron's shoulder.

"Ya know, this kinda bites," Ron grumped, then grimaced as his use of the word bite caused his abused stomach to mount a half-hearted rebellion. He adjusted his knapsack's position on his back as he quelled the rebellious surge in his gut.

"What is concerning you, Ron-san?" Yori asked by his side. Inwardly, Yori was reveling at the freedom of wearing street clothes to school. True, the official school uniform only had to be worn while in public and the gi worn in the privacy of the school grounds was quite comfortable, but there was still something intoxicating about the freedom. It was almost as if she were already in college. She'd heard from her classmate Hirotaka that the boy had taken to wearing a leather jacket and riding a motorcycle during the entire weeklong exchange.

"Well, Kim and I are on a mission for two weeks, we save the world and stop Monkey Fist from getting a magical Talisman that would have granted him the power to turn the entire world into his monkey slaves..."

"You have a lot to be proud of Ron," Lo Shin said with a smile for him alone. "Even an Amazon warrior would have been hard pressed to do as much."

"Now see, that's not the problem," Ron pointed out with a waggle of his finger. "The point is that I missed out on enjoying a Columbus Day of doing absolutely nothing, plus the obligatory marathons on TV. But to top it all off Halloween is only a few days away and I have no idea what to do for a costume."

"You still go out on Halloween?" Yori asked curiously. She was familiar with the custom, though she had never partaken of it herself. Many American films were devoted to it.

"Of course," Ron said. "Don't you?"

Yori shook her head. "We celebrate Obon, the Festival of Souls in mid-August."

"Costumes, candy and a bon-diggety time to be had by all?" Ron asked in earnest curiosity.

Yori shook her head again. "Fires lit to guide our ancestral spirits to their homes as well as the traditional cleansing of the memorial stones."

"Ugh, ghosts," Ron shuddered.

"Ancestral spirits can be beneficial," Yori countered.

"Ugh, ghosts," Ron repeated and shuddered again as the trio arrived at the Possible house. "I mean it's fine for the Japanese, who are polite and all, but a Jewish ancestral spirit..." Ron trailed off his argument with yet another shudder, too horrified to continue as he knocked on Kim's door.

"Hey, Ron. I'll be a minute," Kim said as she opened the door and a momentary look of annoyance flashed across her features as she caught sight of Yori and Lo Shin standing behind Ron. "What's the matter with you?" she asked as she noticed the pained expression on Ron's face.

"Just thought about a haunting by a Jewish ancestral spirit," Ron answered with yet another shudder.

"O-kay," Kim said slowly as she processed this bit of information, and then decided that she'd rather not know. "Let me just grab my books."

"Not a prob, KP," Ron said easily.

"Morning Ron," Mrs. Possible said in greeting with a warm smile. "Care for some breakfast?"

Ron swallowed heavily to keep his stomach firmly under control. "No thanks, Mrs. Dr. P. I'm good."

"Who're your friends?" Mrs. Possible asked as she sat down at the table, a steaming mug of coffee in hand.

"Oh, Mrs. Dr. P., this is Yori and Lo Shin," Ron said by way of introduction. "Yori, Lo Shin, this is Kim's mom, Dr. Possible." Both girls bowed respectfully as Kim's mother nodded in return.

"Are they secret agents like that Will fellow?" Mrs. Possible asked quietly as she leaned towards Ron slightly.

"Oh, no, not at all, Mrs. P," Ron answered. "Uh, Yori's from the Yamanochi school in Japan and she's just kinda transferred over here. Lo Shin's from a village of Chinese Amazons."

"Well, that's interesting," Mrs. Possible commented as she studied the shorter Chinese girl. "Nana mentioned something about meeting Amazons in China when she was a little older than Kim."

"What was that about Nana?" Kim asked as she returned with her backpack slung over her shoulder.

"Oh, I was just telling Ron that Nana met an Amazon once."

Kim shrugged. "Yeah, that's all I've ever been able to find out..." she said giving her mother an expectant look.

"Well, don't look at me," Mrs. Possible said. "That was long before your father was even born."

"It was worth a shot," Kim sighed then hefted her backpack. "Bye Mom."

"Why so disappointed, KP?" Ron asked curiously as the four of the headed for school.

Kim sighed again. "I guess it's just that I miss Nana," she explained. "I mean ever since that mission where Drakken knew more about her than I did I guess I wanted to find out everything I can about her."

"Ah yes, Spring Break," Ron happily recalled a time of fun in the sun and...

"Booyah!" Rufus agreed.

"Ron!" Kim scolded him angrily with a thump on the shoulder. "Can you stop thinking about college girls for a minute?"

"Sorry, KP," Ron said contritely as he rubbed his shoulder.

"Why not simply ask her? Your Nana," Yori interjected curiously.

"I tried," Kim admitted with an anguished groan. "She just says that she'll tell me when I'm older."

Yori pursed her lips thoughtfully. "What was this about college girls, Ron-san?" she finally asked, directing the full force of her attention on him.

Startled, Ron looked to Kim for help, but she merely gave him a shrug to tell him that he was on his own dealing with this one. _I'm so dead_, Ron thought as his self-appointed fiancées began peppering him with questions about his trip to Florida.

---

"An invasion of Middleton?" Shego asked incredulously. "That's your big plan."

"Absolutely," Drakken answered proudly. "I'm following the kiss plan."

"Kiss?" Shego asked with an arched brow. "You do know that Valentines is still a few months off."

"Kiss. Keep It Simple... Stupid," Drakken explained with just a slight pause as he struggled to remember what that last s had stood for.

"Are you calling me stupid?" Shego demanded angrily, her hands flaring with her signature green glow.

Drakken's eyes widened in fright as he realized that he was treading on extremely thin ice. "No, no, Shego. I'm the stupid one here," he babbled in an attempt to mollify his sidekick.

"I'll say," Shego agreed with a sardonic laugh as she extinguished her flames and Drakken growled as he realized just what it was that he had admitted to.

"As I was saying, we'll use these mechs to invade Middleton..."

"But it has no style, no flair," Shego interrupted. "Are you even trying anymore?"

"Why? Do you think it's a bad idea?" Drakken asked in sudden concern.

"Oh yeah, you expect to take an entire town with only six of these things?" Shego asked as she waved her arm at the deactivated mechs sitting in the center of the lair.

"As the backbone of my evil army, yes," Drakken replied with an injured pout. "I intend to have my ground forces..."

"Evil army? Have you been talking with Senior again?" Shego whimpered as she rubbed her forehead.

"No, why? Oh, please! Let me use them, Shego," Drakken pleaded desperately as he fell to his knees.

Shego felt her resolve crumble at this pathetic display. Drakken came up with the plans and she executed them. That was the deal. "Fine, let's get this over with," she finally groaned with a roll of her eyes.

---

Kim picked fitfully at her tray of cafeteria lady's goop, debating whether or not to risk ingesting it. This had not been a good day and it seemed unlikely to get any better. True, it was good to be back in school again and yes, she had managed to catch up on some of her homework while she wasn't busy worrying about whether or not Ron would wake up. That had been more than a little distracting, frightening even...

Kim firmly pushed the thought from her mind. Ron was okay now, almost too okay. You could have almost seen people's estimation of Ron rise several notches as he entered the school with two Asian girls vying for his attentions. The student body was well used to Kim and Ron's occasional disappearance for a mission to save the world, but to see the sidekick show up with women in tow... Well, that was something else entirely.

To his credit, Ron hadn't tried anything with either girl, but...

"So what's the dealy on Ron's new girlfriends?" Monique asked Kim as she sat and set her tray down on the table.

"They are _not_ his girlfriends," Kim insisted as she viciously stabbed her fork at the quivering glop of cafeteria food in front of her.

"Well somebody's tweaked," Monique commented wryly as she watched her friend fume and continue to murder her lunch.

"I am _not_ tweaked," Kim retorted defensively as she automatically ate her lunch, paying no mind to the rather gelatinous state of it.

"I didn't say you," Monique answered mischievously, with an arched brow tossed at Kim. "So you are tweaked then."

"Can we get off this subject?" Kim asked, fixing her friend with a half-hearted glare.

Monique shrugged and looked around the cafeteria. "Hey where's Ron? I thought he had lunch this period."

"He does," Kim answered with a grumble. "Lo Shin and Yori probably grabbed him."

"Somebody sounds jealous," Monique caroled.

"I am not jealous," Kim huffed, slamming her fork on the table.

"Easy there, girl. I'm not the one you're mad at," Monique said, holding her hands up in defense.

"Who says I'm mad?" Kim ground out defensively.

"Haven't we already gone through this?" Monique asked impishly.

Fortunately, the Kimmunicator blipped its usual four-tone beep, drawing Kim's attention to other matters.

"What's the sitch, Wade?" Kim asked as she activated the screen.

"There was an arms shipment robbery, off the coast of South America, a couple of days ago," Wade began explaining. "The thieves stole the entire shipment of these." Wade's image was replaced by a schematic of the stolen mechs. The lower body looked vaguely leg-like, housing ten balloonish wheels, five to a side. The central body looked the most imposing with two tri-barreled cannons mounted like arms. The twenty-foot tall mech was capped with a turret that appeared armed with several arrays of weapons. Overall, Kim decided that it was a rather vicious looking piece of machinery. "The Golem 2000, a land and limited aerial combat mech built by MHI. It's a high tech piece of war machinery armed with lasers, missiles, anti-personnel defenses and the very latest in composite ceramic armor."

"High tech, let me guess. Drakken," Kim said with a bored sigh.

"Bingo," Wade answered as he reappeared on the screen. "Drakken walked off with the entire shipment of six mechs."

"So why didn't I hear about this sooner?" Kim demanded, drumming her fingers on the table.

"Well, Mishima Heavy Industries tried to keep the robbery under wraps. They didn't want any 'outsiders' getting involved," Wade explained apologetically. "It was only after they reviewed footage of the robbery that they decided to contact you."

"Because of Drakken."

"You got it," Wade confirmed. "After all, you've got the most experience in dealing with him."

"Any idea where Drakken is now?" Kim asked.

"Not at the moment, but I'll call you as soon as I find something," Wade promised.

"Please and thank you," Kim said sweetly as she cut off the transmission and returned the Kimmunicator to her pocket.

---

Ron banged his head against his locker, leaned back a couple of inches and repeated the same forward motion. This had not been a good day. Sure, he had enjoyed a certain amount of notoriety arriving at school with Yori and Lo Shin, but that satisfaction had been rather short-lived as his day degenerated into his usual high school routine; a string of sheepish excuses over missing homework, extra homework from Mr. Barkin and a string of F's from old tests and homework. It was a good that minor things like grade point averages didn't concern him, except Yori and Lo Shin did keep hinting that there was an alternative for him other than college.

Ron pulled his head back and let it slam into his locker again.

"Uh, you do know that there's an easier way of opening that," a familiar voice quipped beside him.

Ron cracked an eye open and glanced at the comedian.

"Hey, Felix," Ron said in a tired voice.

"Are you okay, Ron?"

"Just... peachy," Ron answered.

"Very convincing, Ron-man," Felix said as he wheeled his chair around. "So I hear you brought back a couple of cute girls. Do you really need two?"

"Believe me, it's not how it sounds," Ron said defensively.

"Well, care to tell me about it over lunch?" Felix offered, and then noticed Ron turn an alarming shade of green. "Hey, I know it's only cafeteria food, but..."

"Please don't mention food," Ron pleaded and then went pale as he saw the danger that was rapidly approaching him.

"Quick! Hide me!" he begged as he clung to back of Felix's chair and concealed himself underneath the jacket his friend had draped there.

"Huh? What?"

"No time for explanations!" Ron hissed as he hunkered down and worked on making himself as inconspicuous as possible.

"Ron! Ron-san!" Yori and Lo Shin called for him as they roamed the halls with large bags in hand. Several enticing aromas wafted from the packages causing more than a few people to wonder what a loser like Stoppable had done to deserve something like this. The girls continued down the hall with looks of disappointment on their faces as they searched for their elusive quarry.

"Are they gone?" Ron asked in a low whisper once the girls had moved a safe distance down the hallway.

"Oh yes, I can definitely see why you're so frightened," Felix deadpanned with just the hint of a smirk on his face. "They were absolutely hideous."

"Oh sure, make fun," Ron griped as he straightened from his hiding place. "But they've only got one thing on their mind."

"Now is that necessarily a bad thing?" Felix asked, giving Ron a sly look and nudge to the ribs.

"It is when it's marriage," Ron countered heatedly. "And I'm way too young to die."

"Huh?"

"Get married I mean," Ron hastily corrected his slip. "I'm too young to get married."

"Wanna run that by me again?"

Ron heaved a sigh. "They were going to feed me."

"And this was also a bad thing?" Felix asked uncertainly, wondering how the conversation had moved from death to marriage to lunch.

"They _both _wanted to feed me," Ron clarified. "If I pick one girl's cooking it'll look like I'm picking... a favorite."

"And you want to keep both of them," Felix concluded.

"Yes. I mean no," Ron recanted quickly with a vigorous shake of his head. "I just don't want to see anyone getting hurt, especially me."

"You're still not making a lot of sense, Ron," Felix said.

"If I pick one, the other will get mad and most likely hurt me," Ron explained. "And believe when I say that they could do it too."

Felix tsked and shook his head in commiseration. "I feel for you, man. Shame that you keep attracting these beautiful, capable, athletic and martial women to you."

"Are you trying to be funny?" Ron asked, giving Felix a suspicious look.

"Not in the slightest," Felix answered with a perfectly straight face.

---

"You know, call me crazy, but this latest plan of yours might actually have a chance," Shego speculated with grudging approval as they sped toward Middleton.

The plan was to have the six stolen mechs provide air cover to the horde of henchmen and Destructo-bots. Well, more Destructo-bots than henchmen, but they worked cheap and were a good deal more intelligent in Shego's personal opinion. Once securely entrenched in the town, Drakken would build up his forces and push outward, eventually securing the entire West Coast as his personal empire.

"Exactly, start small and work your way up," Drakken replied.

"The fuzzy dice might be a bit much though Dr. D," Shego said, pointing to the pair hanging in the cockpit of Drakken's Golem 2000.

"But they're my lucky pair," Drakken protested.

"And they've been such a big help before," Shego pointed out.

"I haven't had them before!" Drakken shouted back defensively.

"So all this time we've been trying to take over the world without your lucky pair of fuzzy dice?" Shego asked as she feigned horror at the idea by slapping her hands to her face.

"Har, har, har," Drakken sneered at her. "Don't be such a wiseacre."

"So why Middleton?" Shego finally thought to ask.

"Because Kim Possible continuously interferes with my plans and it just vexes me so," Drakken growled and slowly clenched his fist before him.

"So shouldn't we be invading some Podunk-ville, Illinois instead then?" Shego asked.

"No! If we can capture Kim Possible's hometown, then we shall be unstoppable! No one would be able to stand against us!" Drakken said as he guided his minion through his convoluted logic.

"I see," Shego answered noncommittally as she tapped a few controls on her mech. "But what if she—"

"She won't," Drakken said confidently.

"But what if she–"

"She won't!" Drakken repeated insistently.

"I know, but what if she—"

"Shego!" Drakken snapped.

"O-kay. Well, that tears it. Looks like we're going to lose. Again," Shego muttered under her breath as she continued to finalize _her_ contingency plans as the Middleton High School appeared on her screens.

---

The Kimmunicator beeped more urgently than usual and Kim quickly pulled it from her pocket, eager to hear the news.

"KIM!" Wade yelled through the Kimmunicator

"You've found Drakken's lair," Kim said, quickly getting into her mission mindset.

"Well, not exactly," Wade said, fidgeting uncomfortably.

"Attention Middleton! You will now declare me Emperor of the tri-city area!" Drakken's amplified voice demanded.

"He's outside your school," Wade finished lamely.

---

"How did Wade miss an evil army of robots marching on Middleton," Ron wondered aloud as he and Kim raced for the school's front entrance.

"There's a periodic surveillance satellite gap over this area," Kim answered, having already grilled Wade about this lapse of intelligence. "Drakken just happened to plan his attack to coincide with one of them."

"Think it was on purpose?" Ron asked.

"On Drakken's part? It's probably just dumb luck," Kim assumed.

"Yeah, that would certainly fit," Ron agreed as they reached the doors and cautiously peered outside. "You know, this plan of Drakken's lacks a certain panache though," he commented as the battle mechs swooped into the area, covering the approach of Drakken's army of Destructo-bots.

"Who cares, Ron?" Kim snapped as she reached into her backpack for her mission gear. No time to get into her clothes, but she snapped her utility belt around her waist.

"But it has no style, no flair," Ron argued. "I mean really, is he even trying anymore?"

"C'mon, Ron!" Kim ordered as she grabbed hold of Ron's arm and pulled him along with her outside.

"What is going on, Ron-san?" Yori asked as she and Lo Shin fell in step next to Ron.

"A very unimaginative take over the world plan," Ron answered as Kim growled in frustration.

The stolen mechs continued to pass over the area, the overhang leading to the schools entrance providing the teens with cover.

"You know, a rocket launcher would come in very handy right now," Ron said.

"It would," Kim agreed. "Except we don't have one."

Kim fired her grapple into the school's sign and swung on the line in a tight arc that took her to the cockpit of one of the hovering mechs. She knocked the red clad pilot out of the cockpit with a flying kick and stared in dismay at the controls blinking at her. In desperation, she began pushing buttons and the mech rocketed forward launching a flurry of missiles the arm-like cannons that quickly knocked one of Drakken's mechs from the sky.

"Shego!" Drakken snapped imperiously.

"On it!" Shego replied as she maneuvered her craft and aimed her cannons at Kim's commandeered Golem.

"Booyah, Kim!" Ron cheered her on exultantly from where he watched from the ground. Confidently, he pulled his own grapple gun and attempted to mimic Kim's feat except his hook missed the sign entirely and latched onto the frame of a passing Golem. Ron had time for one panicked yelp, before the mech carried him skyward as Yori and Lo Shin cried his name out in fear.

The pilot of the stolen Golem looked over his shoulder and noticing his stowaway began a series of aerial acrobatics that sent Ron's gut to churning. Ron fortunately had the presence of mind to hit the retract control on his grapple gun and soon he was clinging to the side of the mech for dear life as it swooped and twirled through the air. His fingers slipped slightly, brushed a recessed keypad mounted into the armor plating and a small access port popped open under Ron's nose. Ron stared at the open port in amazement as a fiendish plan formed in his mind.

"Time to go to work, buddy!" Ron said as he reached into his pocket and pulled Rufus out.

"Uh huh," Rufus squeaked as he crawled into an access port and sent a steady stream of parts from the opening. The wild gyrations of the Golem actually intensified for a brief while until its engines sputtered out with a strangled whine. Ron hurriedly reached into the access port and retrieved Rufus before diving from the powerless and plummeting mech.

"Can I give you a lift?!" Kim asked she swooped under Ron and caught him in his freefall.

"Well, normally I don't take rides from girls piloting a war machine!" Ron yelled over the whipping wind as Kim lined up on Drakken's last remaining henchmen.

The final Golem pilot, rather than move in for an attack or attempt to maneuver his craft, opted for the wisest course of action upon noticing that he was in Kim Possible's sights. The cowardly pilot swiftly bailed out, his parachute signaling his surrender as the abandoned Golem tumbled from the sky.

"Way to go Kim," Ron congratulated and flashed her a thumbs up.

"Happy landings, Kimmie," Shego said by way of farewell as she slipped into the slot behind Kim and pumped a laser burst into the engines. Ron yelped as he lost his grip on the side of the Golem and tumbled through the air to fall a short distance onto the top of the walkway leading to the gym.

"Ron!" Kim yelled, frightened that he might've been injured until she saw Ron roll off the walkway and wave away her fears. Kim felt her mech give another sickening lurch as an alarming volume of flames shot from the rear of her craft. The controls rattled violently under her hands as her hijacked Golem began to lose altitude.

Kim steered the stricken mech as best she could to avoid crashing into the school as she gathered her feet onto the seat and aimed her grapple gun. Moments before her mech crashed, she leapt and fired the grappling hook, the combined effect of her actions carrying her well clear of the crash site and she landed in a low crouch, surveying her handiwork with a self-satisfied smile.

Drakken ground his teeth in apoplectic fury as he watched his hard stolen force of Golems cut to ribbons by his arch-nemesis. "_SHEGO_!" he roared through his comm link.

"What?!" she snapped back. "I blew Kimmie right out of the sky!"

"But she... Do you... All my... Grrrr... Augh..." Drakken spluttered incomprehensibly as he watched two thirds of his aerial attack force burn in cheerful piles of scrap. "_Attack_!"

"You're flying one of these things too. Why don't you do it?" Shego grumbled inaudibly as she swung her mech around and strafed Kim's position with her cannons.

Kim dodged a burst from Shego's cannons and as the mech passed overhead, she fired her grappling hook one last time. The hook flew true and unerringly caught the side of the attacking mech. Rather than try to board the craft, Kim detached the cable and tied it off to the flagpole, hoping that the line and the flagpole would hold. She dodged another round of fire from Shego's mech and watched as the cable snapped tight and... it held!

Shego swung around for another pass and felt her mech lurch awkwardly as it was dragged off course. The engines howled as they tried to compensate for the imbalance and Shego bailed out with a panicked shout as the mech swung in ever-tighter spirals before crashing against the flagpole. The mech's thrusters continued to fire and with a final tortured groan; the flagpole gave way and guided the mech into an inglorious crash that barely missed the entrance of the school. A stream of smoke rose from crash site, marking the mech's grave as Shego swayed drunkenly on her feet.

"Destructo-bots, attack!" Drakken ordered and watched in satisfaction as his robot horde marched into action. The robots began blasting indiscriminately until a pair of whirling figures tore through their ranks.

"Who are they?" Drakken asked in confusion as Yori and Lo Shin easily began dispatching his moronic robots. "What is this, some sort of super hero high school?" he demanded.

"End of the line, Shego," Kim declared confidently as she squared off against the villainess.

"Says you, Kimmie," Shego retorted as she fell back into an attack stance, her hands flaring with power.

"Ooh. Now this I can work with," Drakken said to himself as he began bracketing Kim Possible in his sights.

---

Ron saw Drakken carefully taking aim at the unsuspecting Kim as she dueled with Shego. He desperately wracked his brain for options as Drakken's cannons glowed in preparation to fire. The grapple gun was gone; he was too far away to jump Drakken, too far away to be any sort of distraction unless... he threw something.

Quickly, Ron crossed his arms and prayed that his aim would be true.

"MOUKA TAKABISHA!"

---

"Say good bye, Kim Possible," Drakken chortled as his targeting computer locked onto the bobbing and weaving heroine and he depressed trigger. A sudden explosion jarred his mech as if he had just slammed it into a brick wall and sent his beam askew. He tried firing his cannons again only to have the computer blat rudely at him in Japanese and flashed several warning lights.

"What it in the world?" Drakken wondered as he quickly examined his mech and saw the twisted ruin that had once been a perfectly functional turret.

"Booyah!" Ron cried jubilantly from the ground, elated that his hastily conceived plan had borne fruit.

"You'll pay for that, buffoon!" Drakken bellowed as his angry fists slammed into the firing controls and volleys of missiles spat from the arm mounted launchers. Absently, he wondered how the buffoon had disabled his cannons as he sheepishly realized that he had just wasted his entire missile payload on the buffoon.

"Ha! Missed!" Ron laughed as he leaped high enough to avoid Drakken's volley of missiles. His jubilant cry turned into one of panic as the missiles turned in mid-air and homed in on his position.

"AAAHHHHH! Heat-seeking missiles!" Ron cried as he ran full tilt away from the battlefield, the missiles trailing along behind him.

Ron cast a panicked look over his shoulder and redoubled the pounding of his legs. "If I'd known I was going to die today I wouldn't have done all that homework on the plane!" he wailed as the missiles tracked ever closer to him.

"Hey, what's going on?" Josh asked as he came out of the gym, clueless about the recent invasion. His questions trailed off and died as he watched Ron run in his direction with a barrage of missiles hot on the sidekick's heels.

"Run!" Ron ordered as he grabbed hold of Josh's elbow.

"Dude! Is that a _missile_?!" Josh asked hysterically as he fell in step and a shattering explosion and wave of heat signaled the destruction of the walkway.

"Less shouting! More running!" Ron yelled as he juked left and right, around to the back of the school and down the football field. Throwing a quick look over his shoulder, he saw several missiles impact the side of the gym in a fiery flash. "Kim's going to kill me," he wailed. If there was one thing that Kim was devoted to besides her studies, it was the cheer squad and the destruction of their facilities was bound to tweak her when she found out.

"Dude! Think of something!" Josh demanded as he struggled to keep up with the distraction portion of Team Possible.

"Keep! Running!" Ron yelled back.

"Something! Better!" Josh hollered frantically.

"The pool! The pool!" Rufus shouted into Ron's ear as they rounded the bleachers.

"This is not the time for a swim!" Ron yelled at Rufus.

"That's it! If we're cold, the missiles will stop following us!" Josh yelled as he put the facts together.

"Okay! The pool!" Ron agreed as another explosion flashed behind them. "Shit! There go the bleachers!" Thankfully, there was now only one missile left seeking them.

"Almost there!" Josh nearly sobbed with relief as they spotted the low stone wall that marked the boundary of the pool area. "Crap the fence!" Josh shouted in realization that the way to salvation was barred to them. The entrance may as well have been on the other side of the moon

"Jump it!"

"Are you _crazy_?!" Josh demanded as he broke away from Ron and began scrambling for the fence's opening, drawing the remaining missile after him.

"Shit!" Ron yelled as he saw the missile following Mankey, closing in on the other boy as he slowed slightly to mount the steps leading to the pool. With a loud, shattering roar, the missile exploded on the steps hurling Josh high into the air.

"Aw crap!" Ron yelled as Josh was blasted into the school's swimming pool. He whipped his head around to locate any help, witnesses or enemies, but none were forthcoming.

"Why me?!" he demanded as he dove into the water and saw that some of the blasted rubble had Josh pinned to the bottom of the pool. She struggled to move the concrete debris that had the other boy pinned, but couldn't get enough leverage.

"Bahkbytehkets!" Ron-chan gurgled underwater as she poked at the rubble pinning Josh then grabbed her ears in pain as the resultant shockwave assaulted her eardrums. Shaking off the pain, she grabbed Josh's freed and limp body and struck for the edge of the pool, tossing him bodily out of the water once they'd broached the surface.

"You okay, Josh?" Ron-chan asked as she hauled herself out of the damaged pool, but to her horror, she saw that Josh wasn't breathing. "Oh no, you are not going to do this to me," she said as she rolled Josh over onto his side and pounded his back. A disturbing quantity of water poured from his mouth, but Josh still didn't wake up or begin breathing on his own.

"You are going to owe me _so_ big for this, Mankey," a dripping wet Ron-chan growled as she tilted the boy's head back and pinched his nose shut. Cringing with disgust, Ron-chan pressed her lips to the unconscious boy's and exhaled as hard as she could. Receiving no response Ron-chan exhaled again. And again. And again. Finally, Josh coughed and a weak spasm ran through his body as it forced itself to purge the remaining water from his lungs.

"Wha?" Josh asked groggily, looking at his bedraggled savior as fresh explosions signaled that the main fight was still ongoing on the other side of the school.

"Never a dull moment," Ron-chan sighed as she sprang to her feet and ran for the source of those explosions.

"W-wait," Josh said weakly as he reached for the retreating girl. "Who are you?"

---

While Ron was busy running for his life, Yori and Lo Shin kept the destructo-bots at bay while Kim and Shego exchanged blows. Like the surging tide, the two women crashed together in a brief exchange of blows and separated briefly before clashing again. Kim lashed out with a high kick that Shego ducked under and swept a kick at Kim's leg, but Kim, expecting just such a tactic, jumped backward in a back handspring that gave her a bit of breathing room.

Shego then switched tactics and fired off several green plasma bursts, forcing Kim to dodge frantically to avoid the attacks. While Kim was off balance from her dodging effort Shego leapt forward and struck with her glowing fists. Kim ducked under the deadly strikes and used Shego's extended arm as a lever to deliver a swift kick to the villainess' midsection. Shego stumbled backwards, more than a little irritated that Kim had managed to land such a solid blow on her. Her lips tightened into a thin smile as she saw Drakken's mech rumble up behind Kim and the heroine whirled around in surprise.

Kim swallowed heavily as the one remaining mech rumbled up to her and one of the weapon arms ponderously swung over to draw a bead on her. She shook off her momentary shock and swung back into action, ducking under the weapon barrel and scrambling up the side of the mech. She noticed thankfully that the weapons on the turret were damaged and sparking.

Kim clung to the mech as the torso twisted rapidly in an attempted to dislodge her. "Wade! Little help!" she hollered into the Kimmunicator as she pulled it free from her pocket.

Wade's fingers flew over his keyboards as he hacked various databases to try to determine a weakness in the mech. He frantically collated and scanned the incoming data as Kim held onto the spinning mech torso and ducked under the occasional sniping blast from Shego's direction. "Hang on, Kim!" Wade shouted through the link as he continued digging through the mountains of data.

"Hurry!" Kim pleaded just as several metallic tentacles snaked out of a recessed port on the turret. The tentacles whipped out from Drakken's damaged Golem 2000 and swiftly enveloped Kim as she squealed in outrage and the Kimmunicator flew from her hand. She struggled mightily to escape her bonds, but to no avail. She writhed helplessly, suspended in mid air as Drakken popped the hatch of his mech and leered victoriously at his arch foe.

"Hahahahahaha! You think you're all that Kim Possible, but you're not!" Drakken gloated in satisfactionas he studied his helpless opponent.

---

"Kim? Kim?!" Wade yelled through the Kimmunicator as Ron returned to the scene.

"Oh, this is bad," Ron declared as he absorbed the sight before him. Kim captured, Drakken gloating, Yori and Lo Shin battling the remaining destructo-bots. Thankfully, he'd been able to return to his boy form as he ran around the gym, the missiles that had nearly demolished it had also conveniently smashed a hot water pipe.

"Ron! Kim's in trouble!" Wade said as Ron picked up the fallen Kimmunicator.

"I know! Tell me how to how to blow up Drakken's mech!" Ron ordered.

"You can't," Wade answered in distress. "Once that thing's sealed up it could take a hit from a fuel air explosive without a significant breech in the armor!"

"C'mon! There's gotta be a way," Ron pleaded as he saw Drakken prop his foot up on the cockpit edge and lean on his knee.

"It's no good," Wade said. "It's got the very latest in ceramic composite armor! _Maybe_ a depleted uranium shell could—"

"Wait. Ceramic?" Ron asked as an image of his mother's china cabinet came to his mind. Dish after dish fell through his mind's eye and shattered on the floor. That was the very reason why his mother had forbidden him to go anywhere near her good china.

Ceramic.

Shatter.

Ron's eyes widened as a plan literally exploded in his mind.

---

"At last I've defeated Kim Possible!" Drakken gloated as he manipulated the controls to bring the bound heroine level with himself. "Now you will all bow to me as Emperor! And my first decree is this, there shall be no –" Drakken's first decree broke off as an empty soda can bounced off his head and fell to the street with a clatter.

Kim twisted in her bonds to see... Ron?

"Who threw that?" Drakken asked in a slow dangerous voice as he turned the mech in the direction the impromptu missile had come from.

Ron stood defiantly in the street; casually tossing a crumpled soda can in his hand. "Can it, blue boy," he said with a defiant look on his face. "That sounded so cool," he said as he then broke down in snickers.

"Ron!" Kim shouted in exasperation.

"Be with you in a minute, KP!" Ron answered back flashing her a thumbs up.

"Go away, buffoon," Drakken said as he dismissed Ron with a negligent wave of his hand.

"Hold it right there, Drakken!" Ron ordered as he pegged Drakken with his remaining soda can and stood defiantly in front of Drakken's mech.

"Oh please," Drakken laughed. "Like I'm supposed to be afraid of you."

"Ron! Get out of the way!" Kim ordered as she squirmed in the grip of the mechanical tentacles.

"Nothin' doin,' KP," Ron said stubbornly.

"Fine! I'll just blast you to smithereens," Drakken declared in a giant bluff and Ron swallowed apprehensively. That was the one weak point of his plan.

"Oooh, look at the big man with the big guns picking on the poor helpless sidekick," Ron taunted defiantly to mask his momentary hesitation. "Fine then! Smite me, O mighty smiter!"

"Fine! If that's the way you want to play it, then how about we just play a game of chicken then?!" Drakken shouted as his Golem 2000 rumbled forward. "We'll see who gives up first!"

"Run, Ron!" Kim shouted as she redoubled her efforts to break free before Ron got himself run over.

"Hey, Drakken!" Ron shouted.

"Give up yet?!" Drakken yelled.

"Is that thing dishwasher safe?!" Ron shouted back.

Drakken was startled at the obviously out of place question. "What do you mean is it dishwasher safe?" he wondered aloud.

"Bakusai Tenketsu!" Ron cried as he stabbed his finger at the ceramic plated mech.

"Oh, damn," Drakken said as the frame of the Golem 2000 groaned and shuddered around him. He had only the barest fraction of a second to realize his plight before the mech exploded violently in a shower of parts as the armor plating disintegrated under Ron's Breaking Point Technique.

Ron ran forward, snatching Kim out of the air before she could fall as the Golem's tentacles lost power and loosened their grip on her moments before the mech finally exploded. With a final twitch, the doomed mech exploded violently; flaming components arced through the area in front of the school, several of them coming to rest by the relatively intact mech lying at the base of the school. The command unit for the destructo-bots must've been in Drakken's mech since they instantly shut down as well.

"You okay, KP?" Ron asked as he sat up from where he had sheltered Kim's body with his own.

"Yeah, fine," Kim said a bit shakily as Yori and Lo Shin sagged in relief as the remaining destructo-bots deactivated with a mechanical whir.

"What? How?" Drakken spluttered in shock as he watched his plan go up in flames right before his eyes.

"No time for that, Dr. D.," Shego said as she reached into her jumpsuit and pulled out the hover disc's remote control unit.

"But, but, how?" Drakken asked in a daze as the hover disc zipped in and set down by the fallen flagpole.

Shego was about to tell Drakken to shut up and get into the hover disc when the fires ignited the missile magazines of Shego's downed, but mostly intact mech, sending almost everyone sprawling. Shego was driven to her knees by the blast and she shook her head in a vain attempt to clear it as she noticed a shadow spreading around her. In horror, she looked up at the twisted tangle of steel and concrete that had once been the covered walkway leading to the entrance of the school as it fell towards her. She stared at it, frozen into immobility as the danger loomed ever closer.

Suddenly, Shego felt herself grabbed around the waist in a flying tackle that carried her out from under the shadow of the falling debris. The shattered concrete and steel slammed into the ground, sending cracks running through the pavement rippling along the path of the localized tremor. As the dust cleared, Shego looked up in surprise at Ron, her warring emotions displayed clearly upon her face. She kicked out, sent her rescuer sprawling and rolled to her feet, her eyes strange as she regarded Ron for a moment just before she ran off, collaring Drakken and dragging him with her as she hopped into her hover disc and made goodher escape.

---

Ron chuckled uneasily as the three girls studied him from their side of the Possible kitchen table. His eyes darted around, but the girls had effectively cut off all avenues of escape. If only they would say something. After the obligatory mop-up and answers to the authorities, the four of them had returned to Kim's house. Every attempt to talk had been greeted by frosty silence as the girls grouped to hold conference with a few pointed looks in his direction.

Kim finally broke the silence. "Honestly Ron, what were you thinking, rescuing Shego like that? She _is_ the villain after all," she pointed out. "Not only that, but you let her get away with Drakken."

"Well, I wouldn't say let. I mean she did kick me," Ron said in his defense.

Yori put in her two cents. "I must agree with Kim, Ron-san. To aid an enemy in the heat of battle goes against all warrior traditions."

"There was no aiding going on," he protested. "No aiding. None at all."

"Amazon warriors give no quarter until the battle is won," Lo Shin chimed in.

"But we _did_ win," he pointed out, but he may as well have been speaking in mime for all the attention the girls paid him.

"Not only that, but you blew up half the school," Kim added. "So they'll be closed for about a week while they assess the damage."

"Well, I wouldn't say half," Ron said defensively, hoping that was all that the girls had heard about the missile incident.

"So we've decided..." Kim began with a serious look on her face.

"...as your punishment..." Yori continued.

"...no dinner for you," Lo Shin finished.

"Great," Ron groaned as his stomach growled mightily in protest.

--- A few days later --- Halloween

"Is this part of my punishment too?" Ron-chan griped as she scratched at her long blonde hair. "These hair extensions really itch."

"Well, you did say you had no idea what to do for a costume," Kim said dressed in a velvety green dress.

"Yeah, but I know that I didn't want to go as a princess," Ron-chan muttered as her three companions giggled.

"It was the only thing that we could come up with on such short notice," Kim pointed out sagely.

"Besides, you look adorable, Ron-san," Yori laughed in her costume as a traditional Japanese princess.

"Yes, it's a shame that I don't like girls," Lo Shin agreed as the three real girls burst out in laughter. Lo Shin was dressed as a traditional Chinese princess of the first dynasty. Ron was surprised to find that there was a good deal of difference in the style of dress of the Chinese and Japanese royalty, but he wisely kept his amazement to himself.

"Everyone's out to get me," Ron-chan complained, resolutely ignoring the teasing by looking down the street. Earlier in the day, thethree girls had descended on him en masse, doused him in cold water and then proceeded to primp and polish his girl self until he was as dolled up as he was. Honestly, he couldn't see how girls could move in something like the get up he, rather she, now wore. Ron-chan mentally cursed the corporation that had produced so many animated features featuring blonde princesses.

"I wouldn't have minded going as Cinderella _before_ the fairy godmother," she muttered as she continued staring down the street. Her eyes widened suddenly as she recognized the figure coming towards them. She retreated to the rear of the group, earning a few curious look from her companions.

"Oh, hey Josh," Kim greeted the taller boy as Ron-chan did her best to appear inconspicuous. She noticed that this year, Josh was dressed up as a Musketeer, complete with the blue tabard and sword hung at his side.

"Hey, Kim," Josh returned as he looked over the four girls. "Hey, princesses. Cool," his voice reflecting his approval.

"Last minute idea," Kim replied easily, smoothing her green dress. .

"Looks good on you girls. So are you heading to the party?" Josh asked casually.

"No, we're actually going to go trick or treating," Kim answered. "You know, introduce the girls to some American culture."

"Oh, cool. Well, maybe I'll catch up with you later then," Josh said.

"Hey! What about Tara?" Ron-chan piped up indignantly on the other blonde's behalf, then slapped her hands over her mouth as Josh's attention focused upon her.

Josh's eyes widened slightly as he recognized his rescuer and he began to blush slightly. "Uh, yeah, Tara, meeting at, uh, party," he stammered nervously.

"Okay, have fun, Josh," Kim said sincerely as she lead her party down the street.

Ron-chan gratefully followed Kim's lead, tossing an occasional look over her shoulder to make sure that Josh wasn't following. Josh noticed the blonde girl casting several nervous looks back his way and finally made up his mind. He took several deeps breaths to strengthen his resolve and ran after the departing group.

"Hang on a sec," Josh said as he quickly caught up with the four women. He turned to the blonde and gave her a winsome smile. "I just, uh, wanted to, uh, thank you for, uh, rescuing me the other day." With that said, Josh leaned forward and planted a kiss on Ron-chan's lips.

The four girls stood frozen in shock as Josh straightened guiltily and ran back down the street. "See you later," he called with a wave before he ran out of sight.

The wind blew and for several moments, not a single one of them moved.

Ron-chan stood frozen in shock, her mind completely shut down by the horror she'd just had to endure. Finally, Kim worked up the energy to shake off her stupor and gently took Ron-chan's arm.

"You know, I think Ron's suffered enough for today," Kim said slowly as she steered her stunned friend down the street.

"Oh, I beg to differ," a dry voice interrupted from behind them as a shadow leapt at Ron-chan and belted the stunned girl on top of the head. "Do you have any idea what sort of damage you have done?!"

Kim stared at Ron's attacker, in shock at the suddenness of the assault as she wracked her brain to identify the attacker. "Perfume?!" she finally managed to blurt out.

Perfume tipped her staff at Ron, the broken halves of the Mystical Monkey Talisman dangling from the end. "You boy, are in a whole mess of trouble."

Next: Consequences

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing

Long chapter this time around. Hope you enjoyed it. I could've pared it down to a more manageable size, but this arc of the story will most likely be the longest one of the series. So what the hey.

So anyone care to speculate about the Freudian, Jungian, or some-crap-ian implications of Ron's dream? Hint, hint, wink, wink, nudge, nudge, heh, heh. Sorry that there was no dream sequence involving Kim... However, we've all seen how she cooks. Heh heh.

Anyone find something familiar about the 1st part of Ron's dream? Though I realize I may be carbon dating myself in using it. C'mon, take a guess...

Yes, I know that technically a person cannot run faster than a missile. But maybe they were slow missiles. You know, like those bombs that shout, "I am a bomb," in order to generate a massive panic. Hey, it could happen.

A variety of references and inspirations for certain scenes in this chapter. A bit too many to recall and list all of them, but hope you found them as amusing as I did.

Now I don't recall ever seeing a pool at the high school, but just about every school has one. For the purposes of this story, it's outside. Truth be told, the layout of the high school is rather fluid. Take the Full Monkey. It appeared that there was a hallway leading to the gym, but exterior shots of the school clearly show that there's a covered walkway leading to the gym from the school.

Oh, and just to clarify. The events of Ron ½ took place around mid October over a span of two weeks, getting Team Possible back in Middleton about a week before Halloween. In terms of the canon storyline... well, I'm making the assumption that Steal Wheels and Emotion Sickness have occurred.


	3. Chapter 3: Consequences

Ron ½ Book 2: Middleton Mayhem  
By Parareru

Disclaimer: Kim Possible is owned by the Disney Corporation. –Tap, tap. Is this on? Ahem. DVD's... when?— Come on already!

Ranma is owned by Rumiko Takahashi and Viz

This is a continuation of Ron ½. Please read that first, otherwise you may end up being hopelessly lost. Tsk, tsk. You just had to believe Ryoga when he said he knew how to get you home.

_:denotes:_ Chinese speech  
_denotes_ Japanese speech

Chapter 3: Consequences

Mt. Niri, Japan

The mountains of Niri were a place of quiet serenity, filled with lush greenery, peaceful wildlife and burbling streams. Set in that picturesque landscape, the monks of Niri contentedly contemplated their existence and enlightenment. This morning, that perfect tranquility was marred only by the sounds of a lone figure in the main courtyard moving through the complicated rhythms of a martial arts kata. His form was rather fluid, borrowing from a number of different styles. One moment he would be sliding his body low to the ground and the next leaping high into the air. An occasional shout shattered the silence of the monastery grounds as he struck at some imagined foe with fist, elbow, knee and foot. His kicks and punches snapped so quickly that the whip cracks from the rippling cloth of his gi were clearly audible from across the courtyard.

The lone practitioner's breath began to come in ragged gasps as the pace of the kata intensified and mostly-healed muscles protested their torment. He duly gritted his teeth and pushed through the pain, striving for even more speed and power as the kata reached its climax. With a final defiant roar he made the final strike of the kata and held that pose for a brief moment before letting his arms drop down to his side. He stood panting in the center of the courtyard and eventually became aware of the fact that he now had an audience. Straightening his tired frame, the guest of the monastery bowed in greeting to the abbot and then resumed his exercises after receiving an acquiescing nod from his host.

"And how are you faring today, Ronald?" the master abbot of the Niri monastery inquired politely after taking a moment to study his guest's form and movement. It seemed hard to believe that only a few days ago this very man had lain in a cot hardly able to lift his arm.

"I wish you would stop calling me that," the abbot's guest ground out from behind clenched teeth as he punctuated every word with a lightning fast strike. "Just because I happened to say that name when I woke doesn't mean that it's mine."

The abbot merely lifted his eyebrows at that admonishment. "Sorry if I have offended."

With a half-irritated grunt, the amnesiac drew his exercises to an abrupt close and mopped his sweaty brow with a sleeve. "No, _I_ am sorry for being so short with you. My temper it appears gets the best of me."

"We all have our faults," the abbot said as he graciously acknowledged the apology.

"Unfortunately, I have yet to rediscover mine," the amnesiac observed with a wry grimace. The abbot nodded slightly as if to concede his guest's point and indicated a low stone bench where they could sit and converse. "I thank you for all that you've done on my behalf, but I believe the time has come for me to leave here."

"Have you then recovered more of your memory?" the abbot asked mildly.

The monastery's amnesiac guest paused and then slowly shook his head. "I just keep seeing the same image of blond hair and a valley with many springs and another monastery much like this one yet so different for some reason."

"Anything else?" pressed the abbot curiously. "Anything at all?"

The amnesiac paused and looked curiously at his strange hands and feet. "And monkeys. There's always monkeys."

The abbot let out a pensive sigh as he rocked slowly and chose his next words carefully. "I have given much thought to your condition. The obvious solution would be to revisit the sites of your last memories, but then, there are many mountain top monasteries in Japan."

The amnesiac shrugged slightly. "Then I suppose that I shall have to visit all of them."

"Indeed," the abbot chuckled ruefully. "But I believe there might be an easier approach."

The amnesiac lifted his eyebrows in interest and silently beckoned the abbot to continue.

"In your... memories you have mentioned the sight of several springs in a valley. In my time here at the monastery I have found several strange references in a number of ancient texts concerning a training ground in China," the abbot explained. "These so-called 'Pools of Sorrow' are reputed to have the ability to curse one with the aspects of creatures that drowned there long ago."

"And you believe that is what has happened to me?" the amnesiac asked skeptically as he held his hand up before him. "That I've been... cursed somehow?"

The abbot spread his hands and nodded towards his guest's monkey hands and feet. "It is my best guess," he answered truthfully.

"Then I must find these springs and with them the answers to my past."

"I felt that you would decide so," the abbot replied with a knowing nod. "However, I do offer you another choice."

The amnesiac looked at the abbot curiously, waiting for him to continue.

"You could stay here with us at the monastery where I believe in time you would be able to find peace, perhaps even enlightenment," offered the abbot. "You have been given a wonderful opportunity to cast aside the fetters of your old life and to make a new start for yourself."

The abbot's guest thoughtfully considered the offer for several long moments before shaking his head regretfully. He bowed deeply to the abbot in order to convey his respect properly. "I'm sorry," he said simply. "But I can not stay."

"Are the demons that drive you so, that powerful?" asked the abbot sagely.

The amnesiac balled up in hands in frustration as he searched for an answer to his host's piercing question. "My body has remembered a number of old skills. I can hold a relatively decent conversation on a variety of topics. From this ridiculous accent, I'd have to guess that I was –am– British. In many ways, I have recovered from my injuries, perhaps I've even become stronger, but... I just can't go through life -my life- knowing that there is some part of me that's still..." He floundered around for the appropriate word.

"Missing?" the abbot supplied helpfully and the amnesiac nodded in thanks.

"Yes. There's every indication that I was in some monumental fight and then left for dead. I need to know why!" he said as a determined fire lit in his eyes.

The abbot sighed again. "Given your determination I suppose then it is appropriate for me to give you this one gift before you embark on your quest," he said as he pulled a small scroll from his robes. "We have not held to the martial traditions of other monasteries in Japan, our order long ago chose the path of peace and enlightenment, so it was of some surprise to us when a number of years ago, a young boy arrived at our doorstep on the verge of collapse. He had lost his father and dojo in a tragic accident, but he was determined to follow through on a quest that he would not disclose to us. However, in payment for his lodging, he offered to allow us to copy the scroll that he carried. The scroll itself was nothing remarkable; the author of it had penmanship no better than that of a clumsy child. But the writings inside detailed powerful martial arts techniques, the likes of which we had never seen before. As that was the only coin that the child had to barter with, we reluctantly accepted. I now offer that scroll to you in hope that it would aid you on your quest."

With that said, the abbot handed the scroll to his guest and returned to the depths of the monastery. The amnesiac swallowed heavily, watching what could have been a part of his life recede with the abbot. With a longing sigh he knuckled his forehead and began the laborious process of reading the scroll.

_The shortest path to your reward will always be a straight line. Show no mercy as you reach for your prize, for it is a rich one. Strike swiftly and allow no obstacle to hinder your progress. Remember that even the strongest wall will crumble beneath the crushing weight of the Mountain of a Thousand Fists._

**XXXXX**

A few days earlier -

Intolerable. That's what it was, Drakken decided. The situation was simply intolerable.

"What did she do, put an ad out in the paper?" Drakken muttered to himself as he paced up and down the length of the lair's main chamber, referring of course to the two Asian girls that had rather neatly dismantled his evil army of Destructo-bots while Kim Possible had taken down his elite fighting force of Golems. Just what business did these teenage girls have interfering with plans for global domination anyways? By all rights he should have been reaping the benefits as the ruler of the tri-city area and well on the way towards conquering the rest of the Western Hemisphere. Instead, here he was in his lair, nursing a rather painful burn on a rather delicate spot on his posterior.

Idly, Drakken recalled with a twinge from said posterior that it was just about time for him to slather some of the smelly ointment on the wound. All thanks to that dratted sidekick... whatever his name was. One of these days he was really going to have to learn the buffoon's name, Drakken decided as he limped off towards the bathroom.

That was another thing. Even the _buffoon_ was of some use now and he had well... just Shego. Of course, if Shego would simply let him clone her into an army then he wouldn't have this problem. Drakken sighed. Of course, if he simply stole her DNA Shego would find out about it eventually, like say in the next time Kim Possible showed up to foil his plan and then there would be hell to pay. Plus, he wasn't entirely certain that he could program the clones to not side with the original Shego for his transgression.

No cloning was definitely out.

True, the synthodrone project was starting was starting to bear some promising results, but it would still be several months before Drakken could expect to use them in any combat capacity. It really was a fascinating piece of work, based in part off of his earlier cloning project. By synthetically combining DNA templates from the world's strongest fighters, an idea he'd lifted from some show or other, he'd been able to generate a fairly stable cellular matrix that wouldn't disintegrate when doused with soda. Problem was that since the matrix was synthetic and still inherently unstable, a sufficiently large trauma caused a cascading failure in the cellular matrix. Result, puddles of goo. But that had been a big improvement over unit 001. That one had exploded in a rather spectacular fashion after only a few minutes out of the vat. Drakken swore he was still finding hidden blobs of goo here and there amongst the lab equipment.

Drakken forcibly shook his head to derail his train of thought on the Synthodrone Project. He needed something now to deal with Kim Possible, but he couldn't just hire better henchmen. Jack Hench hadn't exactly blackballed Drakken, but did inform him that he'd be paying premium prices up front. Shego definitely wouldn't take kindly to the addition of a couple new sidekicks. Not that he had time for a lengthy audition process anyways.

So that left him with just two options. The first was that Drakken would have to learn to fight for himself, which in retrospect wasn't really much of an option considering that the only one available to teach him was Shego. He could just imagine the string of sarcastic comments already. Not to mention the hitting, the kicking and the bruising.

Option two was one that he liked far better. Train Shego to fight better. After all, she was a trained fighter already so it should be a relatively simple matter to simply build upon her already formidable skills. Not that he'd ever admit to Shego that her skills were formidable lest she demand a raise.

There was only the problem of the how, but thankfully a solution was only a click away.

'Your watched item – _digital toe nail clipper_ – is ending today,' the I-buy website cheerfully informed him the moment he logged onto his computer. 'Currently, you are winning – 0 – items.'

"Oh, snap. I've been outbid," Drakken gasped with widening eyes as he hurriedly clicked the link. "This 'ProfDemenz' is going to pay for that," he promised as he clicked on the link again and drummed his fingers impatiently on the desk. "C'mon, c'mon."

'Sorry. The winning bidder is – ProfDemenz –. Would you like to bid on a similar item?'

"No," Drakken grumbled disconsolately at his loss as he clicked the link for a new search. "Where to begin?" he wondered as he idly tapped his keyboard and typed in 'Martial Arts.' The computer whirred and clunked before finally returning over six million entries, leaving Drakken's jaw gaping. The first entry caught his eye and had him arching eyebrow. "There really _is_ a monkey style kung fu?"

'Martial Arts Training' returned just over two million entries.

Drakken tapped his chin for a moment and then typed in 'Powerful martial arts training.' The computer cheerfully returned just over a quarter million entries. Closer, but he was going to have to get more specific.

"Mega. That's always a good thing," Drakken commented absently to himself as he amended his search to say 'Mega Powerful Martial Arts Training.' Apparently, he was going to have to get still more specific than that since I-buy had thirteen thousand listings with that phrase in the title.

Drakken cracked his knuckles like a concert pianist and typed in a new search string, 'Insanely Mega Powerful Martial Arts Training.' He sighed in satisfaction when the computer could only find 250 entries that matched his search, but he didn't really have the time to weed through that many books on martial arts so Drakken decided to give it one last try.

He could barely suppress his excitement as he typed in the phrase, 'Insanely Mega Powerful Jaw-Dropping Martial Arts Training.' He was about to hit the search button when he had a sudden burst of inspiration. Drakken looked around his lair furtively to make sure that he was alone at the computer. No henchmen and definitely no Shego peering over his shoulder. Satisfied that he was truly alone Drakken finally added the words 'For Dummies' and clicked Search.

One entry appeared on the screen and Drakken gleefully read the item description, his smile growing wider and wider as he considered the implications.

"Alright, 'Mr. Panda.' You have yourself a deal."

**XXXXX**

Halloween -

Shego slowly opened her eyes and felt a momentary flash of panic and vertigo wash over her as her eyes adjusted to the unfamiliar gloom. Her senses came back into focus with a nearly audible snap as she realized that she now stood in the middle of a barren and blasted plain instead of inside Drakken's island lair. Nothing living broke into that surreal and nightmarish landscape and the destruction stretched out around her for as far as her eye could see. There was a muted quality to her surroundings, as if something had leeched the life and color out of the soil and even the air itself. The ground in particular looked as if it were locked in the midst of a hundred year drought.

"Well, this is scenic," she muttered sarcastically to herself.

_kill_

Shego instantly fell back into a guarded stance as that half whisper reached her ears. She swiveled her head back and forth, scanning for the source of the menacing and unexpected sound.

"Who's there!" Shego demanded from that barren landscape as she summoned up her power, relaxing slightly as the comet power coursed through her, wreathing her hands and bathing her in that reassuring green glow.

_Kill_

The voice came louder this time, but Shego still couldn't locate the source of the voice. While she couldn't see anyone she could definitely feel a nebulous presence. And it wasn't friendly.

"If you want a fight you came to the right place!" Shego shouted defiantly, refusing to be cowed by a spirit that hadn't the courage to face her directly. Something that sounded suspiciously like a chuckle seemed to come from all around her as she slowly turned in place, a growing knot of uncertainty settling in the pit of her stomach as her challenger still refused to show himself.

_Kill him, _the voice instructed softly as a ghostly image coalesced from thin air.

Curiously, Shego studied the image, her brow furrowed as she wondered if she should recognize the man. Tall, lean, but in a fit, muscled sorta way, with a steely gaze beneath a multi-colored hairdo of blue, white and pink. Shego felt a sense of hot anger surround her, directed at that strange image, but surprisingly she also that same anger spring forth from within her as well. That caused her to study the image more carefully, but after a few moments she couldn't ever recall meeting him before, though there was something vaguely familiar about the man that she couldn't place.

Never one to follow orders blindly, Shego asked the inevitable question.

"Why?"

A momentary sense of confusion billow from the shadowy presence that haunted her as the image faded from sight only to be replaced by another one. This time it was an image of a Japanese teenager, his hair bound in a pigtail and a cocky self-assured smirk on his face.

_Kill him,_ the voice ordered again, not deigning to answer her and with a bit more force as the image morphed yet again into the shape of Senor Senior Sr. _Kill him._

Shego drew back, startled at the sight of the old man. Sure he was annoying with the entire villainous laugh thing, but the guy paid well and he hadn't gotten in her way yet. If pressed for an answer Shego would have labeled the old man as 'mostly harmless.' After all, what threat could someone pushing seventy pose? "But... but..." she spluttered as the image shifted again, this time into a slender blonde girl wearing a cheerleading outfit like Kimmie's that Shego would also not have labeled as a threat.

_Kill her,_ the voice took on a hypnotic tone as the image shifted yet again.

This time the image took the shape of another person that Shego recognized. "Junior?" she said incredulously as Senor Senior Jr. materialized before her. She hadn't seen him since that impromptu concert in jail and while it had been amusing to watch Drakken's reaction to Junior's dance moves, she couldn't think of any reason why she might want to kill the billionaire heir. Unless it involved a short marriage sans pre-nup.

_Kill him, kill her, kill him, kill her, kill him, kill her,_ the voice ordered again and again as the images rapidly shifted from Junior to an Asian girl with a predatory gleam in her eye to a boy holding a wooden bokken to girl with pink highlights to boy wearing a yellow bandanna to a brunette she recalled seeing around Middleton on occasion.

"Stop it. Stop it! STOP IT!" Shego shrieked as she closed her eyes and shook her head to blot out the images that pierced her mind. She randomly cut loose with her power, flinging bolts of green energy to crater the landscape around her in an attempt to silence the spirit that tried to compel her. Green comet power flared around her, scorching the parched and cracked ground and sent the acrid smell of burned dirt wafting towards her nose.

Finally, her powers spent for the moment, Shego hunched over and placed her hands on her knees to steady herself. After a few moments of silence, Shego cautiously opened her eyes and let loose a small, relieved sigh when there were no ghostly images to greet her.

_Kill him_, the voice ordered again, but this time instead of seeming to come from all around her the whisper definitely came from directly behind her. Flaring with renewed anger she wheeled around, prepared to blast her tormentor to pieces.

Ron Stoppable stood in front of her, staring straight ahead, unaware of Shego's presence. Shego felt her power wane as the unfamiliar emotion of uncertainty filled her and she chided herself for her hesitation. Stoppable was Kim Possible's sidekick and got in the way Drakken's plans far too many times for her to count. She raised her hand and pushed it forward to take aim at the annoying sidekick even as the comet's power flickered wanly around her arm.

_Kill him,_ the voice ordered again, expectant and hopeful.

"Come on, do it," Shego admonished herself from behind clenched teeth as she struggled to force her powers to obey her will.

But he had saved her life.

And it confused the hell out of her.

Shego lowered her arm and the comet energies winked out. She felt rather than heard the frustrated snarl that had her swallowing nervously and knew that whatever this thing was that tried to compel her was _not_ happy.

Then there was a subtle change in Stoppable's image, a movement so slight, so insignificant that Shego wasn't sure she actually saw it. She watched curiously as the naked rat thing that the sidekick kept in his pocket clambered up onto the boy's shoulder.

This time it came as a blow rather than a whisper.

_KILL HIM! **KILL HIM!** _the voice thundered insistently, assaulting her from all sides as she grabbed her ears and fell to her knees in pain. Pain beyond anything she had ever felt before filled her. It felt as if every single nerve was on fire as the malevolent spirit made its displeasure known and poured out its wrath upon her to break her will to its own. Her inner fire surged in response, obscuring her vision behind its green glow. Shego reached within her and instinctively pushed her power outwards like an ever expanding bubble in order to ward off that evil spirit.

**_KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM!_**

The voice smashed through Shego's meager defenses with brutal swiftness.

**_KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM!_**

"STOP IT!" she shrieked in a vain attempt to overpowered the voice, but the raw fury of that ancient spirit washed over and swept her in a sea of anger and rage.

"**_STOP IT!_**"

**XXXXX**

Shego woke in the darkness with a start, the sharp stench of something burning briefly panicked her into thinking that she was still trapped in that nightmarish dreamscape. Panting for breath, she gradually took stock of her situation and relaxed slightly as she recognized her surroundings as the remains of her room. Shego sighed with relief and closed her eyes as she leaned against her charred bed frame.

Wait a second.

Shego's eyes snapped open as she hit the partially melted light switch on the wall. She winced as much from the devastation that surrounded her as from the light's harsh and sudden illumination. Just about everything that could be burned or melted in the room had been scorched by her power, including what remained of her bed. Fortunately, her power never seemed to burn either her clothes or her own body, otherwise waking up like this would be really unpleasant.

"Well, this sucks," Shego growled as she picked herself off the ruined bed and an errant and overstressed bedspring poked her exactly where it shouldn't, exacerbating her already foul mood. With an expression like a thundercloud Shego stalked out of her ruined room and across the hall, grouchily hit the door controls and stormed in. Moments later a pair of dazed boxer clad henchmen tumbled out through the open door.

The larger of the two henchmen looked as his smaller, lanky roommate in confusion and then to the door that hissed shut. The taller one suddenly looked around himself in panic before standing up in front of his former room.

"I wouldn't," his roommate advised as he raised his hand to knock on the door. Screwing up his courage, he knocked anyways, but tentatively and most definitely with respect. "Um, could I have my teddy bear?" he asked softly. For several long seconds he stood there, wondering if his courage was to go unrewarded or even worse before the door popped open and a small stuffed animal sailed out the door.

"Teddy!" the henchman exclaimed happily as he reached for his childhood friend, but was momentarily held back by his roommate as green flash flared out the doorway, speared the hapless teddy bear dead center and exploded it in a spray of wispy stuffing. The large henchman stared wordlessly at the remains of his most cherished possession with wide liquid eyes as the door closed behind him with a malicious hiss.

"I warned you," the shorter henchman said in his best 'I-told-you-so' voice to his tearful companion. "When she's not happy, we're not happy."

**XXXXX**

Kim led Perfume and the other girls to her house, it being the closest to where they had encountered the Amazon matriarch. Thankfully, her parents and the tweebs were still at the hospital for the Annual Scare for Care Haunted House.

"The horror, the horror," Ron-chan mumbled repeatedly, her eyes dull and glazed as she shambled into the room, shell-shocked by kiss Josh Mankey had given her only a few minutes earlier. Yori and Lo Shin hung onto her arms and steered the dazed blonde into Kim's living room.

"Ron, it was just a kiss," Kim said in an attempt to snap the blonde out of her funk. "Really, it didn't look any worse than the kiss Josh gave me."

That seemed to perk up Ron a bit as she swung her head around to lock her gaze on Kim. "You know, I've been meaning to talk to you about that KP," Ron-chan said with a hint of rising indignation. "And either that boy has three lips or... EW!"

"Later," Kim said automatically sidestepping the issue. "Besides, you know that Josh is old news." Kim blinked as the meaning of Ron's outraged comment filtered through her mind. "Wait, back up... oh no... he didn't." Her shoulders slumped in defeat. "Alright, you win, it was worse."

"Ahem, if we could begin, there are some more important matters to discuss," Perfume admonished from where she stood on the coffee table, the broken Talisman sitting beside her.

"Right. Sorry," Kim said contritely as she turned her attention towards the Amazon matriarch.

"The nerve of that boy," Ron-chan grumbled as she crossed her arms over her chest and flung herself onto the couch. "I mean, he never even asked my name, what I like, or even what my sign was. Not that I'd ever kiss a guy who used a lame line like that."

Ron-chan could have kept up a litany of what was wrong with one Joshua Wendell (it could've been his middle name) Mankey going all night except for one thing, the tip of Perfume's staff rapping the top of her head.

"Ow," Ron-chan yelped as she gave the Amazon matriarch her full attention. At least Barkin just yelled at you as opposed to this more 'hands on' approach. "Uh, just why am I in trouble?" she asked. "Again."

"You really have no idea, do you?" Perfume said incredulously as she stared at Ron.

Ron-chan was fed up and frustrated with the cryptic questions and all the blame for things that might or might not have been her fault, not to mention that she was still tweaked about Josh's kiss. Under normal circumstances Ron could have handled the 'interrogation' in a more diplomatic fashion, but as tweaked as she was she simply shook her head and gave Perfume an exasperated look, risking yet another rap to the head as she delivered a rather insolent reply. "Um, no. That's why I asked."

Amazon tradition dictated that such insolence be punished and according to Amazon tradition Perfume delivered with the traditional results.

"Owie, owie, owie, owie," Ron-chan whimpered as she clutched and rubbed at her head.

"Could you _please_ stop doing that and just give us a straight answer for once?" Kim snapped. All of this smacking Ron for every imagined slight was getting a little out of hand. There were occasions when she herself had wanted to smack Ron upside the head, just about anytime Ron had to deal with monkeys for that matter, but she restrained herself for the sake of their friendship. She defiantly stared down the Amazon matriarch, knowing full well that she risked Ron's fate, but Kim felt that the line had to be drawn and it was to be drawn here.

Surprisingly, Perfume was the one to back down first. She seemed to deflate slightly as the anger left her and she looked up at the young heroine with sincere apology in her eyes. "I'm sorry, child. It's just the matter of the Mystical Monkey Talisman has me a little on edge."

"But Ron smashed it," Kim protested and Ron-chan nodded quickly in agreement. "You have the broken pieces right there."

"I'll get to that in a minute," Perfume answered smoothly. "And speaking of 'smashing,' this is not the first Monkey artifact you've destroyed." She turned her owlish gaze back on Ron.

Ron-chan squirmed slightly under the Amazon matriarch's scrutiny and watched the staff warily. "Well, I kinda had to bust the Jade Monkey Idols in order to stop Monkey Fist the first time around."

Perfume absorbed that information with a shake of her head and then muttered a string of Chinese that sounded anything but complimentary. Lo Shin stared at her Amazon elder in shock at her choice of language.

"Anything _else_?" Perfume ground out irritably.

Ron-chan tapped the tips of her index fingers uncomfortably as she thought back to every mission she'd been on, with or without Kim, her eyes darting around frantically in her skull as she accessed various portions of her memories. "Uh, no. No. I-I thin-k that's it. Maybe," she finally said hesitantly.

"We can only hope," Perfume grumbled.

"What's the big? So Ron smashed the Talisman? He only did it so that nobody else could ever use it to change people into their monkey slaves," Kim said in defense of Ron's actions.

Perfume drew herself up to her full height and responded with renewed heat. "The _big_ is that unlike the Jade Monkey Idols—"

"Next year could we _please_ have a spare body from the morgue, Mom?" Tim wheedled loudly as the remainder of the Possible clan returned home, cutting off Perfume's explanation. "You know one that the med students are done with."

"We'll see," Mrs. Dr. Possible said noncommittally with only a slightly incredulous shake of her head. The Scare for Care Haunted House had been a big hit as usual, but the twins obviously felt that unless the visitors fled in terror it wasn't a complete success. "Now go wash that make up off before you go to bed," she ordered.

Jim and Tim sighed loudly, knowing deep in their hearts that their mother had no intention of giving in to their request. A silent look passed between the two of them, giving up on their campaign for the moment. There was a whole year to plan and maybe, just maybe they get their mother to see things their way.

"Hi Mom," Kim said as she rushed over to greet her returning family.

"Hey, Kimmie," Mrs. Possible responded with a motherly kiss to top of her daughter's head.

"You guys are sure home early," Mr. Possible said as he came in through the door and shucked off the cape to his Dracula costume. True, he'd worn the same outfit last year, but no one could deny that Dracula had style.

"Oh yeah, uh, heh, something came up," Kim explained as her mother strode into the dining room to get a look at the girls in their costumes.

"So Ron finally got enough candy," Mr. Possible observed.

"Yeah, Ron got enough alright," Kim answered wryly.

"Well, just make sure you don't stay up too late," her father advised. "It is a school night."

"That's sure a convincing costume, Ron," Mrs. Possible commented as she caught sight of the blonde princess seated between the two Asian princesses. She remembered that the tow girls had come home with Ron and Kim after their last mission. That one had lasted for a couple of weeks and it was only the knowledge that Kimmie could take care of herself and Ron that had kept her from panic. The names escaped for a moment, but she was sure it would come to her. Mrs. Possible looked at Ron wistfully, her mind in another time and place. "That reminds of the time you went as a ballerina. Remember that Kim?"

"How could I forget?" Kim answered automatically as she tried to come up with a diplomatic way of evicting the rest of her family from the living room.

"Whoa, Ron. You went as a girl?" Jim said in disbelief as he moved in for a closer look.

"Uh, yeah, that's me. Heh. The master of disguise," Ron-chan squeaked uncomfortably as she fell under the scrutiny of the Possible twins.

"So where's the zipper, Ronald?" Mr. Possible asked with an easy smile.

"Uh, trade secret," Ron-chan replied quickly with a nervous chuckle, hoping that no one would ask her to shed her costume here and now.

"Hey, those look almost real, Ron," Tim added as he tentatively poked at Ron-chan's chest. Jim quickly joined in the examination, assailing Ron-chan from the other side.

"Hey, hey, hey! No touchey! No touchey!" Ron-chan admonished as she quickly batted aside two sets of inquisitive, male fingers. She squirmed around defensively on the couch as she attempted to dissuade and fend off the boys. Lo Shin and Yori looked to Kim for advice, wondering if Ron had told Kim's family about his curse and whether this was in the nature of teasing fun or something else.

"C'mon Ron, it's not like they're really real," Tim retorted as he nodded to his twin.

For her part, Kim was staring at her brothers in shock at their manners before she remembered that while Ron had told his family about his curse he hadn't yet had a chance to tell hers. For just a moment she found herself wondering how that information would have come out during the course of a normal conversation.

'_Oh, yeah, Drs. P. and fam, incidentally I turn into a girl when splashed with cold water, but more importantly, is there any nacho cheese left?'_ Part of Kim's mind giggled in near hysteria at the thought, but she suppressed it with ruthless savagery. She was sure that Ron would tell her family eventually, but now was not the time. "Alright! Time for bed you tweebs," she said forcefully, coming to Ron's rescue as she corralled her younger brothers and steered them out the room.

"Aw, Kim. We just wanna know how Ron put his costume together," the twins protested in unison before their eyes fell upon something far more interesting. Kim nearly lost her balance as her recalcitrant brothers suddenly bolted forward, their attention focused for the moment on something far more interesting than Ron's costume making talents.

"Phew. Thanks, KP," Ron-chan sighed gratefully. "And if that's anything like what you girls go through on a date... I am _so_ sorry."

"Cool! It's a mummified troll!" Jim gushed as he studied the small figure standing on the coffee table.

"Hoosha!" Tim agreed from his brother's side. "Where'd you get it Kim?"

Perfume's eye twitched briefly just before her staff lashed out twice to give each of the twins a reproachful rap on the top of their heads. Jim and Tim jumped, startled by the sudden and unexpected movement and yelped as they grabbed their heads protectively.

"Boo," Perfume growled menacingly as she leaned closer to the twins.

"Aah! It's alive!" the twins cried in unison as they made their escape from the room.

"Now that was funny," Kim remarked as she pointed in the direction of her fleeing siblings. Idly she wondered what their reaction would be when they realized that they really been touching a girl's breast.

"I can understand their pain though," Ron-chan said in commiseration as she rubbed her own poor abused noggin. "But they did have that coming for manhandling a woman's chest," she sniffed.

"Mummified troll indeed," Perfume sniffed with an indignant mutter of her own. "I happen to be the youngest matriarch of the tribe. Insolent little..."

"Sorry about that," Mrs. Possible apologized for her sons' behavior and then sighed. "I better go calm them down before they whip together some 'ghost' hunting ray gun."

"Well, it's certainly shaping up into an interesting night," Mr. Possible commented as he trailed along after his wife.

"Now where was I?" Perfume mumbled to herself.

"You were mentioning the Jade Monkeys," Yori prompted, her brow furrowed in concern as she regarded Ron-chan and the broken Talisman sitting beside the matriarch on the table.

"Ah yes, thank you child. I was getting somewhat ahead of myself though. First, I must explain to you the history of magical artifacts," Perfume said.

"Oh man, lessons on a Sunday night?" Ron-chan complained.

Perfume resolutely ignored the complaint as she launched into her explanation. "Magic is very much a part of this world, it is in the air and water, in the rocks and trees and within us as well. Early woman–"

"Shouldn't that be early man?" Ron-chan suddenly interrupted, then looked around at the other girls' smug expressions. "What! All our history textbooks talk about early man."

"This is an Amazon story," Perfume informed him as if that explained everything.

"I think I'm going to like this version of history," Kim said dryly.

"Feminist," Ron-chan griped, but Kim merely crinkled her nose playfully at the blonde in response as Perfume resumed her explanation.

"As I was saying, early woman created the First Art, the Art of Wood, likely as a means of surviving in an untamed world. It was the first and easiest Art to master for Wood was alive and held the magic inherent in all living things. There are very few of these artifacts left, returned to the earth as is the way of all living things."

"A wizard's staff," Ron-chan chimed in unexpectedly and at Perfume's curious glance she continued. "Well, a wizard always had _his_ staff and that was the source of _his_ power," Ron-chan said, making sure to put the emphasis on the masculine gender.

"Interesting, he was really paying attention," Perfume said mostly to herself before she continued, roundly ignoring Ron's brief cry of protest.

"The Second Art was the Art of Stone, drawing magic from the very earth itself. Stone Artifacts could be handed down through the generations, the power undiminished by the passage of time as you no doubt experienced first hand. But Stone has one weakness. Once broken, Stone can no longer contain the magic within and can never be restored."

Kim let out a pent up breath that she hadn't been aware that she'd been holding. She had been witness to Ron's first fight with Monkey Fist deep inside the secret chambers of his manor and she hesitated to think of what would have happened if the self-proclaimed Monkey Master would do if he still had access to the power of the Jade Monkey Idols. She had felt so helpless watching from half a world away as Ron fought had fought for his life.

"That led to the Third Art. The Art of Metal. Stronger than Stone, it was the most powerful of the Arts. For like metal, the magic itself could be refined. Metal could be reshaped, even restored and made whole from that which was once broken." For emphasis Perfume tapped her staff against the Mystical Monkey Talisman.

"Why aren't there more of these magic items? I mean so far we've only ran up against a handful of them," Kim said suddenly, a feeling of dread washing over her as she considered the likelihood of having to face more villains that used magic. So far only Monkey Fist had made any real attempt to use magic, the rest were content to rely on technology. But if someone like Drakken were to branch out... Kim shuddered to even consider the possibility.

"As is the way of all power, magic led to the wars," Perfume answered as she gave Kim a sad smile. "_Man_," this time Perfume made sure to use the masculine gender, "discovered that Metal could absorb the energies of the First and Second Arts and waged fierce campaigns to gather more power for themselves. Many artifacts of the First and Second Art were lost or hidden away during that time. Then when there were no more artifacts to consume, these Warlords waged war against each other, unleashing their destructive energies as they vied for supremacy. It was in one such cataclysmic battle that Jusenkyo, the Pools of Sorrow, were formed, not by design, but by accident."

"Even faced with such disasters Man's greed spurred them ever onwards. The wars would have continued to rage unchecked across the earth if not for the intervention of one man. Some saw him as a tyrant, others as a savior, but he charged through the ranks of the warlords wielding a magic blade of frozen light, stripping them of their magic and returning it to the earth."

"Toshimiru," Ron-chan and Yori breathed in unison. Ron-chan was so entranced by the story she completely forgot about applying the 'jinx, you owe me a soda' clause.

Perfume nodded. "The martial art of mimicry, of taking on the aspect of animals was an old art, as old as the history of magic. But Toshimiru was considered the founder of Tai Shing Pek Kwar, for he was the first to lay down formal rules for its use. Leading an army of trained warriors he brought the warlords to heel across the known world, destroying or sealing away their artifacts. And when he was done, instead of ruling the world as many had feared, he retired to the mountains of Japan to live out the rest of his days in peace.

"And for a time there was peace, for much of the knowledge of the Three Arts had passed from the world, the masters of the Arts victims of the wars. With no more magic to be had man sought to tame the world by another means. And in the irony of ironies, with magic but a fading memory man turned to constructs of wood, stone and metal."

Perfume sighed briefly, lost in her own tale as she imagined a brighter time brought to an end by a period of great suffering. "Though much of the greater Arts had passed, there still remained some understanding of the lesser arts. Many of the Amazon treasures that we safeguard are such trinkets crafted by apprentices, with a very few surviving examples of the Higher arts."

The Amazon Matriarch shook herself out of her reverie and continued on with her explanations. "Your science teaches that energy can neither be created nor destroyed, simply converted from one form to another. When the four Jade Monkey idols were destroyed, the magical energy that they contained was released. The same holds true for the Mystical Monkey Talisman. Given time those energies will dissipate and return to the earth that spawned it."

"So everything's hakuna then," Ron-chan observed hopefully. "I mean, all we have to do is wait."

"For five hundred years," Perfume added dryly.

"Oh, that's a long time," Ron-chan agreed numbly.

"What you must do is restore the Mystical Monkey Talisman and gather the stray energies into it," Perfume explained. "If they are left free then someone else with less noble intent might discover the means to claim them."

"Couldn't I just use the Lotus blade to absorb them or something?" Ron-chan asked. "Isn't that what it was meant to do?"

"No!" Perfume snapped sharply. "Powerful magic went into the forging of the Lotus blade. And equally powerful magic resided with the Talisman and the Idols. We can not risk combining them. If the magic that binds the Lotus Blade were to become unbalanced... we could create another Jusenkyo."

Kim pursed her lips thoughtfully as she considered everything that the Amazon matriarch had just told them. "So how exactly is Ron supposed to do all this," she asked. "I mean why can't you do it?"

Perfume sighed heavily. "I wish I could, but the boy has been touched by the power of both artifacts. More importantly, he is the master of the Lotus blade. The magic will respond to his will, but not to mine."

"Wait, hold on a second. I think I've spotted a problem in this plan. We have magic from five separate Monkey artifacts, well two if you count all four idols as one, and only one Talisman," Kim pointed out. "Can the Talisman hold all of that magic?"

"That is a risk we will have to take," Perfume answered heavily. "I believe it can."

"Sooo how do we fix the Talisman?" Ron-chan asked curiously as she leaned forward in a rustle of cloth and gave the broken pieces of metal a tentative poke. "Is there some kind of magic super glue we need to get?"

Perfume's lips turned up into a rare smile at the blonde's clueless comments. "Right now, it is impossible to restore the Talisman."

Ron-chan's gaze snapped up and fixed upon Perfume in shock. "But you just said–"

Perfume held up a hand to forestall any further protest. "I know what I said. _You,_" she pointed directly at Ron to make her point, "are the only one here with the potential to restore the Talisman. But in order to do that, you will first need training in the Arts."

Ron-chan blanched slightly at that. "You don't mean–"

"So in the meantime, where shall I be staying?" Perfume finished serenely.

**XXXXX**

the next morning-

Shego stared at Drakken over the top of her magazine, not quite sure she had heard what she thought she had just heard. She shook her head slightly in confusion. Following on the heels of last night's nightmare this was just too weird.

"You? You're going to train me in how to fight?" Shego repeated incredulously. The situation was so ludicrous that raucous laughter seemed somehow inadequate.

"Absolutely, Shego," Drakken answered in all seriousness.

"You do realize that I'm a better fighter than you," Shego pointed out as she became more than a little annoyed that Drakken felt he had something he could teach her about fighting. She put her magazine down and stood, prepared to give Drakken a memorable demonstration of her ability. "A lot better."

"Of course, Shego," Drakken answered as he acknowledged her point.

"You know, you could learn to fight yourself," Shego said. "Maybe learn to hold your own against say a five year old."

"Very funny," Drakken sneered in response the not so subtle criticism.

"Yeah, I thought so too," Shego answered with an impudent grin plastered across her face.

"Shego I'm talking about techniques so powerful that Kim Possible with a hundred sidekicks couldn't possibly beat you," Drakken extolled as he pulled out a battered manual from an envelope. Shego's brow lifted a notch upon seeing the international postage on the corner.

"You're sure you're not talking about cloning again, right?" Shego asked suspiciously as she leveled an intimidating look at Drakken.

"Of course not, Shego," Drakken said with a smile just a bit too wide to be sincere. "Why with this training anyone could beat Kim Possible."

"So then why don't you do it?" Shego countered, still suspicious. "If these 'techniques' are as powerful as you say there."

"You don't get prime rib from ground chuck," Drakken explained.

"Come again," Shego said with a blank look.

"You gotta start with the best," Drakken further clarified as he brandished his battered manual in the air.

"Well, I can't argue with that," Shego conceded Drakken's point.

"Oh good, I knew you'd see it my way," Drakken said cheerfully as he pulled out a cooler he had hidden earlier.

"Well let's get this over with, Dr. D," Shego said as she lifted her hands and jabbed at the air.

"Uh uh. First thing's first Shego," Drakken said as he draped something fairly heavy across her shoulders and steered her across the lair.

Shego sniffed the air experimentally. "What the hell is that smell!" she exclaimed as she examined the weights around her shoulders. It looked like some sort of sausage...

"It's all part of the training," Drakken explained as he pulled a lever.

"Draaakkkkeeeeennnnnnn!" Shego howled as she plunged into the pit of starving cats.

The yowl of fighting cats built up to deafening levels highlighted with the occasional green flashes from Shego's comet power. The floor of the lair rumbled and shook as if there were an earthquake brewing beneath Drakken's feet. Finally after what seemed like an eternity the shaking subsided and there were no more flares of Shego's power.

Drakken cautiously leaned over and peered into the hole. "Shego? Are you feeling more powerful yet?" he called out.

In answer, from deep inside the pit there came a flash of green and a low yowl.

_Next: When It Rains, It Pours_

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing

Whew, long time between updates, but now with 'National Grouchy Face Day' or more colloquially known as Tax Day over with, perhaps I can get back into the swing of things.

This chapter was fairly difficult for me to write, there was one scene I was absolutely trying to get in, but it just wouldn't fit. Deleting the scene was for the best, but the process of leaving it on the cutting room floor was painful, but such a relief in the end. Acutally Brad Bird, director of The Incredibles said that the process was something like passing a kidney stone.

Course things would go ALOT easier if fanfiction dot net would stop doing weird things with their code that kills my scene breaks. oh well, que sera, sera.

With So The Drama aired, it does give some validation for what I'm going to do and well, there are ways to have fun with it as well. You'll see.

Now I might be tipping my hand a little too early in regards to Shego's nightmare, but it invites all sorts of fun and I couldn't resist. And of course the dream happened to fall on Halloween, the time when the spirit world is more accessible. Or so they say.

Lots of plot this time around and if things go as planned the mayhem will resume next chapter.

Which, hopefully, will be out a lot sooner.


	4. Interlude 1: Legends

Ron ½ Book 2: Middleton Mayhem  
By Parareru

Disclaimer: Kim Possible is owned by the Disney Corporation. –So let's see some season DVD sets already!—

**Interlude 1: Legends**

or-

**The Morning After**

_In the time before time, the Cat and the Rat were once friends. They played together, ate together and even slept together.And all was right with the world.Then came the Great Sundering, when the earth shook and fell, the waters rose and the skies wept blood. The Cat and the Rat hid themselves away together and comforted each other until the chaos ended._

_When the lands finally became still and peace returned, the voice of ShangDi rang out in the hearts of every noble creature. There would be a great race and the first twelve to reach him on the other side of the Great River would stand as his guardians, to defend the world from the demon sealed away. The race would not be an easy one, but there would be great honor in winning._

_Both the Cat and the Rat wanted to cross the finish line first, but knew that they would be two of the smallest animals in the race and neither one was a strong swimmer._

_"How will we ever make it? The course is too long and neither of us can cross the Great River on our own," the Rat complained to the Cat._

_"Oh, I think we have a good chance," the resourceful Cat answered after a moment's thought. "We will ask the Ox to help us. He could give us a head start since he always wakes up before sunrise. Perhaps we could even convince him to give us a ride on his back."_

_So the Cat and the Rat managed to convince the Ox to wake them early on the day of the race and on the day of the race the Ox was up long before dawn broke over the horizon. "Wake up, lazybones," he said as he nudged the sleeping Cat and Rat and he shambled on his way. "It is time to start the race."_

_Unnoticed by the Ox, the Cat and the Rat climbed up onto the Ox's back, but they were still so sleepy that they soon found themselves dozing again. By the time the Rat had fully awakened he saw that the three of them were already halfway across the river._

_The Rat woke first and saw ShangDi waiting for the first of the contestants to cross the finish line. 'Why should I share the honor of first place with the Cat and the Ox?' the Rat selfishly thought and he shook the Cat awake._

_"Wake up, friend Cat," he said excitedly. "Look! There are so many tasty fish swimming in the river."_

_The thought of fresh fish brought the Cat completely awake and she licked her lips in anticipation. The Cat leaned over the Ox's back for a closer look at the fish and the Rat gave her just the tiniest of shoves and SPLASH the Cat tumbled into the water_

_The Ox turned his head to see what had made the splash in the water, but he didn't see the Cat or the Rat who had cleverly moved to hide himself on top of the Ox's head behind the ear. Instead, he caught sight of the other animals in the race striving as best they could to catch up to him. All thoughts of thestrange splashwere pushed from the Ox's mind as he picked up his pace and sped for ShangDi._

_As the Ox neared the riverbank, the clever Rat leapt from where he had hidden himself behind the Ox's ear and crossed the finish line to take first place._

_"How did such a tiny creature win the race?" ShangDi asked in surprise as he held the Rat up in his hand._

_"I may be small," the Rat answered solemnly, "but I am clever."_

_ShangDi could only laugh at the Rat's cleverness as he placed the Rat on the winner's podium. The Ox knew that the clever Rat had tricked him out of first place, but could only grunt in disappointment as he took the second place spot beside the Rat._

_Left back in the river, the Cat valiantly swam alongside the other animals in spite of her vast distaste of water. She could only watch in dismay as the Tiger climbed from the river and shook the water from his fur as he raced across the finish line._

_"Did I win? Am I the first?" the Tiger growled._

_"No," the Rat answered with a smug grin. "You would need to be far cleverer in order to beat me."_

_"And you would need to wake up even earlier if you wish to beat me," the Ox added not to be outdone by the Rat._

_"But you have shown yourself to be most powerful to best the currents of the Mighty River," ShangDi said as he beckoned the Tiger to his place._

_A log floated past the Cat and she hauled herself out of the water for a brief respite and to catch her breath. The waters trembled and her log shook as the sky grew dark and the mighty Dragon descended for the finish line._

_But then the fleet footed Rabbit darted forward to claim fourth place while the Dragon had to be content with fifth._

_"Well done, fleet Rabbit," ShangDi praised the Rabbit as he claimed his spot beside the Tiger._

_"I was lucky to have been able to jump from one stone to another until I was able to reach the shore," the Rabbit said._

_"Very true," ShangDi replied as the Dragon settled in fifth place._

_"And how is it that so mighty a creature only takes fifth place?" ShangDi asked of the Dragon._

_The Dragon looked mildly apologetic, but looked ShangDi steadily in the eye as he gave his answer. "As I raced, I saw a tribe of humans in need of water for their fields," the Dragon rumbled. "So I made rain for them before continuing on the race."_

_"Very noble," ShangDi said in praise at the Dragon's answer. "So shall it be given to you to watch over that tribe." And the dragon bowed his head in response._

_The Cat sighed to herself as she saw the Dragon reach the shore. "I can still make it. There will be a place for me in ShangDi's court," she said as she plunged back into the river as the Horse made his way for the shore._

_Before the Horse could cross the finish line however, the Snake slithered from where he had concealed himself on the Horse's hoof. In fright, the Horse reared back as the Snake surged forward to claim sixth place._

_"Very cunning," ShangDi said as the Snake took his place beside the Dragon._

_The Horse was disappointed to have been beaten by the Snake, but graciously took his place, ecstatic to have made it into the ranks of the Twelve._

_"Wait for me!" the Cat cried as she struggled in the currents of the river and a raft passed by her to approach the far shore. From the raft leapt the Goat and the Monkey, the Goat crossing the line moments before the Monkey._

_"Eighth! Ninth!" ShangDi proclaimed as they crossed finish line. "But in such a vessel why are you so far behind?"_

_"The Goat helped me build the raft," the Monkey explained, "but we had an argument as we worked."_

_"I see," ShangDi mused as he stroked his chin._

_Just then the Rooster came into view and crossed the finish line, the Dog only a few steps behind him._

_"Ten! Eleven!" ShangDi declared as the Rooster and Dog took their rightful places._

_"Who shall be the twelfth and last?" ShangDi asked of all the animals still in the competition. "Who shall complete the circle?"_

_"I will!" the Cat cried out as she struggled to the shore. "Wait for me!"_

_But the Boar rushed ahead of the Cat, knocking her to one side as he made his way to ShangDi and the finish line._

_"Twelve!" ShangDi proclaimed joyously as the Boar crossed the finish line. "At last the circle is complete and the binding secure. So long as the circle remains whole, the darkness sealed away shall never enter this world."_

_"I'm here!" the Cat cried as she finally carried herself across the finish line. "Did I make it? Am I one of the Twelve?"_

_"Alas dear Cat, you are not," ShangDi answered. "All the positions have been filled, but celebrate with us for the circle is now complete."_

_And the Cat was filled with rage and leaped for the Rat, her betrayer. Her claws scratched the tip of the Rat's tail, but the Rat scurried under ShangDi's robe before the Cat could make another strike._

_The Cat felt herself lifted by the scruff of her neck as ShangDi raised her to face his towering fury. _

_"You have struck at one of my Guardians," ShangDi declared ominously. "Cursed you are for in so doing you have struck at me in your act of rage."_

_The Cat squirmed in ShangDi's grip and tried to apologize, to explain her actions, to plead for mercy, but ShangDi would not hear of it._

_"Banished you are from Our realms. Never shall you stand before the Throne of Heaven. Eternal enmity between the guardians and yourself. Never shall you find rest. Never shall you find a home," ShangDi declared in a voice of thunder. _

_The Cat wailed and pleaded, but ShangDi would not hear her._

_"Remove this one from my sight," ShangDi ordered and the other guardians rushed to comply._

_Fleeing for her life the Cat ran long and hard until she passed beyond the domain of ShangDi and at last she was alone in the wild dark lands. Finally, the Cat was able to rest and as she settled to the rough ground she began to cry._

_"Why do youcry so?" a sibilant voice asked from the darkness._

_"Because I hurt and I'm alone," the Cat wailed._

_"And who is it that has hurt you?" the voice asked._

_"My friend has betrayed me and ShangDi's guardians punished me when I sought to punish him" the Cat answered as she licked at her wounds._

_The voice chuckled. "Were he truly your friend would he have betrayed you?"_

_"No, he wouldn't," the Cat admitted, rage blossoming within her._

_"And would you go crawling back, to beg for forgiveness if you could?" the voice asked scornfully._

_Something fierce and dark hardened within the Cat. "No," she hissed._

_"What do you want then?" the voice asked seductive and with a hint of promise._

_"I want... to hurt them. All of them. As they hurt me," the Cat yowled._

_"Such a thing. How can one so small and insignificant challenge ones that are so mighty?" the voice laughed and the Cat bristled indignantly. _

_"Then I shall find ways to make myself powerful," the Cat declared. "I will have my revenge!"_

_"Bold words," the voice challenged. "But to return the realm of ShangDi is to invite a challenge unto death. Can you grow powerful enough to best the Twelve in the time bestowed to all things that are mortal?"_

_"I can if I must," the Cat declared boldly. "I will do whatever it takes."_

_"It is the way of all that are mortal to pass on to dust, but for one with the will to do so she can return in the next cycle to fight anew once more."_

_"Then so shall I do," the Cat answered, spitting out ever word in her fury._

_"But ShangDi's power is vast and mighty. Would you then seek to gain that power in order to challenge the Twelve?" The voice chuckled. "You can not hope to challenge them with ShangDi's power. Such a thing is... impossible."_

_And despite her resolve only moments earlier the Cat despaired of ever having her revenge. "Is there no other way?"_

_"ShangDi's power is vast as I have said, but it is not the only way. There are many paths to power," the voice answered. "Ways that are forbidden. Ways that are sealed. Do you have the courage to defy the one who sits upon the throne of heaven?"_

_"I do," the Cat answered into the darkness that rose up around her._

_"And if I should be the one to give you that power?" the voice asked finally._

_"Then I shall serve you for all eternity," answered the Cat without hesitation._

_"So spoken and so shall it forever be," the voice cried out in triumph and power dark and terrible rushed in to fill the Cat, making her so much more than she once was and making her so much less. "Arise my servant and harbinger! You shall be my sword to strike down those who oppose me! You will foment rebellion and change against the order imposed up the world! Return to ShangDi's realm and remove the obstacles that bar my path! Prepare for the future that is to come and will be mine! The future that is..."_

**XXXXX**

Shego yawned mightily and stretched, feeling a good deal more refreshed this morning despite the weird dream she'd had. Something about a cat, and a river or something. Shego dismissed the thought with a shrug. Not that it really mattered.

Shego stretched again, luxuriating in the feeling as she rolled her shoulders and worked all the kinks out of her back. With her eyes half closed she sat back on her haunches and began licking the back of her hand. Once it had been sufficiently dampened she then proceeded to rub her moistened wrist against her face. She distractedly continued to wash her face in that manner for several seconds until it occurred to her that this was not the way she should be washing her face. Pausing in mid-swipe she stared at her freshly licked hand as if was the strangest thing in the world.

"What the hell am I doing?" Shego wondered aloud as she shook her head and took stock of her surroundings. Even stranger than the odd manner in which she had been bathing herself Shego realized with a start that she'd been sleeping underneath a table in the lair's main chamber. She desperately racked her memory to try and recall the circumstances of last night, but the only thing she could remember was that strange dream that even now slipped further away from her. The harsh scrape of stone on stone brought Shego's head around and she watched curiously as a small piece of the ceiling finally gave way and clattered to the ground in a shower of dust. Slowly, Shego crawled out from under the table that she'd apparently been sleeping underneath and took another look around her.

To say that the lair was wrecked was an understatement. The supercomputer that dominated an entire wall was now a pile of sparking circuits. Occasionally, some remnant of the mostly dead computer would beep, rattle or blink forlornly in some semblance of its former life. The other walls of the chamber were in similar condition with huge craters blasted into the stone or furious gouges that looked impossibly deep. Every piece of furniture, what there was of it in the sparsely furnished lair, was torn apart and looked as if it had either been smashed into kindling or sliced into several neat and even slices. The ground was pockmarked with still more craters and what looked like the shredded remains of every single Shock-staff in Drakken's arsenal.

"What in world happened here?" Shego said as she continued to take in the scene, a confused frown marring her features. Thankfully there were no fresh bodies lying amongst the fresh rubble despite the sheer scale of the devastation that surrounded her. "Were we attacked? Robbed? Raided? Kimmie?"

Shego paused in her analysis. None of those felt right, and it wasn't Kim's style to wreck the lair like this. Actually, Kim Possible's style was more along the lines of blowing up the lair entirely. This was more like... Her eyes darted suspiciously from side to side in search of the one other reason for this much destruction.

"Did Drakken test out another stupid doomsday invention?" she wondered. She immediately dismissed the thought as soon as she voiced it aloud. It just didn't feel like Drakken's work. In fact, the only one Shego knew of that took this kind of hands on approach was... well... herself.

With no answers forthcoming, Shego gingerly stepped around the piles of rubble prompted by a loud gurgle from her midsection to remind her that it was time for her morning meal. She blushed at her body's loud insistent rumble and instinctively glanced around her, but just as it was only moments ago, there was no one around to witness her embarrassment.

"Why do I suddenly feel like having a tuna melt? I hate tuna," Shego mumbled absently to herself with a confused scowl on her face as she delicately picked her way to the kitchen.

"Great," Shego groaned with an expressive roll of her eyes as she noticed that while the kitchen was in slightly better condition than the rest of the lair it was still far from perfect. The stainless steel tables were still intact, but were shoved up against the wall in the corner. Virtually every pot and pan had been tossed out of the cupboards and onto the counters and floors. Most of them were piled haphazardly in one corner of the room, supported by a couple of the out of place tables. With a disgusted sigh Shego rummaged through the pile in search for some clean cookware.

A muffled whimper caused Shego to draw back from the pile in surprise. The thought that someone might be buriedunderneath that pile simply hadn't occurred to her. Cautiously she began to move the stacks of pans aside. As she peeled away the layers of metal she eventually reached the source of the whimper.

Dr. Drakken slept fitfully, huddled fearfully underneath the fort that he had haphazardly constructed. His clothing was a ragged mess of torn shreds, but his injuries amounted to little more than a few deep scratches on his arms and face. The mad scientist who dreamed of world domination currently sucked his thumb, his free hand holding a battered stock pot lid, nestled protectively by his side. Occassionally Drakken would shiver slightly, whether from a cool draft or terrifying nightmare Shego couldn't tell.

Shego looked at Drakken askance, and after a moment's thought,leaned in closer, a malicious smile crossing her face. "Hey! Dr. D!" she yelled at the top of her lungs.

"Wah! Shego! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Drakken yelped, jumping to his feet amidst a clatter of falling cookware, instantly awake as he cringed away from her and held the pot lid up between them like a shield in his trembling hand.

Shego stared at Drakken in surprise. "Give me that," she finally said in disgust and snatched Drakken's makeshift shield away from him.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Drakken repeated loudly and prostrated himself before her.

"For what?" Shego asked suspiciously.

"For?" Drakken paused in middle of his profuse apology and looked up at her in shock. "You mean... you don't remember?"

Shego growled. "And what exactly should I be remembering?" she asked flatly andleveled an intimidating look at her employer.

"Um, um, nothing! Nothing at all!" Drakken answered hurriedly as he scuttled out from under his shelter. "I just – just remembered that I had something to do over – over there!" He pointed through the doorway that Shego had entered through and he quickly began to inch his way around her.

"Wait just a sec, Doc," Shego said as she reached out to grab hold of Drakken and maybe shake some answers out of him.

Drakken blanched and screamed in sheer terror, giving up all semblance of dignity as he desperately ducked away from Shego's grasp and scrambled rapidly out the door. Shego watched in confusion as Drakken fled from the kitchen, all but falling over himself in his haste.

"What the hell was that all about?" Shego wondered.

Next: **When it Rains, It Pours**

– I really mean it this time.

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing

Short chapter this time around since I hit a bit of a snag in writing the real Chapter 4, but I will try my best to have the next chapter out in a timely fashion. Sorry that there's no Kim or Ron in this chapter, but they get top billing in the next one.

The legend of the Chinese Zodiac is available in many forms all across the internet. So if anyone owns it... Well, my most humblest of apologies.

Now about the Cat Fist. In both the Manga and Anime, use of the Cat Fist has been fairly limited. The most extensive use was during the storylines around Ranma's weak spot and the Phoenix Pill and there was an instance where Mao Mo Lin – the Ghost Cat – triggered the Cat Fist by giving Ranma-chan a lick on the face. In all instances, no mention was given concerning an upper age limit in learning the Neko-ken. Of course, I could be mistaken for I am only mortal. In fact there is also a degree of discrepancy between the Manga and Anime concerning Ranma's age when he underwent the Cat Fist training as well as the nature of the source. The Manga has Ranma at age 10 and the Cat Fist came from some obscure manual that Genma picked up somewhere while the Anime has Ranma at age 6 learning from a Saotome School handbook. (Personally, I tend to regard the manga as the purer source, although as I said before, the Anime does portray some interesting scenarios)

But as should be apparent by now Shego's introduction to the Cat Fist training wasn't the learning of a new technique so much as it was a spiritual possession or perhaps even an awakening of some part of her long dormant.


	5. Chapter 4: When It Rains, It Pours

Ron ½ Book 2: Middleton Mayhem  
By Parareru

Disclaimer: Kim Possible is owned by the Disney Corporation. –So let's see some season DVD sets already!—

Ranma ½ is owned by Rumiko Takahashi and is distributed by Viz.

This is a continuation of Ron ½. Please read that first, otherwise you may end up being hopelessly lost. Tsk, tsk. You just had to believe Ryoga when he said he knew how to get you home.

_:denotes:_ Chinese speech  
_denotes_ Japanese speech

Chapter 4: **When It Rains, It Pours**

"... jus five more minutes, mom..." Ron slurred sleepily as he felt a hand shake his shoulder and he settled deeper into the comfort of his blankets as he felt the hand withdraw. His ear twitched curiously as he heard the slosh of water. Ron's brow furrowed as he wondered why there was water in his room.

"WAAHHH! WHAT THE HELL!" Ron-chan shrieked, instantly awake as the frigid contents of the bucket splashed over her.

"Now that you're awake we can begin your training," Perfume said serenely.

Ron-chan, dripping wet and furious, fumbled for her alarm clock. "It's FIVE in the MORNING!" she cried indignantly upon seeing the time. "The sun's not even up yet!"

"We have much to cover and we had best get an early start," Perfume replied and hefted another bucket.

"I'm up! I'm up!" Ron-chan growled as she flung her wet covers off. "Let me just change back into a guy first."

Perfume held up a large brass kettle, steam rising from the spout. "Lesson one. Always be prepared."

"Are you sure you're not a Pixie Scout?" Ron-chan grumbled sourly as she grabbed the kettle.

Perfume chuckled. "That's Pixies stick together," she corrected.

**XXXXX**

The sun had long since risen over the horizon, bathing the park landscape in its gentle morning light. It was one of those mornings that an artist longs for, with the sun changing the skies from the black of night to the golden swaths of color that heralded daybreak. The morning breeze stirred and rustled amongst the fallen leaves with just enough bite to indicate the eternal march of the seasons. The honk of migrating geese was but one sound that broke the silence. The other sound was the sound of a lone voice chanting softly underneath an oak tree that still hadn't surrendered all of its leaves to the march of the seasons.

"Yu Mo Mai Gwao Fao Mi Jao," Ron chanted for what felt like the millionth time, but in reality was only the hundredth.

Perfume silently kept watch with glittering eyes as a wan glow began to form around the carved wooden form in her apprentice's cupped hands. She had instructed Ron to carve the shape that seemed most natural to him and she was amazed to see the intricate carving take shape in his hands in just a matter of minutes. Perfume had sensed just the tiniest hints of magic emanating from the boy while he had whittled away the wood with a blissfully ignorant expression on his face. The strokes of his knife were sure and even, but even so it seemed that the carving had taken shape far too quickly, even for one experienced in the art. The more Perfume thought about it the more it seemed likely that there was something inherent within the boy that had aided him in shaping the wood.

The carved object was a little longer that the boy's hand shaped into a miniature replica of a Viking longboat. Perfume found herself wondering what shape the magic would take once the enchantment was complete.

Prompted by a subtle shift in the magical currents, Ron opened an eye and cracked a broad grin at the sight of his carving hovering above his cupped hands, held aloft by the power of the magic he had evoked.

"Booyah!" Ron said triumphantly and looked to Perfume for approval.

"NO! You must not interrupt the chant!" Perfume yelled too late as Ron looked to his hands in terror.

Where before the magical aura was serene and gentle, it was now pulsing and flaring like a miniature sun on the verge of going nova. Ron could only watch as the carving cupped in his hands began to smoke and darken. He cringed expectantly as the replica began to tremble and cracks began to form, running up and down its length. With a final tortured shudder Ron's carving exploded in a shower of fragments, both wooden and magical.

"OW! OW! The splinters! OW! And the burning! OW! Why is there burning!" Ron wailed as he gingerly blew on his injured palms.

"You're fortunate. Normally the consequences of a miscast enchantment are far worse," Perfume phlegmatically observed as she spread some salve that she had prepared for just such an occurrence on the boy's outstretched hands. Within a few moments Ron felt the stinging ease and he flexed his fingers experimentally. He hissed slightly at the brief flash of pain, but that soon faded as well.

"One hundred eight times you must complete the chant," Perfume was busy admonishing Ron. "Any more or less and the magic will become unstable."

Ron cocked his head to one side and regarded Perfume skeptically. "Why is that exactly?" he asked.

"It simply is."

"Yeah, but it doesn't really make sense," Ron insisted. "After all, if Wood was the oldest magic then why one hundred eight? Where did that number come from? Why not seven? Why not thirteen? Maybe it's because the magic is shaped by our beliefs. Maybe that's what's important. The belief that the magic will work."

Perfume simply stared at Ron, amazed at the rather profound insight that the boy offered. "Remarkable, there is a mind inside there after all," she muttered mostly to herself.

"Hey!" Ron cried in protest.

Perfume sighed and idly tapped at the ground with her staff. Could it be that she was so bound up in tradition that she was simply blind to the possibility that there could be another way? But if one threw out tradition what was left?

If she insisted on following the traditions to the letter as they had been passed down through the centuries, the boy would be able to complete his training and eventually reforge the Mystical Monkey Talisman she was sure, but she wasn't sure if that was the correct path to follow. At one point in Amazon history someone must have decided on the number of one hundred eight just as someone must have decided on the chant. Could it really be as simple as that, an unshakable belief that your will would be manifested?

"Where did you learn to carve like that?" she finally asked, recalling the boy's talent with the knife.

Ron suppressed a brief shudder. "Camp Wannaweep," he answered with a grimace. At the matriarch's blank questioning look he decided to elaborate a bit. "Toxic lake, poison ivy, mutant camper, and oh yeah, Bobo, the chimp mascot." Ron suppressed another shudder at the unpleasant memories.

Perfume shook her head, discarding the uninformative description. "No matter. It could very well be that you have a point," she admitted. At Ron's brightening expression she wagged a cautionary finger at the boy. "But there are still some basics you will need to learn while we attempt to understand your power."

"So, I was right?" Ron slowly asked.

"It means, we'll see," Perfume corrected.

"Booyah, the Ron man's got it going on," Ron said triumphantly.

"Let's try again." Perfume cut Ron's celebration short by tossing another chunk of wood at the boy.

"Oh say, do you think that you could distract Lo Shin for a few hours after school?" Ron asked as he began to peel broad strips of wood with the knife.

"It should be fairly simple," Perfume agreed readily enough. "Why?"

"Well, it's her birthday, so I was figuring on making a cake for her after school, but I wanted it to be a surprise," Ron explained.

"That's very thoughtful," Perfume said. She cast a sly look at the boy. "So does this mean that you're giving some thought as to becoming Lo Shin's husband?"

The question caused Ron to miss his next stroke of the knife and nearly sent him tumbling head over heels. "No! It's just a cake," Ron said defensively. "She just seemed really bummed by not spending her birthday at home so I thought that I'd..."

"Relax, I was merely teasing," Perfume said cutting off Ron's rambling defense. "While as an Amazon I would be happy to see Lo Shin succeed and wed, as matriarch I do not feel that adding you to the village is in our best interests."

Ron blinked at that. "So no love potions, weird pressure points or things like that?"

Perfume shook her head. "No. At least not on my part. I believe that your destiny is much too grand for our village to ever contain. And should we even try, it could spell our doom. There is the prophecy to consider after all."

"So then why'd you give Lo Shin the big ol' nod of approval back in the village?" Ron asked.

"There are limits to what one can learn in the village. Shampoo may not admit or even realize it, but her quest to become Ranma's bride has shaped her into a stronger warrior," Perfume explained. She gave Ron a half serious glare. "And if you ever tell anyone I said that, I will deny it."

"So you're hoping that the same happens with Lo Shin. That her experience outside of the village will make her stronger," Ron concluded.

Perfume shrugged. "And who knows? The two of you may yet fall in love."

"Hmm, I wonder what time it is," Ron commented in an attempt to change the direction of the conversation.

Perfume looked up and gauged the sun's position in the sky. "It looks like it's about 7:30."

"What was that?" Ron asked, his knife pausing over the wood.

Perfume looked at Ron. "I said that it's about 7:30 in the morning."

"Ah crap! I'm gonna be late!" Ron cried as he surged to his feet and loped off to grab his books from the house.

"But what about your training?" Perfume called out after his retreating form.

"Later!" Ron promised.

**XXXXX**

It was a typical school day at Middleton High School, despite the visible signs of damage that still scarred the building. In the week since Drakken's attack, the shredded remains of the tanks and robots had been meticulously collected by the military for analysis. That had disappointed some of the students who had wanted a souvenir as a memento of the event. The gaping holes in the school façade had been patched with fresh concrete and plaster, but the replacement flagpole had yet to arrive from the manufacturer. Construction workers currently labored to remove the shattered remains of the covered walkway still embedded in the concrete before they could install the new one and within a couple of days the repairs to the front of the school would be completed.

The gym had been somewhat damaged in the attack, but a good deal of effort had been made to restore it. It would take some time before the walkway could be replaced, but the Gym itself had been repaired as best as possible in the short time since the attack. The gushing water pipes had been replaced and the gaping hole in the wall had been patched.

Of course, the attack on the school had Barkin even more uptight than usual. Had some intrepid soul had the temerity to shove a lump of coal up Barkin's ass, in a few weeks they could have harvested a diamond. Of course, that implied that anyone would've been able to sneak up on the jumpy teacher in the first place. Despite Ron's victory over Drakken, Barkin hadn't eased up any on Ron which the boy thought was patently unfair. If anything Barkin had come down even harder on Ron, piling more work on the boy than he'd ever done before.

Ron twitched and sighed as he looked at his overstuffed school bag and resolved to try his hardest to avoid Barkin, otherwise he'd have to invest in a larger bag. The alternative was unthinkable. One simply did not not do the extra homework that Barkin assigned. The punishment for missing homework was even more homework.Some twisted principle of logic that Ron had yet to decipher. With a grimace and a glower Ron pushed his way into the boy's locker room and twitched yet again when he saw who was finishing getting dressed there.

"Hey Josh," Ron forced himself to say with a congenial seeming wave as he stepped into the locker room, but the other boy merely responded with a frosty glare. "Um, is something wrong?" he asked hesitantly.

"Dude, how can you even ask that?" Josh demanded, his eyes flashing angrily as he drew himself up to his full height to face Ron.

Ron took a half step backwards, utterly confused by the anger Josh was directing at him. Personally Ron found the situation to be completely backward and that he should've been the one leveling the frosty glares and angry words at Josh Mankey. "Because I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about," he answered honestly and Josh seemed to swell in fury at that confession.

"No _idea_?" Josh hissed. "Missiles chased after you, and you dragged me with you and you left me in the pool to drown and you have _no_ _idea_!"

"Ohhhh!" Ron said suddenly, his eyes widening slightly as comprehension dawned on him and his mind raced to find an explanation. "Um, yeah, my, uh... cousin, Rhonda, that's it, was, uh, coming to visit... when, uh, Drakken invaded... and ... uh, she... hid behind the gym... and, uh, pulled you out of the pool. Before I could. Yeah, that's it. That's exactly what happened..."

"Your cousin. Rhonda," Josh said slowly, his fit of anger momentarily defused as he mulled over the new information he had just received.

_Aw, crap. Josh'll never buy a lame story like that,_ Ron thought to himself as he put his best 'I'm-telling-the-whole-truth' grin on his face even as he cast his eyes about for an escape route. He kept a wary eye on the other boy as he slowly began to make his retreat from the locker room.

"Has she said anything about me?" Josh said with eager suddenness as he leaned closer and Ron had to force himself not to shy away, last night's _incident_ still fresh in his mind. "Anything at all?"

"Not that I remember," Ron said hesitantly.

"What kinda music does she listen to? How about food? Or... wait. What's _she_ like?" Josh quickly rattled off a string of questions at the stunned Ron.

Ron shook his head to regain a measure of his composure. "Wait, hold on a sec," he said, holding up a hand to stem the tide of questions pouring from Josh's mouth. "Why do you want to know all this? Don't you already have a girlfriend?"

"Oh, you mean Tara, well, we're sorta on a break," Josh answered with an indifferent shrug.

"Does this have anything to do with last night?" Ron asked suspiciously.

Josh started slightly. "Wait a minute. How did you hear about that? And come to think of it, where were you? I thought Halloween was your thing, man."

Ron stammered briefly. "Um, KP and my cousin told me all about it," he finally managed. "And-and to tell the truth buster I'm not all that happy with you."

"Huh? What did I do?" Josh asked in surprise as he drew back a pace.

"It's what you didn't do, Josh Mankey," Ron answered as he worked on building up a full head of steam and jabbed at the taller boy with an accusing finger. "I mean, do you always go and kiss a girl before you even learn her name? I have my cousin's honor to defend thank you very much!" Ron crossed his arms and gave Josh his best intimidating-overly-protective-cousin glare.

"Hmm, too forward?" Josh mused thoughtfully.

"Um, yeah!" Ron answered with as must sarcasm as he could muster. "I mean you gotta wine her, and dine her and take the lady dancing for God's sake at least before you move in for a kiss!"

Josh sank to his knees and groaned miserably as he buried his head in his hands. "Ugh! She must think I'm a total loser!"

Ron was momentarily taken aback. Those lines were familiar to him for he had used them himself many times before, but he had never in his life would have thought that Josh Mankey would ever think that way about himself.

"Uh, you're not a loser Josh," Ron said hesitantly.

"Oh, yes I am," Josh replied, his head hanging in misery. "I mean I didn't even get to introduce myself and now..." The boy's voice trailed off. "She must hate me."

Ron frowned. He hadn't expected to see Josh like this. The way that he had pictured it in his mind was that Josh would be strutting around like his usual Mankey self, generally pissing Ron off right up until Ron opened up a can of whupass for Josh's presumptuous attitude. Well, maybe not really, but it sure sounded good inside of Ron's head. To hear this sort of self-condemnation; it made the boy seem... well, normal.

"I don't think she hates you," Ron finally admitted haltingly. "I mean, I'm pretty sure she doesn't hate you."

Josh stirred slightly at that. "Huh?"

"I mean, yes, you did kinda step over the line there, well way over the line, but I'm pretty sure that she doesn't _hate_ you."

"Really? Josh asked, hope hanging in his voice.

"Come on! What's not to like. You're Josh Mankey! You're smart! You're cool! You got that whole artsy thing going for you!" Ron said as he extolled the other boy's virtues.

"Yeah, but what good is all that if _she_ doesn't know that," Josh griped.

"Oh, come on. She knows about all that already," Ron absently replied in an attempt to coax the other boy out of his funk.

Josh looked up at Ron hopefully. "How does she know all that?"

Ron swallowed heavily and forced himself not to draw away, but still found he was unable to resist that pathetic, pleading look. "Um, I-I told her," he finished lamely. Still seeing Josh's hopeful expression burning into his face he held up a warding hand and turned his face away in disgust. "Man, just don't look at me like that again. Ever. Ev-er."

"You did? Thanks, dude!" Josh said, his mood making a complete turnaround as he rose to his feet to clap Ron on the shoulder.

"Yeah, sure, no problem," Ron answered flatly.

"Dude! You're the best!" Josh exclaimed as he grabbed Ron in a grateful, comradely embrace.

"Personal space!" Ron squawked indignantly from within Josh's arms.

"Oh, sorry man," Josh said sheepishly as he released Ron.

"So, uh, we cool?" Ron asked tentatively after he made sure to straighten out his shirt.

Josh nodded and grabbed his gym bag. "Yeah man, we're cool. Tell you what I'll even forget about you trying to set me up with that monkey if you do me this one small favor."

"W-waitasec! That was an honest mistake!" Ron retorted indignantly.

"Dude, you tried to set me up with a _monkey_," Josh coolly returned. "Let's face it. You owe me!"

Ron spluttered incomprehensibly for a few minutes as he dwelt on the sheer ingratitude that Josh was displaying. Here he had gone and pulled Josh from the pool and given him (blech) mouth-to-mouth and now the artsy monkey boy was demanding favors. His shoulders sagged in defeat. Of course, unless he wanted to blow the secret of his curse he couldn't tell Josh Mankey all that. "Fine. What do you want?" Ron sighed woodenly.

"Oh, nothing big," Josh answered with a grin. "Just talk me up with your cousin and, uh, maybe set me up on a date with her."

"A DATE!" Ron burst out.

"Well, you said I was supposed to 'wine and dine,'" Josh answered back. "And it'll give me a chance to get to know her and apologize."

"B-b-b-b-b-b-but, w-w-why, h-how," Ron stuttered incomprehensibly.

"I'm counting on you, dude!" Josh tossed over his shoulder as he ran off for his next class.

"What the HELL just happened!" Ron demanded of the now vacant locker room. In frustration he turned to one of the lockers and gave it several satisfying kicks before spinning around and letting himself sag back against the lockers with a final disgusted sigh.

"Why did I do that?" he asked himself out loud, perhaps in the hopes of some answers descending from on high.

When it finally became apparent that no answers, divine or otherwise, were forthcoming, Ron let out another sigh and reached for his bag. There was still cheer practice to consider after all. He rummaged through his gym bag for his Mad Dog head and the rest of his mascot outfit and suddenly yanked his hand clear of the bag with a startled hiss of pain. Putting his injured finger to his mouth Ron tasted the salty tang of his own blood.

"Forgot that was in there," Ron muttered from around his finger as he continued to nurse the wound. He carefully reached into the bag again with his free hand and pulled out his latest attempt at Wood magic. The run home from the park had left him out of breath and gasping and in his haste to get to school on time he had simply tossed everything he'd been carry into his bag.

Ron shrugged his shoulders. "Might as well give it a shot," he muttered to himself as he settled into a lotus position on the concrete floor. He shifted the half completed artifact to his injured hand as he rummaged through his bag again for the carving knife. Unnoticed by Ron, blood from his pricked finger dribbled and ran up against the wood. The beads of crimson liquid pulsed with a glow from within and then rapidly sank into wood, soaked up like water drawn into the heart of a sponge.

"Here we are," Ron finally said as he pulled the carving knife free from the bag and bent to the task of whittling at the wood. He hummed softly as he peeled strips of wood away, revealing the shape that his mind's eye saw lying underneath. As he carved he mulled over his conversation with Josh and his earlier training with Perfume. The more he considered it, the less it seemed that he was in control. He was entirely too passive, he needed more direction in his life. With a final stroke of the knife Ron broke off his musings and looked at the object in his hand.

"Hey," he said in self-congratulatory wonder at the palm sized dog carving. "Hey Rufus, check it out," Ron said as he gave his cargo pocket a nudge.

"Hmm?" Rufus squeaked sleepily as he poked his head out. The naked mole rat scrutinized the carving that Ron proudly held in his hand before returning to the depths of the cargo pocket with a bored shrug.

"Okay, so maybe it's not finished yet," Ron said in response to that unspoken criticism. He drew in a deep breath, cleared his mind and softly began to chant, concentrating on the object in his hand. As he chanted the world fell away, there was no concrete, there was no locker room, there was no school, there only himself and the magic and soon there was only the magic. He lost himself to the currents of the magic as it swirled and eddied around him. He could see the magic swell in his hands as it built to the breaking point and then suddenly it was over.

Whether it was the world that returned to Ron or he to it, he simply couldn't be sure and even with his eyes still closed he became aware that there was something different. Opening his eyes he saw his carving hovering before him, bathed in a soft nimbus of power. He saw now that the aura was subtle and serene, not at all like his earlier attempt. This was what completed magic felt like and he felt a heady rush of accomplishment.

Ron's face cracked into a broad, self-satisfied grin as he grab hold of the enchanted carved fetish and the glow winked out. He was practically bursting with excitement and need to share that with someone. He needed to tell Kim.

**XXXXX**

Kim was frowning as she pulled on her cheerleading outfit. It wasn't that hard for her to figure out what exactly had rubbed her the wrong way. It was the fact that Ron had been acting funny all day. And while Ron acting weird and random was certainly nothing new, it was the fact that Ron had been acting weird and random with Yori. It wasn't that the two of them had done anything where she could see them, but that nagging feeling she had that Ron had been hiding something from her all day just wasn't going away. Sure, Ron seemed normal enough, albeit with a couple of fresh bandages decorating his hands and face and sure, Kim had caught Ron dozing several times in the middle of class, but for the most part that was par for the course when dealing with Ron.

The weird and funny part had happened during lunch. Again, it was nothing overly weird, but still enough to have her weirdar going off. After Latin class Lo Shin had caught up with her and Monique on their way to the cafeteria. As usual the Amazon was on the hunt for Ron which for some reason that Kim was not going to dwell on irked her to no end.

Upon entering the cafeteria, Kim and Lo Shin had found Ron and Yori sitting at a table with trays of the standard cafeteria glop courtesy of cafeteria lady. Kim had twitched briefly upon noticing that Yori was sitting in _her_ seat. Not that her name was written on it, but still. Even more irritating was that Ron and Yori had their heads close together and were whispering to each other conspiratorially. Kim kept watch on the two of them as she processed through the lunch line, but couldn't see them do any more than whisper.

Lo Shin, in typical Amazon fashion, wanted to charge right on in to demand an answer, but Kim managed to prevail upon the younger girl that a little bit of sneakiness was the proper course of action. With trays of standard cafeteria fare in hand, Kim couldn't even recall what had been shoved onto the tray, the two girls made their way over to the table.

"...that she doesn't know yet," Kim's sharp ears managed to catch a snatch of whispered conversation from Yori. Unfortunately, there was no cover to dive behind and continue the surveillance, so it was inevitable that she was spotted. Instantly Ron and Yori clammed up and moved their seats a chaste distance apart. Despite all of her urgings she simply could not get Ron to tell her what the two of them were discussing. In fact Ron was completely evasive about the fact that he and Yori had even been talking. It finally got to the point where Ron rapidly scarfed down his as yet untouched tray of cafeteria glop and fled the room.

All in all, just plain weird. And though Kim had tried to pry answers from Yori, she soon discovered that pulling answers from the Japanese ninja was like stealing gold from Fort Knox. Not impossible per se, but an operation that would require extensive planning and preparation.

Kim would have pestered Ron during their next class, but they had History with Mr. Barkin so that precluded any possibility of conversation during class. Besides Kim felt that she might be able to learn more by simply watching Ron and seeing what he did.

"So you and Josh are on a break?" Kim heard Marcella ask Tara and her eyebrow shot up curiously. This certainly was news to her.

"Well, what else could I do?" Tara answered sourly. "I mean after Crystal told me that she saw him kissing another girl last night. He didn't even try to deny it, just kept babbling on about rescue and destiny."

"What girl?" Liz asked curiously.

"I dunno, ask Kim. She was with her last night," Tara grumbled.

Kim's eyes widened slightly as she realized that they were talking about Ron. "Um, yeah, that was Ron's cousin," she informed the rest of the squad. "She's visiting him for a little while."

Tara perked up slightly at the mention of Ron's name. "So is it just me or is Ron moving up the food chain?" Tara tentatively asked the other cheerleaders.

Kim's attention was instantly drawn the quiet blonde and one could have heard the proverbial pin drop in the silence that followed. Bonnie in particular was staring at the blonde cheerleader as if the girl had suddenly sprouted another head and then launched into a bawdy rendition of 'I'm a little teapot.'

"_Stoppable_?" Bonnie finally asked and Tara nodded timidly at the accusatory tone of the other girl's voice. "You have _got_ to be kidding."

"Well, I mean, he did help save the school and blow up that weirdo freak's tank," Tara explained. "And you have to admit that he does look a little hotter now." Kim noticed that for some reason Tara had sent a wary glance in her direction as she had said that last bit.

"And he blew up half the school too!" Bonnie shot back.

"Bonnie that really wasn't his fault," Kim spoke up on Ron's behalf. "And he has saved your life on a couple of different occasions."

"Kim," Bonnie began in a tone usually reserved for a small child or a particularly stupid pet as she ignored the redhead's point. "You have to face the fact that there is a food chain around here. Sports captains, star players and cheerleaders are at the top of the pecking order." She paused to give Kim a meaningful glance. "Usually," she amended and Kim crossed her arms, returning that same challenging look.

"Then of course we come to the hierarchy of freaks, geeks and losers," Bonnie continued lecturing. "Note. This is where Ron falls, with the losers that hang out in D hall and detention." Bonnie paused again and made sure to catch Tara's eye as well this time. "At the top of _that_ list we have the captain of the chess team, whatever his name is."

"Kevin Gooberman," Kim supplied, decidedly unamused by the direction of Bonnie's commentary.

"What?" Bonnie asked at the interruption

"His name. It's Kevin Gooberman," Kim replied. "His father works with my Mom at the hospital."

Bonnie rolled her eyes and waved Kim's comments off disparagingly. "Whatever. Now as cheerleaders, we shouldn't even know their names, because for us they don't exist. We have nothing at all in common with them."

"That is so – That's all messed up," Kim protested angrily.

"I didn't make the world," Bonnie answered unapologetically. "I just try to live in it."

"Well, I believe that the world is what you make of it, what you make of yourself," Kim said in rebuttal Bonnie's position. "Any person can become more than what they are. Their only limitation is how hard they're willing to work for it."

"Kim, this is the real world we live in. There are no rags to riches Cinderella stories, no fairy godmothers," Bonnie answered with a bored look on her face. "The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can properly take your place in the food chain."

"And just what _is _my place in the food chain?" Kim asked indignantly.

Bonnie pursed her lips thoughtfully. "Well, as captain of the cheer squad you're _supposed_ to be pretty high up there. But when we factor in the fact that you're are such a rookie, no boyfriend to speak of and all that kung fu-ing you do, I'd say you come just after... Sasha Novak."

"Sasha? The new girl on the Tennis team? But she's not even on the cheer squad," Kim protested.

"And that's exactly your place," Bonnie answered smugly.

Kim seethed inwardly at Bonnie and her rival's catty remarks and instantly regretted the fact that she had allowed Bonnie to mess with her head like that. Taking a deep breath, Kim managed to restrain the urge to throttle the brunette.

"Ron's earned the chance to move up your so called food chain," Kim said, returning the conversation to its original track. "He's helped save the world any number of times, managed to save all of us from that mutant Gill on a couple of separate occasions, he's a great cook and... and... he's really a great guy."

"Fine, we'll do it your way," Bonnie said, not sounding at all as if she were capitulating to Kim's arguments. "We'll put it to a vote. All in favor of Ron Stoppable moving up on the food chain?"

Kim instantly raised her hand, staring defiantly at Bonnie all the while. After a few seconds Tara's hand joined hers and Kim could see a few other members of the cheer squad consider the implications and risks of defying Bonnie. Kim silently urged them on as a few hands tentatively opened and began to rise. Unfortunately a crashing noise in the direction of the locker room door diverted everyone's attention at that crucial moment.

Ron Stoppable stood in the doorway, breathing heavily and fairly bouncing with excitement. "Hey KP! I got Wood!" he yelled excitedly as he brandished his first artifact in his left hand.

Normally such an ill thought out phrase would have sent the entire squad into paroxysms of uproarious laughter, but here was a man who dared to intrude where no man ever should. The entire cheer squad as one body charged for the door and their collision with said door sent the intruding male flying into a conveniently stacked pile of pom-poms.

"You want to know why Ron Stoppable isn't a hottie," Bonnie rhetorically asked the other cheerleaders. She whipped an outraged finger at the door they had all just evicted the subject of conversation from. "It's because he keeps doing things like _that!_"

The vote afterwards was a resounding nay.

**XXXXX**

"Ron, you have got to stop saying things like that," Kim advised her friend with a tolerant sigh as she lent him a hand and pulled him free of the pile of pom-poms that had cushioned his landing and was currently working against the boy by drawing him into the center of the mass.

"Sorry KP, but I'm just so wickedly amped!" Ron answered, his eyes fairly burning with excitement. He proudly held out his first successfully enchanted artifact for Kim to inspect.

Kim raised her eyebrows appraisingly as she took hold of the carved wooden talisman. She ran her fingers over the carving of a hunting dog coming to point, marveling at the detail in the piece. Kim felt that with only a touch more imagination she would be holding a miniature cocker spaniel in her hand and running her fingers over its glossy coat. With justone morebreath of life she would be able see the playful gleam in its eyes.

"Ron, this is incredible," Kim finally said and Ron's grin threatened to grow wide enough to split his face in two.

"Yeah, wait till you see what it does," Ron said.

Kim looked over at her best friend. "So what does it do?"

Ron blinked and looked at the talisman Kim held as if seeing it for the first time. "You know, I'm not really sure," he finally answered as he quizzically scratched.

"Ron!" Kim sighed in exasperation. "You mean that you just blew your chance to move up the food chain and–"

"What was that?" Ron interrupted. "Did you just say food chain? What about the food chain? There's a food chain?"

Kim shook her head. The point had certainly been rendered moot by Ron's inopportune entrance to the girls' locker room. "Never mind," she said tersely as she handed Ron back his magical carving. "Maybe you should figure out what this thing does."

Ron held the carving in the palm of his hand studying it momentarily. Finally, he just shrugged his shoulders and said the one thing that seemed natural. "Fetch, boy!"

Amazingly enough the enchanted carving responded to Ron's hesitant command by rising from his palm. The two friends watched in astonishment as the magical artifact rapidly began to spin in place, so fast that all of its intricate details were lost in the blur. After several moments the spinning slowed and the talisman moved closer to Ron, settling itself level with Ron's eyes and its spin took on a more leisurely pace.

"We have cheer practice right now right?" Ron asked suddenly.

Kim merely nodded, unsure as to why Ron would ask that.

"Then I guess it just sorta points where I need to go," Ron hesitantly assumed.

"Ron let me introduce you to something called a compass later," Kim dryly quipped back.

Ron made a face. "Yech. Orienteering class at Camp Wannaweep. And despite the name, very little to do with the Orient. Then there's the ticks–"

"– the poison ivy, the toxic lake, Bobo, Gil with one l, Gill with two l's," Kim finished rattling off the rest of Ron's gripes with an expressive roll of her eyes.

Ron managed to look slightly sheepish as Kim finished his usual diatribe. "Am I that predictable?" he asked.

"Do you want to hit Bueno Nacho after school?" Kim asked flatly in response. At Ron's enthusiastic nod she answered with a firm, "Yes, you are."

Shrugging off Kim's rather accurate assessment, Ron reached out and took hold of the spinning charm. "Mr. Barkin," he commanded out of sheer impulse and watched as the pointer shifted direction and began pointing in the general direction of the school's main building. The pointer's nose drifted back and forth slightly, evidently tracking Barkin's movements as he paced back and forth through the halls of the high school.

"It looks like it can track specific things too," Ron said with a wide grin reminiscent of the Cheshire Cat.

"That could be handy," Kim conceded.

Ron suddenly slapped his forehead. "Oh shoot! I almost forgot! I've been meaning to tell you about this all day. Me and Yori–"

"Kim! Can we get started with practice already?" Bonnie's grating voice interrupted from behind them. Ron hurriedly snatched the magical pointer out of the air and stuffed it into his pants pocket. Bonnie's eyes flicked curiously to where Ron was hunched over in an attempt to disguise the bulge in his pants and her lips turned up into one of her familiar smirks. "Unless of course you're too busy taking care of Ron's 'wood' problem?"

The rest of the squad burst out in a fit of giggles as Kim flushed uncomfortably as she realized how it must actually look to someone just arriving on the scene. The two of them standing conspiratorially close with Ron holding a suspicious bulge in his pants; the fact that the two of them had jumped guiltily when Bonnie had interrupted them; it did not paint a pretty picture.

"Tell me later," Kim said to Ron as she turned her attention to the squad and took charge of the practice. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Ron sneak off toward the boys' locker room to stash his magical artifact.

_Wait a minute,_ Kim thought as she finally processed the last thing that Ron had been telling her. _He and Yori!_

**XXXXX**

Kim kept her distance and watched as Ron cast a furtive look around himself and Yori as he unlocked the door of his house. After school Kim's suspicions were confirmed as she watched Ron meet up with Yori. The secretive manner in which they had then left the school set all sorts of alarms off in Kim's head. Now here they were sneaking into Ron's house, his parents were still off at work and Lo Shin was nowhere around so there they were. Ron and Yori. Alone.

"How did you manage to do all this, Ron-san?" Yori asked as Ron pulled out several cake layers from the fridge.

"Guys' night out," Ron replied simply. "I took care of this all at Felix's house over the weekend and his mom dropped them off while we were at school."

"Very clever," Yori said.

Kim waited until she was sure the Ron and Yori had left the vicinity of the foyer before moving in closer to Ron's house. She tested the front door and was relieved to find it open. Kim listened at the door before moving in, but she was puzzled to hear voices come from the kitchen.

_The kitchen? What are they doing in there?_ Kim wondered as she silently breezed past the doorway. Her position beside the door offered her absolutely no line of sight, but she could certainly hear everything that was going on inside.

"Shh, I know we're alone here, but we should still keep it down," Ron told Yori conspiratorially.

_So Ron _is_ hiding something!_ Kim thought triumphantly as she listened in.

"Of course, Ron-san. A ninja learns very early how to sneak around," Yori answered playfully.

Ron chuckled nervously. "You don't quite have to put it that way."

Yori's eyes flicked from the door to Ron and a mischievous smile spread across her face. A quick look confirmed that Ron still had no idea that they had just been joined by an eavesdropping Kim Possible.

"Show me what else you can do," Yori said encouragingly as she watched Ron deftly pipe the icing across the cake.

_Else!_ Kim fumed silently as she listened to the exchange. _Just what _has_ Ron been showing her!_

"You're so good with your hands," Yori applauded in genuine admiration.

"Practice," Ron nonchalantly answered as he artfully created a flower from the icing. "I mean it's something to do in my free time."

"Do you think that I might give it a try?" Yori asked with an amused grin on her face.

"Yeah, sure. Don't see why not," Ron answered with a shrug as he handed the bag of icing to Yori.

"I've never done this before, Ron-san," Yori said as she took the icing bag and held it gingerly.

"Don't worry, I'll show you what to do. Now you have to hold it gently, but give it a firm stroke," Ron instructed and it was all Yori could do to keep from bursting out in laughter.

"Like this?" Yori asked as she took firm grip on the icing bag and gave it a solid squeeze.

"No, no. A little more gently than that," Ron quickly corrected as he guided Yori's hand. "If you squeeze it too hard it just kinda goes all over the place."

Yori smiled and again flicked a glance to where she knew Kim was eavesdropping. This couldn't have gone better if she had scripted it out beforehand. "Yes, I see, Ron-san. Short, gentle strokes."

"Now you got it!" Ron congratulated Yori as she began to expertly pipe the icing around the edge of the cake. "You're doing it like a pro now!"

From where she was eavesdropping, Kim was nearly incandescent with fury.

"But we have left the kitchen in such a mess," Yori protested as she pointed to the counter.

Ron waved the protests off. "Don't worry about. A couple of paper towels and it'll be all right."

"It looks so good. It's a pity I can't sneak a taste," Yori sighed in honest regret.

Ron chuckled. "Ask and ye shall receive. I suppose I could give you a little sample right now," Ron said with a suggestive waggle of his eyebrows as he pulled out a smaller, sample-sized cake baked just for this moment. It was a precaution that he'd taken several times before; divert the help (or Rufus) with a sample so that they'd leave the finished goods alone.

"Oh my, Ron-san. This is too much," Yori gasped. "Wherever shall I put it all?"

"Just open your mouth, the rest will follow," Ron said sagely as he handed the girl a fork.

Kim pressed her hands to flaming red cheeks as she could just see in her mind's eye what Ron was doing with Yori and in the kitchen no less. _I've eaten in that kitchen!_ Kim thought furiously

"Ohh, that's just perfect." Yori moaned appreciatively as she bit into the luscious cake.

Ron gave Yori a funny look at her almost sensuous moan, but quickly shrugged it off. While he had been in charge of the cafeteria he'd certainly seen similar reactions, but he had just chalked it up to the fact that there was real food being served for lunch. Ron sighed pensively. Those had certainly been the days, when he could share his talent with the public. Pity about the health inspectors though. It might be something to explore after graduation though.

"I must confess that I'm a little jealous," Yori admitted as she looked at the nearly finished cake.

"Oh, don't be," Ron replied absently as he arranged the chocolate leaves on the cake. "There's plenty to go around. Besides, I do it for KP all the time."

_**WHAT**!_ _Now that was going too far!_ Kim sprang to her feet and charged into the kitchen.

"Ron!" Kim yelled as she charged into the kitchen ready to smite Ron for his transgressions.

"Oh, hey, KP," Ron said calmly as he put the finishing touches on the chocolate layer cake.

Kim's mouth opened and closed several times before she was able to find her voice. "That's a cake," she finally said as she pointed at Ron's masterpiece.

"Yeah, it's for Lo Shin's birthday. Didn't I tell you?" Ron said innocently.

Again Kim couldn't find the words as she processed the sight of Ron working on a chocolate birthday cake and Yori standing an appropriate distance away, a fist held to her mouth to contain the laughter. Abruptly it dawned on Kim just what had happened here and her eyes narrowed as they zeroed in on the ninja.

"Yeah, I think you did mention it," Kim answered absently as she glared at Yori.

"Well, Perfume has Lo Shin with her, but they should be back very soon," Ron explained as he turned his attention back to the cake.

With slow, deliberate steps Kim crossed the intervening distance between herself and the ninja girl. "I _will_ get you for that," she promised Yori in a low voice, her cheeks still flushed with anger and embarrassment.

Yori inclined her head slightly in acknowledgement, her eyes twinkling with barely suppressed mirth. "For what, Kim?" she asked with exaggerated innocence. "Ron-san and I were merely decorating a cake. I cannot help it if you... misunderstood."

Ron looked up at that and saw Kim and Yori facing off with each other. "Um, am I missing something?" he asked, as clueless as ever.

Kim scowled, unwilling to reveal just what had been going through her mind as she spied on Ron or even the fact that she had been spying. With some degree of effort she regained her composure long enough to give Ron an answer. "Nope, you haven't missed a thing, Ron."

**XXXXX**

The surprise went off without a hitch when Perfume arrived back at the Stoppable home with Lo Shin in tow. The young Amazon had been suitably surprised by the cake decorated with candles that Ron had prepared for her. Ron's mother had even arrived home in time for the festivities as well.

"I-I had no idea," Lo Shin gasped.

Ron grinned. "That's the whole point of a _surprise_ party," he explained. "Now you have to make a wish. But don't tell us or it won't come true."

Lo Shin dutifully closed her eyes and drew in a breath... as the exterior wall of the Stoppable dining room exploded inward and both Kim and Yori flipped away from the table, prepared to do battle with whatever might come through the opening. As the dust began to settle a blur flashed through the opening in the wall and landed right on the table, destroying both it and the cake.

"Aah! My masterpiece!" Ron wailed as all the celebrants were splattered with the remains of the painstakingly crafted layer cake.

"The insurance company is never going to believe this," Mrs. Stoppable commented numbly.

"Lo Shin! I challenge!" the party crasher shouted over the clamor. Kim noticed that their attacker was just a young, scruffy looking Chinese boy about the age of a freshman. On his back the boy carried something that resembled an old style apothecary cabinet that very nearly out massed the boy. The boy's face and clothing looked as if they hadn't been washed in a long time and it appeared that he'd been traveling for a long time.

Lo Shin had her head bowed and a low chuckle could be heard coming from her direction. With a slightly trembling hand, she wiped her face clean of the cake that had splattered her. "Chin Kang, what are you doing here?" she asked in a quiet voice.

"I man who be your groom," Chin Kang answered, still waiting for Lo Shin to take up his challenge.

"Year after year you challenge me and it always ends the same way," Lo Shin said slowly, her eyes still downcast. "I am not going to marry you."

"Law say if I win, then you be my bride," Chin Kang responded stubbornly.

Lo Shin bristled and finally looked up at her tormentor with furious eyes. "And the law says that if another man defeats me in battle then I cannot be challenged!"

Chin Kang drew back a pace at that announcement. "Already... married?" the young Chinese boy asked plaintively.

"Yes! So go home Chin Kang!" Lo Shin ordered vehemently.

Chin Kang's eyes traversed the entire room, searching for the man that must have defeated the woman who was destined to be his bride. His eyes fell upon Ron and his nostrils flared wide as he puffed out his chest and strutted over to where Ron was still bemoaning the loss of his cake.

"You! I challenge!" the boy Lo Shin had identified as Chin Kang shouted as he drew back his fist.

"Huh? You want to fight me?" Ron asked quizzically.

"I man who marry Lo Shin!" Chin Kang shouted as if that statement explained everything.

"Marry? But you're like twelve years old," Ron pointed out.

"We fight now!" the young Chinese intruder yelled again as he took a menacing step forward.

"Now Ronnie, you can't get into a fist fight with someone littler than you," Mrs. Stoppable admonished her son.

Ron turned his head toward his mother. "I wasn't going to fight the kid, Mom," he answered defensively.

"GUT BUSTER PUNCH!" Chin Kang roared as he suddenly launched his attack while Ron's attention was diverted and everyone around the table winced sympathetically as the blow landed.

Ron's face was screwed up in agony as he fixed the glaring Chinese boy in his sights. "My gut... is higher," he finally managed to squeak out.

"I am won! Lo Shin now my bride!" Chin Kang declared as Ron toppled over with a pained grunt and the triumphant boy proudly held out his hand to the young Amazon.

"_Cao ni zu zong shi ba dai_!" Lo Shin growled furiously as she grabbed a fistful of the boy's tunic and bodily slammed Chin Kang through the remains of the dining room table and planted him several inches into the floor. With one last frustrated grunt Lo Shin turned and fled through the shattered wall.

"I will talk with her," Yori volunteered just before she raced after the fleeing Chinese girl.

Kim stared at the chaotic scene before her, unsure of what to do first. Setting her priorities in order she knelt beside Ron just as the Kimmunicator went off in its traditional four tone beep. Kim irritably blew a stray wisp of hair out of her face as she marveled at Wade's impeccable timing. Just five minutes earlier...

"What's the sitch, Wade?" Kim said as she keyed the pocket device to life.

"Kim, we just got a hit on the site," Wade informed her. "Looks like Duff Killigan is up to no good."

"Got a ride for us?" Kim asked as she glanced over to assess Ron's condition.

"And a bag of frozen peas!" Ron demanded in a strangled voice as he struggled to lift himself off the floor.

"Peas? What does Ron need peas for?" Wade asked.

"Long story," Kim answered with a roll of her eyes. "Forget about the peas. I'm sure that Ron's got some in his freezer."

"Well, your ride should be there in a few minutes," Wade said, shrugging off his curiosity about Ron's dilemma.

"Do they have peas?" Ron asked plaintively.

Kim rolled her eyes. "Actually, I just got an idea," she said as she spied a glass of water that had somehow remained mostly full despite all the chaos that had so recently ensued. Mentally crossing her fingers she then upended the glass on the immobile Ron.

"Oh, the pain, the agony, the–" Ron-chan suddenly sat up, curious about the absence of the very things that she'd been moaning about. "Hey. I'm all better."

"Well, whadyaknow, it actually worked," Kim marveled.

"Huh, wanna run that by me again?" Ron-chan asked in confusion.

Kim coughed apologetically and blushed. "Um, as a girl, your, uh, 'gut' is different," she explained, turning a deeper shade of red.

"Oh!" Ron-chan gasped as she too began to blush. "You know one of these day we're gonna have to figure out how that works."

"Want me to run a few tests?" Wade offered.

Ron-chan made a horrified face. "No! No needles!"

"So what's Killigan up to?" Kim asked, now that Ron's 'problem' had been dealt with she could concentrate on the mission at hand.

"This is Liona Forrest," Wade said as his picture replace by a video image of a blonde golfer putting a ball across the green.

"Hey, nice putt!" Ron-chan whistled as she peered over Kim's shoulder.

"Excuse me?" Kim asked flatly meeting Ron-chan's eyes.

"What? I was admiring her putt!" Ron-chan answered defensively as she recoiled away from Kim's baleful expression.

"She's a rising star of the LPGA and she's been doing some development on a novelty gift for the next Father's Day season," Wade hurriedly pressed on with his briefing.

"So what's she developing? I could use a gift idea for Father's Day," Ron-chan asked, wilting only slightly under Kim's scrutiny.

"It's a programmable golf ball that uses compressed air jets to make a hole in one," Wade explained as specs for the purloined device flashed on the Kimmunicator's screen. "Killigan stole the plans and prototypes."

"If Killigan combines that with his exploding golf balls," Kim mused.

"It would be a major catastrophe," Wade finished.

"Not to mention what it'll do for my Father's Day gift plans," Ron-chan added.

"Ron, you didn't have any plans," Kim groaned.

"Well, I do now," Ron-chan answered defensively.

Kim sighed and rubbed at her temple with a frown. "Wade, when's our ride going to get here?"

Next: Love Potion No. Yikes!

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing!

This chapter was a challenge to me as likely will be the next couple of months in story time. Who knows how long that'll take in real time? Oy. I keep getting distracted by the ending chapters. It may be that I'll have to write those out first and then come back to these chapters. Oh bother. Though I think I finally got what Lucas was saying about not liking beginnings.

You might have recognized the chant Ron was using. It comes from Jackie Chan adventures. Andthe wooden bloodhound will become very useful later on, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

The scene with Yori in the kitchen was primarily inspired by Nadesico where Uribatake and Hikaru are working on their models, but it sounds incredibly dirty. Heh heh heh.

The phrase in Chinese? I was doing some research on Firefly and came across some translations of Chinese swears. Apparently that one is a bad one and says to "screw 18 generations of your ancestors," or something close to that and a lot less polite. You do the math and I'd advise not repeating that near any Chinese people.

Chin Kang's origins will be explained later; suffice it to say that he is not an Amazon.

Liona Forrest? Tiger Woods. Get it? Well, I thought it was funny.

The mission dealing with Duff Killigan will most likely become a sidestory for eventual posting later. I think.


	6. Chapter 5: Love Potion No Yikes!

Ron ½ Book 2: Middleton Mayhem  
By Parareru

Disclaimer: Kim Possible is owned by the Disney Corporation. –So let's see some season DVD sets already!— She's been given a new lease on life. Booyah!  
Ranma ½ is owned by Rumiko Takahashi and distributed by Viz.

This is a continuation of Ron ½. Please read that first, otherwise you may end up being hopelessly lost. Tsk, tsk. You just had to believe Ryoga when he said he knew how to get you home.

A/N: Long chapter this time around and some ... well, not lemon, not lime, maybe a little artificial lemonadey stuff about halfway through. Best be safe and not sorry so this disclaimer's here.

Chapter 5: **Love Potion No. Yikes! **

Fear.

It is a primal force that hearkens back to humanity's primitive days of savagery, the trigger to the so called fight or flight reflex. Two men, more or less of the same physical and psychological condition, when confronted by the same stimulus could have completely opposite reactions. One charges forward to grapple with the source of his fear and the other chooses instead to flee for safety.

There are many things that can cause fear and in varying degrees. For example, a trip to the dentist might cause some tightening around the eyes in an adult, while a child might wail and cower in terror. Clowns evoke many responses in both young and old, from frightened tears to uproarious laughter. Many of our fears can be avoided or, if the need arises, dealt with.

However, Ron Stoppable was something of a unique case; a teen with a list of fears as long as his arm, ranging from tiny insects to mechanical horses to mutant campers in a toxic lake to monkeys to man-eating mutant octopi. Yet even in the face of those handicaps he faithfully stood by the side of his oldest and truest friend, Kim Possible. It wasn't that when he was with Kim that he was fearless. Quite the opposite actually for Kim's hero work often brought Ron face to face with many of his fears and had him literally shaking in his cargo pants. One would naturally assume that facing his fears on a nearly daily basis would enable Ron to somehow cope with those fears and in a way he has, but each time there is the child inside of him that wants to nothing except scream and gibber in the face of those fears.

And while that in and of itself might qualify Ron Stoppable as one of the bravest men on the planet, to act and stand his ground when every fiber of his being screamed to run, he was still just a mortal man with all too mortal fears. What he felt this day went beyond fear, what Ron felt was stark naked terror that turned his bones to rubber and squashed what little courage he could muster like a tiny, insignificant little bug.

"P-Please! M-MERCY!" Ron pleaded, hoping against hope to win a reprieve from the horrific fate that currently awaited him. He knew deep in his heart that there was little to no hope of escape, but he needed to try this one last gambit. All of mankind demanded that he try it. And if he should fall, then perhaps another would learn from his mistakes and someday succeed where he had not. He repeated his plea again in the hope that perhaps God above would finally take pity upon him and strike him down with a bolt of lightning before he was forced to endure the most horrific of all tortures.

Kim sighed, grimaced and finally slammed her palm against the table of their usual booth at Bueno Nacho making the little globs pf cheese that still adorned Ron's tray quiver from the impact. "Ron, it's only a little shopping!" she protested, a slight blush forming on her cheeks at the scene Ron was making. From the way Ron and Rufus were both carrying on, it sounded if she had them dangling over a vat of acid rather than trying to get them to agree to a simple shopping excursion.

She didn't really know why she was even blushing. Ron acted much like this every single time she brought up shopping. Mention the mall and Ron was fine. Mention SmartyMart and Ron's eyes would light up like a Christmas tree. But as soon as Kim strung together the words 'clothes' and 'shopping' he went all to pieces on her.

Kim let out another sigh, this time out of irritation. She had the day all planned too. To gain Ron's cooperation on their last mission she had promised to buy Ron a mucho grande sized lunch from Bueno Nacho that weekend. True to her word she'd paid for the heavily laden tray and half expected the table to sag from the weight. In the middle of Ron's fourth chimerito she had laid out her plan for the day. Meet up with Monique right after lunch and then spend the day shopping, shopping, shopping!

At which point Ron had promptly broken down and created the scene that they currently found themselves in.

"Please! MERCY!" Ron begged again, this time bowing his head and holding his hands pressed together before him in supplication to a higher power.

"Mercy!" Rufus squeaked as well, taking his cues from Ron, even going so far as to mimic his owner's actions.

Kim drummed her fingers irritably against the table. Ron was so busy trying to get out of shopping that he hadn't even finished off his lunch! She looked over at Ron where he was still begging and pleading and she wondered if she really wanted to put up with this all day long. In all honesty she'd have a much more productive day with just Monique, but occasionally it was nice to simply get a man's opinion.

Kim's blush rose higher on her cheeks as she jerked upright in her seat. Since when had she started to consider Ron as a man? Th-that just wasn't the way things were between them. Sure, technically speaking he was a man, well, for the moment at least and until he came into contact with some cold water, but he was _Ron_! It was just plain unnatural for her to think of Ron like that.

Kim quickly shook her head to banish the strange thoughts that had taken up residence there and decided to switch tactics. If bullying Ron into shopping wasn't going to work, then she'd just have to play it a little sneakier.

"Please, Ron," Kim said as she fidgeted and twisted in her seat and pulled out her secret weapon that had never failed her before, her unbeatable Puppy Dog Pout. There was simply no way in either heaven or on earth that Ron could say no to that.

"MER–" Ron broke off his entreaty at the sudden and unexpected change in Kim's voice. His eyes flicked upwards in bewildered curiosity and froze in terror as his eyes encountered a sight that he had not seen in a good long while.

"WAAAAH!" Ron screamed loudly in panic as he executed the only defense he could think of to ward off Kim's patented Puppy Dog Pout. As quickly as he could, he grabbed the edge of his mostly empty tray and flipped it upward as a shield. Hands were far too easy to peek from behind and he was certain that prolonged exposure to the Puppy Dog Pout would cause a complete and irreversible erosion of his will power.

"**_RON_**!" Kim shrieked and Ron shrank reflexively against the booth cushion as he went a shade paler. Kim's tone had flipped once again from coy and beguiling to absolutely furious. But that comparison seemed so inadequate. It was like trying to pass a candle off as a bonfire. Kim sounded so horribly mad that best friend or not, Ron felt certain that he was in for a world of hurt.

"Uh oh," Rufus squeaked and scrambled off the table to hide back in Ron's pocket. While Ron had cowered behind his makeshift shield, Rufus had an unobstructed view of Kim and the naked mole rat did not like what he saw.

"Eek! That bad?" Ron whimpered fearfully as Rufus deserted the field of battle and gave him a quick, terrified nod before vanishing into the dubious safety of Ron's cargo pocket.

Ron took a moment to valiantly swallow the huge lump that had formed in his throat, ignored the sweat that beaded up on his brow and slowly lowered the tray, cringing expectantly all the while. He peeked over the edge of the tray and he cringed even further as a cold, nervous sweat beaded upon on his brow. He desperately resisted the urge to throw the tray he held in his hands back up as a shield seeing as how he had gotten into this mess in the first place and Kim would certainly not view that act very kindly at all.

Kim sat across from Ron in frosty silence, drenched and spattered with the remains of Ron's half-eaten lunch. She sat there, perfectly still, as one particularly large gobbet of nacho cheese found sufficient mass to drip from the end of her hair to the table with a quiet splat. Kim didn't notice. She was too busy glaring at Ron to notice the cheese that spattered her hair, face and chest. Nor did she notice the ice cold soda soaking through her hair and blouse. No, she didn't notice any of those things in the slightest. If looks could kill, best friend or not, Ron Stoppable would have been cold, dead, buried and fossilized underneath the glaciers of Antarctica.

"KP, I am _so_ sorry!" Ron squeaked in profuse apology. The empty tray fell with a loud clatter on the table and happened to fall on a spoon, flinging another glob of partially congealed cheese onto Kim's chest. Ron winced as he slowly picked up his napkin, which had miraculously escaped soiling and held it out to Kim as a peace offering. Kim's eyes flicked from Ron's slightly sick, apologetic half smile to the napkin in Ron's hand and then back up to Ron's face, but she made no move to take the woefully inadequate piece of paper from him.

"Ron... When you see Monique..., tell her that... I'll meet her at the mall and that... I might be... a little bit... late," Kim said in a quiet and deceptively neutral tone as she coolly rose from the table, well aware that all attention in the Tex-Mex fast food restaurant was focused upon her. Only a slight tremor in her clenched fists gave any indication to the fury that seethed underneath that calm exterior.

"I'm sorry, Kim!" Ron cried as Kim quietly began to walk away.

Kim twitched at Ron's apology and froze suddenly with a slight tremble as if her body was fighting to contain all of the conflicting forces that suddenly clashed within her slight frame. It was only for a moment and when it was had passed Kim resumed her determined march out of Bueno Nacho and away from Ron. Some measure of her control had obviously eroded away as she allowed herself an irritated growl and her previously calm steps degenerated into a series of furious stomps.

"KP!" Ron wailed as he watched Kim storm out of Bueno Nacho, who just barely managed to restrain herself from kicking the doors open and ripping them off their hinges on her way out.

"That-that-that-that-that... _man_!" Kim finally snarled to herself, her body fairly quivering in rage as her mind refused to come up with any other more suitable epithet.

"Oh, I am _so_ dead," Ron groaned as he hung his head in utter shame.

"Uh huh, dead," Rufus agreed, emerging from the pocket now that things were relatively safe.

"That one very angry girl," Chin Kang commented from behind Ron's shoulder causing Ron to jump in surprise.

"Oh great! Can this day get any worse!" Ron complained as he threw his hands up in disgust and asked rhetorically of the heavens. He cast a baleful, suspicious look at the young teen that had so recently caused so much trouble for him.

**XXXXX**

– _a few days earlier_ –

The tree house in the back of the Stoppable yard shook and swayed in a manner that had little to do with the wind. The aged wooden structure of Kim and Ron's childhood refuge creaked and groaned in protest of the activity within. Inside the sounds of a struggle could be heard, with the participants occasionally becoming quite vocal. To a hypothetical outside observer it sounded as if a wrecking crew had taken to the notion of demolishing the rickety structure from the inside out. Said outside observer looking up at the only visible entrance to the tree house would suddenly be greeted by the sight of a khaki clad buttocks a moment before gravity reintroduced those buttocks to the soft turf beneath the tree.

"OW!" Ron cried out as he fell against the turf under the tree with a thump. He hissed in pain as he alternately rubbed at his stinging forehead and aching backside and looked at the tree house – his tree house – with blazing eyes.

He and Kim had successfully derailed Duff Killigan's plan for general mayhem, a distinction that he'd been attempting to convince Kim of with little success. After all, remote controlled exploding golf balls had very little to do with world domination. Now turning Japan into a personal golf course... that was real villainy. It had a certain elegant flair to it in a wrong sort of way. After all, once you've covered an island nation in all that grass, who would you get to mow that lawn? In Ron's own, not exactly humble opinion, kidnapping a rising golf star and attempting to steal the design and prototypes of a holiday novelty gift item fell into the category of general mayhem. Well, the kidnapping part was a bit villainous, but the _real_ crime was that Duff Killigan was a Scotsman to the bone and as such went commando under his kilt. Kim had adamantly refused to hear anything more on that subject.

Ron shuddered at the memory and shook his head, wanting to purge thoughts and images of their last mission from his mind. He had felt a general need to reassert his manhood and decided that plinking a few cans with his trusty slingshot would do the trick nicely. No sooner than he had ascended the ladder of his old childhood hangout had he been accosted by the same juvenile party crasher that had laid Ron flat on his back with a well timed sucker punch below the belt. Even now Ron felt a phantom stab of pain from his so recently injured manhood and pride.

"Dammit! That's my slingshot!" Ron yelled furiously as he hopped back to his feet, prepared to swarm up the rickety ladder and forcibly evict the unwelcome tenant.

"All is Chin Kang's now!" Chin Kang yelled back defiantly as he prepared to fire off another round. "Go 'way!"

Ron heard an elderly sigh behind him and he turned slightly to see that Perfume had joined him at the base of the tree.

"You might as well give up. That boy can be more stubborn than a mule at times. Believe me, I know," Perfume advised Ron with another sigh as they prudently retreated to a relatively safe distance. The Amazon matriarch rolled her eyes in disbelief. She had wondered what Chin Kang was going to do after Lo Shin had rejected the younger boy yet again. Perfume had suspected that the boy, if stubborn enough to track Lo Shin all the way from China to America wasn't going to simply going to pack up and meekly return to his village. There were times that she hated being right.

"Just what is his damage anyways?" Ron grumbled as he plunked himself a relatively safe distance out of slingshot range, nursing at his wounded forehead all the while. Perfume herself had little to fear from the juvenile Chinese alchemist. The boy would have to be bordering on the insane to launch an unwarranted attack on an Amazon matriarch. But a little prudence never hurt and she wasn't entirely sure that Chin Kang could resist the temptation of flinging another stone in Ron's direction.

"Four years ago, Chin Kang happened to be delivering a packet of herbs from his grandfather in the Yakusai village to Cologne," Perfume began by way of explanation.

"Erbs," Ron suddenly interrupted.

Perfume blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Erbs. It's pronounced 'erbs.' You don't say the 'h.'"

Perfume pursed her lips as she gave her apprentice a decidedly unamused look which was returned by Ron's utterly guileless and earnest expression. And while she had agreed to refrain from casually meting out punishment in the traditional Amazon manner, one had to concede that at times the boy oh so deserved it.

"Now as I was saying..." Perfume continued with a pointed look at the boy as he nursed rap on the top of his head. "Cologne didn't travel there anymore, at least not as often as she used to, mostly because Shampoo kept getting into fights with a pair of local girls. I always thought that she was a little too friendly with Chin Kang's grandfather, but that's another matter entirely. Anyway, Lo Shin was twelve at the time and very independent for her age since Mousse was always chasing after Shampoo. Of course, as luck would have it, Lo Shin and Chin Kang happened to run into each other just after the boy witnessed a marriage match taking place. I think you can guess what happened next."

"Precocious little bugger, isn't he," Ron groused and then looked back at the tree. "But that still doesn't explain what he's doing in MY tree house!"

"Is MINE now!" Chin Kang yelled back just as vehemently.

Perfume shrugged. "I suppose the boy needed somewhere to live. At least until he gives up on Lo Shin."

"So how long is that going to take?" Ron asked plaintively.

Perfume shrugged again. "I don't know. But think about it this way. Would you rather have that boy as a roommate?"

Ron shivered as an icy trickle of fear coursed down his spine and an image of Chin Kang standing over his sleeping body with a knife raised high formed in his mind. He lightly tapped the pocket Rufus slept in. "We're locking the doors and windows at night, okay buddy," he informed the naked mole rat once his companion had poked his head free of the pocket.

Rufus shrugged unconcernedly and agreed readily enough. "Okay."

"Still you should be careful around him," Perfume advised. "The boy sees you as his chief rival."

"Great. I have a 12 year old as a rival," Ron grumbled as he rested his chin in his hand.

"I thirteen!" Chin Kang corrected heatedly. For good measure he also sent a pebble sailing Ron's way courtesy of Ron's slingshot.

"Who the hell cares!" Ron yelled back, unfortunately turning just as the missile collided with his already injured forehead.

"OW! Oh man! That's gonna leave a mark!"

**XXXXX**

"Not fight. Came to talk," Chin Kang said holding his hands up innocently and devoted himself to a brief clean up effort on the soiled side of the booth.

"You're not going to give me a gut busting kick are you?" Ron asked suspiciously as Chin Kang slid into the seat that Kim had vacated.

"I... sorry... for trouble," Chin Kang mumbled reluctantly as if each word were being dragged from his mouth by a team of horses.

Ron blinked at the unexpected apology. "Uh, care to repeat that?"

"I sorry," Chin Kang said again. "Not mean to cause so much trouble."

Ron was stunned into silence. He had expected many things. Most of his expectations had to do with Chin Kang launching some sort of attack upon his person and thereby supplant Ron as Lo Shin's fiancé. The simple expedient of explaining that by Amazon law Ron wasn't technically engaged to Lo Shin seemed to have little effect. Now that Ron thought about it, it might have had something to do with the fact that Lo Shin had translated for him in order to get that point across. He'd have to remember to have a talk with her about that when he got home.

However, it just wasn't in Ron's nature to hold a grudge. And he couldn't very well pound the little brat for past grievances. He could just hear his mother commenting now, 'but Ronnie he's littler than you.' It was like evil cousin Sean all over again. Only this time as a permanent neighbor. Not to mention that cousin Reuben just announced his engagement. He was so not looking forward to that wedding and fervently hoped that Sean and Chin Kang never met. With a sigh he brushed aside all those concerns and decided to be the bigger man. Well, figuratively as well as literally.

"Well, if you're really serious about making peace, then who am I to argue?" Ron offered magnanimously. By his side, Rufus regarded the Chinese teen with a good measure of skepticism.

"You really mean that what say?" Chin Kang asked with wide eyed enthusiasm. "I get you drink, okay? Make nice nice," Chin Kang said as he grabbed Ron's cup and ran up to the counter.

"You know, maybe I misjudged the little guy," Ron commented to Rufus.

"Hmm," Rufus hummed noncommittally, his keen eyes keeping watch.

Chin Kang was faintly burbling with barely suppressed excitement as he struggled to keep the bounce from his step. That his rival had believed his intentions of making peace was of no surprise to him. His rival seemed like the naively trusting sort, typical of this decadent Western world.

The Chinese youth grinned widely as he furtively looked around to make sure that no one was watching him and pulled out a vial of thick crimson liquid that he had secreted in his tunic. The magic potion he was using was from a secret family recipe guaranteed to make the recipient fall in love with first person of the opposite sex that the victim made eye contact with. Grandfather had expressly forbidden him to use it, but desperate times called for desperate measures or something like that. After all, if Grandfather hadn't really wanted him to use the formula he wouldn't have left it in the grimoire hidden under the loose floorboard underneath the bed. True, cousins Link and Pink didn't have the formula either, but Grandfather had given them the shrieking mandrake seeds when they were four! Fair was fair after all.

Firmly Chin Kang poured the vial into the empty cup before passing it across the counter. "Fill with soda please," Chin Kang politely requested.

Ned winced in sympathy for Ron as he took the cup and filled it at the soda machine. Technically Bueno Nacho had a no free refill policy, but Ron looked like he could use a drink to brace himself after that blow up with Kim. Considering all the money Ron shelled out in the Middleton franchise, not to mention the proceeds from his Naco creation, Ned felt justified in giving Ron _one_ free drink.

"Xie xie!" Chin Kang said as he took the soda and turned to his target. With a sudden muffled pop, the lid of the soda burst off from foamy overpressure and the youth stared at the spiked soda in consternation as it hissed and foamed evilly in his hand. "Not supposed to do that," the Chinese alchemist muttered in puzzlement. He was about to throw the concoction away and start over when the reaction finally subsided, leaving a cup of ordinary looking soda. Unknown to both instigator and intended target the potion had undergone a chemical reaction with carbon dioxide in the soda, altering the love potion's properties ever so slightly, but with drastic effect.

"Here you go," Chin Kang said with a pleased grin as he returned to the booth and handed the spiked beverage to his unwitting victim. It didn't really matter to him which girl Ron Stoppable fell in love with, just so long as it wasn't Lo Shin.

"Hey, did they change brands of soda on me?" Ron asked curiously as he sucked on the straw. He smacked his lips a couple of times and looked curiously over at Chin Kang who suddenly seemed to split into a series of hazy multiples. "It tastes a little funnnnneeeeeee—" Finally, his chin rolled down to his chest and within moments some light snoring could soon be heard.

"Hm? Why fall sleep?" Chin Kang muttered at this odd reaction. According to Grandfather's notes the potion should have taken effect immediately. The boy poked at Ron's shoulder several times, but failed to elicit a response. Chin Kang's eyes shifted from side to side as a mischievous thought percolated in his mind and he pulled a marker, pilfered from the Stoppable house, from his sleeve in preparation to doodle on his sleeping rival.

"Ahem!" Rufus coughed, his arms crossed and his foot tapped the table as he gave the Chinese boy a warning glare.

Chin Kang chuckled uneasily as he replaced the cap of the marker and put it away. "Is only joke," he said by way of explanation as he began to back away from the booth.

The novice Chinese alchemist rocked on his heels uncertainly. While he desperately wanted to watch and make sure that the potion took effect as advertised he also wanted to get another look at the grimoire safely stored at the tree house about the unexpected reaction. Finally, professional curiosity won out and Chin Kang decided to leave Ron Stoppable to his fate.

"Rude much," Monique remarked as a small Chinese kid hastily pushed past her, nearly knocking her over. If she had more time she'd have given the kid a lesson in manners, but as it was she was already late meeting Ron and Kim at Bueno Nacho. The two of them must have finished their lunch already and were ready to hit the stores.

Monique slowed and drew to a complete halt as she reached Kim and Ron's usual booth. Ron was sitting there as usual, but sound asleep, which sort of was, but not at Bueno Nacho, not when there was food to be eaten. The table itself looked like a burrito or rather a whole stack of burritos had exploded there. Kim was conspicuously missing, but Monique thought she saw the remains of what must have been Kim's lunch beneath the spatter zone.

Rufus hopped up and down insistently as Monique approached, alternately jabbing a paw at the soda in front of Ron and the boy that had recently pushed past her.

"Ron!" Monique said, giving the blond a little shake on the shoulder. "Wake up!"

"Grande size chimerito combo, extra Diablo sauce," Ron mumbled into his sternum. His eyelids twitched slightly as if in preparation to waking up, but instead he settled deeper into the cushions with a soft snuffling snore.

Monique crossed her arms and tapped her chin with a manicured finger thoughtfully. The boy was out cold and probably could have slept through an explosion. But if she knew anything about Ron, there was one thing absolutely guaranteed to wake him up.

"Hey Ron! Free Nacos!" she yelled into the sleeping boy's ear and stepped back, expecting that the phrase would instantly rouse the slumbering Ron.

"Hmm, Nacos?" Ron said curiously as he blearily opened his eyes. He worked his tongue around his mouth, puzzled by the odd cottony taste.

Rufus chattered insistently as he urgently pointed to the cup of doctored soda.

"Oh yeah, that'd help this cotton mouth, buddy," Ron said gratefully as he grabbed for the soda.

Rufus growled in frustration as Ron's hand reached for the soda that had knocked him out only moments earlier. Springing into action, the naked mole rat quickly scampered over to the insidious beverage and, with a firm shove, knocked it over.

"Hey! Rufus! I was going to drink that!" Ron admonished his tiny companion.

Rufus hopped up and down chattering his own admonishments at his rather obtuse owner. Ron leaned forward, lowering his head so he could stare Rufus in the eye and growled his displeasure. Not to be outdone Rufus leaned forward as well and returned an equally challenging growl.

"So where's Kim?" Monique asked with a smile on her lips, watching the byplay between human and naked mole rat as she slipped unnoticed into the vacant seat across from Ron. Surprisingly, the bench seemed to have escaped the spattered mess that liberally decorated the table.

"Oh, hey Monique! When'd you get here?" Ron asked, raising his head in surprise, only now registering the fact that he once again had company at his booth.

Monique stared helplessly into the depths of Ron's eyes, mesmerized by what she saw in there. Her breath caught in her throat and her heart pounded as she wondered why she hadn't seen how manly and sexy Ron was before. The way his cow lick refused to be kept down was a symbol of the man himself. The clothes that he always wore – it just meant that he was constant and dependable. He was good with animals. Ron Stoppable was the perfect MAN!

Ron groaned as he looked at the mess littering the table. With a listless sigh he picked up the still pristine napkin that Kim had so ruthlessly rejected and began to mop up the table in an attempt to restore some order to the chaos. Rufus gave up on trying to inform Ron about the spiked beverage he had recently consumed and decided to help Ron with the cleanup.

With a longing sigh Monique watched Ron engage himself with those manly domestic duties and lamented all the time that she had wasted chasing other boys when she'd already met the perfect man. If only her eyes had been opened sooner. Obviously Ron had never made a move on her because she had never sent him the right signals. Well, no time to correct that like the present she thought with a sultry smile.

Ron jerked upright and ceased his cleanup efforts at an unexpected touch against his leg.

"Um... Monique? Is th-that your f-foot?" he asked uncertainly. Rufus looked up curiously at that.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Ron," Monique giggled coyly and smiled her most alluring smile at Ron.

"N-not a pro-problem," Ron stammered, but he noticed that Monique's foot was still rubbing against his leg.

Monique settled back in the booth's seat, disappointed that her actions had failed to elicit the desired response in Ron. Well, if Ron was going to play it cool, then she'd just have to turn up the heat.

"Is it just me or is it a little hot in here?" Monique asked as she flicked open the two topmost buttons on her blouse, pulled the material to one side and began to fan herself with her free hand.

Ron's eyes bulged as he realized that from his angle Monique was giving him an open look at her breasts hidden beneath her lacy bra. Forcibly, he wrenched his eyes back up over the horizon to meet Monique's brown eyes.

"So did you like what you saw?" Monique asked archly, still holding her shirt open.

Ron recoiled in terror, bringing up his hands to ward off the punishment he would soon be receiving. "Monique! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to... I shouldn't have...!"

"But I like it when you look at me Ron," Monique pouted coyly.

Ron slowly lowered his hands, clearly startled at the unexpected direction of his punishment as he shook his head in confusion. "Um, excuse me? What was that?"

Monique leaned closer and Ron's eyes widened as this time he definitely felt Monique's foot gently caress his leg, sliding up his thigh and...

"M-M-Monique!" Ron yelped as he bolted upright in his seat.

"Looks like I've got my answer," Monique caroled as a playful smile spread across her face.

"Monique! What are you saying! Good lord! Get a hold of yourself!" Ron cried as he grabbed the girl's arms in the hopes of somehow shaking some sense back into her.

"Oooh! So forceful," Monique cooed from within Ron's grasp. "I didn't realize you went for the rough stuff."

Ron instantly released his hold on Monique as if she had suddenly turned into molten iron. Ron reeled out of the booth in confusion and panic and heard a feminine squawk of annoyance as his body collided with another.

"Watch it, loser!"

"Oh, geez Bonnie! I'm sorry!" Ron said in apology as he reached out a hand to help the brunette back to her feet.

Bonnie angrily slapped away the proffered hand and looked up with furiously flashing eyes...

... into the brown eyes of the most gorgeous face she had ever seen.

Such cute freckles he had. She wondered if the few on his cheeks were all that he had or if some exploration might turn up a few more. What did she need, uh, what's his name, Biff? for when she had this doughy specimen of manliness in front of her.

"Oh, that's alright, handsome. You can knock me down anytime," Bonnie fairly purred with promise.

"What!" Ron exclaimed, staring at Bonnie in shock as the normally waspish cheerleader rose to her feet and pressed her body against his. Ron swallowed valiantly and tried to ignore the feeling of Bonnie's trim figure sliding suggestively against his own. His hand twitched in uncertainty as he mentally debated pushing the girl away when she captured his hand and placed it firmly on her hip.

"How about we go... 'talk' somewhere more private?" Bonnie suggested softly, her breath warm against Ron's ear. Even his rather inexperienced ear could detect the quotes around the word and the world of nuance they contained.

For his part, Ron's brain had temporarily gone into a state of terminal meltdown. First there was the big blow up with Kim, then Monique had come on strong to him and now Bonnie was suggesting that they '_talk_'! The paranoid conspiracy theorist that had a timeshare in Ron's subconscious suggested that maybe Kim had put the two girls up to this in some sort of warped revenge scheme aimed at yours truly. Fortunately, Reason and Sanity trickled back into Ron's mind and kicked the paranoid delusional nutjob back into the deep, dark corner of his mind where he belonged. After all, as mad as Kim was she couldn't have set all of this up in the few minutes that she'd stormed out of Bueno Nacho.

"Just a minute!" Monique bellowed before Ron could open his mouth to ask what was going on.

"What do you want?" Bonnie asked frostily as she gave Monique a dismissive glance.

"What do you think you're doing with _my_ Ron!" Monique demanded as she stepped out the booth and took up a challenging stance in front of Bonnie. Ron stared at Monique in confusion, wondering just where that had come from.

Bonnie smirked. "Oh, I think it should be fairly obvious by now."

"Yeah, well that ain't gonna happen," Monique retorted.

Bonnie returned Monique's challenging glare with one of her own. "And why not?"

"Because Ron's coming home with me!" Monique declared as she grabbed hold of Ron's right arm and tugged the confused boy in her direction.

"No. He's not!" Bonnie shouted as she grabbed hold of Ron's other arm and tugged him back towards her. "Ron's coming home with me!"

"Ow. Ow! OW!" Ron protested as the two girls tightened their respective grips and he felt two different sets of manicured nails dig possessively into his arms. "Could we maybe discuss this without all the tugging?" he suggested.

Bonnie and Monique paused momentarily in their contest of tug-of-Ron. "No!' they both answered simultaneously and resumed growling possessively over their prize.

"I saw him first!" Monique yelled as she gave Ron's arm another forceful yank.

"Well, I've known him longer!" Bonnie yelled back with an equally forceful tug.

"You didn't even want him!"

"I was playing hard to get!"

"Like you even know what that means!"

"Oh, it's on now!" Bonnie shouted murderously as she dove for Monique while still retaining her grip on Ron's arm.

"Well, why don't you just bring it then!" Monique shouted back as she too dove forward to grapple with the brunette.

Ron suddenly found himself in a unique situation, one moment on the verge of being torn in half by the two women and the next finding himself in the middle and unofficial referee of a full blown cat fight. He tried to use his vantage point to try and keep the two girls separated, but found himself in a rather compromising position. No matter where he tried to place his hands he found himself touching things that for propriety's sake were better left untouched. If the two girls noticed where Ron's tentative hands landed they paid it no mind, so intent they were on besting the other.

"This is not an improvement!" Ron yelled shrilly in an attempt to interject some sanity into the situation.

Ron, Bonnie and Monique rolled around on the floor of Bueno Nacho in a tangled knot of flailing arms and legs as the two girls screeched imprecations at each other.

"What is going on here!" Ron wailed as finally he gave up trying to separate the combatants and pulled at his hair in utter confusion.

Rufus who had scrambled free of Ron's pocket earlier in the confusion pointed insistently at the spilled soda dripping from the table.

"Rufus! This is not the time for a drink!" Ron yelled just as he felt a knee nudge him in the backside and he tumbled free of the two girls.

Ron sat up, momentarily confused, and looked around. "Oh thank God!" he exclaimed in fervent gratitude at this unexpected good fortune. "Let's go," he mouthed silently to Rufus so as to not attract the attention of the women.

The naked mole rat groaned in frustration that his owner was too dense to make the connection between the soda and the strange circumstances currently surrounding him. Rufus, recognizing a lost cause when he saw one, decamped from the table and joined Ron in his escape.

"You ready to give up yet?" Monique demanded from where she had Bonnie in a head lock. Bonnie growled fiercely and tugged at the restraining arm with little effect.

"Fine we'll share," Bonnie conceded reluctantly. "You can have the top half, but I get the bottom!"

Bonnie's conditions were surprising enough to get Monique to release her hold on the brunette. "Girl! Why should I take the top, you take the top!"

"Because _I_ know what to do with the bottom!" Bonnie shot back.

"Then I should get first crack at the bottom since you've already had so much experience," Monique challenged.

Ron moved slowly and quietly so as not to interrupt the slightly disturbing negotiations that were going on about him and thereby draw attention to himself. His curiosity got the better of him though and he cast a quick glance backward. He was halfway to the doors when he was drawn short by the sound of a loud crunch underfoot. Ron slowly lifted his foot and shifted it to the side to revealed the shattered, traitorous remains of the solitary nacho chip that had so effectively thwarted his silent escape.

"Et tu nacho," he quietly sighed and turned to meet the smoldering gazes of Monique and Bonnie. Ron smiled sheepishly and chuckled nervously as the three of them stood frozen in that strange tableau for a moment.

"He's getting away!" Bonnie shouted suddenly.

"Yipes!" Ron yelped as Bonnie and Monique dove for him in tandem. He leaped and twisted his body sideways in midair, watching as Bonnie and Monique sailed past, above and below him respectively. The two girls went sprawling on the floor as Ron landed on his palms, twisted his body around and landed on his feet. He sprang forward and hurdled the two prone bodies that lay between himself and freedom like a champion Olympic hurdler.

From behind the counter, Ned watched expressionlessly as Ron fled screaming from Bueno Nacho as if his life depended on it. "Lucky bastard," the assistant manager muttered enviously as the two women leapt to their feet in hot pursuit of their quarry.

**XXXXX**

"Come on. Pick up. Pick up!" Ron yelled into his cell phone still running at top speed. He tossed a quick glance behind him and couldn't see either Monique or Bonnie.

Thankfully, he slowed to a halt and ducked behind a convenient tree to catch his breath.

He stared at his cell phone and redialed the number. "Come on, Kim. Pick up," he pleaded.

**XXXXX**

Kim heard her phone ring as she climbed the stairs to her room, toweling her still damp hair. Her towel paused as she glanced quickly at the caller ID and just as quickly resumed drying. The phone rang insistently, but Kim resolutely ignored it and by extension the person on the other end.

It had taken her way too long to work the fast food detritus from her cherished strands of hair. Kim finger combed the damp mane to drape over her shoulder and inspected the ends with a critical eye. She glanced at the phone again and, with a ruthlessness that surprised herself, Kim turned back down the stairs.

Her hair still didn't feel clean enough.

Whatever it was that Ron wanted, it could wait.

**XXXXX**

"She's not picking up," Ron groaned to Rufus. "You don't think she's still mad?"

Rufus considered the question thoughtfully for a moment before nodding.

"It was an accident!" Ron protested in his defense.

"Nuh uh," Rufus disagreed as he mimicked Kim pouting and then Ron's panicked reaction.

"Okay, so maybe I overreacted a little bit," Ron conceded. "But Kim wanted to go _clothes_ shopping."

Rufus gave Ron a skeptical look at that.

"Anyway, that's not important right now," Ron changed the subject. "Why were Monique and Bonnie suddenly hitting on me?"

Rufus jumped insistently, this time pantomiming Ron drinking and then looking at Ron with adoring eyes.

Ron stared at Rufus blankly and scratched at his ear. "What's that? Donny fell down a well? Wasn't that on _Miami Beach_ last month?"

Rufus nearly howled in frustration. A neat trick for a naked mole rat.

"Maybe Kim could figure this out, if she'd talk to me," Ron mumbled staring off into the distance...

... right at the Middleton Mall.

_Ron... When you see Monique..., tell her that... I'll meet her at the mall and that... I might be... a little bit... late._

"Kim's going to be at the mall!" Ron exclaimed, marveling at his cleverness for having figured that out. His face fell moments later as something else clicked in his brain. Part of the reason that the plan had been to meet Monique was that she was able to borrow her dad's car. Normally Ron would've had his scooter, which would have been perfectly adequate for a trip to the mall, but Kim had wanted trunk space. Before the fiasco with lunch Ron had been hopefully optimistic about maybe some time spent at Slicker Image, but realistically had to concede that his wallet was far too light to afford anything more than a digital shoehorn/thermometer.

Ron sighed. Perhaps it was just as well. During his panicked flight from Bueno Nacho he'd never have been able to get the motor running and escape in time.

"Well, looks like we're walking," Ron observed to his ever present companion.

"Uh huh!" Rufus cheerfully agreed from the comfort of Ron's pocket.

Ron scowled at Rufus' apparent laziness, but had to admit that if he had a convenient pocket to ride around in he'd do so as well. He quickly looked around to gather his bearings. Beech Street, near the Granville/Littleton border. A fairly upscale neighborhood, though not as blatantly wealthy as some of the homes in Upperton.

Ron frowned thoughtfully. He was in a part of Middleton that he rarely ventured into, his house and the high school lying in the opposite direction. If he recalled correctly though Mr. Barkin and a couple of other cheerleaders lived somewhere in the area. He supposed that if he headed in the general direction of mall, he'd be all right. He would just have to make sure to detour around Bueno Nacho in case either Bonnie or Monique were still there, lying in wait for him. It was nearly enough to make Ron cry. The day he would have to avoid Bueno Nacho was a sad day indeed.

Ron was so lost in mournful reflection that he didn't notice the car easing behind him until the horn beeped, startling him and sending him jumping into the air.

"Ron? What are you doing out here?" Tara asked curiously as she poked her head out the window of her VW Beetle.

Ron gasped for breath, clutching his chest to shove his pounding heart back into his ribcage where it belonged. His breathing finally eased and he calmly turned around to answer the blonde cheerleader.

"Hey Tara," he said with a casual seeming wave. "I'm just headed for the mall."

Tara waved Ron over to the vacant passenger seat of her car. "Well, hop in," she offered. "I'm heading there to meet Crystal for lunch."

"Booyah," Ron said triumphantly, his transportation problem having just neatly taken care of itself. He quickly trotted around to the passenger side and buckled himself in. "Thanks, you're a life saver Tara."

Tara blinked.

"N-not a problem," she murmured haltingly as she stared into Ron's warm brown eyes. They were so full of life, the way the light danced around those chocolaty depths. She could just loose herself in there, lost for an eternity, never wanting to be found.

"Uh, Tara?" Ron asked her with his warm and vibrant voice. She loved the way his tongue lovingly caressed the syllables of her name.

"Yes, Ron?" Tara answered in a soft, dreamy tone. She knew then that she would do whatever it was that he asked of her.

"Shouldn't we be going now?" Ron suggested, pointing at the road ahead of them.

"Oh! Um, yeah," Tara agreed and pressed her foot to the gas. As they drove Tara kept stealing quick glances to the side. To be so close to Ron and yet be so far away was intoxicating and maddening at the same time.

"So Ron, what were you doing out in that part of Middleton?" Tara began in the hopes of striking up a conversation.

Ron twitched guiltily. "Oh just out for a run," he replied evasively.

Tara let out a longing breath. Ron had been working out. She could just imagine Ron all sweaty and honing his body to perfection. Oh, what she wouldn't give to run her hands over that manly physique.

"Oh, that's interesting," Tara said conversationally. "I live just a block from where I picked you up."

"Yeah, I thought so," Ron mumbled as he stared out window.

Tara felt her heart soar at that admission. Ron knew where she lived! So their meeting had been more than just a coincidence. Tara knew that Ron lived clear on the other side of Middleton. For him to be out on a casual run in her neighborhood was ferociously unlikely. It had to be deliberate. Ron was running in her neighborhood by design! And when one linked that to the fact that Ron knew it was her neighborhood one had to assume that Ron was there on the off chance of meeting her! There were too many random factors aligning for it to be the work of mere coincidence. It had to be... destiny!

Tara took a deep breath to firm up her resolve.

Ron watched out the window curiously as the looming form of the Middleton Mall grew larger and then swiveled his head around to watch as they blithely drove past first one, then another and another of the mall's entrances.

Ron turned in his seat and pointed back over his shoulder. "Um, Tara? We just drove past the mall."

"We're not going to the mall," Tara answered serenely.

"Huh? But Kim's going to be at the mall!" Ron blurted out in surprise, but was even more surprised at the grinding sound coming from Tara's direction. Either Tara was seriously grinding her teeth or there was something funky going on with her transmission.

"Kim, Kim, KIM! Why is it always Kim!" Tara demanded, slapping her hands angrily against the steering wheel.

"Wha?" Ron's jaw sagged open as a sinking feeling of familiarity settled in his gut. Tara was suddenly starting to sound a little, more like a lot, like Bonnie and Monique.

Tara looked over at Ron with adoring eyes. "Can't you see that I'm in love with you Ron! Why do you always have to bring Kim into this!"

Ron didn't bother answering, he was too busy tugging futilely at his seatbelt with wide-eyed desperation.

"Wuh-wuh-where are we going?" Ron finally managed to stammer.

Tara thought for a moment. "I want to show you the place where I fell in love with you. The place where we had out first kiss."

Ron gulped and went pale. "You don't mean-"

"Yup, Camp Gottagrin."

"AUGH! Place of all evil!" Ron wailed in terror as he redoubled his frantic tugging on the confining seatbelt. No matter how much they cleaned it up, no matter how often or what they changed the name into, Camp Wannaweep would always be Camp Wannaweep and as such the source of all things evil.

Finally, the seatbelt came free and hoping that he wouldn't damage Tara's car or that she'd forgive him otherwise, Ron opened his door and bailed out. He tucked himself into a ball, rolling and tumbling down the asphalt as Tara swerved momentarily out of control.

Tara slammed on the brakes, skidded to a halt and looked over shoulder in horror expecting to find Ron smeared all over the road. What had possessed Ron for jump out of a moving vehicle?

Her heart caught in her throat as her eyes fell upon Ron's body lying by the side of the road. But even as she fumbled for the gear shift to throw the car in reverse she watched in amazement as Ron picked himself off the ground, dusted himself off and promptly ran screaming in the opposite direction.

To get back up after ditching from a speeding car?

"What a man!" Tara sighed dreamily.

**XXXXX**

"Oh man, I think I pulled something," Ron wheezed as he leaned heavily against the cool concrete mass of the Middleton Mall. He felt something stir within his pants and looked down in surprise. He had completely forgotten about Rufus after jumping from Tara's car. His hand dove for the pocket. If Rufus had been hurt...

Rufus sat in Ron's outstretched palm, yawned and blinked sleepily.

"Rufus! You've been asleep the entire time!" Ron shouted as much from relief as accusation.

"Heh. Sorry," Rufus squeaked with a sheepish shrug.

"I'm just glad you're okay," Ron said gratefully as he hugged his tiny companion. "It's like every single woman in Middleton has gone completely nuts!"

Rufus nodded emphatically and made a drinking motion.

"Oh, thirsty, buddy? Well, let's grab a drink while we go look for Kim," Ron said.

Rufus slapped his forehead in an utterly human gesture of annoyance as his partner put him back into the cargo pocket and entered the mall.

"Hmm, let's go check out Crombie & Mitch and then Club Banana," Ron mused thoughtfully and then grimaced. "Well, maybe nix Club Banana. Monique might be there."

Rufus nodded in agreement before squeaking suddenly in alarm. He bounced from the pocket to Ron's shoulder, jabbing a paw in warning at the approaching danger.

"Eep! Bonnie!" Ron squeaked in a strangled whisper and ducked into the nearest hiding place he could find. An instant photo booth. He quickly drew the curtain closed and pulled his feet up onto the seat, fervently hoping that Bonnie hadn't spotted him. He held his breath at every passing shopper until Rufus signaled the all clear.

"Thank goodness she didn't see us," he sighed in relief and let his legs stretch out in front of him.

Ron felt the day's misadventures catch up with him as his body chose now to let its aches and pains known and with a groan he allowed himself to sink against the booth's plastic seat. "Man, what a day."

The sounds of coins being fed into the booth's slot startled Ron, snapping him out of his brief moment of relaxation. "Uh, somebody in here!" he called out loudly.

"Make that two somebodies," Monique cooed as she slipped underneath the curtain.

"Wah! Monique!" Ron cried as he reflexively turned to flee, forgetting for a moment that the photo booth had been placed next to a very solid wall and Monique was blocking the only entrance.

"Let's make memories!" Monique crowed as she pounced on the dazed Ron just as the booth's camera flashed.

"Monique! Stop! Air!" Ron gasped whenever the girl let him come up for air. He made several attempts to escape from Monique's clutches, but each time Monique hauled him back with a strength that surprised him. His flailing hand happened to fall on Monique's purse. It was about an average sized purse, unremarkable, practical and yet impeccably fashionable, but more importantly it had a detachable shoulder strap. A desperate plan raced through Ron's mind as he seemed to take the lead, wrapping his arms around Monique.

Monique let out a pleased moan as Ron finally gave in to the inevitable and started participating. Ron was being so forceful, the way he grabbed at her wrists...

"This is never gonna work," Ron muttered inaudibly to himself as he took the purse strap and began winding it around Monique's arms. He just needed something to tie it off to...

Monique liked the direction this was going and nipped playfully at Ron's ear. He jerked his head away, but stayed close, his arms still encircling her body, restraining her arms...

There! A little D-ring underneath the seat! Ron hurriedly clipped the strap to the ring...

Monique was getting a little tired of this and wanted to play too. She felt Ron's grip on her wrists relax and she tried to snake an arm around Ron's neck to bring him closer. She frowned, puzzled to find her arms tangled up in something behind her. She tried to peer over her shoulder to see what she was caught on. She tugged her arm again, feeling the bite of the leather strap against her arm. She looked up in Ron in wonder and just where in the hell did he think he was going when things were starting to get good too?

Ron looked at Monique's bound form. "Monique, I am _so_ sorry," he apologized with all sincerity before stepping out of the booth and running away as fast as his feet could carry him.

"Ron Stoppable! You get back here!" Monique screamed as she thrashed around in an attempt to free herself.

Ron ran even faster, drawing more than a few curious stares after him. Monique's makeshift bonds wouldn't hold her for long. And Ron intended to be very far away before she escaped.

**XXXXX**

Ron tried to catch his breath as he leaned against the tiled corridor leading to a tiny pair of restrooms and the mall security office. It was a risk to trap himself in such a cul-de-sac, but the office and corridor was out of the way and relatively inconspicuous. Ron had previously been acquainted with mall security personnel years earlier due to an unfortunate incident. So Rufus had sampled some Cheez Wiz at BVS and he didn't have the two bucks to cover it; was that really any reason to treat him like a criminal? It still rankled Ron a little bit, but figured no one would willingly go near the security office, not when there was a much larger and nicer restroom on the floor above.

"This - this is getting ridiculous," Ron panted as his eyes rapidly darted about searching for any signs of female pursuit. His eyebrow rose in estimation as his eye fell upon the door to the men's room. "Hmm, now there's an idea."

Rufus rapidly discerned Ron's intent. "Nuh uh, bad idea," he squeaked in an attempt to dissuade Ron from his current course of action.

"Bonnie and Monique are looking for male Ron. I can just walk right by them in my girl body." Ron murmured to himself.

"Uh uh, really bad idea," Rufus argued.

"I mean what's the worst that could happen," Ron muttered to himself. "Bonnie or Monique recognizes me and they decide to experiment?" An image formed in Ron's head and he hurriedly dispelled it with a rapid shake of his head. He was only just getting used to having a girl body at all, the thought of doing _anything_ with it... Well, best to leave that alone for another day.

"I'm gonna do it," Ron decided. "Except which bathroom do I use?"

Rufus shrugged. He didn't have an answer for that one either.

"Well, since I'm going to come out as a girl, I guess I should use the ladies' room." His mind made up, Ron resolutely pushed open the door to the ladies' room and was promptly greeted by a chorus of indignant feminine screams. "Okay, men's room it is," Ron said, quickly closing the door and reversing direction.

Ron-chan came out of the men's room, slicking back her damp hair and adjusting the fit of her clothes. Fortunately, the dark red of her jersey carried the dampness well and didn't look too strange hanging on her slight frame. The pants continually felt as if they were on the verge of falling off even with her belt cinched as tight as it could go. She'd have to remember to put a couple more notches in her belt later. Sadly, the shoes were hopeless. Her feet felt like they had clown shoes on. It took a couple minutes of practice before she could comfortable move about without looking too ridiculous.

"Now remember, you have to stay out of sight little buddy," she cautioned Rufus.

"Got it!" Rufus cheeped from the closed cargo pocket.

Ron-chan poked her head cautiously around the corner and promptly spotted Bonnie roaming the mall and heading her way. The brunette occasionally paused in front of a store to peer intently through the plate glass windows, but from the look in her eye and the set of her jaw it was obvious that shopping was not what she had in mind.

Ron-chan ducked back around the corner and wiped her suddenly damp palms on her side. Taking a deep breath, she adjusted the fit of her jersey and hiked up her loose pants.

"Well, here goes nothing," Ron-chan said quietly to herself as she wheeled around the corner and began walking towards Bonnie.

Ron-chan kept Bonnie fixed firmly in sight, ready to bolt if it seemed that the brunette recognized her. She saw Bonnie's eyes light up and then frown in confusion as she noticed Ron-chan's obviously female form wearing Ron Stoppable's signature garb. Ron style had an even briefer fashionable period than Kim style and on anyone except Ron was an incredible fashion faux pas. Bonnie opened her mouth as if to say something and then dismissed the thought with a shake of her head.

Ron-chan sighed and closed her eyes in relief just in time to feel her body collide with another on her next step. Her eyes flew open and saw that she'd run into another shopper from behind, sending the boy and herself sprawling.

"Man, what the hell!" Josh Mankey growled as he spun around to level a glare at the person who'd knocked him flat.

... and into the most lustrous pair of brown eyes he had ever seen.

"Sorry, Josh," Ron-chan said as she picked herself off the floor. "Didn't see you there."

"It's you!" Josh exclaimed, rising quickly to his feet and forgetting completely about his belongings that lay underfoot. In an instant he closed the gap between them. "Are you okay? I didn't hurt you did I?

Ron-chan shook her head and brushed a wisp of hair from her face. "Naw, it's okay."

"Cause I don't think I could forgive myself if you were hurt," Josh continued, captured her hand and began massaging it.

Ron -chan scowled, looking from her hand to Josh and back again in irritation. "Stop that."

"Stop what?" Josh asked innocently.

"That," Ron-chan answered, inclining her head slightly to where Josh continued rubbing her hand. "My hands are dirty."

"My hands are dirty too," Josh answered back with a grin and leaned a little closer. "What are you afraid of?"

"Hold it, buster," Ron-chan said flatly as she placed her free hand in front of Josh's encroaching lips. "First, I've seen this movie too. Second, you're no Han Solo. You're going to have to do better than that."

"But I'm in love with you!" Josh blurted. "You're my moon and my stars..."

"And without you there is darkness," Ron-chan finished dryly. "Uh huh. Yeah, I saw that movie too."

"Well, how about we skip the lines then and move on to..." Josh trailed off with a suggestive waggle of his eyebrows.

"Move on to?" Ron-chan repeated slowly before realization hit her like an exploding bomb. She wrenched her hand away from Josh's grasp and began backing away in horror. "Oh no, nonononono. You can just forget all about that!"

"But I feel like I'm going to explode unless I kiss you," Josh protested as he followed after her.

"So explode already!" Ron-chan yelled at her love struck suitor and felt herself back up against somebody else.

By the feel of it a male somebody. Ron-chan rolled her eyes and dared to look up only to see Brick Flagg looking back down at her.

"Hey, you're kinda cute," Brick said with his easy going grin.

Ron-chan sighed and slumped in resignation. "This was such a bad idea."

She straightened briefly, demurely edged away from her two new suitors... and promptly fled screaming.

**XXXXX**

"Hot water! Hot water!" Ron-chan cried desperately as she evaded her male pursuers. She loped down the descending escalators, taking the steps two at a time Josh, Brick, plus a couple of teenage boys she didn't even know, hot on her heels. The chase had gone on for a good ten minutes spanning the length and breadth of the entire mall, leaving Ron-chan out of breath and stretched to the limits of her endurance.

Halfway down the escalator she leapt over the railing, switching tracks, now heading back up. Her pursuers took the bait and mimicked her maneuver, pushing their way through the shoppers riding the escalator. Ron-chan waited until all the boys had switched over to the ascending escalator and then vaulted the other railing dropping a good fifteen feet to the ground. She staggered slightly, wincing at the strain on her knees, but ran off well before the boys could make the transfer back to the other escalator. Thankfully, she saw that none of them were inclined to repeat her little escape stunt, giving her plenty of time to lose herself in the milling crowd.

"This-this is worse," she panted heavily as she ran back down the corridor leading to the restrooms where she'd previously made her gender swap. She was about to barrel through the men's room door, but skidded to a halt and dove instead into the ladies' room. From inside there came the sound of running water, a quick splash and a relieved sigh.

Ron swiped at his damp hair with a wad of paper towels and stepped out of the restroom, nearly running into a trio of young women, shopping bags in hand. He paused, realizing that it was something of an awkward situation for him to be walking out of the ladies' room as a guy. "What, you never seen a guy come out the ladies' room before?" he said with a defiant, challenging gleam in his eye.

The trio of ladies stared at Ron, completely awestruck by the male's manly boldness. "We just think that's so... sexy," the boldest of them said as she leaned closer with a lick of her lips.

Ron's eyes widened. "Oh, crap," he managed to squeak before the women surged forward with greedy hands outstretched.

**XXXXX**

Ron burst out of the mall and rapidly closed the door, pressing his body back against it to wedge it shut.

"Uh uh," Rufus disagreed pointing to the other sets of doors on either side of them.

"Man! This would be a really good time for there to be more than one of me!" Ron complained as he abandoned that ill thought out position. Impulsively, he snatched up a discarded toothpick he saw lying discarded on the ground.

"Yumomaigwaofaomijaoyumomaigwaofaomijao," he chanted rapidly and held the toothpick up against the door. With a violent glowing snap the toothpick thickened and lengthened to bar the mall doors behind an improvised stave that was already pulsing and flaring from the unstable magical energies that Ron had bestowed upon it.

"Cool, instant Pinocchio," Ron marveled, but hurriedly took flight again. True, it was a fire hazard as such, but the rapid fire enchantment was ferociously unstable and likely to fail in only a few seconds anyway.

But in those few precious seconds Ron could make good his escape.

Especially if he had a bike.

Like the ones he saw two kids currently chaining to the bike rack.

"Borrowing!" Ron yelled as he appropriated one of the bicycles.

"Hey!" the kid protested.

"I'll bring it back! Promise!" Ron called over his shoulder as he pumped the pedals and picked up some speed. A load roar and a screech of rubber behind him prompted Ron to toss a quick look backwards.

"Eep! Bonnie!" Ron blanched to see Bonnie behind the wheel of her car, bearing down on him with a determined, slightly maniacal gleam in her eye. He frantically redoubled his pedaling efforts and with one more panicked glance behind, angled the bike to jump a curb and weave through the maze of cars in parking lot.

"Whoops! That's gonna leave a mark," Ron commented as he inadvertently drifted a little too close to one car. He poked his head up, scanning the parking lot in the hope that he'd managed to lose Bonnie in the process.

No such luck. He could see Bonnie's car in the distance, circling around. It kinda reminded him of a shark circling around a lone rubber raft in the middle of an ocean.

Ron patted the center of the handlebar of his borrowed bike. "Hear that. You're my rubber raft so don't sink."

In response the bike wobbled slightly and Ron had to quickly return his hand to its proper place as he gave the bike an injured look of consternation. Ron looked up to take another quick scan of the area and saw that Bonnie had ceased circling around and was now driving straight for him. He hastily turned and weaved the bike through another block of cars. Ron knew that he couldn't keep this game of cat and mouse up forever if for no other reason than he was running out of parking lot. And... were those mall security cars clustered by the exit he'd exited from?

"Aw, man! Why me?" Ron groaned. If the security personnel were going to join in on the fun then he'd have to make his break now and take his chances with Bonnie. Shaking his head at his lack of luck so far, Ron whipped the bike around, away from security just as Bonnie wheeled her car into his row. Ron pumped the pedals faster as Bonnie angled her car to cut off his escape route and he winced in anticipation as he managed to squeeze by Bonnie's car by the thinnest of margins.

"Freedom!" Ron exulted, triumphantly standing up on the pedals and raising his arms in the air.

A blaring horn cut Ron's moment of exultation short though and he whipped his head around to the side where he saw another car barreling down on him. Ron was frozen in terror for one crucial instant before he reached for the handlebars.

"Aw, NUTS!" Ron bellowed as the bike hit the front end of the swerving car and flipped him end for end. He watched in bemused detachment as his view whirled around in a confusing panorama of images, the hood of a car, parking lot and an approaching car, but why was it upside down, blue sky, fluffy clouds, billboard, shrubbery and again with the upside down cars.

Ron thought remembered thinking that someone really should fix that after all who could drive in an upside down parking lot before the rest of world disappeared in a shattering crash of wood.

"Ron! Are you okay?" Bonnie asked as she flung open the car door and ran to where Ron lay sprawled, tangled up in the shrubbery beside the road.

"That billboard had two sides and both sides hurt equally!" Ron groaned faintly.

"Oh poor baby," Bonnie cooed in commiseration as she stroked Ron's dusty cheek.

Ron's vision swam and went blurry as his poor abused body finally surrendered to the demands of biology and promptly passed out.

**XXXXX**

Ron's eyelids slowly fluttered open.

Pink.

Lots of pink.

Well, now that his vision had cleared up a bit he saw that it was actually more of a red, almost maroonish really.

Funny, he thought there'd be more white in heaven. Maybe a little blue. Gold, definitely expected some gold.

Though come to think of it, if he was heaven, then how come he hurt so much?

Nothing like stubbed toe or paper cut major, he just ached all over. He didn't think that you were supposed to feel any pain in heaven. That seemed like a clear case of false advertising.

Unless...

Unless that meant that he was in the other place.

Now that was ferociously unfair.

He'd lived a good life until now, saving the world -okay, helping to save the world- on occasion had to count for something and didn't the Pope himself say it was okay to be Jewish or something like that.

Well, at least the bed was comfortable.

"Good, you're awake," Bonnie said as she leaned over him.

"Ahhh! Bonnie!" Ron yelped and tried to jump away, but failing miserably. Wide awake now Ron's eyes darted around assessing his current predicament.

"Wuh-what? Who?" he babbled in panic.

Bonnie sat beside Ron and gently stroked his cheek, ignoring his flinch. "After you crashed through that billboard I brought you home," she told him.

Okay, so he was in Bonnie's room, personally he would've preferred a hospital bed, but it definitely beat County lock up.

Ron nodded his head thoughtfully and turned to thank Bonnie for her help and be on his merry way. That was the original plan, but he couldn't get much more than a strangled gurgle past his dropped jaw.

"I was wondering when you'd notice," Bonnie said as she stood to pose for Ron.

Ron's jaw dropped even further as he got a really good look at what Bonnie was wearing.

Or rather what she wasn't wearing.

Which was normal clothing.

Even Bonnie in her cheerleader uniform he could have handled with his usual aplomb. He'd certainly seen her in that often enough in his role as the Middleton mascot. Though that would beg the question of what Bonnie was doing wearing her cheerleading outfit at home on a weekend.

_That_ he could have handled.

But _this_...

Nothing could have prepared him to handle this.

Ron didn't even know where to begin. It was something that defied description. It was some tight, lacey, latexy... thing. All he knew was that Bonnie was seriously breaking some decency laws by wearing it. A slightly irreverent thought percolated through his mind that he shouldn't be seeing _anyone_ in an outfit like that unless he was paying for it. Not to say that he was the type to pay to see someone dressed like that, but one never knew.

"Uh, gotta go!" Ron squeaked in panic as he bolted from the bed...

And landed flat on his face on the floor.

With a groan of pain, Ron raised his head and finally noticed the chain that encircled one ankle. Tentatively, he gave the bound leg a shake.

Yup, that was on there pretty good.

He twisted around to look up at Bonnie and chastely averted his eyes upon catching sight of certain endowments that for Ron's peace of mind were better left unseen. "Mind explaining this," he said waving a hand in the general direction of his ankle.

"I felt like dressing up," Bonnie replied simply.

"Not that," Ron snapped as he hauled himself upright and pointed again at his bound ankle. "This!"

"Oh. That's to keep you from hurting yourself," Bonnie informed him.

Ron blinked. "Ah, wha?"

"After all, look at how hurt you got from running away. If you had just come home with me none of that would have happened."

Following that line of logic, Ron ruefully had to concede that point to Bonnie.

"So now that I'm here..." he let the sentence trail for Bonnie to complete.

Bonnie snorted. "Take one guess," she answered as she skimmed her hands up and down her side.

"That's what I thought," Ron muttered as he plopped back down on the mattress in defeat.

Bonnie settled herself beside Ron and blew in his ear. "Don't worry, it'll be good for you."

"Ha ha!" Ron suddenly let out a triumphant laugh and pointed to his bound ankle. "You can't get my pants off without taking that off first."

Bonnie giggled at Ron's antics. "Don't be silly. I don't need your pants to be completely off."

Ron's face fell. "I feel so cheap," he commented numbly as he slumped back on the mattress with a dejected sigh.

"Now! Too much talking! I want to see some skin!" Bonnie demanded as she hopped around on the bed to straddle Ron. She grabbed the hem of Ron's jersey and tugged fiercely upward.

"Wait!" Ron shouted as he flailed about on the bed and resisted Bonnie's advances, wrestling for control of the jersey. Back and forth they tugged, Bonnie grunting as she heaved her body upwards using leverage to her advantage and Ron desperately trying not to think about Bonnie on top of him grunting.

Ron felt the hem of his jersey slip through his fingers and the cloth inched inexorably upwards. Feeling victory literally within her grasp, Bonnie tugged even harder. Ron struggled even more fiercely as the rising swaths of cloth obscured his vision and pinned his arms over his head.

Bonnie leaned close, nuzzling up against Ron's enshrouded cheek even as she thwarted his efforts to regain control of his clothing. She reveled in her sense of superiority as Ron struggled underneath her and she licked her lips in anticipation.

"Nice try, Ron," Bonnie breathed into his ear. "But what Bonnie wants, Bonnie gets."

Everything happened at once.

Galvanized by Bonnie's declaration, Ron frantically redoubled his thrashing. Bonnie smirked, still leaning over Ron and content for the moment to hold Ron helpless and be in a position of power. Ron was nearly hysterical with panic, envisioning what Bonnie would be wanting and getting next. He bucked and thrashed and kicked in an effort to regain control when it happened.

His free and wildly flailing leg connected squarely with Bonnie's rear end, propelling the brunette forward.

Bonnie squawked in alarm at the unexpected nudge, but could do little to halt her sudden forward motion. She was still gripping the hem of Ron's jersey when her forehead collided with the headboard with a resounding SMACK. Bonnie saw an explosion of stars and then nothing.

Ron felt his protests being muffled as Bonnie's chest landed squarely on top of his head. He froze momentarily in fright before his need for air outweighed his panic. He rolled his body out from under Bonnie's, part of him finding it a little curious that the brunette wasn't putting up more of a fight. With the rustle of latex on cloth Bonnie slid bonelessly off the bed, taking Ron's jersey with her.

Ron lay on the bed, breathing heavily and thankful for the brief reprieve. After a moment of peace however he began to wonder exactly why he was having this unexpected moment of peace and what had happened to Bonnie. After another maddeningly quiet moment Ron decided that knowing was preferable to not knowing and timidly peered over the edge of the bed only to see Bonnie lying sprawled unceremoniously on the floor, completely knocked out with his jersey clenched in one hand.

"Oh, thank God," Ron whimpered as he reached out a hand to retrieve his jersey. He tugged on the cloth and then frowned in confusion as he tugged harder. Several times in fact. Even though Bonnie was most definitely unconscious it appeared that she was unwilling to surrender her prize so tightly did she grip the jersey.

Ron gave another half hearted yank only to have Bonnie moan fitfully and pull the jersey back. He dropped the cloth in a flash and watched as Bonnie clutched the shirt possessively to her chest with a sigh of satisfaction. As much as he'd have liked to get his clothing back from Bonnie he did not want to risk waking her up again.

"Okay, moving on then," Ron said quietly to himself as he focused on the chain that held him to the bed. Well, it was more of a set of handcuffs with a longer chain in the middle. Didn't they make leg cuffs for those really dangerous criminals? Ron looked over at Bonnie wondering what in the world she was doing with leg cuffs and then decided that he was really better off not knowing.

Ron's fingers probed at the anklet portion of the cuff, searching for a release catch or maybe some sort of weakness, but the cuffs looked like professional quality. Not villain quality thankfully, because those would have had a much thicker cuff and a chain that rattled. His search did turn up a keyhole though, so it stood to reason that Bonnie would have a key.

First, Ron reached across the bed to the nightstand and checked around top. Zilch. He then opened the drawer only to jerk back in surprise and hurriedly slam the drawer back shut. Remembering a moment too late that Bonnie was unconscious on the floor caused him to cringe and hiss reproachfully at himself.

Fortunately, Bonnie remained blissfully aware of Ron's explorations and he heaved a sigh of relief. Ron noticed that he'd been doing a lot of that lately. Even more so than usual. Just an idle thought as he eyed the now closed drawer distastefully. Well, if he wanted to find the key, he'd have to look in there too.

Ron gingerly pulled open the drawer, half expecting one of the... products... to jump out and bite him. Steeling himself, he reached in and with two fingers pulled out the first item. "Well, I can guess what this is," he muttered as he considered where to discard the long rod shaped object. Sure, he'd be somewhat sheltered by his parents, (after all, dial up and no cable?), but he certainly wasn't that sheltered. Finally, Ron just decided to dump it on floor and that the carpet would muffle the noise.

Resignedly Ron continued to rummage around the drawer. He kept up a continuous litany of, "No, no, no, no," occasionally interspersed with an "I have no idea what that is," a rare "probably some kinda torture device," and the occasionally emphatic, "I don't even want to know what that is," and before he knew it he had the drawer completely emptied, but still no key. On the off chance that Bonnie had read a few mystery novels, he pulled the drawer free from the nightstand, inspected the bottom and the interior before quietly settling the drawer on the carpet.

Still no key.

Well, if it wasn't by the bed, maybe it was on her dresser, hidden amongst all of the girlish bottles and boxes and stuff. He rolled off the bed and by pulling the chain to its full length he only just able to reach the dresser. As he stared down at the bewildering collection of feminine products, the more mundane variety that one found in say a supermarket, Ron had to wonder what on earth women needed all this stuff for. At random he picked up one bottle by the cap and raised an eyebrow as he read part of the label. "Provides gentle, warming sensation?" he said aloud and shook his head in wonder as he turned to level a disbelieving look at Bonnie.

Bonnie must not have replaced the cap securely after the last time she'd used the bottle because it dropped away from the cap. Ron squeaked and his free hand dove for the falling bottle. Surprisingly, he managed to catch it, but in his panic squeezed just a bit too hard. The liquid burst from the bottle and Ron made a futile attempt to grab it.

"Why me?" Ron groaned as the liquid liberally spattered around the room, on the pile of X-rated products, on Bonnie, and on the bed. Ron was actually hard pressed to find a place that hadn't been splashed. Life just wasn't fair.

Dutifully, he recapped the now nearly empty bottle and returned it to the dresser, clumsily knocking over a few more bottles in the process as the slippery container nearly escaped his grasp.

"Could something please go my way for once," Ron begged desperately as he wiped his slick hands on his pants. He quickly rummaged amongst the rest of the objects on the dresser, but again failed to turn up a key. Next he switched to the dresser drawers, balking only slightly at the sight of Bonnie's more mundane intimate apparel. He thoroughly sifted through the contents of each drawer, but again failed to turn up a key.

That pretty much left Ron without much in the way of options. He stretched as far as he could, but couldn't reach Bonnie's closet, the chain was far too short and by the same token Ron realized that he couldn't examine the shelves on the other side of the room. Frustrated at this development Ron let his arms drop to his side.

"Hey!" Rufus protested as he popped free of Ron's cargo pocket.

"Rufus!" Ron cried gladly as he pulled the naked mole rat from his pocket. "Wait. You were in there the entire time?"

"Uh huh," Rufus yawned, stretching briefly before looking around curiously at the unfamiliar surroundings.

"My friend, we are pilgrims in an unholy land," Ron solemnly informed his companion. Rufus craned his neck around and gasped in alarm upon seeing Bonnie laid out unconscious on the floor. "Exactly my point," Ron agreed and gave his bound foot a quiet rattle. "I'm going to need you to find the key to these."

Rufus nodded. "On it," he squeaked.

"Wait," Ron suddenly said before Rufus could take off in his search pattern and pointed to his ankle again. "You think you could take this off without the key?"

Rufus shrugged and inspected the cuff and chain with a critical eye. After a moment of cool appraisal the naked mole rat raised the chain to his mouth and began gnawing away at it. After a few seconds he dropped the undamaged chain and took a staggering step back. "Oy," Rufus groaned piteously as he held his aching jaw in his paws. "Too hard."

Ron frowned and flicked a fingernail against the metal. It certainly felt like ordinary steel and he'd seen Rufus chew through sheet metal with nary a complaint. For this stuff to thwart his little buddy it had to be _hard._ Ron was forced to revise his earlier estimation about the quality of his bonds. This was definitely up to villainish standards and again begged the question of where Bonnie was getting this stuff.

"Well, good try anyways," Ron said consoling both himself and Rufus at the same time. "See if you can find that key."

Rufus nodded and ran off, climbing over and around every piece of furniture in Bonnie's room, inspecting every nook and cranny, leaving no pocket unsearched, no shelf unexplored. And all for naught.

"No key," Rufus said apologetically spreading his paws.

Ron considered that for a moment. He'd searched the dresser and nightstand and Rufus had searched the rest of the room. That only left...

His eye fell on Bonnie, thankfully still unconscious on the floor.

Ron nodded his head as he settled on what had to be done. "Rufus, buddy," he began. "I'm gonna need you to search Bonnie for the key."

"Nuh uh," Rufus said, adamantly refusing the mission Ron had given with a shake of his head and pointed back at Ron. "All yours."

Ron grimaced, but couldn't really blame Rufus as he eyed Bonnie's still form with little enthusiasm. Sure as a member of the male species he held an intrinsic appreciation for the brunette's lithe and toned figure. But whatever one might say about Ron, he had been raised with at least a modicum of decency and manners. Taking advantage of an unconscious girl, even one as snarky as Bonnie Rockwaller, was not something learned on the Stoppable curriculum. More importantly however, over the years Ron had developed into something of a romantic. He just felt that there should be certain emotions and levels of commitments involved before moving past certain boundaries.

But if he didn't get over that, and quickly, he'd still be in the room when Bonnie woke up. And he had a feeling that she wouldn't care one single bit about his emotions, commitments or boundaries.

Uttering a quick prayer for forgiveness, Ron quickly frisked Bonnie in what he hoped was a cool and professional manner as he searched for the key to his shackles. The search didn't take long, but he even went so far as to avert his eyes when his search happened to brush the article of clothing the wrong way.

Still no key.

He had gone through all of that for no KEY!

It was all Ron could do to keep from letting out a scream of sheer frustration. Instead, he just slapped his forehead and dragged his palm down to his chin. As his hand left his face it encountered a cool tingle from the silver pendant around Ron's neck.

"Doy," Ron berated himself with a roll of his eyes for forgetting about the Lotus Blade. He grasped the pendant in his hand and visualized exactly the object he needed.

"Bolt cutters," he whispered and with a silvery flash a pair of enormous bolt cutters appeared in his hands. As tough as the villain quality chains were, they proved to be no match for the teeth of the Mystical Lotus Bolt Cutters which could have shaved an electron off of an atom if Ron Stoppable so desired. Assuming of course that he remembered what an electron was.

The Lotus Blade winked back into its pendant form around Ron's neck as he wriggled his newly freed leg in appreciation. "Let's get going," he said as he scooped Rufus up and deposited him back into the cargo pocket. He was all set to bolt from Bonnie's room and house, but stopped short with as sigh. He knew that somehow other this was going to comeback to bite him on the ass. Figuratively speaking of course, not that the literal hadn't happened on one or two occasions.

Quietly he walked back around the bed and scooped Bonnie up in his arms. After hooking and pulling back the bed sheets with his foot, he gently deposited the slumbering brunette on her bed and tucked the sheets around her. He gave one more tentative attempt at retrieving his jersey before giving it up as a lost cause.

In his line of work Ron had on occasion woken up on the floor of some lair on the rare occasions that he and Kim were captured by the bad guys and found it to be no picnic. The sore muscles, the aching joints, all things that he could live without and was reasonably certain that Bonnie wouldn't appreciate them anymore than he had. Sure, Bonnie could a mean spirited, spiteful pain in the ass and he was sure that he could come up with a few more adjectives if he'd just put his mind to it, but he didn't really bear her any personal animosity. After all, she did take him home to recover in her room even if her motives weren't entirely pure and selfless. Though, to be honest, Bonnie's motives had proven to be anything but pure and selfless.

"Sleep tight, Bon-Bon," he murmured quietly as he finally left.

**XXXXX**

Ron sat down heavily on the bench, panting from the brisk walk from Bonnie's house to the BVS Pharmacy near Bueno Nacho. Perhaps he wasn't as fully recovered from his double impact with the billboard as he'd originally thought. Ron allowed himself a moment to ruminate on the days events as he struggled to catch his breath.

He tugged thoughtfully on his chin as his foot began tapping a rapid staccato against the ground. Something wasn't right here. Actually, the entire day hadn't gone right, but why dwell on that unpleasant fact.

Why after all those years of being ignored and shunned was he suddenly irresistible to the women? Sure Ron had tried and failed to cultivate the ladies' man image, but to be brutally honest dismal failure would have been an improvement. True , he had asked out pop star Britina and been flatly rejected, but how many guys could even say that much. And then there was the time with cool Le Goop haircut, but that had turned him into someone that wasn't himself. In fact, the only thing that had changed recently was that he now became female when splashed with cold water. Ron frowned and his foot began tapping faster.

Could that really be the reason? Was it that the women could somehow sense his feminine side? But why on earth would they be attracted to his girl half? With a shake of his head Ron discarded that line of thought. After all, Bonnie had seen him in his girl body, but had failed to recognize him. And there was certainly nothing to indicate that Bonnie was interested in anything other than Ron's male half. Come to think of it, when he had made the switch to his girl half, that had been when the boys had started chasing her.

So it was definitely some quality about her, him, whatever. This curse business could really confusing sometimes. Ron's foot continued tapping loudly as tried to piece together what few facts he had to this warped puzzle.

"Would you mind not doing that?" a querulous voice asked from beside him, waspishly cutting into Ron's thought processes.

"WAH! Mrs. Pendergast! Get away! Get away!" Ron cried as he reeled reflexively from the 80 year-old grandmother that had sat on the bench beside him unnoticed. He waved his hands about protectively to ward off the advances of the senior citizen.

And good thing too. For the elderly grandmother was repeatedly belting him with her oversized and very heavy purse. "That is a very rude thing to say, young man!" Mrs. Pendergast berated Ron loudly.

Abruptly something occurred to Ron. "You're not in love with me," he realized and lowered his arms, despite still being thrashed by the irate grandmother.

"It must only be teenagers affected," he reasoned. It made sense in a way, after all teenagers had all those hormones and such. Something about Ron must be affecting all of that in some weird sciencey way. Unless.

Magic. And that meant a love potion.

Had to be. Only didn't Perfume promise that she wasn't going to use one on him. Unless Yori or Lo Shin had decided to mess with the love potions. But why would they give him something that would make other girls fall in love with him.

Ron shook his head. It didn't matter. He needed to talk to Perfume. "Sorry, Mrs. Pendergast," he apologized quickly as he rose to his feet and ran off in the direction of his house.

Mrs. Pendergast sat heavily on the now vacated bench, completely exhausted from the thrashing she'd given to the upstart youth. Kids these days had absolutely no manners and even less respect for their elders.

"Mrs. Pendergast, you forgot your glasses on the counter," a clerk from BVS said as he handed the thick lenses over. "You should really get a strap for those."

Mrs. Pendergast settled the glasses on the bridge of her nose and peered through them. "Oh, thank you, Justin," she gushed in gratitude. Apparently there were exceptions to rude kids. "I can't see a single thing without them."

**XXXXX**

"Perfume!" Ron called loudly as he barged through the front door of the house. In record time he canvassed through every room of the completely empty Stoppable home.

"Where is everybody?" he said aloud in wonder. An insistent gurgle reminded Ron that as abused as his body was, it needed refueling to keep up with his activities. Following his stomach's lead Ron trotted down to the kitchen feeling somewhat cheated for having thought of getting Perfume's help and only have her not be in the house when he'd arrived.

He breezed through the pristinely kept kitchen, backpedaling slightly upon spotting a note on the table.

_Ronnie, _

_Took Perfume and the girls to city to get some things in Chinatown.  
__Dinner's in the fridge._

_Mom_

Ron blew out a disgusted breath. Chinatown, that meant a good hour's drive at least. And dinner. That meant they weren't going to be back anytime soon. Exactly what good was it having a mystical magic master around if said master wasn't around when her student needed some help, Ron found himself wondering as he dove into the prepared plate stored in the fridge.

Food was important after all.

Ron sat at the kitchen table, mechanically shoveling food into his waiting mouth as he considered his options. He supposed that he could just sit here and wait for his mother and Perfume to return except for the niggling problem of Yori and Lo Shin. Once they came into range of whatever it was that made him irresistible the chase would again be on. He could hide from the girls and approach Perfume in private, but as for how long that would take gnawed on his mind. He wanted this problem solved ten minutes ago and in the worst possible way too.

He jumped slightly as the kitchen phone rang, but he made no move to pick up the handset. After the day he'd just had Ron felt justified in not answering a call about switching long distance plans. The machine would pick it up if it was something important anyways.

"_Ron? If you're there pick up,_" he heard Kim say through the machine's speaker.

Ron shook his head in silent refusal. What if it was the sound of his voice that caused women to fall for him? It would be like the moodulator incident all over again.

"_Did something happen to your phone? I tried calling it, but you never picked up?_" Kim continued.

Ron frowned. Had his cell phone rang at all today? He reached a hand into his pocket and pulled out a shattered mess of electronics. "Oh man," he whined as he dumped the handful of junk on the table. It must have gotten busted when he'd smashed through that billboard. That meant he'd have to go back using a pager until he could scrimp together enough money for a new phone. Did he even have that pager any more?

"._..I tried calling Monique, but she kept saying 'Busy,' and hanging up. Did something happen that I should know about?_" Kim's voice sounded suspicious and vaguely pissed.

"_Not only that, but Wade sent me something about you stealing a bike and some kind of vandalism?_"

Well, if you wanted to split hairs, but from Ron's point of view it was more of case of running for his life, using the objects on hand and a foiled escape attempt. In short, not his fault.

Kim sighed and seemed to hesitate for a moment. "_Anyway, maybe I was a bit harsh on you earlier and not taking your call was kinda childish._"

For a fleeting moment Ron bristled indignantly at that. Kim had deliberately ignored his call? In retrospect that might have been a blessing in disguise. Love potion at work and all.

"_So, I'll be over in a few. We can talk then,_" Kim finished.

Ron blanched and replayed Kim's words in his head.

Kim? Coming here!

That meant getting this stupid love problem fixed had just gone from pressing to desperately urgent. Ron racked his brain for a solution. He definitely couldn't follow his original plan and simply stay here. Hiding in his room was no good either somehow or other Kim would track him down to the exact room. One of these days he'd have to ask her how she did that.

Ron quickly wolfed down the rest of his dinner plate, no sense in leaving good food unfinished after all. As he bolted from the kitchen Ron tried to recall everything he'd learned in school about love.

Love is a four letter word.

Snappy catchphrases were so not helpful right now.

At least his trusty scooter was here.

Ron shoved the key into the ignition, giving the recalcitrant engine a kick when it coughed and sputtered. With a strangled groan the motor finally decided to come life and he peeled out into the street, heading away from Kim's house.

So what caused love?

Dinner, dancing, moonlit walks and sweet nothings in ears.

Still nothing that was any use.

Ron began to wish that he'd paid more attention during middle school health class. Specifically, the sex ed portion. That had been a mildly uncomfortable and embarrassing period even with the girls not in the room.

The breeze felt refreshing to Ron as he puttered along down the street. Something about teenagers tickled at the back of Ron's mind.

Usually lots of sass, sometimes pimples unless one was fortunate like Kim, heavy backpacks, extra homework, no that was usually just him.

Dating. That was the key.

Now what about dating was it? After all, Ron had gone on a couple of dates so he wasn't working completely blind here.

Touching, kissing, holding hands... blushing, well maybe not him personally.

All of that was caused by...

"Hormones!" Ron burst out excitedly. That had a lot to do with it. That and the brain. At least he thought that the brain had something to do with it. Didn't they say in sex ed class that the brain was a sex organ or was it the other way around?

Ron really wished that he had paid more attention in class now. But if there was a sciencey explanation for what had happened to him he had a strong hunch that it had something to do with the brain. And it just so happened that Ron knew just where an expert on the brain was.

**XXXXX**

Ron pulled into the Middleton Medical Center's parking lot, not even bothering to chain his scooter to the bike rack in his haste. Ron swallowed nervously. There might be a few Sunshine Spreaders around that he'd have to avoid at all costs. High speed foot chases through a hospital were not very conducive to a healing environment.

"Neuro-something or other," he murmured as he scanned the directory. He didn't anticipate any problems getting in to see Mrs. Dr. Possible. He'd certainly been here often enough with Kim, not to mention his stint here as a Sunshine Spreader, but something in his gut told him that he shouldn't just walk openly into Mrs. Dr. Possible's office. The question remained how.

If he dressed up as a Sunshine Spreader he might get drafted into changing bedpans again. Going in as a patient seemed a little bit too risky. No catheters or enemas for him thank you very much. Ditto trying to disguise himself as a doctor or a nurse. A half forgotten fragment of a dream about a brain transplant and a disturbingly vapid smile surged to the surface. How had that dream ended?

Ron cleared his head with a quick shake. None of that was going to help him slip into the hospital. Finally, he located Dr. Possible's name on the directory. Room 417.

Suddenly Ron spotted the means by which he might gain virtually unquestioned access to the hospital corridors. Making sure that no one was watching, he quickly untied a bunch of balloons from a nearby chair and sauntered off as if he had all the right in the world to be there. As he passed by the patients and staff Ron casually averted his face so that no one would be able to recognize him.

Coming to the elevator Ron waited for an empty car before diving in with his bunch of balloons and hurriedly hitting the close button. Alone in the elevator car, Ron wondered if this was a really good idea. Sure, he had faith in the science, especially in the hands of a professional like both Drs. Possible or Wade, but he'd been hit with so much magic over the last couple of years that it was ridiculous.

Science had done little to explain what the Jade Monkeys had initially done to him by exposing him to the Mystical Monkey Power. Nor could it much to explain the Lotus Blade and how it changed shape like it did. And there was now the matter of his curse. He couldn't explain it, but he was both shorter and lighter as a girl. Something that he thought distinctly broke one of those science rules that they always tossed around in class.

No. He had to have faith in the science. Science could help him out of this mess.

He just had to believe.

**XXXXX**

Dr. Andrea Possible sat at her desk, working her way through a large stack of patient files. Thankfully, she didn't have any procedures today and so took the time to review some upcoming cases and catch up on some old ones. The less glamorous side of being of being a board certified neurosurgeon or for that matter any sort of doctor. They never showed this part of the job on shows like _OR_ or _Mercy Medical_.

A quick knock on her office door brought a welcome respite from the tedium of the files. "Come in," she called as she closed a folder and make an attempt to straighten her desk.

"Mrs. Dr. P, I really need your help!" Ron shouted as he pushed through the door and thoroughly getting tangled up in his balloons at the same time.

"Ron? Is there something that you're not telling us?" Mrs. Possible asked with a teasing smile as she pointed a slender finger at the center of Ron's balloon arrangement.

"Huh?" Ron wondered as he looked up at the balloons that had served so well as his camouflage. There, floating prominently in the center of the arrangement was a large Mylar balloon proudly declaring "It's a boy!" Ron's eyes widened in alarm. "I didn't get KP pregnant!" he shouted loudly in his defense, visions of black holes flashing before his eyes.

Mrs. Possible blinked at Ron's vehement and out of place denial. "I didn't say you did."

"Hoo. Heh heh heh. Yeah. Awkward," Ron hissed slowly as he nervously tugged on his collar.

Mrs. Possible shook her head slightly as Ron's odd behavior. In a way, it was rather endearingly cute. She had been slightly disappointed when Kimmie had come back from the Middleton Days Parade and told them that she and Ron weren't an item and that some sort of mind control device had been responsible. She and James had years to witness the hundreds, perhaps thousands of little things Kim and Ron had done for each other that all but declared 'I love you,' but both of them knew from experience that these sort of things had to be sorted out on their own.

"Relax, Ron. I was only kidding," she said as she took the arrangement from him, set it to one side and steered him to a chair in front of her desk. "Now what can I help you with?"

"I am suddenly irresistible to teenage women," Ron declared in an absolutely serious voice.

Mrs. Dr. Possible frowned and crossed her arms. "Ron, no joking around," she ordered sternly.

Ron shook his head emphatically and looked up at the older woman imploringly, hoping that she'd believe him despite his rather unbelievable tale. "It's no joke! Suddenly, every teenage girl I meet is hot for Ron!"

Mrs. Possible stared into the eyes of her daughter's first and best friend, marveling at how the boy had grown into a man as Ron launched into a recitation of the odd happenings of his day. She nodded and made encouraging noises in all the appropriate places as her eyes roamed up and down Ron's body, admiring at how he had filled out in recent years. She had watched him grow from an adorable little boy with a slightly philosophical bent into a fine young man who was braver and stronger than he or anyone else gave him credit for.

Plus there were those absolutely adorable ears.

Not to say that she wasn't completely in love with her husband and soul mate James, but for some reason that didn't seem to matter very much at the moment. Because right at that very moment Andrea Possible wanted nothing more than to take advantage of the man that her daughter was so blatantly ignoring. But her office was in far to public a place to do anything. At least not anything that she had in mind. A nice, out of the way lab where there was little chance of interruption seemed just the ticket.

"Well, sounds to me like we should run some tests," Andrea said brightly as she took charge of the situation.

Ron cut his story short, having only just finished recounting the part about Monique ambushing him in the photo booth. "You mean you believe me?" he asked hopefully.

"Of course, I do," Andrea said as she chastely gave Ron a reassuring pat on his cheek.

"Oh, thank you, Mrs. Dr. P!" Ron cried as he grabbed Kim's mother in a grateful hug around the waist. "There were some times when I didn't believe it myself."

"Don't worry, I'll do everything I can to help," she said a blush rising on her cheeks as she stroked Ron's blonde hair. "But we should keep you out of sight."

Ron nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I thought about that. I mean I have no idea why girls kept falling love with me. It could have been the sound of my voice or something. That's why I couldn't pick up the phone and tell Kim when she called."

Personally, Andrea thought that was a waste. Oh well. Kimmie's loss was her gain after all. And it wasn't that she was going to take Ron permanently away from her daughter. This was more in the nature of... borrowing. Andrea smiled. Yes, borrowing. That was the perfect way of looking at that. She'd put Ron back on the shelf tomorrow... or maybe the day after that.

"That was very prudent of you, Ron," Andrea commented. "After all, you wouldn't want Kimmie to fall in love with you like the last time."

"Thanks Mrs. Dr. P. So what tests should we take?" Ron asked with just a hint of trepidation entering his voice. "Nothing that involves needles I hope."

"No, let's start with an MRI scan," Andrea said after a moment.

"Why would I eye exam? It's these hormones that are the problem," Ron said with an adorably bewildered expression on his face.

"MRI. Magnetic Resonance Imaging," Andrea began to explain, but cut herself short as Ron's expression grew even more lost. "It's a way of looking inside your head without cutting you open," she amended into a simplified explanation.

"Oh! Well, I'm all for that, Mrs. Dr. P," Ron said enthusiastically now that he understood that it didn't involve needles. "Lead the way."

It was entirely too likely that they'd run into other people if they used the elevator so Andrea took Ron by the hand and led him to the stairwell and up a couple of flights to the MRI lab. She briefly considered making her move in the stairwell, but instantly dismissed it as too accessible not to mention that the sound would carry. Once on they had reached the proper floor Andrea cautiously poked her head through the door to make sure that the way was clear.

Satisfied that the hallway was clear, the two stepped out of the stairwell moved on to their ultimate destination. After a few moments however they heard footsteps approaching them from around the corner and Ron looked up at Mrs. Dr. P for guidance on how they would explain his presence in the hospital. Seeing an opportunity for a little bit of together time Andrea took Ron in her arms and turned her body to mostly shield him from view. Ron froze at the unexpected contact, especially when her hand guided his head to rest on her breast.

"There, there," she murmured soothingly as she stroked Ron's head held comfortingly to her breast. Catching on, Ron let out a choked sob and quivered as if in grief.

Dr. Warren and the nurse nodded silently to Dr. Possible as she consoled an obviously distraught family member and the two hurried past to give the two a modicum of privacy. Abruptly, a nagging thought occurred to Dr. Warren and he turned to the nurse. "Did Dr. Possible lose a patient today?"

"No, I don't think she even had any procedures scheduled for today," the nurse replied. "Maybe it was something personal."

"Maybe," Dr. Warren conceded and decided to let the issue drop.

Andrea watched as Dr. Warren and the nurse turned a corner out of sight. Even after the pair was safely out of sight she held onto Ron for a few more seconds before releasing him.

"Sorry about that Ron," she said, only mildly apologetic about handling him in such a way. It had felt very nice to have Ron nestled there comfortably on her chest.

"Not a booblem, I mean problem! Problem!" Ron said loudly, correcting his Freudian slip.

"Shh," Andrea cautioned as she put a finger to Ron's lips. She couldn't help but smile at Ron's slip. It meant that Ron had noticed that she was a woman after all. So much the better.

The rest of the walk to the MRI lab passed without incident, giving Andrea no further opportunities to pull Ron close. But once they were inside the lab, the opportunities would abound. She'd chosen this lab because it was out of the way and by a good piece of fortune scheduled for some routine maintenance before resuming use on Monday. No one should be coming around to interrupt.

"Cool," Ron breathed as the lights came on to reveal a large donut shaped machine dominating the center of the room. Well, the only thing in the room really, the rest of it was curiously bare.

"Okay, the first thing you need to do is get undressed," Mrs. Dr. Possible told Ron as she closed to the door to the MRI lab behind her.

"Huh?" Ron squeaked plaintively, whipping his head around as he grabbed possessively at his belt.

Dr. Possible shook her head to assuage Ron's fears and pointed to the MRI machine. "That is a very powerful magnet, so you can't have any metal on you while you're being scanned. And it's hospital policy to have patients dressed in patient gowns."

"Oh, I guess I understand that," Ron said, mollified by the explanation and looked around the room curiously. "Uh, is there a changing room or something?"

Mrs. Dr. P smiled at him. "It's okay, Ron. It's nothing I haven't seen before. I am a doctor you know. Besides, you used to swim naked with Kimmie in the kiddie pool."

"We were FIVE!" Ron shouted defensively, his hand once again clasped around his belt buckle.

Andrea laughed at how panicked Ron looked as he made that statement and pointed off to the side. "There's a changing room right there. Remember. Hospital gown and no metal."

Ron nodded and bolted for the safety of changing room. He couldn't be sure, but the look in Mrs. Dr. P's eyes seemed just a bit too disturbingly predatory. It was almost the same look that had been in Monique's and Bonnie's eyes. But that was ridiculous. Whatever it was only worked on teenagers. Ron was beginning to have his doubts. But that was completely ridiculous. He'd known Kim's mom nearly as long as he'd known Kim. She was like a second mother to him and fed him cookies and milk and countless other goodies over the years.

The thought that Mrs. Dr. P was hitting on him was simply... insane. Ron calmed himself down. No, Mrs. Dr. P hadn't made a pass at him. Taking him by the hand was probably meant to keep him from pressing any shiny red buttons. He knew he had that problem only it usually worked to his advantage since the shiny red button usually made the villain's lair go BOOM! Not that a hospital would have a button that would make it go boom, but one never knew.

And the holding him bit was just meant to throw off the other doctors. Nothing untoward there. Yup, that had been a purely maternal hug, meant to look like a doctor comforting someone. Yup, all fine. Except his big mouth had to go and say 'booblem.' Great. Mrs. Dr. P'll go home, tell Kim and then... then he was dead. And afterwards, Mr. Dr. P would send him off to the black hole just for good measure.

Well, at least Mrs. Dr. P was taking it all in stride. He had heard it said that if one wanted to know what a girl would be like in twenty years one should look at the mother. If that was really the case, then it was fairly obvious that Kim would have no problems in the future.

Ron thumped the side of his head to remind himself to stop thinking like that, especially when one was wearing a flimsy hospital gown. He finished setting his clothes aside and reached up to pull the Lotus Blade from around his neck. The amulet glinted reproachfully at him as he laid it on top of his clothes.

"Don't look at me that way," Ron admonished the Lotus Blade. "You heard Mrs. Dr. P, no metal."

The Lotus Blade blurred and resolved itself into the shape of a simple stone amulet on a braided leather cord.

"Hmmm," Ron grunted in surprise as he picked up the revamped amulet. "Didn't know it could do that." Curiously he flicked a fingernail against the stone, but heard the distinct ring of metal. He held the amulet back out at arms length. "Nice try, but no," he said as he laid the disguised Lotus Blade back on top of his pile of clothes. Almost sullenly the Lotus Blade shifted back to its original amulet form.

"Now behave," Ron said firmly as he stepped out of the changing room and it may have been just a trick of the light, but the way the amulet flashed somehow gave the impression of a naked mole rat blowing a raspberry.

Ron stepped out of the changing room and looked around curiously. "Mrs. Dr. P?" he called out tentatively as tried unsuccessfully to keep the breezy flap of his gown closed.

"Right here, Ronnie," Andrea breathed softly into his ear as she sidled up behind him.

"YAAH!" Ron screamed and jumped in the air, affording Andrea a quick flash of Ron's bare butt. That was an unexpected bonus. She'd really expected him to have left his boxers on. This was going to be easier than she had first thought.

"Wha-buh-how'd you do that?" Ron demanded as he tried to regain control of his breathing.

Andrea twisted her body coyly. "Come on, Ron. Did you really think that Kimmie was the only one in the family with... the mad skills."

Ron had to consider that for a moment. "Well, no. But I thought most of that came from Nana."

"I think I'm insulted," Andrea pouted.

Ron recognized the pout that was usually displayed on another face. "Wah! Sorry! But that's Kim's!"

Andrea laughed at that as the pout disappeared from her face. Kimmie had almost exactly the same reaction the last time she had used the pout. "Okay. I'll put it away, but I think I'll be borrowing something else of hers."

"Huh?"

"Tell me, Ron," Mrs. Possible said softly as she undid the buttons on her lab coat and let the cloth puddle around her feet. "Do you think I'm a, what's the term you kids use these days, MILF?"

Ron gulped and backed away. "Mrs. Dr. Possible, are-are you trying to se-seduce me?"

"Andrea," she corrected as she leaned against the inert MRI machine.

"Ah-buh-buh-wha?" Ron babbled in a confused panic.

"Call me Andrea and yes, I am," she said with a sultry smile as she loosened the belt to her dress and sauntered forward.

Ron stared at Mrs. Possible completely aghast and dumbstruck at this new direction that his love problem had suddenly taken. It wasn't fair! It was only supposed to work on teenagers! He wanted to wail about how unfair life was, but his mouth kept moving soundlessly, trying to find the words right up until the moment when Dr. Andrea Possible covered it with her own.

It was all too much for Ron's poor fragile mind. The camel that broke the proverbial needle's back or something like that. Ron's sanity took one quick look around at the dangers that abounded and decided that it was far, far safer to just bury its head in the sand. So for just a single instant Ron was able to forget his circumstances and enjoy the kiss. It was firm, but soft, forceful, and yet yielding and tasted vague reminiscent of... kiwi. But such bliss was not to last for the part of Ron's mind labeled 'Flight,' decided it was time to give the Ostrich a kick in the rear.

It took a few moments for Ron's fried and frazzled mind to reboot and process what was happening to him.

He realized that he was being kissed.

That was good. That was _really_ good.

He jumped slightly as he felt a hand grab his rear.

Okay, not your normal everyday experience, but still good.

So who was kissing him again?

He opened his eyes and caught a glimpse of red hair.

Wait. Red hair?

Uh oh. This could be bad. No. Wait. Never mind. It's short red hair. Phew.

Wait a second. _Short_ red hair?

Ron's eyes widened as Mrs. Dr. Possible pulled away from him, a pleased smile on her face. She glanced downwards and her smile grew even broader.

Reality and sanity finally came crashing back in on a cold, cruel wave as Ron Stoppable finally realized what had just happened.

"AAAIIIIIEEEEEE!"

**XXXXX**

"Chinatown indeed," Perfume muttered sourly as she stomped into her room. "They have no business calling themselves Chinatown if they don't have a simple thing like... WHO'S THERE!" she suddenly shouted as she whipped her staff around to a darkened corner of the room.

"Perfume. Please. I need your help," Ron, nearly at the end of his rope, moaned desperately as he shambled forward.

Perfume blinked... and quickly lashed out with her staff to strike the top of Ron's head. Ron yelped in pain as he grabbed at the injury and closed his eyes.

"That-that was close," Perfume said as she held a hand to her rapidly beating heart. "L-look the other way," she commanded.

"Huh?" Ron asked, cracking open an eye at the odd command.

"No peeking!" Perfume snapped as she laid another blow atop Ron's head.

"OW! Why are you hitting me!" Ron demanded as he turned away from the Amazon.

"There's some magic at work here," Perfume muttered to herself.

"See that's what I thought," Ron chimed in still nursing his head.

"Quickly, did anything strange happen to you today?" Perfume demanded.

"You mean other than every single woman I met wanting to jump my bones? Nope, not a thing," Ron answered sourly.

Perfume considered that. "Passion Spice, it has to be." Her voice sounded thoughtful and confused at the same time.

"Passion Spice? What's that?" Ron asked curiously.

"It's forbidden, is what it is," Perfume answered back tartly. "Years ago honeymooning couples would take the Spice to make the honeymoon a bit more 'vigorous.'"

"I got the picture," Ron commented. "Why's it forbidden then?"

"There was too much potential for abuse. The spice causes the taker to fall in love with the first member of the opposite sex they make eye contact with. That pervert Happosai nearly got away with unspeakable things with the spice." Perfume shuddered at the unpleasant memory.

"Whoa, I haven't fallen in love with anybody," Ron protested. "And I certainly didn't give anyone any spice!"

"That's what's puzzling," Perfume said. "When this all start?"

"It started happening at Bueno Nacho. Right after Chin Kang gave... me... the... soda," Ron answered as realization struck home. "Chin Kang! Why that no good little... He did this to me!"

Perfume sighed. She'd had a feeling that something of this nature was going to occur sooner or later. Though she had expected Chin Kang to start off with the simpler things like shrieking mandrake seeds, flowers of despair or even flowers of motherhood. For him to have jumped directly to the Passion Spice meant that he was either incredibly desperate or incredibly stupid.

In all likelihood, probably both.

"Well, how long is this stuff supposed to last?" Ron asked plaintively.

Perfume shrugged. "It all depends on the dose. If he used a little, hours, maybe days."

"Days!" Ron burst out. "But I have school! And mission work with Kim! And there are three other women in this house! One of whom I am related to!"

"I suppose you'll just have to avoid them," Perfume suggested.

Ron's face fell at that and he bit back a savage curse. "When I get my hands on Chin Kang..." he growled as his fingers flexed like talons closing around their prey. "Wait a minute," Ron said, cutting his furious diatribe short as an extremely disturbing thought occurred to him. "You said if he used a little. What happens if he used a lot?"

"Then the love effect could go for months or even years," Perfume told him.

"Years!" Ron squeaked in horror. "I can't go for years with my eyes shut!"

"Well, I'm pretty sure I can come up with an antidote," Perfume muttered. "I mean, Cologne's had the most experience with Yakusai potions, but I'm reasonably sure I can."

"Perfume! You have to fix this!" Ron shouted, turning towards the Amazon matriarch and grabbing at her shoulders in desperation.

Perfume looked into Ron's eyes, then down at his hands on her shoulders and then back up at Ron's face.

Ron face went pale in horror as he suddenly realized the grave mistake he had just committed.

"AAAIIIIIEEEEEE!"

**XXXXX**

"Stupid, lousy, no good, conniving, little runt," Ron growled imprecations down upon Chin Kang's head as he wearily trudged along the street. Somewhere along the way he'd managed to pick up a discarded broom handle and was now using it as an impromptu crutch to help aid his steps.

It had taken just about every last bit of energy Ron had remaining in him to ditch Perfume. The old lady was far, far older than anyone Ron had ever met, well with the exception of the other Amazon matriarch, but had proven to be remarkably spry when she was chasing something she wanted. Unfortunately, it had been Ron that she had wanted at the time. In all honesty, Ron didn't really know how he had managed to escape. At some point, Perfume simply seemed to give up.

Be that as it may, Ron couldn't risk going home. It would be bad enough if he ran into either Lo Shin or Yori. They'd have him dragged up to the altar before he could get in a word edgewise. Even worse if he happened to run into Perfume again. Ron didn't even want to think about what Perfume would do with him. But most importantly he absolutely could not, would not risk running into his mother. He had quite enough problems on his plate to deal with already without adding _that_ to the mix thank you very much.

Ron kept his eyes downcast as he shuffled along the street. Just so long as he didn't make eye contact or run into anyone who was already in 'love' with him he'd be alright. His shuffling steps paused as he found a pair of slender feet blocking his path and tapping impatiently on the pavement. Something seemed familiar about those feet though. "Excuse me," he mumbled as he tried to skirt around the person.

"You look like hell," a familiar voice observed and Ron's eyes involuntarily snapped upward in alarm.

"Waaah! KP!" he shrieked as he flung an arm up over his eyes. That little maneuver cost him though as he lost his balance and landed on his back with a thump. "Don't look at me! Don't look at me!" he yelled as he resolutely screwed his eyes shut and scrabbled backwards.

"Amp down, Ron," Kim said with an expressive roll of her eyes at Ron's melodramatic antics. "I'm not mad anymore."

"You're not?" Ron asked timidly as he lowered his arm, but kept his eyes firmly shut.

"Well, not as mad," she amended. "What is it with you boys and shopping?"

Ron chuckled nervously as he lurched to his feet while keeping his eyes shut. Not exactly an easy task when one was as battered and exhausted as he was. "Well, that's the thing of it. I can't really remember right at this moment."

Kim watched curiously as Ron with his eyed still closed swayed unsteadily on his feet and nearly walked into a lamppost. With a shake of her head she grabbed Ron's arm before he stepped completely off the sidewalk and into the gutter.

"Ron, look at me," Kim ordered.

He shook his head in adamant refusal. "Not gonna happen, Kim."

"And why not?" Kim demanded.

"Because if I do, you're going to fall in love with me," Ron told her matter-of-factly. "And your dad's already going to put me in a black hole!"

Though Ron couldn't see it, Kim leveled a skeptical look at him. "O-kay," she said slowly, not at all following Ron's train of thought.

"No, I mean really!" Ron said loudly, right on the verge of yelling really. He needed Kim to understand. Perhaps then she would not be as tweaked when she finally heard about Monique, Bonnie, Tara and -gulp- her mother.

"Chin Kang gave me a potion to fall in love with the first woman I made eye contact with," he explained as he wildly waved his arms around.

"Oh," Kim said as an icy trickle of fear froze her heart. To lose Ron to either Yori or Lo Shin would have been unbearable, but to lose him to some random girl thanks to the work of some love potion... "So who is it?"

"That's just it. No one," Ron said and Kim's heart began beating again in relief. "Or maybe everyone. It's all so confusing."

"Ron, you're not making a lot of sense," Kim said cutting Ron's babbling explanation short.

"It worked in reverse," Ron finally managed to get out. "Every girl I made eye contact with fell in love with _me_!"

Kim scowled irritably. This was way worse. Ron had never been much of a ladies' man despite such an effort to cultivate such an image, but if he suddenly had the power to make any girl fall in love with him... After all, he had let Bonnie fawn over him when he had his naco money. How could she expect him not to abuse it?

"Wow, you must have had a lot of fun with that," Kim said, her words tossed out like chips of ice.

"Are you kidding me!" Ron burst out. "It was hell!"

"Sure, I believe that," Kim snorted. "After all, having dozens of girls hanging on your arm must be extremely taxing."

"Well sure, if their parents had taught them how to share!" Ron pointed out and then frowned in confusion. "And how did we get on the subject of taxes?"

"Quit changing the subject, Ron!" Kim shouted. "Who fell in love with you!"

"Well, now that I think about it was more of a lust potion really," Ron amended as he tried to avoid giving Kim details about his day. The less she heard the better.

Kim glared. "Ron, do you see this look I'm giving you right now?"

Ron waved fingers in front of his firmly shut eyes. "Can't see a thing, KP."

"If you don't spill and right now about these girls then I am going to get really mad," Kim told him.

"Okay, okay," Ron said, finally caving in to Kim's pressure tactics. "Well, first there was Monique."

That explained the phone calls. "Go on," Kim pressed.

Ron gulped and considered a brief edit, but finally decided against it. "Then there was, uh, well, you see... Bonnie."

Kim stared at Ron, horrified by what she had just heard. Her best friend and _Bonnie_ of all people? "And..."

"Tara."

That was more or less expected since Tara had shown an interest in Ron before. "So what about Yori or Lo Shin," she asked bristling slightly in suspicion.

Ron shook his head emphatically at that. "Uh uh. I made sure to avoid them. One look and its off to the altar and then off to the Far East for me."

Kim let out a breath that she hadn't even been aware that she'd been holding. "So anyone else?"

"Well, a couple of girls I never met before at the mall. Oh and then there was Josh and Brick."

Kim blinked at that last part. "I didn't know they swung that way," she murmured in surprise.

"Oh! No! Ew! KP! Get your mind out of the gutter! I changed into a girl to get away from Monique and Bonnie. That's when Josh and Brick started chasing after me," Ron said quickly.

"Oh, sorry, Ron," Kim had to stifle a giggle as she imagined Ron finding out that his solution hadn't been much of a solution at all. "So any other girls?"

Ron flinched guiltily and tugged at his collar. "No, no other _girls_," he finally managed to squeak with a nervous chuckle.

Kim frowned suspiciously at that. From long experience she had a feeling that there was something that Ron wasn't telling her.

"Hoo. Heh heh heh. So you can obviously see why I couldn't take your call and why I had to leave before you came over," Ron pressed on, his voice quavering nervously before Kim could call him on his little omission. The less Kim knew about his trip to the hospital the better. Actually it would be better for all parties involved if Kim didn't find out _anything_ about what had happened at the hospital.

"Wait a second, you knew I was coming over and you _left_?" Kim asked incredulously.

"Well, I didn't know how mad you were, or how the love potion worked," Ron said desperately, sensing that for some reason he was treading on thin ice.

"So what, you couldn't have left a note or picked up the phone or talked to me through the door?" Kim demanded.

"I didn't know how the love potion _worked_," Ron repeated defensively. "It could have been how I smelled, the sound of my voice. Anything!"

"I've smelled you before. Trust me. That wouldn't be it," Kim returned dismissively.

"Kim! I couldn't chance a repeat of the moodulators!" Ron shouted.

"Oh, I _see_," Kim declared hotly, a distant part of her wondering why it was that she was so offended by that. "So you just don't want _me_ falling in love with you."

Ron pulled at his hair in frustration, the day's events having royally frazzled his people skills. "When you say it that way it sounds so wrong!"

"No, I understand," Kim retorted. "So who'd you ultimately choose to end up spreading some 'Ron-shine' with? Was it Monique? Or Tara? Or how about Bonnie? Or did you take all three of them?"

Ron puffed up indignantly at the accusing tone in Kim's voice. "One. You're overreacting. Two. That is a gross misuse of the term 'Ron-shine.' Three. You ended that sentence with a preposition."

"You don't even know what that means," Kim shot back.

"Well, maybe not in so many words," Ron said defensively.

"You-you-you," Kim tried to come up with the words that could express her disdain, what she felt for Ron at this very moment. The words were out there, hovering just out of reach and whatever they were they weren't very complimentary.

Ron reached out his hands and even with his eyes closed managed to somehow place them gently on Kim's shoulders. "KP, my friendship with you is too important for me to risk with some love potion or whatever. That's why I was going to break up with you at the parade." He had debated with himself about the ramifications of a dating relationship with Kim and came to the inescapable conclusion that things might go terribly wrong and flush years of friendship right down the toilet.

"Then we went to Japan and I thought I had lost you at Yamanochi." Ron shuddered slightly as he recalled the heartache he had felt when he woke up in the Tendo home and knew with certainty that Kim was gone. Life had seemed so bleak and hoepless at that moment. And to make it worse it had been his fault too.

"That's why I couldn't wait for you at my house. That's why I can't look at you now." What did it matter if Kim was tossed off a cliff or just simply gone from his life. Gone was gone. And there was nothing he could do to ensure thata relationship wouldn't screw up their friendship. No. Much better to stay the course and not venture into that dangerous ground. "Even if I have to keep my eyes shut for the rest of my life I'll do it. I can't risk you. I'm not strong enough," he finished softly.

Kim stared up at Ron. Were those tears leaking out from underneath his eyelids? When he had first laid his hands on her she had been nearly ready to belt him good. Now, after hearing all that.

"Ron, look at me," she said softly.

Ron dropped his hands and recoiled. "Kim! Didn't you hear a word I said?"

Kim nodded. "I heard. But you're my friend Ron. I want to help you with this. Find a cure. I don't want you to have to go the rest of your life wearing a blindfold."

"Blindfold!" Ron exclaimed as he slapped himself on the forehead. "Why didn't I think of that?"

"Probably because you were too busy running for your life," Kim guessed. "You did run, right?"

"Oh, like you wouldn't believe, KP," Ron answered.

"But seriously Ron, I want you to look at me so I can know what we're dealing with here." Kim continued. "If I – if I do end up falling in love with you, I trust you enough not to take advantage of me if I start coming on to you." Suddenly she began blushing. "I mean, you already have experience with that."

Ron swallowed nervously. "Well, if you're sure, KP."

Kim nodded. "I'm sure," she said, remembering that Ron had his eyes still closed.

Ron took a deep breath and slowly opened his eyes. It took a moment for his eye sight to adjust as his gaze locked upon Kim's brilliant green eyes looking up at him. He flinched slightly at what he saw in Kim's eyes. A smidge of fear, that Ron had been right and this was a disaster waiting to happen. A little bit of anger, she was still a little bit mad at him for splatting her at Bueno Nacho. A touch of suspicion, she knew that he was hiding something about what had happened today. A measure of hurt, she was hurt that Ron couldn't trust her to help. A good dose of determination, she'd stand by her word and help Ron through this crisis. A whole lot of compassion, after all those years of friendship she couldn't help but care for Ron. And finally something that Ron couldn't name, that defied description, but left him with a feeling of warm summer day.

Kim held her breath as Ron opened his eyes and met her gaze. She was rocked back on her heels by what she saw in Ron's liquid brown eyes. Panic, raw unreasoning panic that this was the worst mistake he had ever made. Fear that he was going to lose her. Fear,he was afraid about what she would find out about today. Hope, he hoped that there was a cure. Trust, he trusted Kim with every fiber of his being. Determination, he wasn't going to let anything happen to her and he would do anything for her. Compassion, after all those years of friendship he couldn't help but to care for Kim. And finally something that Kim couldn't name, that defied description, but left her with a feeling of a warm summer day.

"So, are you in love with me yet?" Ron asked slowly as he maintained contact with Kim's brilliant green eyes. Kim kept staring into Ron's eyes as her hands slowly moved up to cup Ron's face. Ron let his eyes sag closed as Kim's hands cupped his cheeks and he leaned forward. "KP," he murmured softly.

His eyes snapped open as he felt Kim's fingers pinch his cheeks and pull his lips into a rictus of a grin.

"Ron Stoppable, you are such a dork," Kim declared, the merriment twinkling in her eyes taking the sting out of her words.

"So is that a yes or a no?" Ron gurgled uncertainly through his stretched lips.

"It's a 'no,' Ron. I don't feel any different about you than I did a minute ago," Kim laughed.

Ron's face lit up at the news. "Then that means... I'm cured!" he shouted into the night sky.

"BOOYAH!" he shouted as he jumped into the air in celebration. After several moments of pumping his fist triumphantly into the air Ron grabbed Kim in a hug and spun her around, laughing in relief all the while.

Ron's laughter was infectious for Kim was laughing right along with him as she playfully swatted at him and tried to get Ron to put her down. "So obviously you're crushed," she deadpanned as Ron finally set her back on her feet. "Don't worry we'll find a way to deal."

"This is great! Back to normal!" Ron crowed. He continued capering about in celebration until a rustle in the bushes caused him to freeze in dread.

"Oh no," he gasped. "They found me."

"There you are," Perfume said as she hopped out of the bushes. "It's a good thing I found you."

"Eek!" Ron whimpered and quickly moved to hide behind Kim.

"Relax," Perfume said quickly to reassure the terrified teen. "I've taken an antidote."

"Antidote?" Kim asked.

"For the love potion," Perfume supplied. "But from the looks of it, itappears thatthe potion has already worn off."

"Are you sure about that?" Kim pressed, wondering if Ron should take the antidote just in case.

"Did you look into his eyes?" Perfume asked and Kim nodded. "And did you try to jump him and rip off his clothes?"

Kim blushed at that imagery and was silent as she shook her head.

"Then the potion's effects have worn off," Perfume said.

"So, what you're saying is that the potion had worn off before I looked at KP?" Ron asked curiously, just to make sure that he was cured and Perfume wasn't going to resume her pursuit.

Perfume shrugged and gave the two of them a piercing look. "It's either that, or it was true love."

Both teens looked at each other a little uncomfortably at that. "So... wore off?" Ron suggested.

Kim nodded quickly in agreement. "Wore off."

"Wait, what about the girls that were affected by the spice?" Ron suddenly asked. "Will it wear off on them too?"

Perfume shrugged again. "In normal use of Passion Spice, the affected parties usually wake up with a headache and some vague memories."

"So what kind of details are we talking here," Ron pressed.

"Images, words, faces, who knows?" Perfume said.

"Heh heh, well isn't that great," Ron groaned and Kim looked at him curiously, knowing that there was more Ron's story that he was telling her.

"Ah, what a wonderful night it's been," Perfume said, stretching. "All of this love business has me feeling about fifty years younger." A sheaf of papers fell from Perfume's voluminous sleeve as she swung her arms back down.

"What's all this?" Kim asked curiously as she picked up the pages and leafed through the Chinese script.

Perfume pressed her hands to her blushing cheeks as she twisted slightly away from the two teens in embarrassment. "Oh, I'm embarrassed to say," she giggled. "That's just a romance story I wrote starring me and Ron."

Ron looked aghast at the thick stack of papers. He snatched them from Kim's hands and leafed through the pages as well, his face going paler as he saw the cramped Chinese letters that spoke of volumes of details that he so did not want to know.

"I just kept getting distracted as I was making an antidote," Perfume confessed, still blushing.

"I have never been so glad that I can't read Chinese," Ron whimpered tearfully.

**XXXXX**

Monique rubbed at her head, grimacing at the painful throbbing she felt there. She looked around, wondering what she was doing in her car at the Middleton Mall. She was supposed to have met with Kim and Ron and gone shopping, but... her memory was a little fuzzy.

Maybe some aspirin would clear that headache up.

She reached for her purse and swore softly when she found the strap broken. That had been a new purse too. Gotten on sale, but still new. She wanted to get mad about it, but rising blood pressure made her head throb anew.

Vowing to get righteously mad and find the person who'd broken her purse she reached her hand in, searching for the small bottle of headache medicine. Lipstick, compact, pictures, wallet.

Wait. Pictures?

Monique pulled the pictures from her purse, squinting in the low light. She raised her arm and toggled the car's dome light, wincing in pain as the harsh illumination stabbed into her eyes. She studied the pictures again. Cheap photo booth stuff. The kind that people sometimes took on a date.

Abruptly, her eyes widened and she drew the picture close in disbelief. There, unmistakably captured on film, was a picture ofher pouncing hungrily on one Ron Stoppable.

"WHAT! she shrieked and instantly regretted the throbbing that her voice set off.

**XXXXX**

Bonnie returned to consciousness with a fitful groan. She felt awful and sore all over. She was lying in her bed, so that was a good thing at least. After a couple of moments, she was finally able to sit up in the bed.

The sudden motion caused Bonnie's head to throb in pain and she clutched at her head in a rustle of red cloth. She gave the cloth held in her hand a curious glance and immediately discarded it when the pounding redoubled. She clutched at her head and let out a little mew of despair as the pain mounted until it felt as if her head would split.

Little by little, the pain slowly receded until it reached the point where Bonnie decided she might live after all. She frowned in confusion as it dawned on her that she was wearing her new Latex & Lace set. She hadn't intended on breaking it in for another couple weeks yet. Not until Brick had learned his lesson and came back to her on his knees. She raised her head and saw the completely wrecked state of her room.

Bonnie let out a furious growl as she flung the covers off her. Her headache was all but a distant memory. She stared at the mess left of her dressing table, her fury mounting. "Someone's going to pay for this," she swore as she turned around and nearly stumbled on something underfoot.

Bonnie swore loudly again upon seeing the contents of her private drawer strewn about the floor. She kicked a few of them into a small pile and noted that most, if not all, had lubricant coated on them. That was puzzling. Usually she only used one or two of them at any given time. Brick hadn't even seen more than one or two of the tamer ones.

Frowning at this puzzle, Bonnie began to change out of the fetish wear when her feet tangled up in the red cloth that she had flung away earlier. With a snarl she snatched it up off the floor. She knew there was nothing so tacky in her closet so it had to have been left by her male 'visitor.'

She held the cloth up, revealing an unadorned red hockey jersey. A very familiar red hockey jersey. Bonnie's eyes widened. "Oh no," she breathed softly in horror as her legs gave way beneath her and she collapsed on her bedroom floor with a thump.

**XXXXX**

Dr. Andrea Possible woke with a start at her desk and rubbed at her sore neck. She glanced at her office clock, noting the time in alarm. It was well past dinnertime. James and the kids would be worried. Strange. She hadn't fallen asleep at her desk like that since her college days. She blinked sleepily and glanced about her desk with a sigh. She hadn't nearly gotten the work done that she thought she would.

A slight flutter caught her eye and Andrea saw a bunch of balloons floating in a corner of her office. Proudly displayed in the middle of the arrangement was a large Mylar balloon declaring "It's a boy!"

"Now that just begs an explanation," Andrea commented with an uplifted eyebrow as picked up her phone to make a call home.

"Hi James, it's me," she said into the phone as she shuffled her files around on her desk. "No, no. I just fell asleep at my desk. No. I'll just grab some dinner on the way home. For some reason I have a craving for Bueno Nacho."

Next: Drakken and Shego return in 'Second Best'

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Wooo! So very sorry to be so long between updates. I promise to do my best to have the next installment up within a couple of weeks. Been about six months since my last one and there have been a lot of changes since then. These new forum and reply features seem pretty nifty. Nah, I don't think I'm going to set up my own personal fiefdom in the forum realm anytime soon. Well, unless I get bombarded with a mess of questions. I will try and make an effort to reply to signed reviews though.

You might be confused to see the beginning of a mission last chapter, but then this chapter picks up a few days later. Kim and Ron's mission against Duff Killigan is rather peripheral to the current story arc. And as an example I shall quote, "That business on Cato Neimoidia doesn't count."

I'll eventually write that in as a side story for posting. Or perhaps I should do what the US corporations are doing and outsource overseas. Heh heh.

Chin Kang's name is, in the proud tradition of anime, actually derived from a food product. Chin Kiang is a type of black Vinegar used in Chinese cooking. Hey, it's better than calling him Shu Mai. (again I cite Lucas or at the very least Stover)

What's the one thing that men hate to do with women? Shopping. I mean really. We hate it. Fear it. And would do anything to avoid it. (Yes, I do know that there are some guys out there who love to go shopping. I just can't wrap my mind around the concept.)

If you find yourself wondering or perhaps are completely in the dark about the contents of Bonnie's drawer, then you are an innocent and it is not my place to disabuse you of that.

And as for what Ron did after Mrs. Dr. P kissed him? Well, Ron would tell you, but he doesn't want to end up in a black hole.

The Love Potion is somewhat based upon Oh, My Goddess. Namely, the graphic novel titled The Fourth Goddess. Give it a read it's good stuff.


	7. Chapter 6: Second Best part 1

Ron ½ Book 2: Middleton Mayhem  
By Parareru

Disclaimer: Kim Possible is owned by the Disney Corporation. –So let's see some season DVD sets already! Or put some more KP out on iTunes! And what's with jacking the price up!—

Ranma ½ is owned by Rumiko Takahashi and distributed by Viz.

This is a continuation of Ron ½. Please read that first, otherwise you may end up being hopelessly lost. Tsk, tsk. You just had to believe Ryoga when he said he knew how to get you home.

Chapter 6: **Second Best? - **part 1

Kim panted heavily as she glared at her opponent through narrowed eyes and wobbled slightly on her feet. In the last exchange she had taken a blow to the head that had tagged her pretty good and left her feeling more than a little woozy. Her opponent had proven to be unexpectedly competent, far more so than usual. She had already been forced to revise her estimation of his abilities upwards several times. He was good, she was willing to admit that, but Kim knew that she was better.

She circled around slowly trying to make it seem like she was stalling for time in orderto regain her breath and balance and lashed out with a quick feint at his knee with her leading foot. True to form, he fell for the ruse and attempted to block or catch her foot, leaving a hole in his guard that Kim was quick to exploit. Instead of striking his knee, her lead foot planted itself on the ground inside his guard and she surged forward in a flash to drive a lightning fast knee to his gut. The breath whooshed from her opponent's lungs as he staggered back a good half dozen steps, holding his injured midsection. This time it was he who was forced to go on the defensive and evade Kim until he could get a chance to strike back.

Kim didn't intend to give him that chance. She pressed forward her advantage, hounding her opponent and giving him no respite, no time to recovery. Everywhere he turned, there she was and everywhere he struck, there she wasn't. Her hands flicked out like a hundred striking serpents, but to her amazement and annoyance very few of her blows managed to reach their intended target. Her strikes were evaded, her blows parried and gently diverted and the few hits that she did manage to land were weathered as if they were of no more consequence than a passing rain shower.

Kim narrowed her eyes at that. Well, if he thought that he was dealing with a simple little rain squall, then she'd just have to show him what she really was. A hurricane.

Leaping into the air, Kim snapped off a spin kick that had it connected would have come pretty damn close to taking his head clean off his shoulders. But the attack wasn't meant to connect and as she expected, he ducked under her scything leg and she aborted her spin a fraction of a second early to land in a slight crouch right in front of him. She flashed him a quick grin to tell him that he had just made the mistake that would end the fight in her favor as her hands reached out for his shoulders and she let gravity and momentum aid her in rolling onto her back, dragging his startled face down with her. Once off her feet she raised her legs, planted her soles squarely in his stomach and when her shoulder blades hit the ground she simultaneously kicked out and released her grip on his shoulders.

However, instead of the panicked look that she had expected to see plastered across his face she saw a look of confident determination. As soon as Kim's built up momentum separated the two of them he twisted his body in midair, threw one arm down to drag along the ground, arresting his impromptu flight and the other... The other arm snaked forward to clamp a hand around her ankle with surprising strength and Kim suddenly found herself being treated to a demonstration of the laws of physics. For the arm that had served as a brake had bled off some, but not all of the forward motion that she had bestowed upon her opponent's body and that energy had to find another outlet. Namely herself.

Kim was unable to suppress an involuntary yelp of surprise as she was dragged forward by her captured leg. The world disappeared in a disorienting blur as she was swung around in a wide arc. Kim lost count of the number of revolutions she passed through as her opponent somehow managed to surge to his feet and finally released her in a long headlong flight.

The world snapped back into abrupt focus and Kim noted with only a slight tinge of alarm that she was rushing straight for a very large, very solid tree. Her lips curled up into a smile. Perfect. Exactly what she needed.

Twisting and tucking her body into a ball, Kim reoriented herself so that her feet rather than her head came to land on the bole of the conveniently placed tree. Using the tree as a springboard, she leaped out at full extension, ricocheting quickly off the ground and rocketed up at him from an oblique angle from where she drove her left elbow into his gut with a strike that she knew he had to have felt since it managed to drive the air from his lungs. Taking advantage of his momentary lapse of concentration, Kim coiled back and unleashed a right cross that would send her opponent spinning all the way to the ground.

But somehow at the very last moment he managed to lean away from the strike and Kim felt a numbing blow to her shoulder as her extended wrist was seized in a vise-like grip. Before she had time to react, her arm was twisted painfully up behind her back and the momentum that had been previously channeled into her punch was now being used to guide her straight to the ground. Kim kicked and thrashed about futilely, but in the end had to concede defeat to the hands and body that held her firmly against the earth.

"Alright, Ron. You win," she growled with her face pressed to the sandy soil and abruptly the pressured eased. Quickly, Kim levered herself up into a sitting position and rubbed at her aching shoulder as Ron indulged in a bit of self congratulation.

"Booyah! Ron-dog in the hizzouse!" Ron crowed as he pumped his arms in celebration and as a stunned Kim watched Ron caper about in obscene glee she found herself forced to wonder how this could have happened.

**XXXXX**

-Earlier-

"Ron!" Yori and Lo Shin both exclaimed in horror upon catching sight of Ron's battered condition as he entered the front door of his house partially supported by Kim. Both of the girls leveled a suspicious look at Kim, silently wondering whether the red-haired heroine had been responsible somehow. Kim coolly returned their questioning gazes with an unflinching look of her own.

"You're injured," Lo Shin said as she took Ron's free arm and attempted to guide him up the stairs to his room.

"Yes, you need to rest," Yori chimed in as she gauged the extent of Ron's injuries with a practiced eye. "How did this happen?"

"Don't want to talk about it," Ron answered tightly with a strange look in his eye. He shrugged out of Kim and Lo Shin's arms and gave them an apologetic look. "Sorry, but I've got something I need to do."

He wobbled slightly on his feet as he made his way though the house, pausing only slightly in the kitchen to pick up a box of matches and determinedly marched out into the backyard, ignoring the girls' continuous entreaties to rest. He didn't stop until he reached the old charcoal grill that was his father's domain and with a barely suppressed shudder he tossed Perfume's hastily written Chinese romance story on top of the grates.

Ron didn't care that he could not read a single word of Chinese. One set of squiggles looked like any other to him. The fact that the story, a romance story no less, existed, starring him and Perfume sent shudders running up and down his spine. Snatching up the half full can of lighter fluid he liberally doused the pages and without a hint of hesitation set them ablaze. Perfume let out a mildly disappointed sound at that act, but she was willing to accept that Ron wanted _no_ reminders of his rather grueling day.

Once the flames had committed the Chinese love story eternally to ashes, Ron squared his shoulders and stared off into the darkness in the direction of his stolen tree house. He nodded his head as if only just reaching a decision and resolutely marched off to confront the source of all his woes.

"Chin Kang! Get out here!" Ron bellowed in the most authoritative voice he could muster. He stood there waiting for a few seconds until it became apparent that Chin Kang had no intention of obey his command. "Fine! If you're not going to come out..." he growled sourly as he began to climb the rickety wooden slats nailed to the tree trunk that served as a ladder.

"Go 'way," Chin Kang snarled as his face popped into the opening and blew a handful of what appeared to be dust into Ron's face. As the blonde coughed and waved his hands reflexively in front of his face while Chin Kang used the opening to douse Ron with a bucket of cold water.

"What the hell?" Ron-chan coughed and spluttered moments before she lost she grip on the wooden slats and fell to the ground. She tried to struggle to her feet, but then looked in surprise at her body at the unexpected sounds of rustling and popping. She frantically tried to brush away the strange growths that were forming on her clothes and the last sound she heard before unconsciousness claimed her once again was a soul rending shriek.

Kim staggered at the piercing scream, blinking stars from her sight. Once her vision cleared she stared in surprise at Ron's unconscious body lying at the foot of the tree and she could swear that the vaguely man shaped roots that were so liberally spread across Ron's upper body were _growing._ Stunned, she looked up at the tree house where Chin Kang glared down at the three of them like an overgrown feral cat. "Did he just use hyperactive acid on Ron?"

"No, just ordinary water and shrieking mandrake seeds," Perfume grunted matter-of-factly as if it were an everyday occurrence. "Don't touch anything yet," she warned Kim before she hopped beneath the open trap door and barked a command in Chinese. Sullenly, Chin Kang retreated from the opening and Perfume quickly hopped up into the structure. From inside the tree house came the sound of Perfume's voice barking more orders in Chinese. There were a few sounds that may have been Chin Kang protesting, but those were quickly cut off by Perfume's sharp voice.

A few moments later she bounded down from the tree house with several bottles and a large bowl in hand. After setting the implements down she plugged Ron's ears and her own with pairs of ear plugs. "Place your fingers in your ears," she told Kim, Yori and Lo Shin in a tone that brooked no argument.

The instant that the girls complied with the order, Perfume bent to the task of pulling the roots that dotted across Ron's upperbody. Each pulled root let out a piercing scream as it was yanked off. Kim staggered slightly as each shriek managed to partially slip past her fingers. Finally, when all of the horrid roots had been peeled from Ron, Perfume began tossing ingredients into the bowl which promptly began to hiss and foam evilly. Kim winced and drew her head away from the acrid fumes that wafted from the bowl.

After a few seconds the reaction subsided and Perfume began pouring it into Ron-chan's mouth. Kim noted that the potion must have tasted as foul as it had smelled for Ron promptly began to cough and spat some of the medicine out.

"Don't do that," Perfume admonished as she poured still more of the brackish potion down Ron-chan's throat despite her feeble protests. "You have to drink it all."

Ron-chan coughed again, but managed to swallow the potion this time. "Wha?" she asked weakly as she bleerily opened her eyes.

"It looks like you're going to rest whether you want to or not," Perfume chuckled as she motioned for Yori and Lo Shin to take Ron back into the house.

"Is Ron going to be okay?" Kim asked as she brushed a stray wisp of hair from her forehead.

Perfume snorted. "Chin Kang has a remarkably well stocked supply. The boy will be fine." The Amazon matriarch looked pensively at the treehouse, the source of the recent troubles.

"Kim, I want you to help train Ron," Perfume said slowly as the two of them left Ron to recover in peace.

"You want me to _what_? Kim asked incredulously, not willing to believe what she had just heard.

"I want you to help train Ron," Perfume repeated in that same utterly unflappable voice as if she had not just made the absurdest of requests.

"Are you kidding me?" Kim blurted out. "I can't train Ron in magic! I don't know any magic!" She cut herself off before she added that she didn't believe in magic. Even after all of the patently impossible things that had happened to her and Ron could she really say that she didn't believe in magic?

Perfume held up a hand to forestall any further argument on Kim's part. "Did you hear me say anything about magic?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

Kim subsided slightly as she reviewed their conversation in her head. "Well, no," she admitted.

Perfume nodded. "Ron's progress in magic is proceeding at an acceptable pace, but he needs something more. There is a very real link between body and mind. A balance if you will. I shall continue training Ron in magic. What I want from you is to train Ron's body."

"You want me to _what_?" Kim repeated, even more shocked than she had been only moments before. A rosy blush formed on her cheeks as she wondered what exactly Perfume had meant by her request.

Perfume tsked lightly. "Not even close to what I meant. What I want is for you help train Ron to fight."

Ron in a fight. Kim sighed in relief. That was marginally better, but even so she still had trouble wrapping her mind around the concept. Somehow that just didn't seem to make sense.

Sure, there had been that fight with Lo Shin's brother Mousse in Nerima and then there had been her own fight with Ron at Yamanochi, but she just couldn't see Ron as a serious fighter. The first fight he'd won with a couple of flashy moves that he'd somehow learned from Ranma. In their mountaintop battle at Yamanochi Ron had won because of a simple fluke rather than any real skill. If it ever came down to two of them in a real standup fight, Kim would have definitely laid odds on herself.

"It would just be some light sparring," Perfume explained. "Just to keep the boy's body in shape while we move onto the other Arts."

Kim tried valiantly to come up with some sort of an excuse. "But I -"

"Of course, if you're unwilling, I suppose I could always ask Yori or Lo Shin for their assistance," Perfume interrupted and Kim's objections died unspoken as a dissatisfied scowl formed on her face.

An involuntary growl escaped from Kim's throat as she could just picture what would happen in her mind's eye. Yori or Lo Shin, which one didn't matter, the two were practically interchangeable for all Kim cared, training and sparring with Ron. Both of them hot and sweaty from the workout and then sparring some more when she suddenly slips and lands on top of Ron. The two share a quiet laugh, their eyes meet and they inch closer and closer until...

"Fine, I'll do it," Kim snapped as she shook her head clear of the disturbing images. Just why Kim found them to be so disturbing she was unwilling to dwell on at the moment.

"Excellent. We will begin at dawn tomorrow," Perfume informed her with a pleased grin and then hopped away on her staff.

Kim began to have her doubts at that point.

**XXXXX**

"Ronald, do you have any idea what time it is?" James Possible growled ominously as he opened the door and caught sight of his daughter's best friend standing there somewhat sheepishly. He briefly entertained a fantasy of stuffing the boy into a rocket and launching it towards Pluto for a year long survey to definitively determine its planetary status. No black holes. Black holes were reserved for that blight on his little Kimmie-cub's life known as boys. For example, that one boy she'd called a "hottie" and "golden" came to mind. Ronald had gotten that very same speech that night of the Middleton Days Parade, but fortunately for his peace of mind, that hadn't lasted.

"Sorry, Mr. Dr. P," Ron wheezed as he abruptly doubled over and valiantly tried to catch his breath. "Believe me, it wasn't my idea." Perfume had started his lesson extra early this morning and just as the sun was about to make its daily appearance over the horizon his teacher had set him off on a high speed jog towards Kim's house.

"Sunday morning. My day to sleep in. No 'honey do' lists," Mr. Dr. P grumbled disconsolately as he shambled back up the stairs to his bedroom. "Doesn't that boy have a home of his own? What's the point of having one if he spends the rest of his time here?"

Watching Kim's father trudge up the stairs Ron had a sinking feeling that this day was not going to go well for him. "I don't think he was very happy to see us," Ron commented.

Perfume merely shrugged, not looking put out in the least despite having shepherded Ron through his grueling run. "Go collect Kim while I check the yard. I thought I spotted a suitable training area in the back."

"Yeah, that's where Kim practices sometimes."

"Then it should be adequate for our use," she said as she chose instead to accompany Ron to gather Kim.

Ron pursed his lips thoughtfully as he trudged up the stairs and turned in the direction of Kim's loft. "Are you sure about this?" he asked plaintively. "I mean Kim is a much better fighter than I am and I'm not so sure I want to add any more bruises to my collection here."

"Mind and Body, Yin and Yang. Both halves need to be in balance if we are to proceed," Perfume lectured.

"But does it have to be so early?" Ron whined. "I mean, if you thought you saw tweaked waking Mr. Dr. P up, we've only touched the tip of the iceberg."

"I have my means," Perfume replied serenely.

"Yeah, that's what worries me," Ron muttered under his breath as the two of them reached the door to Kim's room. He decided to try one last time to make the ancient Amazon see reason. "Look, will you at least let me wake Kim up?"

Perfume studied him for a moment before nodding her assent. "Very well, you may go first."

Twitching at what had sounded vaguely like a threat Ron ascended the stairs to Kim's private sanctum. "Yo, KP. You decent?" he called up the stairs to announce his presence, but softly enough so that he didn't disturb the rest of the Possible household.

Hearing no response from Kim, Ron peeked over the top of the steps to find her snuggled peacefully under her comforter. He gently tiptoed over to her bedside and gave her shoulder a tentative shake. "KP, time to get up," he said softly.

"Not yet," Kim mumbled sleepily as she shifted position. "No freak fighting on Sundays. Wade'll call."

"It's sparring time with Ron," Ron said softly as he crouched beside Kim's bed.

He was barely able to suppress a yelp of surprise as Kim rolled in the direction of his voice and wrapped an arm around Ron's neck, pulling him close. "Best two falls out of three?" she murmured drowsily, a hint of a smile on her face.

"Well, let's take this outside," Ron suggested as he tried to slip Kim's arm off his neck. "I definitely don't want your Dad to find us like this."

"Daddy's gonna send you to a black hole, Ronnie," Kim giggled in the thrall of her dream as her lips turned furtherupwards in a teasing smile.

Ron's eyes widened at Kim's dreamy comment and he had to wonder what vision was currently passing through her head that would warrant a trip to a black hole courtesy of Mr. Dr. P. "Um, let's not think about that right now," he said softly as he quickly extricated himself from Kim's embrace and she responded to the lack of his presence in her arms with a pout and a fitful whimper.

"S'not fair. Where's my Ron-shine?" he heard Kim mutter and he had to forcibly restrain himself from reiterating his point about gross misuse.

Quickly, Ron retreated back down the stairs to where Perfume was still waiting. "KP's having a good dream right now. Any chance that we could do this in say a couple of hours?"

"Nonsense. Why waste perfectly good daylight," Perfume replied loftily and bounced up the stairs that Ron had just exited. "I'll go wake her up."

"You might not want to do that," Ron warned as he followed the lead of his Mystical Arts instructor. "Kim can be cranky when she first wakes up."

Perfume did not deign to answer Ron's comment with one of her own as she grabbed one corner of Kim's comforter and sent it across the room, leaving Kim wrapped only in the bedsheets. With another quick motion the bedsheets were also pulled off of Kim's slumbering form.

"Wake up! Wake up!" Perfume barked in a commanding voice that came very close to rivaling that of Mr. Barkin's, but Kim barely stirred, eliciting a grunt of surprise from the Amazon. "This girl can really sleep."

"Yeah, you do sorta learn to tune out the noises when you catch a few winks on a cargo plane every now and again," Ron hazarded as Kim shivered from the draft that had appeared in the absence of her bed covers.

"Hmm, this appears to call for extreme measures," Perfume mumbled thoughtfully to herself as she bounced down the stairs before Ron could utter one word to stop her.

"Um, KP, you really want to get up now," Ron warned as Kim curled up in a fetal position to retain some vestige of warmth in the absence of her covers.

"Be with you in a minute," Kim yawned, a little furthera long the path to consciousness as she snuggled closer to her pillow and Pandaroo.

"No, I mean now, Kim," Ron said desperately as he cast a look down the stairs to Perfume returning with a bucket in hand. "I mean, you really, _really_ want to wake up now."

"You gave her fair warning," Perfume said gravely as she hefted the bucket of water. "My turn now."

"Perfume?" Kim mumbled as her eyes finally opened to the dim illumination provided by the rising sun. That last bit had sounded vaguely menacing.

"Uh oh, too late," Ron groaned as Kim began uncurling her body from around her pillow in the first acts of waking up just as Perfume heaved the bucket and its contents.

"AIIIEEEE!" Kim shrieked, instantly brought to an extreme edge by the bucketful of cold water that sloshed over her. She bounded to her feet, eyes blazing with fury as she searched her room for the assailant. Her eyes of verdant fire fell upon the bucket rattling to a stop by Ron's feet as the tip of a familiar wooden staff disappeared down the stairs.

Her fury mounting by leaps and bounds, Kim locked her eyes on Ron, demanding either explanation or retribution, but willing to settle for either.

"Not me. KP! Perfume!" he squeaked quickly and pointed a finger down the stairs before Kim could move or say a word.

Kim's eyebrow twitched. "Why?" she demanded flatly, still in her attack stance, ready at a moment's notice to rend Ron limb from limb if he didn't explain to her satisfaction.

"I tried to wake you up gently, but you kept mumbling in your sleep and you still wouldn't wake up, so Perfume took over and woke you up with a bucket of water," Ron fired off rapidly in explanation.

So that _had_ been Perfume's staff disappearing from view only moments ago.

"Ron! Why didn't you stop her?" Kim demanded crossly as she dropped from her fighting stance and shivered in her sodden pajamas. She didn't know how it was possible, but it felt like the water Perfume used to wake Kim up had been a scant degree shy of being a block of ice.

"Um, hello, cold water curse here," Ron answered with a defensive gesture at his own body. "Besides I know I'm not good enough to take anything away from her."

Kim shivered again, glaring daggers at Ron, but the righteous fury of her anger did little to warm her. Ron chastely averted his eyes as he noticed Kim's body respond to the stimulus of her impromptu wake up call. "Um, KP, you might want to, um, aheh, dry off and, um, change," he nervously mentioned with a nebulous wave of his hand at her chest.

Confused, Kim broke off glaring at Ron and glanced downward. She let out an 'eep' of embarrassment as a rosy blush formed on her cheeks and she gathered what bed sheets she could, soaking or otherwise, protectively in front of her.

"Out!" she ordered in a chilly tone, pointing at the stairs exiting the loft.

"Got it. Leaving," Ron yelped as he quickly bounded back down the stairs and shut the door behind him. He heard something that may have been a book or maybe even a shoe thump against the closed door.

"Well, I think that went well," Perfume commented from the safety of the hallway.

"Oh, just peachy," Ron groused sourly. "How come you ditched me?"

Perfume merely arched an eyebrow at her student. "You're the one that kept saying she was cranky when she first wakes up."

**XXXXX**

"Uh, maybe we should wait until you're a little less tweaked Kim," Ron suggested as he squared off against Kim in the informal sparring area set up in her back yard.

"I'm not tweaked," Kim growled back, taking her corner on the sandy sparring area that also served the Possible family as a volleyball court during the summer.

Ron gulped nervously. "Um, I think you might be just a wee bit tweaked there, KP."

"I... am not... tweaked," Kim ground out irritably as she made a fist and a knuckle popped.

"Right. Got it. Furthest thing from tweaked. My bad," Ron said quickly as his mind made the ominous connection that the sound of Kim's knuckle popping had sounded disturbingly similar to a gunshot. With that in mind he had a feeling that he was facing a firing squad without the benefit of a blindfold or a last cigarette. Not that he ever touched the things, too foul by far in his book.

"Can we get started already?" Kim asked in a tone that seemed far more appropriate for Shego, but Ron chose to keep that observation to himself.

"Um, okay, Kim. Here I come," Ron said as he threw a tentative jab at Kim's head.

Rapidly, Kim knocked aside Ron's jab and slipped inside his guard. She fired off two quick punches to his midsection that nearly doubled him over before she launched an uppercut that clipped his chin and drew him back upright, lifting him off his feet. She watched with triumphant eyes as Ron went sailing backwards in a short arc, his rough landing setting off short-lived whirlwinds of sand and dust.

Abruptly, Kim felt a torrent of ice, far colder than the water that had woken her only a few minutes ago, settle in the pit of her stomach. The exchange had lasted five seconds tops and she hadn't pulled any of her punches. Instantly guilt-ridden, she rushed to Ron's side and fell to her knees as she leaned over his prone body.

"Ron? Ron? Can you here me? Ron?" Kim asked desperately as she gently tapped his cheek in hopes of reviving him somewhat.

"Glugg," Ron gurgled incoherently as his eyes wildly whirled around in their sockets. "Did anyone catch the license plate numbers of them there purrty girls that hit?" he babbled weakly, slurring his words as the orbits his eyes were making slowed somewhat.

"Oh, Ron. I'm so sorry," Kim apologized, cradling his head in her hands as full consciousness slowly returned to him. "I don't know what came over me. I meant to start off slow. I wouldn't have really hit you like that. I mean I did. But I shouldn't have. You have to believe me."

Ron blinked and looked up at the rapidly lightening morning sky. That was safe, if the mostly empty sky wanted to whirl about wildly that was fine by him. He blinked again as a trio of Kim's face slipped back into view and after a few minutes of concentrating he managed to consolidate the view into a single image.

"So, not tweaked?" Ron asked archly as he tried working his jaw around.

Kim winced and blew an embarrassed breath out from between her teeth as she felt a blush once againrise on her cheeks. "Well, not anymore," she amended softly, berating herself for her lack of control.

"Okay. Good to know," Ron nodded quickly and winced suddenly as the movement brought a renewed flash of pain.

"We'll take it slow now. I mean really slow," Kim offered as she levered Ron up into a sitting position. "Just light exercises. No more sparring today."

"Okay, Kim," Ron agreed readily enough as his new position sent more pain stabbing through him. "Can we wait for the backyard to stop spinning around first?"

Unseen by either teen, but caught by Perfume's keen hawk-like eyes, the Lotus Amulet around Ron's neck glittered with a silvery light that lingered for only a second before flowing into Ron's flesh. Nodding knowingly to herself Perfume decided that tomorrow's lesson should be interesting indeed.

**XXXXX**

Their second sparring session had started out much, much slower. Kim was up and ready well before Ron and Perfume arrived. She did not want a repeat of Perfume's wakeup call. After a series of warm up exercises to get the blood flowing, Kim tentatively moved on to some light sparring and started out by throwing out a series of jabs that Ron managed to block effectively with a few minor critiques from her. From there she progressed to light punches and kicks that Ron also managed to avoid or block. She felt more than a little tweaked at that. Kim knew that she was good enough of a fighter that she should have landed a couple of hits by now. She took her game up another notch and then another and another, determined to get through Ron's guard until she found herself staring incredulously at a triumphant Ron.

"Give me an R! Give me an O! Give me an N! What's that spell!" Ron continued crowing about his sparring victory over Kim.

"Ron!" Kim yelled and finally broke through to the celebrating teen.

"Bingo!" Ron crowed happily. "You win the solid gold kewpie doll!"

Kim merely scowled at him from her position on the ground and imperiously extended a hand for Ron to help her up.

"Oh sorry, KP," Ron apologized as he quickly helped Kim to her feet. "I didn't hurt you or anything did I?" His concern for her well-being momentarily dampening his ecstatic mood. "I didn't mean to toss you at that tree and all."

"I'm fine, Ron," Kim said tersely, brushing his concerns aside and turned away from him as she stretched some of the kinks out of her back.

Kim grimaced at the aches she felt at this ungodly early time, the aches that Ron had just recently delivered and she found herself forced to say something to bolster her spirits. "If this keeps up I guess I'll have to stop holding back when we spar," she said lightly.

Had Kim been facing the other direction, she would have seen Ron's jubilant expression fall at that thoughtlessly delivered comment.

**XXXXX**

"Hey, Dr. D," Shego called out from across the lair, making Drakken flinch unexpectedly.

"She's not a cat, she's not a cat," Drakken whispered quietly to himself before turning around with a forced smile plastered across his face. "Yes, Shego?" he said with exaggerated pleasantness.

After that incident where Shego had gone, had gone – well, might as well call it as it was – insane, working around her had been like walking on eggshells. Drakken didn't know what had set her off, – okay, well, maybe the pit of starving cats had something to do with it – but he didn't know what would set her off on another rampage.

Perhaps even more frightening was the fact that after Shego had calmed down Drakken had gone to the pit where his plan had gone so horribly awry. He had expected that he would need to hose down the pit and call in his henchmen to truck out the hundreds of mutilated cat corpses, but instead he found absolutely nothing. And by nothing he literally meant nothing. There was not a single cat, not a single hair, not even a single drop of blood. Nothing.

It was asif every single feline had simply vanished.

That was ... patently impossible. It defied the very laws of physics.

Drakken had his henchmen comb the chamber inch by inch for clues to the mystery. And on the off chance that the answer might have been in metric, he had them go back over the chamber centimeter by centimeter. He scanned for every conceivable form of energy, even going so far as to pull out the as yet untested dimension tuner just in case a transdimensional rift had been opened without his knowledge. He collected a veritable mountain of data, all of which told him the exact same thing.

Nothing.

Drakken watched silently as Shego swiped the inside of her wrist along the back of her neck. Ever since that day Shego's actions had become even more disturbingly cat-like. It showed up in her unconscious actions and even more so in her body language. For the most part Shego seemed unaware of the minute changes that came across in her new mannerisms.

Personally, Drakken found them to be extremely disturbing. Shego had acted like a cat once before, but that had been an effect of the moodulators and she had been meowing, purring and clawing the air in front of him as some sort of freaky come on. Was that really supposed to be sexy? That had been bad, but this... this was worse. Much worse.

"I'm getting bored. Don't you think it's time for a little evil?" Shego said as she stretched and set her magazine down.

Drakken flinched. "Drakken-goes-ouch evil or take-over-the-world evil?" he asked timidly.

Shego rolled her eyes, wondering what had gotten into Drakken recently. He was so jumpy lately. "Doy! Take over the world evil."

Drakken's expression brightened from the cowed look of barely suppressed terror to one of manic glee. "Oh goody, and I have just the plan too!"

Shego rolled her eyes again, this time at Drakken's abrupt mood swing. "Uh huh. Sure you do, Doc."

"No, this time we can't fail," Drakken gushed as he capered about as he always did before unfolding his villainous plans to her. "We are going to hold the world hostage by stealing the ultimate weapon." He paused for a moment in a suitably villainous pose for dramatic effect.

Shego furrowed her brow as she tried to discern Drakken's meaning. "What? That Pan-demented vorto thingie? Didn't they decide to just lob that thing at Jupiter and be done with the blasted thing?"

Drakken quickly shook his head, so intent on divulging his master plan that he completely forgot the fact that he was terrified of Shego. "No. Not the Pan-Dimensional Vortex Inducer. Besides, that's Dementor's schtick. The way he keeps going on and on about Las Vegas. You'd think the man would learn to forgive and forget already. And really Shego, can you please try to get the names right? It saves on all sorts of confusion. I mean if I ask for a Pan-Dimensional Vortex Inducer and you bring me a Trans-Dimensional Vortex Inducer who knows what kind of chaos would ensue from that blunder."

"Uh huh, sure. Whatever," Shego said as she brushed aside Drakken's attempt at constructive criticism, barely even registering the words. "So what the heck are we going to steal then?"

"Come on, Shego. You're certainly smarter than that," Drakken admonished his sidekick. "What is potentially the most powerful weapon on the planet?" he asked as he tapped the side of his skull with a pair of his tiny fingers.

Shego raised an eyebrow at her employer. "Okay. You kinda lost me there, Dr. D."

Drakken shook his head and tut-tutted her lack of deductive skills. "Well, in a way, not surprising. After all, you do think too small, Shego."

Shego settled for glaring at Drakken, ready to blast him but good if he didn't spill his plan and fast.

His lips curled up in broad grin. "For you see, knowledge is a power of a higher order."

**XXXXX**

"So you woke up at Camp Gottagrin?" Crystal asked Tara incredulously. The two of them were supposed to have met up at the mall on Saturday, but the blonde girl had never shown. Talking with Tara over the phone had proven to be so unenlightening that Crystal had resolved to catch up with Tara at school on Monday morning. Conflicting schedules kept them from passing more than a few sentences in the hall under Mr. Barkin's watchful eye so Crystal found herself having to wait for lunch in order to brace Tara for all the details. Though now that she had the whole story, what little there was of it, Crystal could barely bring herself to believe it.

"Yeah, I was just sitting there by that old cabin," Tara explained and trailed off in a longing sigh. "It just brought back the memories of everything that happened there."

"And you really don't remember anything about _why_ you went there in the first place?"

Tara shook her head and then put a finger to her lips. "Actually, now that I think about it, I do kinda remember being really mad at Kim for some reason."

"Weird," was all that Crystal could finally say, recalling her own strange experiences with the camp, better left forgotten. But obviously Camp Gottagrin had affected Tara far more profoundly. She cast a glance across the cafeteria wherethe object of Tara's affections sat alone at a table, meticulously avoiding eye contact as he ate his tray of cafeteria lady's glop.

Tara nodded in agreement. "Totally."

"So what are you going to do now?" Crystal asked after a moment of introspective silence had passed between the two teens.

"Well, what do you think I should do?" Tara asked her friend for her advice.

"You know it's rude to answer a question with another question," Crystal answered as she bravely spooned some cafeteria food into her mouth.

Tara settled for leveling an intimidating glare at her friend and confidante.

Rolling her eyes, Crystal jerked a thumb over at Bonnie. "Ask our glorious leader for a special dispensation," she suggested with a sardonic grin. "Or at the very least maybe a one day pass."

Tara looked shocked at that suggestion and her gaze flicked from Bonnie to Ron and back again. "I couldn't. Could I?" she asked hopefully.

Crystal shook her head in despair at Tara's timidness. For a girl who had gone through several boyfriends over the last year she could be so damn skittish when it came to Ron. Though now that she thought about it, the fact that Tara was so hung up on Ron could help to explain exactly why the blonde cheerleader had gone through so many boyfriends.

"Look at the way Bonnie's been watching Ron," Crystal pointed across the cafeteria to where the brunette was watching Ron with an oddly intense expression on her face as the boy rapidly shoveled his lunch into his mouth. "Something's gotta be going on between them. I haven't seen her stare at anyone like that. Ever. Maybe she changed her mind about moving Ron up the food chain."

Tara's wide eyes locked upon Bonnie.

"Go talk to Bonnie," Crystal ordered giving Tara's chair a nudge. "The worst she can do is say no and then you'll have the _really_ tough decision to make."

"And that is?"

"Whether or not you want to lead a rebellion against Queen Bonnie's rule," Crystal answered back. "I'm just glad it's not me."

Tara shot Crystal a dark look. "Thanks a lot. You're a big help."

"I'm just saying," Crystal replied, holding up her hands in surrender. "But seriously talk with Bonnie first before you decide to commit social suicide." She pointed her fork in the opposite direction of Ron and Bonnie. "Besides, I heard that Jason Morgan might become available soon."

**XXXXX**

Bonnie stared hard at the back of Ron Stoppable's head as if by sheer mental force she could pick apart his mind and learn what exactly had happened on Saturday afternoon. By some of the accounts that she had heard, she was apparently guilty of getting into a cat fight with Kim's Club Banana friend, Monique, with the loser as the prize. Monique, decent enough girl, stylish, but definite points off for being friends with both Kim and Ron. Honestly though, Bonnie hadn't thought that Monique was even remotely interested in Ron.

The frustration of not knowing what had happened was starting to drive her insane. She had briefly entertained the thought that Ron had drugged her and whisked her off to her home to get his freak on. There were several of obvious problems with that scenario. First, why would he take Bonnie to her home. Second, there was the matter of her special outfit, Ron should have had no idea where she had hidden it. Third, she had a vague memory of straddling Ron and holding him down on her bed. Fourth, why had Ron left his hockey jersey at her house?

This was so not good. If needed, she could spin chasing Ron as hunting him down for some offense or other. It was a little flimsy, but a believable enough scenario considering their history. But all of her spin doctoring hinged on Ron, how much he knew and how much he was telling. Say if the worst did happen and she did (eww) bump pelvises, she wasn't sure if her social standing could survive such a hit.

Irritably, Bonnie began tapping the table with a finger tip, not really caring about the damage she was doing to her manicure. If there was only some way of finding out what Ron knew.

"Bonnie? Did something happen between you and Ron?" Tara asked as she slipped into a seat beside Bonnie and the brunette twitched guiltily.

Fortunately, at the beginning of the lunch period Bonnie had claimed the table for her exclusive use, leaving the two of them blessedly alone. Her glacially cool demeanor had effectively frozen out anyone else who might have dared to sit with her. Though no words were spoken, Bonnie had made it abundantly clear that her fellow classmates were more welcome in a tankful of piranha than sitting with her.

"Why? What did you hear?" Bonnie demanded, her voice barely above a quiet, menacing hiss. This could be bad, Tara was somewhere around the middle of gossip chain and if something had gotten to her, it was already nearly around the school.

"Um, n-nothing," Tara replied nervously. "You're just kinda staring at him a lot."

"I am not," Bonnie quicklyshot backperhaps a tad too defensively.

"Uh, okay," Tara said quickly. Arguing a point with Bonnie was not going to help her make her case.

Bonnie sighed and broke off her observation of Ron. "Okay. What's this all about?"

Suddenly, Tara began to fidget under Bonnie's scrutiny and her hands began to nervously twist together on her lap. "Um, well, you see, the thing is..." her voice trailed off uncertainly, her courage withering under the intense heat of Bonnie's irritated glare.

"Spit it _out_, Tara," Bonnie growled, her patience wearing more than a little thin at this point.

"I want to date Ron!" Tara burst out suddenly and immediately hung her head in shame as an embarrassed blush rose on her face. She looked around, but fortunately her outburst didn't appear to reach Ron's ear, though there were more than a few smirks around her. "I mean that is, if it's okay with the food chain and all."

Bonnie stared at Tara in shock. Much like she did that day in the locker room when Tara had put forth the ludicrous idea that Ron was getting hotter. When was the girl going to learn? She was a cheerleader for God's sake! And cheerleaders don't date losers!

Abruptly, Bonnie smiled. It was not a pleasant smile.

This could actually be a good thing. If Ron dated Tara, sure he would rise slightly in the food chain, but it would make it slightly more acceptable for herself to have done something with Ron. Plus, if she played it right she could make it seem like she had stolen Ron from the blonde cheerleader only to cruelly dump him afterwards. Overall, her position would be secure, Tara would take a hit in status and Ron would once again be banished to the bottom of the food chain where he belonged. Perhaps if she thought about this hard enough she could somehow get Kim's standing in the school's social order to take a hit too.

In short, it was a very intriguing possibility.

"Sweetie, of course you can date Ron," Bonnie said in a sickeningly sweet voice.

Tara blinked in surprise, finding it a little odd that Bonnie was reversing her usual position, but was reluctant to question her good fortune. "Really?" she asked tentatively, thinking that perhaps Bonnie was somehow playing her in some sort of cruel joke.

But to her surprise, Bonnie merely nodded her affirmation and gave the blonde what was supposed to be an encouraging nudge. "Really. Go get your Ron, Tara."

"Oh, thank you, Bonnie!" Tara squealed as she threw her arms around the other girl. "You have no idea how much this means to me."

"Oh, I think I do," Bonnie answered back with a very smug smirk, much like the one that would have appeared on the face of a the proverbial cat, moments before it swallowed the equally proverbial canary.

**XXXXX**

Shego cocked her head to one side, her tongue working the inside of her cheek as she divided her attention between the mysterious bit of technology that Drakken had engaged her to liberate from the high security lab and her employer himself. The device in question was a small, unremarkable cube, maybe about nine inches to each side with what looked like a mass of high tech spaghetti stuffed into its innards. She gave Drakken a puzzled look as the mad scientist fussed over the device that he had her steal. If she listened closely she could hear Drakken humming under his breath, biding his time for that moment of solitude where he could burst out in some inanely gleeful song as he puttered about the lair.

"Okay, maybe I'm not as well versed on the mad science as you are, but this does not look like an ultimate weapon," Shego finally broke the silence with her comment, her voice dripping with a sizable measure of bored sarcasm. "Actually, it doesn't look like much of anything. Except maybe a funky paperweight."

"It is not a paperweight!" Drakken shot back indignantly.

"You're right. I'd get a better price pawning off a paperweight," Shego quickly agreed.

Drakken fumed at Shego's flippant tone, every muscle in his body tensing momentarily. Taking a deep breath, he let his frustrations flow out of him as he released the air from his lungs. "Shego. Try to see things in a broader perspective," he said pleasantly as he turned to return to his work. "In its own way, this device is ten, no a hundred times more powerful than those Golem tanks we stole."

"Now see, that's a heist I can get behind," Shego said, recalling the power of the Mishima Heavy Industries war machine. Pity, that all of them had gotten blown up in Drakken's lame plan to take over Kim Possible's hometown.

"There you go again, thinking far too small," Drakken chided.

Shego's hand suddenly came ablaze with her power and she pointed a glowing fist in Drakken's direction. "That's the second time you said that! If you don't spill, and soon, you're going to get a blast right where it _really_ hurts!"

"This is a revolutionary and highly sophisticated Artificial Intelligence device designed under the auspices of DARPA to completely integrate all elements of the nations military assets," Drakken explained quickly before Shego could lose what little remained of her temper and patience.

The green glow around Shego's hand winked out. "Uh, care to try that without all the geek talk?"

Drakken growled and hunched his shoulders pugnaciously. "It's a very advanced computer system," he said in a very flat and sulky tone.

"Now see, why couldn't you just say that in the first place?" Shego innocently asked.

"Because it sounds a million times smarter my way!"

"And obviously you need all the help you can get."

"SHEGO!"

"Okay, okay. I got it. It's a computer geek's wet dream," Shego said dismissively. "So now what are you going to do with it? Use it to help you on your taxes?"

Drakken paused and blinked owlishly at her. "You know, I hadn't thought about that," he said in awe as he leaned over to embrace the device and rubbed his cheek lovingly against it.. "Oh, sweet, sweet machine, to unravel the many mysteries and complexities of the tax code."

Shego raised an eyebrow. "Okay, that's coming off as a little ... weird? No. Somehow weird doesn't seem enough to cover it. Fruity! Yeah, that's the word I'm thinking of."

"Go ahead and laugh now, Shego," Drakken scoffed, ignoring Shego's sarcastic comments. "But when you see how much money this baby is going to save me on my taxes..."

"We're evil. We don't pay taxes," Shego interrupted. She gave Drakken a piercing look as if she could see past the flesh and bone and peer directly into his mind. "You _do_ pay taxes don't you?" Shego sounded both skeptical and amused at the same time.

"Dr. Drakken doesn't pay taxes," Drakken retorted hotly as he drew himself up into a posture of stiff dignity. "But to keep up certain appearances Drew Lipsky still does."

Shego snorted with barely suppressed mirth. "What on earth could you possibly have that would be worth taxing?" she snickered.

Drakken glared at her. "If you must know, I occasionally receive a bit of welfare assistance from the government," he informed her in an injured tone of voice.

It was all too much for Shego as she burst out into gales of laughter. When it seemed as though the giggle fit had run its course she caught sight of Drakken's injured expression and burst out in a fresh wave of laughter, this time pointing and gasping for breath as tears leaked from the corner of her eyes.

"Are you quite finished?" Drakken demanded somewhat acerbically as Shego's raucous laughter finally trailed off into a weak series of giggles.

"Just a sec," Shego gasped and began laughing again, this time holding her middle as she doubled over. Finally, she straightened back up and managed to contain herself with an occasional moan that sounded suspiciously like another fit of giggles as she wiped the tears from her eyes. "Okay. You were saying, Doc?"

"As I was saying, this is arguably the most advanced computer system on the planet," Drakken explained, his voice full of reverent awe as he spread his hands over the stolen AI like a high priest of technology pronouncing a benediction over an offering.

"Don't we already have a computer?" Shego asked as she jerked a thumb at the rebuilt monstrosity of a computer that took up an entire wall of the lair. Drakken never had explained to her satisfaction how the computer had gotten torn apart in the first place.

"Not like this one we don't!" Drakken crowed, his eyes nearly aglow with his excitement. "This unit's processing power is lightyears beyond what anyone on the planet has! That old relic can't hold a candle to this AI!"

"So like a man, always has to have the newest and shiniest model," Shego commented dryly.

"Yes, well all that aside, with the use of this revolutionary AI we can invade every electronic system in the world at our merest whim. Passwords! Pfffttt! Firewalls! Who cares? Nothing will be able to stop us!"

"And how exactly is this going to help us?"

"Just think of all the possibilities, Shego!" Drakken said with a manic gleam in his eye. "We will _own_ the internet. Cyberspace will be _our_ playground. We can tap into _every_ online transaction and funnel all the half cents into our bank account."

"Wait!" Shego suddenly said and held up a hand to halt Drakken's tirade. "That last bit sounds familiar. Wasn't that in a movie or something?"

"Superman III, okay, but personally I didn't feel that it was good as number two, though it did have its moments," Drakken informed her with a sage nod of his head. "Now, if you don't mind, I was in the middle of my evil rant."

"Go ahead, Dr. D," Shego sighed and made a bored gesture with her fingers to encourage him to continue.

Holding aloft two cables, Drakken reared back, reveling in the victory that would soon be his and his alone. "Now bear witness, Shego. With this final connection, every electronic system on the planet will bow to my will!"

"You do know this plan is never going to work," Shego pointed out before Drakken could bring his hands together. "It always sound so foolproof at this point, but then somehow you go and mess it up."

"Well, okay, Miss Smartypants. What do you have to say to this?" Drakken demanded as he made the last connection with dramatic flourish and proudly pointed a finger at the lair's large screen monitor.

Slowly the AI's systems began to come on line and random bits of data began to scroll across the screen. After a few moments of that activity the monitor reverted to a blank screen and Drakken leveled a glare that the AI's chassis, much put out by by this apparent betrayal by his newly acquired piece of technology and key to his plans for world domination. Growling slightly under his breath, Drakken pushed up the sleeve of his blue lab coat and quickly brought a tiny fist down on top of the unit much to Shego's amusement.

To their mutual surprise, Drakken's action was rewarded with the sounds of electronic activity from within the cube and more data began to flow across the lair's monitor. Finally, after a number of incomprehensible screens of computer code were displayed and innumerable calculations were completed, the monitor gave way to a crudely rendered face that took up the majority of the screen space.

"Hello. How about a nice game of tic tac toe?" the AI asked in an electronically modulated voice that sounded anything but state of the art. Though the 'lips,' if one could actually call them that, did move somewhat in time with the painfully slow words that had come over the speakers.

Shego cocked her head to one side, her lips curling in amusement as she stared at the massive monitor where the purported AI cheerfully displayed a tic tac toe board. At least, she assumed that the AI was feeling cheerful since the line that represented its mouth was turned upwards at the ends. Finally, with a chuckle and a shake of her head she looked over at Drakken where the mad scientist was scratching his head and staring at the AI in confusion.

"Okay," she said slowly in order to gain his attention and tapped at her lower lip thoughtfully before making her next comment. "So if this is a revolutionary 'AI,' why's it asking you to play tic tac toe?"

"SHEGO!"

**XXXXX**

_Next: Part 2 – Shego's new powers get put into action_

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing!

So very sorry to take so long to get an update in, but for some reason getting writing done was as painful as pulling teeth by myself while hitting myself on the head with a hammer.

My humblest of apologies that I didn't get replies out to everyone that reviewed. I tend to be very bad about emails and invitations as well.

But a warm mucho gracias goes out to Necrovore, Yamal, chao-hellsing, smith119, spectre666, Devinel, Cyberwraith9, peacekeeperchuck, dreams-walker, warprince2000, Otritzi, conan98002, Lycropath, calamite, and Reikson. Now I did spell everyone's name right, yes?

Now my original intent was to get a full story/chapter in, but the length of this chapter was going to run close to the same size of my last chapter of around 50 pages and quite probably take the same 7 months. So I decided to break this chapter up and post it in sections and get updates in faster. So I'm going to be limiting myself to 20-25 pages. The next chapter should be out hopefully before the end of the month.

Not a whole lot of action to speak of this time around, but there'll be more in the next chapter. As well as some fallout pertaining to the lust potion.

Oh, Shego may seem to be a little dense figuring out Drakken's plan, but I prefer to think of it as deliberately goading him.

About Kim being so hard to wake up. Sunday just after dawn. Who can get up at that time? I know I'd be a bear. Besides, home's her 'safe zone' no attacks there and all so her guard was down.


	8. Chapter 7: Second Best part 2

**Ron ½ Book 2: Middleton Mayhem  
**By Parareru

Disclaimer: Kim Possible is owned by the Disney Corporation. –Who in their infinite knowledge have yet to release a KP box set on DVD. Come on guys, this is Well, thera no-brainer. –

Ranma ½ is owned by Rumiko Takahashi and distributed by Viz.

This is a continuation of Ron ½. Please read that first, otherwise you may end up being hopelessly lost. Tsk, tsk. You just had to believe Ryoga when he said he knew how to get you home.

**Chapter 7: Second Best? **- Part 2

Kim shrugged her shoulder, working the abused muscles with an ill concealed wince on her face. She knew that she had lunch this period and that she usually ate with Ron and Monique, but she couldn't bring herself to face Ron. It was shallow and petty and Kim hated herself for feeling this way. Fortunately, Ron didn't seem inclined to indulge in any idle chatter this morning either.

Again Kim winced slightly as she reached for a notebook, as much from the spiteful feelings welling up within her as from the twinge in her shoulder.

"You okay, Kim?" a concerned voice suddenly asked from behind her.

Startled by the unexpected company, Kim whirled around guiltily. She half expected to see someone she didn't really want to confront at the moment. With her eyes meeting empty air Kim's mind finally recognized the owner of the voice that had interrupted her rather shallow reflection and she cast her gaze slightly downward. "Oh, Felix. You startled me."

Felix shrugged apologetically and gave his wheelchair a pat. "Sorry. Mom installed a new whisper quiet motor on my chair. Good news is that in addition to sneaking around I could probably outrace any villains that might want to jack my chair again."

"Wow, that's great," Kim automatically replied as she rolled her shoulder around again.

"Say how do you think you did on the English exam?" Felix said conversationally as Kim shifted on her feet uncomfortably.

"I guess I did okay," Kim responded with a diffident shrug and instantly regretted it as the casual motion elicited yet another wince as another twinge of pain lanced through her shoulder.

"Sure nothing's wrong?" Felix asked again. "I've got some Tylenol in my pack."

Kim made a face. Even with all the abuse she put her body through with her world saving she didn't really like taking anything, not even over the counter medication, unless she absolutely had to. "No big. The shoulder's just a little stiff," she explained as she experimentally moved the body part in question.

"Kung fuing the bad guys and roundhousing goons?" Felix asked with an amused smile touching his lips as he recalled the adventures he had shared with the two teen heroes.

"No, not anything like that. Ron and I were doing a little training this morning before school," Kim explained and tried to casually brush at her hair but winced again at the strain on her shoulder. "You know a little sparring to stay in shape for all the freak fighting."

Felix chuckled lightly. If Ron's martial arts skills were anything like his Zombie Mayhem skills, it was no wonder that the two heroes were quiet all morning. "Well, that explains it then. Ron must have gotten his biscuit kicked but good."

"Actually, Ron won this morning," Kim muttered mostly to herself.

"Oh, good for him," Felix said and noticing the annoyed scowl that suddenly flickered across Kim's face he raised an eyebrow. "That wasn't good?" he asked uncertainly.

Kim quickly turned away from Felix and swallowed hard. "No, no. It's great," she said, forcing her voice to stay light and even as she rummaged around in the cramped space not taken up by the computer. She shuffled her books around aimlessly in an attempt to look busy. "Ron being able to handle himself in a fight is really great." Even as she said it she knew that it sounded rather insincere.

"Yeah, I guess so," Felix quickly agreed and then let out a chuckle as an idea suddenly occurred to him. "Maybe Ron will be able to fill in for you and for a change you can watch while he deals with that girl with the glowing hands. What was her name? Sheera?"

Kim twitched slightly at Felix's amused suggestion and her hands ceased rummaging through her locker. "That's Shego," she corrected in an even tone. "And I really don't think Ron's ready to deal with her just yet."

"Well, I don't know. I mean if Ron was able to beat you, then I'd say he's got a fairly even chance," Felix said half-jokingly, a friendly grin spread across his face to let Kim know that he was kidding.

"That was sparring," Kim pointed out a bit more curtly than she intended, thankful that her face was still buried in her locker. "And it was only _one_ match."

Felix shrugged in agreement with Kim's point. "I guess you're right. It's not as if you were really trying to beat Ron or something."

"No, I wasn't," Kim quickly agreed, tension evident in her voice as she returned to rummaging around the cramped space of her locker. She really didn't feel comfortable discussing all of this with Felix and hoped that Monique would come along soon to rescue her. Kim was even starting to hope that Bonnie of all people would interrupt. "I was holding back. After all, I wouldn't want to make a real fight of it. It's not like I was really trying to hurt Ron."

There was a strange undercurrent to Kim's statement and Felix cocked his head curiously to the side. "So what's the problem if you were holding back?" he asked pointedly.

"I wasn't holding back, okay!" Kim finally exploded as she rounded on a stunned Felix. "I was going all out! Like when I fight with Shego! And Ron still beat me! Me! I'm the one that knows sixteen styles of kung-fu! Ron...Ron!"

Kim's eyes widened and she abruptly clapped her hands over her mouth, effectively haltingly the stream of malicious words spilling from her lips before something truly damaging could flow past them. "I am so sorry, Felix. I didn't mean to unload on you like that," she said apologetically as she slowly lowered her hands.

Felix graciously waved Kim's embarrassment aside. "It's alright. So that's what's been bugging you all morning."

"Was it that obvious?" Kim asked quietly.

Felix shrugged and gave her a half apologetic look. "Only to the people that know you."

"Oh, great," Kim groaned and her shoulders slumped in misery.

"So does Ron know?"

Slowly, Kim shook her head. "I told Ron that I'd have to stop holding back after I lost."

"Ooh," Felix hissed and winced in commiseration.

"Was that a bad thing?" Kim asked uncertainly.

Felix opened his mouth to answer and then quickly closed it again as Kim mentally squirmed in the uncomfortable silence. Finally Felix sighed. "Well, that probably wasn't the best thing to say at the moment."

"Why not?"

"Okay, let me put it this way. Instead of congratulating Ron on winning the match or encouraging him, saying that you'd have to stop holding back when you actually weren't is something along the lines that a ball buster like Bonnie would say," he explained as diplomatically as possible.

"You're kidding me," Kim said quickly in denial.

"No, that's pretty much a Bonnie sort of thing," Felix confirmed without a moment's hesitation.

"No, not even Bonnie would say something like…" Kim's voice trailed off as she actually considered what her rival would say in such a similar situation. Despite all of the snarky put downs that Bonnie delivered on a daily basis even she had given Ron his props when he had come through for the cheer squad during that first misadventure at Camp Wannaweep.

Kim slumped against the lockers and slapped a hand to her face. "Oh, why did I say that," she moaned.

"Well, my guess is that you were feeling more than a little threatened for some reason," Felix answered even though the question had been mostly rhetorical.

Kim gave Felix a scowl for his troubles, but after a moment of brutally honest introspection she had to admit that he was right. She had felt threatened and somewhat insecure earlier this morning. Kim wasn't accustomed to losing and certainly not in a contest of physical skill against Ron. Pride told her that she was the better fighter and pride was what prompted to say what she did to Ron.

"Wait a minute! You guys say things like that to each other all the time when you're playing basketball or video games," Kim pointed out defensively, her pride flaring brightly and burning away her brief moment of doubt.

"True, but that's just talking trash. It's all in good clean fun," Felix answered calmly. "Ron and I both know that neither of us really means it."

"So how is that any different from what I said to Ron?" Kim demanded indignantly.

"It's kind of a guy thing. When Ron and I are shooting hoops on the courts or bashing some zombies on the couch we say things like 'lucky shot' or 'you got lucky' as a way of saying 'nice shot' or 'great move.' It's also a form or encouragement with us, telling each other to step up our game," Felix patiently explained. "And we know how to read between the lines because we know where we stand with each other."

"But Ron and I have known each other since Pre-K," Kim argued. "If there are any two people who know where they stand with each other it's the two of us."

Felix chuckled somewhat ruefully. "Well, you know that they say familiarity can breed contempt. What you have, what both of you seem to have is a rather preconceived notion of each other reinforced by your long years of friendship. I mean, when did you find out that Ron was such a great cook? And I don't use the term great lightly."

"It was during Home Ec class," Kim answered. "It was the only because we were late signing up for electives though. Wait a second, you weren't even attending this school then."

"Monique told me about it," he replied with a vaguely regretful sigh. "And from the sound of it, I really missed out too. But that's not what's important here. How did you feel seeing Ron excel in Home Ec?"

"Well, I was surprised."

"That maybe Ron might actually be as good or better at something as you are?" Felix finished for her.

Another wince crossed Kim's face, but for the first time today it had nothing to do with her physical pains. "When you put it that way it sounds so wrong," Kim responded, on the verge of whining really.

"And correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't there something like a ten year history of friendship between the two of you at that point," Felix pressed his point home. "Surely a lifelong friend would know about a talent like that."

Kim felt a flash of anger surge through her at that point. "So what are you telling me? That I don't know Ron at all?"

"All I'm saying is that people can surprise you, even a close friend. And when that happens, it's no reason to tear someone down in a fit of jealousy."

Neatly punctured by Felix's logic, Kim felt her anger deflate as quickly as it had swelled. She sighed slightly as she mulled over his words. She had been jealous of Ron. Jealous of Ron's fighting talent that seemed to spring up literally overnight, talent that quite possibly matched hers. That's where her outburst earlier had come from. She had been jealous of Ron's skill in the kitchen just as she'd resented Ron's newfound fighting prowess. It was wrong of her. Moreover, without those skills Ron had picked up, Monkey Fist would now likely be well on his way to transforming the population of the entire world into monkeys. Felix was right. Instead of feeling threatened by Ron's ability she should have looked upon it as a bonus and encouraged him.

"Aren't you a little bit young to be so wise?" she asked with a wry, tentative grin on her face.

Felix shrugged in a self-deprecating manner. "Came with the wheelchair. After all, I can't sit on my butt all day and just bash zombies. Got a lot of time to think about things. When I'm not owning Ron of the basketball court that is. Lately, I've been pretty taken with the notion of shaving my head and opening up a school for gifted youngsters. And you should count yourself lucky that I didn't deliver all that wisdom like a certain Jedi Master."

Kim snorted. "So, oh wise one. Any sage advice on how I fix this?"

Felix's answering grin was like the sun cresting the horizon. "Find him you must. From there go will you. Fix this the two of you shall."

XXXXX

Ron grimaced and briefly leaned against the lockers for support, one arm protectively wrapped around his stomach. Cafeteria lady's lunch was not sitting well in his belly. He didn't think it possible, but he found himself missing the elaborate lunches that both Yori and Lo Shin had prepared in spite of the consequences of not finishing both meals. Sadly the days of that mixed blessing now rested in the past.

After a few days of the prospective fiancés vying for culinary supremacy, Ron's mother had sat the girls down and rather firmly laid out the simple economics of the Stoppable household budget. She definitely appreciated the help around the house, but the budget would not support the elaborate meals that the girls were preparing in their attempts to out do each other. The result. Yori and Lo Shin took turns cooking at home, but it was simply more economical to partake of school board approved meals.

When Ron had dared to mention to his mother in private that she was acting very close to an evil step mother to a pair of Cinderellas she merely smiled and told him that it was a simple test to see which girl had what it took to be a worthy daughter in law. Ron's father had wisely refrained from joining in on that conversation and merely sipped at his coffee as he read the morning paper. Deciding that discretion was the better part of valor Ron resolved not to bring that subject up again.

But as his stomach gave another discontented flip he wished his mother had been just a little bit more giving on the issue of a bag lunch to school. If only every day was triple cheese pizza day. Sure, the slab of cardboard they laughingly called a crust left something to be desired and forget about the pizza sauce that bore a very distinct relationship to ketchup, but cheese was still cheese. Perhaps one day the school board would give his petition some serious weight and open up a branch of Bueno Nacho in the cafeteria. Perhaps then he'd be eager to show up to school.

Heaving a sigh, Ron decided he was better off not thinking about things that he could not control. Instead, focus on finding the books that he'd need to complete the extra homework that Barkin had assigned. That was yet another thing he was unable to control in his day to day life. Extra homework. At times he thought Barkin assigned him extra homework simply for breathing. But it did serve to illustrate the one point Barkin continuously made. Life was not fair.

Ron suddenly felt a hand grab his shoulder, spinning him around and slamming him up against the row of lockers. "Ron, you got some '_splainin_' to do," Monique growled before he could do more than yelp in surprise as she held the strip of photo booth pictures an inch from his nose. "Tell me why I am jumping you like Rufus on a naco."

Ron chuckled a bit at that. "Heh. Rufus on a naco. Never thought of it quite that way before."

Unamused by his paltry attempt at humor, Monique simply shoved Ron a little more firmly against the lockers, her eyes boring holes into his head, demanding answers.

"Okay, okay, long story short, you were under the effects of a love potion, but I did not in any way touch nor take advantage," Ron explained quickly with the sincerest face he could muster. "Well, except maybe when it came to tying you up with your purse. But that was only because you were coming on a little strong!"

"Say what?" Monique asked incredulously, though she did loosen her grip on Ron slightly. "You really expect me to believe that?"

Ron nodded emphatically and solemnly held up his right hand. "It's the God's honest truth. It's really no weirder than turning into a girl when splashed with cold water."

"Say what?" Monique repeated a little more incredulously this time and added in a look of disbelief for good measure.

"Ah! Me busted!" Ron groaned as he slapped his forehead in frustration. Monique's involvement in his love potion crisis led him to forget that she wasn't yet in the loop on his girl curse. "Uh, um, could you just forget about everything I said about cold water."

"Oh, this I gotta see," Monique said quickly as she grabbed hold of the front of Ron's jersey and yanked him towards the rest rooms.

"Monique! Girls' room! _Girls_' room!" Ron protested shrilly when he saw which door she was aiming for.

"Well, I'm not going into that nasty boys' room," Monique shot back, undeterred in the slightest as she barreled through the restroom door with her captive firmly in hand.

Ron let out an inhuman wail of agony as he was forced to relive the traumatizing moments of elementary school where Arnie Custer had shoved him into the girls' bathroom. Well, truth be told, his friendship with Kim had insulated him somewhat from that traumatizing experience, but when you're six an involuntary trip to the girls' room seemed like the most horrible thing imaginable.

From behind the restroom door there came the sound of running water and a quick splash, followed by a pair of feminine squeals, one of protest and indignation and one of disbelief. There soon followed the sound of more running water and after a few seconds, another splash and yet another feminine squeal of disbelief.

"There. Satisfied?" Ron asked and swiped the damp hair from his forehead as he exited the girls' restroom.

"Okay. You're forgiven this time," Monique said grudgingly as she followed after Ron. "But we -"

"- never speak of this again," Ron finished with a firm nod.

Monique looked at Ron momentarily and wondered if she had anything more to say. "And incidentally, you owe me a new purse. And not a knock-off from Smarty Mart either."

Ron groaned and whimpered piteously at that, but nodded anyways. Great. What did he know about purses and fashion? Well, maybe Kim would be willing to give him a little help with that.

"Oh, there is one more thing," Monique said offhandedly, halting Ron in his tracks. He turned curiously to face her, wondering what in the world she could want now. "So... did you like?" she asked with a jaunty sway of her hips and a challenging gleam in her eye.

Ron's eyes widened and he blanched slightly. "M-M-M-Monique!" he squeaked nervously in protest.

Monique merely chuckled at Ron's evident discomfort. "I'm just playing," she assured him. "Now we never speak of this again." She tossed him a playful little wave as the two of them parted ways and Ron slumped against the wall in relief.

Upon returning to his locker, Ron resumed rummaging through his locker for the books he'd need for his next class. While he was at it he also took a mental inventory of the homework that Barkin had assigned to him so far. Let's see. Math? Nope, not a Barkin class so maybe he could skip it. History? Oh snap. What did Barkin give him there? Four pages? Five?

"May I speak with you Stoppable-san?" Yori said from behind Ron making him jump in surprise.

He spun quickly around, his books clutched protectively in front of him. "Ah! Yori! I was just, ah..."

"Avoiding me?" Yori asked dryly. Her face held an inscrutable look as she studied Ron and he couldn't help but notice that though she was standing only a couple of feet from him she seemed impossibly distant. A marked change, granted, but somehow an uncomfortable one.

Ron rapidly shook his head in denial. "I'm not avoiding you," he said innocently and then frowned suddenly. "Why are we suddenly back to 'Stoppable-san?'"

"Are we friends?" Yori suddenly asked point blank.

"Uh, yeah, sure. You know we are," Ron answered, a confused frown on his face as he rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably.

Yori shook her head sadly. "No, I do not. Since arriving in Middleton I could count the times we have spent together on one hand." She held up one of her slim hands for emphasis.

"Nah, we spent more time than that together," Ron quickly countered.

"Name three," Yori said coolly. "And school does not count."

Beginning to sweat a little, Ron racked his mind for the answers to Yori's challenge. "Um, well, there was that time, uh, you know." Yori merely held Ron's gaze as he floundered about in search of an answer. "Okay! Fine! I can't name any specifics, but that doesn't mean that we're not friends!"

"Could you tell me what a friend is then? And more importantly, what a friend is to you?" Yori asked, her voice still rather cool and distant.

Ron heaved a heavy sigh as his stomach gurgled warningly. Pondering difficult questions like this was best not done with a full stomach of cafeteria lady's turkey-ish pudding entree. "Well, I guess friends hang out together and do stuff. Uh, fun stuff," he finally said.

Yori nodded. "Go on," she said and gestured for Ron to continue.

A bead of nervous sweat trickled its way down the small of Ron's back. He suddenly felt as if he was a contestant on the game show _Clan Conflict. _Though if that were actually the case he would hear his teammates clap and congratulate him with cries of 'good answer.'

"They talk?" Ron finally put forward with a slightly sick expression on his face. He half expected a buzzer to sound and the portly host of _Clan Conflict_ to appear and offer his condolences of 'Oh, too bad.'

Yori simply nodded encouragingly and again gestured for Ron to continue in his personal definition of friendship.

Ron scratched his head, trying to come up with another answer. "Ooh! Trust! Friends trust each other!" he exclaimed, the proverbial light bulb going off over his head.

"I see, so a friend is someone you hang out with, talk with, do stuff with and trust," Yori said as she ticked off all of Ron's points.

Ron looked off into the air briefly before nodding in agreement. "Yeah, I think that'll cover it all."

Yori looked thoughtful for a moment. "Do you trust me?" she suddenly asked point blank.

"Huh?"

"I ask because it is obvious that we do not do the first three things you mentioned. We do not hang together, or do stuff, nor do we talk," Yori patiently explained. "Unless you trust me I do not feel as though we can call ourselves friends."

"Uh, sure, I trust you," Ron said hesitantly.

"But?"

"Oh no, the butt's fine," he quickly assured the curvy Japanese girl.

A tinge of pink immediately bloomed on Yori's cheeks and it was obvious that the girl was simultaneously pleased and embarrassed by Ron's Freudian slip. "Thank you, Stoppable-san, but that was not what I meant."

Ron scratched at his head in confusion and gave Yori a blank look. "Um, what were we talking about again?"

Taking hold of Ron's arm Yori closed the distance between the two of them and pulled herself in close to him. Ron swallowed nervously as he felt Yori's body press against his and he instantly tensed up.

"Why are you so tense, Stoppable-san?"

"Tense? I'm not tense," Ron quickly denied; his knuckles whitening as his hand clutched at his books.

"Yes, you are," Yori said as she reached out and tried unsuccessfully to pry one Ron's books from his death grip.

"Okay, maybe I am a little," Ron finally conceded.

"This tension did not exist between the two of us when you first came to Yamanochi," Yori pointed out.

"True, true," Ron agreed. "But now you want to marry me and it's really freaking me out!" he nearly shouted. His eyes widened as he realized that he had just hit upon the source of his discomfort concerning Yori.

Yori looked crestfallen at Ron's panicked declaration and she sadly drew away from Ron.

"I am sorry to have been an inconvenience," Yori said softly, a tear starting to form in the corner of her eye.

"Wait. Don't go," Ron groaned as he impulsively reached out and grabbed Yori's hand before the girl could escape. "It's not that I don't like you. It's just that we're young. We shouldn't be thinking of getting married at our age. And, and see I don't want to get married just because someone told me to. I want to find that special girl that I connect with, that gets me and appreciates me for me.

"Man, why is it I'm sounding like the girl in this conversation?" Ron suddenly pondered aloud.

"I understand Stoppable-san. If we were then to ignore this marriage issue would you be willing for the two of us to get to know one another?" Yori asked tentatively.

Ron rubbed at the back of his neck uncomfortably. It sounded innocent enough, though it did also sound a lot like a date. "Um, sure. I guess that'll be fine."

"Then it shall be my honor to get to know you this Friday night," Yori said with a small bow.

"Huh? Wha? But Fridays I usually hang out with Kim," Ron protested. "I can't ditch her to go on a date!"

"But we are not going on a date," Yori pointed out calmly.

Ron merely gave Yori a blank look. "But you just said..."

"We will hang out together, talk and have a good time," Yori clarified as she ticked off each point with her fingers. "This is what you said friends do."

Yori made a small bow to Ron. "It will be my honor to get to know you better... Ron-san," she added with a merry twinkle in her eye before departing to her next class. Ron stared after her, his jaw hanging in silent shock as he considered how neatly he had been maneuvered.

"Dude. I think you just got yourself a date," a familiar voice said from behind Ron's shoulder.

"Mankey," Ron said with a sigh, remembering at the last moment to refrain from saying Monkey.

Josh grinned at Ron and nudged him with an elbow. "So have you talked with your cousin yet?"

"Um, no, not really," Ron answered slowly, not really sure why Josh was looking so… smug would have to be the word for it.

"Well, have you seen her around? I'd like to ask her out on Friday."

"Uh, I think she's busy washing her hair or something on Friday," Ron tried stalling. "Why?"

Josh had a rather smug look on his face. "Well, see at the mall, your cousin and I had a moment."

The memory of that day was still fresh and vivid in Ron's mind and he could not recall anything that remotely resembled a 'moment' between his female self and Josh Mankey. Skepticism plainly written across his face, Ron crossed his arms. "Do tell," he said flatly.

Ron listened in disbelief as Josh recounted tale of a chance romantic encounter that culminated in a playful chase through the mall that involved, among other things, inordinate amounts of skipping and giggling. Even taking his exhaustion and subsequent injuries into consideration, Ron couldn't recall anything remotely close to Josh's account of that day.

Finally, pushed beyond the limits of his endurance, Ron exploded. "Wait. That's how you remember it?" he asked incredulously before Josh before Josh could add something about an angel playing a harp or something equally as noxious.

"Yeah, why?" Josh asked with a confused look on his face.

Drawing a tired hand across his face, Ron simply shook his head. This had to be the effect the love potion had on Josh. Apparently it also gave the guy some industrial strength rose colored glasses. Josh might have a reputation as a golden hottie as well as a fairly intelligent student, but in this case he was about as dense as the proverbial brick. The simplest solution would be to tell Josh that Ron and his cousin "Rhonda" were one and the same.

The problem lay in that Ron had no idea what the blowback would be if he did do so. Josh might be so horrified that he'd keep Ron's secret to himself. Or he might be so furious that he'd blab to the entire school body. To be certain, Ron didn't entertain a very high rank on the school's social hierarchy. To be even more honest, one would be hard pressed to find any number of individuals lower on the food chain than Ron.

But while Ron Stoppable may not be popular, he was generally tolerated by most of the school. Though if his secret were to become public knowledge, Ron could kiss even that goodbye. Even worse, suppose that as a result of his curse he managed to drag Kim down into pariah status along with him. Kim wasn't so shallow as to shun Ron for that, but he knew his best friend well enough that other people's opinions mattered a good deal to her. Kim would stand by him, but in time she might actually come to resent him. He had to keep his secret, if for nothing else than Kim's sake.

"Never mind," Ron finally sighed in defeat. "I'll let her know that you're looking for her."

Beaming, Josh thumped Ron lightly on the shoulder with a comradely punch. "Thanks, dude. You rock."

"Yeah, yeah, I rock," Ron mumbled to himself as Josh hurried down the hall to his next class.

"Great! Monique knows my secret, I still gotta set Monkey up on a date with my 'cousin,' and now I gotta take Yori out on some 'friendly' dates. And just so I don't have a handful of angry Amazon, I probably gotta take Lo Shin out too," Ron grumbled as he thumped his head against the lockers. "What else could possibly happen today?"

"Ron?"

"Bwah!" Ron yelped as he jumped in the air in surprise. "Tara! Don't do that to me!" he blurted out once he had landed, clutching his chest as if to shove his pounding heart back where it belonged.

"Sorry," Tara said shyly. "Um, did I just hear you say that were taking out that new transfer student? On a date?"

Ron glanced down the hall in the direction that Yori had departed. "Uh, yeah, I guess that's what happened," he said slowly and uncomfortably rubbed at the back of his neck again. "Well, it's a little bit more complicated than that."

"So you're not dating her then? You know, as in exclusively," Tara asked with a hopeful look on her face.

Ron quickly shook his head in denial. "No, no, no. Yori and I are just going out as friends. I guess. At least I think we are." He scratched his head as he unsuccessfully tried to untangle the convoluted nature of his relationships. "And to be fair, I guess I gotta take Lo Shin out too."

"Um, well, if you're going to do all that, would you maybe like to go out with me too? You know, as friends?" Tara asked hesitantly, not daring to meet Ron's eyes as she tugged uncertainly on a lock of her hair.

Ron stared at Tara in confusion and quickly pinched the back of his hand. Hard. Lifting his gaze from the red mark on his hand he saw Tara still looking at him expectantly. He raised a hand, the one still throbbing from the pinch, and slapped himself across the face several times.

"Ron? Are you okay?" Tara asked uncertainly at Ron's bizarre behavior.

"Well, it definitely looks like I'm not dreaming," Ron muttered to himself when it became apparent that Tara was not an apparition that would disappear at any moment. Though Ron had said it softly, Tara still had caught his words and felt her spirits lift.

"Oh! I get it. Is this to get back at Monkey?" Ron asked as realization suddenly dawned upon him. He quickly swiveled his head about to ensure that the subject of conversation wasn't lurking around.

"Who?"

Ron shook his head. "Sorry. Mankey. You know, your ex-boyfriend."

"Uh, well, it could be," Tara offered with an uncertain smile and suddenly giggled. "Monkey. I never thought of it that way before."

"Surprisingly not many people have made that connection," Ron said with a sage nod of his head. "I mean it's only one vowel away and they are a lot alike."

Tara nodded in agreement. "Josh does have some monkey-like qualities. He does, um, well, he likes bananas a lot."

"See. I knew there was something about him," Ron said, frowning now that his suspicions concerning one Joshua Wendell Mankey were finally confirmed.

"So, would you want to help me get back at my ex-boyfriend?" Tara asked hopefully with a rather sly look on her face.

"Well, normally I'd keep out of revenge schemes, but in this case I think I'll make an exception," Ron decided.

"Oh, Ron! This'll be so great!" Tara exclaimed.

Ron's eyes flew wide open as Tara leaned forward on her tiptoes and pressed her lips against his. His hands rose of their own volition and he was unsure if it was to push the slender blonde away or to pull her closer. Fortunately, before his arms could move any further, the bell signaling the end of the lunch period rang and Ron breathed a stunned sigh of relief as Tara pulled away.

"Okay, I'll call you later," Tara tossed over her shoulder as she made her way to her next class.

"Oh, that can't be good," Ron said to himself as he watched Tara practically bounce down the hallway.

"Hey, Ron."

"WAAHHH!" Ron yelped before crashing to the floor with his back against the lockers, his hands pressed together and raised above his head in supplication. "Please God, I don't know what I did to deserve this, but I'm really, really sorry and I-"

"Amp down, Ron," Kim said as she gave him a strange look. "Listen. About this morning…" Her voice trailed off, uncertain of how to continue.

_Beep-beep-be-beep_

Kim breathed a sigh of relief at this unexpected reprieve.

"What up, Wade?" Kim asked as she activated the Kimmunicator.

Wade took a sip of his soda before launching his briefing. "We just got a hit on your site. Looks like Shego stole some highly classified technology from a lab."

"Any idea what she took?" Kim asked. Apparently Drakken was launching into phase one of some new plan. This was something she could handle. She could beat the villainous duo and return to stolen goods. A simple mission. Plus it gave her a much needed excuse to delay her talk with Ron.

Wade shook his head. "The lab's being really tight lipped about it, but I did a little digging. Rhombusoft is a commercial hardware and software developer, but it turns out that they recently secured a military contract to develop a next generation Artificial Intelligence Strategic Integrated Command and Control System under the codename AEON."

Ron scratched his head in confusion. "And Drakken having this would be bad because..." he trailed off uncertainly and gestured for Wade to continue explaining.

"Essentially, it's a robot brain designed to coordinate the deployment of military assets, including the launch of nuclear warheads," Wade finished. "Theoretically, the AI is powerful enough to hack into any electronic system at will."

"Okay, that is bad," Ron decided. His brow furrowed again as a random thought suddenly occurred to him. "Wait a sec, isn't this sorta like the villain from the movie Annihilator 2? I mean even though we never actually got to get a look at it." At Kim's blank look he expanded on his explanation. "You know, KP. That movie where they sent the robot ninja back in time to kill the kid and his dog so they can't save the world in the future."

"No, I think I missed that classic gem," Kim answered dryly.

For just a moment Ron looked stricken by Kim's admission and she had a sinking feeling that once the mission was over they would be on her couch watching a sci-fi action adventure movie that Ron had deemed an instant classic. In fact, it looked like Ron was just about to make such a suggestion when another niggling little detail caught his attention.

"Wait a minute, Rhombusoft… Hmm, I know I've heard that name before," Ron murmured thoughtfully to himself as he tried to place that oh so familiar name. Suddenly his eyes lit up as the pieces fell into place and he finally made the connection. "Ooh! Ooh! I know Drakken's plan! They're the ones that made Ultimate Dream 7! Drakken's planning to steal Christmas again!"

"Ron, Drakken wasn't trying to steal Christmas the first time," Kim sighed wearily.

"Don't try to confuse me the facts, KP," Ron said, waving his hands quickly and loftily turning his nose up into the air so certain he was in his theory.

Kim simply sighed again and rolled her eyes with a shake of her head. After all this time Kim knew better than to try and reason with Ron when he latched onto an idea. Ultimately his theory would be proven wrong, more than likely by Drakken himself and Ron would mope for a few moments before they foiled the villain's scheme. It was almost a tradition by this point.

Swallowing hard, Kim gave Ron a guilty look. It had been nice to banter with Ron again without the tension of their morning sparring match hanging over them. But she knew deep inside that until she managed to resolve this issue it would continue to haunt them like the proverbial elephant in the corner.

XXXXX

"Blasted infernal machine!" Drakken bellowed at the chassis of the completely uncooperative AI that he had Shego steal for him. Veins stood out, pulsing, on his forehead as he contemplated whether another application of brute force might yield him better results.

"Indoor voice. Please," Shego chided, not even bothering to glance up from the magazine she was reading in the 'lounge' area of the lair. Ensconced comfortably in one of the few well upholstered chairs that she had managed to acquire Shego was the very picture of relaxation. At the moment she was just marking off the minutes until she could clock out. Technically, until the end of her shift she remained on call for whatever evil scheme Drakken wanted to implement next.

For the last couple of hours Shego had been snickering under her breath as the AI roundly trounced Drakken at countless games of Tic Tac Toe. Drakken had gamely kept playing new games, utterly convinced that the Tic Tac Toe game was in actuality a passkey to unlock the AI's higher program functions.

Casting one last baleful look at the machine Drakken turned his attention to Shego. "I'd like to see you do better," he challenged her with a menacing growl.

"Oh, I could. If I wanted to. It's actually pretty simple," Shego responded, casually flipping the pages of the magazine. "But I'm sure a genius like you could figure it out."

"Well then, if you're so smart, you figure it out," Drakken sneered.

Not baited in the slightest by Drakken's challenge, Shego didn't even bother to lift her eyes from the page she was reading. "I would if there was something in it for me," she answered easily. "How much is it worth to you?"

With a sinking feeling in his gut Drakken knew that Shego was going to us this opportunity to milk him for all he was worth. Even worse, if she managed to crack the AI's security she would lord it over him for who knows how long. But with the AI at his disposal he'd be in command of all the electronic systems on the planet. Ultimate power would belong to him. In light if that, he could handle a little sidekick gloating. "What do you want?" he finally sighed.

"Hmm, how about two weeks paid vacation to the Bahamas with a hefty bonus if I get past this 'password,'" Shego offered.

"Absolutely not!" Drakken bellowed. "Completely preposterous!"

"Suit yourself," Shego replied with a shrug. "I'll just read this article on Professor Dementor that they did in _Villainy Today_."

"What?!" Drakken demanded incredulously. "They actually wrote an article on that no account hack? I keep writing the editors to do an article on me! Give me that magazine."

"Mm-Hmmm, how about, no," Shego responded with an amused grin plastered across her face. "It is my subscription after all."

"Fine! Two weeks paid vacation and your bonus if you crack the password. Now give me that magazine!" Drakken yelled.

Coolly rising from her seat, Shego gave her magazine a negligent toss in Drakken's general direction and took the hold of the AI's interface.

"Hmm, and here we go. Move here, the computer takes center like usual. Yadda, yadda, yadda. All done," Shego stated as she backed away from the mainframe with a smug, triumphant look on her face.

"How did you do that?" Drakken demanded incredulously, the article on Dementor forgotten as he stared at Shego in surprise. Up on the big screen pixilated fireworks burst in celebration of Shego's victory.

"Trade secrets," Shego replied smugly. "Now I think I'll go see if there's an opening at that little spa in Greece."

"Finally, world domination is at hand!" Drakken crowed as leapt for the keyboard, typing away furiously to get at the AI's source code and bend it to his will. However, his elation was short lived as the victory screen slowly panned away to be replaced by another, much more complex game board. Aghast, Drakken stared at the screen as the AI offered him his choice of pieces.

"Shego! There's another level!" Drakken howled in outrage as he pointed at the screen where the 3-D tic-tac-toe board was displayed.

"Yeah, that's a problem," Shego agreed with an evil grin on her face. "Too bad you only paid me to crack the first one."

"SHEGO!"

"You know, I'd really love to stay and watch you get beaten by the computer again and again and again, but I've got to pack and book my flight," Shego answered with a mocking grin. "So enjoy your game and have fun playing with yourself."

"SHEGO!" Drakken bellowed again, his cheeks reddening slightly as Shego's double entendre hit home.

"Playing games, Drakken? What is it with boys and their toys?" Kim said sweetly as she dropped from the ceiling vent into the middle of the lair.

"Kim Possible!" Drakken shouted in surprise.

Shego shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Why are you so surprised? Kimmie always pops in like this. And usually right through that air vent too. I thought you were going to get that fixed."

"Do you have any idea how much contracting work like that costs?" Drakken demanded incredulously.

"So let me guess, I'm still on the clock here?" Shego replied to Drakken's rhetorical question with one of her own as she waved a hand in Kim's general direction.

"Ron, you get the AI," Kim ordered as she dropped into a fighting stance and prepared to meet Shego's attack.

"Got your back, KP!" Ron called out as he continued to wriggle about in the open air vent. Twisting around, he could see that his belt was caught on a protruding bolt and he tried wiggling a bit to see if he could free himself. "Man, this is some shoddy construction.

"Augh! Why must you always interfere just when victory is at hand," Drakken demanded.

"In what way were you on the verge of victory?" Shego tossed back.

"You're not gonna delay the release of Ultimate Dream 7's sequel!" Ron shouted from where he was stuck upside down in the air vent. "You're trying to steal Christmas again!"

"Puh-lease. That thing's been stuck in development hell since forever," Drakken scoffed as he gave Ron an irritated look. "Besides I've been waiting for the DVD to come out myself."

"So you're not trying to steal Christmas?" Ron asked uncertainly, momentarily pausing in his efforts to free himself from the confines of the vent.

"Not even close, buffoon."

"See Ron!" Kim shouted as Ron finally managed to free himself and tumbled to the ground. She then leveled an intimidating look at Shego who just seemed to be standing there with a vaguely regretful look on her face.

The green tinged villainess merely returned Kim's glare with a half-disgusted look of her own. "You couldn't have barged in like an hour later? I would've been on vacation."

"Don't worry Shego. I'll have you back in prison soon enough," Kim promised just as Ron finally managed to free himself. He let out a surprised yelp as he tumbled to the ground. Kim heard Ron immediately leap to his feet with a cry of 'I'm okay.'

"Ugh, one of these days I'm going to make you wear one of those orange jumpsuits and see how much you like it," Shego vowed.

Kim smirked back. "Well, I guess it's no worse than the time I had to wear your outfit," she tossed back.

Shego felt her temper flare at Kim's disparaging remarks about her signature look. "Oh, it's on now, Princess," she roared as she charged at the redhead.

As Kim and Shego began exchanging blows, Ron ran for the dais where Drakken had the AI. Seeing the sidekick advance virtually unimpeded, Drakken slammed a fist on the nearby control panel. Throughout the lair a klaxon began to wail and doors to the central chamber began to open as Drakken's burly, red-suited troops stormed in.

"Goons! Attack!" Drakken ordered, alternately pointing from Kim to Ron and back again.

"Goons? Aren't they called henchmen?" Ron asked curiously as Drakken's red suited thugs swarmed towards their designated targets.

"Legally I can't call them henchmen. Hench Co threatened to sue for trademark infringement," Drakken explained in a somewhat pained voice. "And calling them thugs or flunkies hurts their feelings."

"Stormtroopers?"

"Copyrighted."

"Troops?"

"Bah, too generic."

"Guards?"

"Generic!"

"Well, how about minion? Minion has a nice ring to it," Ron suggested as the mass of henchpersons, goons, thugs, what have you, looked between the two of them expectantly.

"Hmmm, that is true. Hench doesn't have that trademarked," Drakken mused, a thoughtful finger tapping at his lips. "And I do like how it just rolls off the tongue. Okay, minions it is. Minions! Attack!"

"Honestly. Why do I do this to myself?" Ron pondered to himself as the waiting minions charged en masse.

With what he hoped was a fearsome battle cry, Ron rushed the mass of minions, bowling them over like a stack of ten pins as he flailed about with feet and fists. The end result was fairly predictable as the minions shook off their initial surprise and Ron went sliding across the ground, coming to a stop right in front of Shego's discarded magazine. He cocked his head curiously as he read the tear off post card.

"Ooh, you could win a tank," Ron said aloud as he pulled the card from the magazine and stuffed it into his pocket.

Briefly, he entertained a vision of Kim sitting in her new tank (courtesy of one Ron Stoppable's foresight) with a bold and stylish KP logo proudly displayed on the side. He let out a chuckle as he imagined Kim squaring off against her entire rogues gallery as she let out a growl of 'Say hello to my little friend,' right before she pulled the trigger and blasted all the villains to the great beyond. Well, okay. Kim would never say anything remotely close to that in real life, but it was still a lot of fun to imagine.

Pushing aside his whimsical musings, Ron doggedly pulled himself to his feet. Off to the side Kim and Shego were still going at it, neither one giving or gaining any ground. He spotted the minions making an attempt to hem Kim in as Drakken watched on with apparent glee, leaving the AI relatively unguarded.

"Go to work little buddy," Ron said in blessing as he sent his naked mole rat companion towards the computer and ran to Kim's aid. He leapt into the air and let loose with a flurry of kicks that knocked a few of the minions about, but otherwise did little damage. Ron had to consider his diversionary tactic a qualified success as he very shortly found himself the focus of a large group of irritated minions packing two fists apiece.

While Ron had Drakken's minions distracted, Rufus quickly scampered up the side of the control unit where the AI was chugging away at whatever task Drakken had set before it. He paused momentarily and scrutinized the device as a shadow fell over him. Startled, Rufus looked up to see Drakken's visage contorted with rage as the mad scientist reached for him. Reacting on animal instinct, Rufus did what came naturally as Drakken's hands came within reach. He bit him. Hard.

"Shego!" Drakken bellowed as he nursed the bite wound on his hand.

"What! I'm busy!" Shego snapped back with equal vehemence as she dodged a kick from Kim and sprang backward several paces so she fire off a blast at the bobbing and weaving girl.

"Get that little rat thing!" Drakken ordered, pointing to where Rufus was busily disconnecting the AI unit from the lair's mainframe.

"Rat?" Shego paused, startled by the sudden feeling of hunger that welled up within her. Her eyes were drawn to the console where Drakken was pointing and she felt an unbearable pressure build up in her skull. Shego clutched at her head and let out a blood curdling scream of agony as she sank to her knees. She collapsed forward onto her face and began to whimper piteously.

Every eye in the lair was drawn to Shego by her cry of pain. Kim broke off her attack and had started to move towards the villainess when the whimpers suddenly broke off and a low, cat-like yowl was heard coming from Shego's crumpled form.

Drakken blanched upon hearing the sound Shego uttered, the sound that haunted his nightmares, and moving quicker than anyone would have believed he grabbed the microphone to the lair's PA system. "Code Red! Code Red!" he screamed in ill contained terror. "Emergency lockdown! Stage One to the Control Room! Stage Two on standby! And for the love of God; _hurry_!"

Kim and Ron looked at each other from across the lair, both of them wondering what a 'Code Red' entailed as Shego seemed to recover slightly and began to stir. "What the?" Kim murmured in surprise as Shego rose to her feet, but instead of straightening into some semblance of her usual fighting stance, the raven haired villainess remained hunched over, but with her hands supporting her upper body like paws.

Shego shook her hair out behind her and let out a menacing hiss, baring a new set of fangs as her eyes came to rest on Kim. Kim noticed with a bit of alarm that Shego's eyes had also undergone a drastic transformation, turning her normal human pupils into cat-like slits devoid of human intelligence or compassion. Shego crouched lower to the ground, gathering herself for a strike as a warning growl continued to roll from her throat.

**Up next: -** Part 3 and the conclusion to this episode

Stay tuned after the Author's notes for a special extra scene.

**A/N:** Hi folks. Thanks for reading and reviewing. (hint, hint)

I suppose I should apologize for my long absence (mostly involuntary mind you). If you're interested in some of the sordid details, you can find them on my profile page.

Well, truth be told, getting a wii probably contributed some to the delay, but it's so damn fun.

There were a number of problems I had with this chapter. Some of my development notes called for this to be a Super Soba episode, but eventually I decided to can that idea since the story would end up almost identical to the Ranma one. Not to say that I'm done tormenting Ron and Kim with the assorted mystical items. And that includes the Jusenkyo water too. Heh, heh, heh. Evil impulses.

Kim and Ron's separate interactions also gave me a headache. Kim's in particular I had envisioned another way, but the way it stands now seems to work for me.

So stay tuned for the conclusion to this episode coming within the next week or so.

And without further ado…

**Omake! Omake! Omake!**

Kim and Shego squared off against one another. Heroine and villainess silently gauged each other, their eyes searching for any tell tale weaknesses. Both women felt their muscles tense in preparation for battle.

At some unseen, unheard signal, the two women barreled towards each other at top speed. Both fighter had every intention of landing the first blow. As they closed on each other, their companions chose that moment to offer some helpful suggestions.

"Shego! Use Fury Swipes!" Drakken commanded as the two women closed to within striking distance of each other.

"Kim! Counter with Tackle Attack!" Ron yelled in response to Drakken's order.

Surprised, the two women slid to halt, barely an arms length from each other. Turning as one, the two women leveled menacing glares at their respective companions.

"We are NOT Pokemon!" Kim and Shego shouted in unison.


	9. Chapter 8: Second Best part 3

**Ron ½ Book 2: Middleton Mayhem  
**By Parareru

Disclaimer: Kim Possible is owned by the Disney Corporation.  
Ranma ½ is owned by Rumiko Takahashi and distributed by Viz.

This is a continuation of Ron ½. Please read that first, otherwise you may end up being hopelessly lost. Tsk, tsk. You just had to believe Ryoga when he said he knew how to get you home.

A/N: Closing out this chapter is a little Rongo lemonade. Nothing really goes over the line per se, but just giving fair warning.

**Chapter 8: Second Best? **- Part 3

The warning growl continued to roll malevolently from Shego's throat as she stared at Kim with an unwaveringly predatory gaze. Her hips began to sway slightly from side to side as she gathered her legs underneath her for that one giant leap that would close the between her and her prey. Her claws flexed in anticipation, leaving vicious looking gouges in the stone floor of the lair as a low growl rumbled in her throat.

"Okay, now that's a little freakish," Kim commented as she slowly began to back away from the growling villainess. Her muscles tensed in anticipation and prepared to dodge as she noticed the tell tale signals that indicated Shego was going to pounce.

The whoosh of an opening door brought a much needed distraction and startled Shego, briefly drawing her attention away from Kim as one of Drakken's minions staggered into the room burdened by a large container. The cat possessed villainess yowled suspiciously in thwarted rage as she stalked about in fury and leapt up onto the girders away from the annoying press of people. With one last distrustful glare at all the people who were making entirely too much noise Shego crouched on her perch and kept a wary eye on everyone below her.

"It certainly took you long enough!" Drakken berated the heavyset minion with a hiss as he quickly flung open the lid of the container...

... And pulled a large, silvery-sided salmon free of the ice.

"Here Shego. Nice Shego," Drakken said in a quavering voice as he held the fish up for her inspection. The hand holding the fish shook mightily as Shego focused her attention on Drakken and his offering. She growled in suspicion even as she eyed the fish with a hungry lick of her lips. She hissed warningly, baring her fangs as her eyes flicked her eyes over Drakken.

Quickly, Drakken set the fish on the ground and backed away, making sure to do so in nonthreatening motions. After a moment, Shego relaxed her stance and deigned to descend from her lofty perch in the girders. She paced warily around the salmon, her eyes darting back and forth as she searched out any threats. Satisfied that no one was going to dare make any move towards her, Shego let out a pleased meow and quickly pounced upon the fish. All of the onlookers in the lair made faces as the villainess began to happily bolt down chunks of raw fish.

"Bring in stage two," Drakken ordered in a fierce whisper once he was convinced that Shego was thoroughly engrossed in her meal and a trio of minions rapidly scurried from the room. Stage two progressed much faster as the minions return within moments with a large beige crate with various technical doodads haphazardly affixed to the exterior. Neither Kim nor Ron were immediately able to identify the object right off the bat, but despite its rather slapdash construction it appeared large enough to contain a person.

Perking her head up at the unexpected noises that were interrupting her meal, Shego flicked a curious glance upward and yowled in fierce protest as she noticed the minions dragging what she instinctively knew was an oversized cat carrier into the chamber. She abandoned her fish and backed away from the offensive object with her hackles raised, spitting venomously all the while.

"Now, now, Shego. Be a good kitty and get into the carrier," Drakken said soothingly as he brandished another fish pulled from the cooler and tossed it into the back of the cat carrier.

Not mollified in the slightest nor fooled by the apparent trap, Shego continued growling and spitting at the odious item. The furious noises continued as Shego raised a paw, her claws aglow with her comet power.

"Run away!" Drakken squeaked as Shego lashed out with a powered swipe that reduced the reinforced carrier into shards of metal and plastic.

Shego sniffed disdainfully in Drakken's direction and turned away from the cowering mad scientist with an imperious air as her head slowly panned about the room. Her searching gaze lingered momentarily on Kim, but eventually moved on, padding by on her paws. Her head twitched curiously as she focused on the lair's computer and she bounded up the dais. Lowering her head, Shego peered curiously underneath the mainframe and tapped the side of the unit with one paw as she let out an inquisitive meow.

Looking around the lair, Ron blanched as he realized that Rufus was nowhere in sight. Considering where Shego was currently focusing her attention, he quickly had to conclude that Rufus must have scurried under the safety of the nearest cover the instant Shego had gone into her crazy cat mode. But now Shego had somehow discerned where Rufus had secreted himself and her catlike instincts had kicked in. After seeing what her claws could do, Ron had an inkling of an idea what Shego might attempt in order to get at Rufus.

"Hey! Bad kitty! Get away from there!" Ron shouted as he jumped about and waved his arms to attract Shego's attention. "Bad kitty! Bad Shego! Bad!"

Shego raised her head up from her inspection of Rufus' hidey hole and studied Ron with narrowed eyes. Ron froze as Shego's cat eyes slowly and deliberately ran up and down his frame. "Um, nice kitty?" he quickly amended.

Briefly, Shego seemed torn with indecision as her gaze alternated from Ron to Rufus' hiding place. She shook her head as if in confusion, her eyes momentarily reverting back to her normal, human irises. Several times her expression wavered from curiosity, to malevolent rage, to something that bordered on lust and back again. After several moments of that strange inner conflict, Shego gathered herself and leapt for Ron.

"AAAHHH!" Ron screamed and closed his eyes in terror as Shego lunged for him, driving his body to the ground and the breath from his lungs. He kept his eyes screwed tightly shut as he waited expectantly for the swipe of Shego's claws that would turn him into several slices of sidekick sashimi.

After several moments had gone by without any of the agonizing pain that he had been expecting Ron finally dared to open his eyes. He had some trouble breathing, but that was to be expected considering that Shego was sitting on his chest. Ron carefully pushed himself up into a sitting position, taking extreme care not to disturb Shego and set her off on another rampage. "Um, KP. Little help," he said quietly as Shego fluidly shifted into a slightly more comfortable position on his lap. Ron gulped nervously as Shego began purring loudly, making her contentment known to all around.

Shego hissed warningly and raised one paw in preparation to strike as Kim cautiously approached. Prudently, Kim decided to back off and Shego settled back onto Ron's lap. After casting one last suspicious look at Kim, Shego resumed her purring and began rubbing her head against his shoulder, much to Ron's discomfort.

"Ron, can you think of anything to calm her down?" Kim asked as she tried to wrap her head around this bizarre sight.

"Like what?" Ron squeaked plaintively as Shego shifted position on his lap and began licking at her paws.

Kim shrugged, for once at a loss as to what do in order to resolve the situation. "Try petting her," she suggested and winced as she remembered what 'petting' usually entailed between two people. It was an old reference to be sure, more suited to her parents' generation, but one she recalled with crystal clarity as well as the horrifyingly embarrassing lecture about the birds and the bees she had received from her mother all those years ago. "I mean like you would a cat," she quickly amended.

"Um, how else would I pet her?" Ron asked, missing the hidden nuance of the term. "I mean I can't be sure, but I don't think cat Shego would appreciate me petting her like a dog."

"Just do it Ron," Kim snapped, her face turning an interesting shade of red as she tried to banish some unwelcome images burning their way into her mind's eye.

Ron gamely began stroking Shego from the top of her head and down along her spine. "On a weirdness scale of one to ten, this is definitely a twelve," he muttered to himself as he continued the soothing motions. Shego's purring intensified, very nearly rattling Ron's body from the force of the vibrations rumbling from her chest. "Make that a twenty."

Shego seemed to shiver with delight under his ministrations, worsening Ron's predicament as she arched her back and squirmed slightly against his hand. Granted she was extremely evil and liable to hurt him in ways he could only begin to imagine, but having a beautiful woman nestled in his lap was causing certain reactions that Ron had little control over. To make the problem even worse, Shego was starting to knead his thigh with her paws, er, hands. And every time that Ron's hand would slow in stroking Shego, she'd turn her head slightly to give him a warning glare and growl until he dutifully picked up the pace again.

"Um, this is not helping," Ron pointed out with his free hand, as his voice quavered from nervousness.

Kim wracked her mind to come up with a solution. "Well, maybe you could try singing. It works on Rufus," she finally suggested out of desperation.

Desperate and willing to try anything at this point, Ron took a deep breath. "Rock-a-bye Shego on the treetop. When wind the blows, the cradle will rock." Shego twitched in curiosity as Ron's oddly soothing voice washed over her. "When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall." The purring seemed to trail off slightly as Shego's breathing deepened. "And down will come Shego, cradle and all."

Cautiously, so that he wouldn't disturb the apparently sleeping Shego, Ron craned his neck around to peer at her slumbering face. "Phew. So glad that worked," Ron sighed in relief.

In the meantime, Drakken, stunned into silence by this odd display and the command the buffoon had over his assistant, forcibly shook himself out of his stupor and sidled somewhat closer to Kim. "I'll make you a deal, Kim Possible," he said softly, making the teen heroine whirl around in surprise. "I will give you back the AI if you'll let me borrow the buffoon."

"No deal," Kim stated flatly as she crossed her arms and glared suspiciously at her arch-foe.

"Oh, come on! Be reasonable!" Drakken bellowed, infuriated at the recalcitrance of the teenager in front of him. Sometimes he felt she did it to simply goad him into fits of rage. "It would just be a temporary loan! I wasn't going to keep him!"

Disturbed by the sound of Drakken's yelling, Shego began to stir on Ron's lap, causing him to blanch. "Um, Drakken, you might want to turn down the shouting," he suggested as quietly as he could.

"You don't tell me what to do, buffoon!" Drakken snarled viciously.

"Oh, crud. That did it," Ron groaned as he felt Shego begin to stir in a prelude to full wakefulness.

"You buffoon! Look what you did now!" Drakken shouted as he leveled an accusing finger at Ron.

"Hey! Not my fault!" Ron shouted back. "You were the one starting with all the yelling!"

"Well, you were the one making me yell!" Drakken yelled back.

Before Ron could shout back another denial, Shego stretched and straightened into a sitting position, causing Ron to clam up with a nervous swallow. Shego rolled her shoulders with a yawn before settling back with a tranquil smile on her face. She sighed in lazy contentment as she turned her head slight so that her sleepy eyes met Ron's slightly panicked ones. The two pairs of eyes stared at each other for a moment, one sleepy and one downright terrified.

Abruptly, Shego's eyes flew wide open in confused anger as she finally noticed where exactly she was sitting. "What the _HELL_!" she roared as she leapt to her feet and unleashed a blast that sent Ron sailing across the room.

"Ugh! I'm okay," Ron said gamely as he tried to haul himself to his feet and shake off the jolt that Shego's energy blast had given him. He swayed unsteadily on his feet for a moment before crashing back down on the floor. "But I think I'm just going to lay down here for a sec on this nice, soft concrete."

"Shego! You're back!" Drakken cried happily as he rushed forward to gather her up in an ecstatic bear hug. "You're you again!"

"ARGH! What did we agree on about touching?" Shego snarled, her hands blazing to life after prying herself free of Drakken's embrace.

"Not to?" Drakken supplied timidly as he shrank away from the enraged woman.

"Damn straight!" Shego yelled as she whipped her head about in confusion. "Now what the hell is going on?"

"Um, um," Drakken temporized uncomfortably, not really sure how to explain the situation, if he even could at all.

"Talk!" Shego bellowed as she splayed her glowing fingers open in a threatening manner. The glow surrounding her hand flared in intensity and moved upwards from her wrist towards her fingertips. Drakken stared wide-eyed and speechless at Shego's hands as the glow extended past her fingers and resolved itself into a set of very lethal looking claws.

"Huh, that's new," Shego grunted as she studied this new aspect of her powers. The greenish claws were no longer surrounded by her ever present glow and extended some six inches past the finger tips of her clawed gloves reminding her of that series of horror movies that had been so popular years ago. She tapped her thumb claw against the others and was surprised to hear a rather substantial 'click.' It was almost as if the claws were solid, like they were composed of some sort of translucent crystal instead of her usual green glow.

Though her claws no longer emitted any visible glow, when she whipped them through the air they left behind a glowing after image as if they were slicing through the air itself. She took an experimental swipe at the back of a nearby chair and grinned broadly as the hard material fell apart in several neat and even slices.

"Ooh, Shego likes," Shego murmured appreciatively as she flexed her new claws. "Round Two, Princess," she growled with a fierce joy shining in her eyes as she wheeled to rejoin the fight with her rival.

Kim gulped slightly in apprehension as Shego advanced on her. She had to forcibly remind herself that she had handled Shego before. It was simply a matter of avoiding Shego's hands, something Kim had ample experience dealing with. Tightening her resolve, Kim prepared to meet Shego's attack. In most cases, Shego usually leapt at her in an attempt to bring her glow enhanced fists into play.

True to form, Shego charged at Kim, her clawed hands extended in a potentially disemboweling strike. Kim angled her body around the strike, using Shego's shoulder as a pivot to flip out of danger and used her borrowed momentum to coil low against the ground in an attempt to sweep the villainess' legs out from under her.

As Shego stumbled from Kim's attack, she instinctively raked her claws through the air, missing Kim by a fraction of an inch. Both pairs of green eyes widened in surprise as blazing arcs of green energy sprang from Shego's fingertips and sliced deeply into the stone wall several feet behind Kim.

"Now this I can work with," Shego grinned as she inspected the new addition to her arsenal. Most times when she unleashed a blast with her glow it usually just acted like a battering ram, bowling aside any and all obstacles. Rarely had she been able to make any ranged attacks with significant penetration unless she was intently focusing on her target.

The grin on Shego's face was fairly devilish as she whipped her claws about and sent scything blades of emerald energy arcing for Kim. Kim dodged to the left, flinging her body out of harm's way. Shego's newest power blast didn't really move any faster than her usual, the trouble was that it had such a big foot print. That one attack had carved several deep channels over a twenty foot area of the lair's stone floor. With Shego able to fling those blades about at will Kim needed to close the distance between the two of them. Doing so would put her at an extreme disadvantage though. Close proximity to Shego's new claws could very well prove fatal.

"My lair!" Drakken mourned as Shego's claws neatly shredded most of the remaining equipment.

"Could use a little help, Ron!" Kim called as she twisted her body and narrowly avoided another slice of green energy that carved a deep furrow into the lair floor.

"On my way, KP," Ron called and began running for Shego, intent on bum-rushing her, in spite of her new lethal glow, and at the very least making her take her focus off of Kim for a second. It took a moment for him to realize that though he was running at full speed he wasn't getting any closer to the two combatants. Looking down he saw his legs futilely churning away at thin air.

"What the... Hey! Let me go!" Ron demanded at the pair of Drakken's minions held him aloft by his arms.

"How about we let the ladies discuss this between themselves," Drakken advised as he unplugged the AI from the mainframe and tucked it underneath his arm.

The distance between the two women widened as Kim was forced to retreat even farther from those scything arcs of lambent energy. The two were at something of an impasse as Kim could not advance without the risk of being torn to shreds and Shego couldn't connect with her extended slashes due to Kim's innate agility. Abruptly Shego shifted her aim slightly, tossing her glow with seemingly wild abandon as Kim danced about to avoid that flurry of lethal strikes though it did seem that Shego was throwing her shots a little wide.

Suddenly, Shego stopped flinging those green blades of energy and Kim panted slightly at the unexpected respite. With a smirk on her face, Shego crossed her arms expectantly and casually jerked her chin at the wall behind Kim.

Kim turned and her green eyes widened in surprise at the sight of the lair's stone walls, weakened to the point of failure by Shego's slashing attacks and collapsing towards her. She began to run, sure in the knowledge that she could outrun the falling cascade of rubble. She nimbly dodged the lethal rain of falling rock, guided by instinct until a small fist sized chunk of stone slammed into her leg, right behind the knee and pulled a cry of pain from Kim's throat as her leg suddenly went numb. Kim stumbled and tried valiantly to recover her lost speed with a numb leg, but the debris already strewn about the floor slowed her up. She turned and flung a woefully inadequate arm up over her head in an attempt to ward off the cascade.

"KIM!" Ron yelled as he wrestled free of the minions in a surprising display of strength and grabbed the Lotus Amulet at his throat. With all his strength, he desperately flung it towards Kim as quickly as he could before he was again tackled by the swarm of minions. In mid-flight the amulet flashed and resolved itself into the form of a spinning shield arcing over Kim's head an instant before the cresting wave of rubble broke over her head and engulfed her.

"KIM!" Ron yelled again as he struggled to free himself. Held aloft by his arms, his feet churned futilely at thin air as he wrenched his body around in the grasp of Drakken's minions. He had to dig Kim out. The power of the Lotus Shield should have protected her somewhat, but that protection would amount to very little if he didn't get all that rock off of her.

Shego stared impassively at the pile of stone and grunted. "Well, I always knew that I'd bury Kimmie someday." The instant the words left her lips, Shego knew that they sounded a little off and stilted. It sounded like something said in a bad movie.

Though cheered by the fact that she had finally beaten Kim Possible, now that the moment had finally come, after innumerable fights, she couldn't help but feel a little bit of a letdown. It just seemed too damn easy. The moment felt somehow surreal, as if any second now Kim would burst from the rubble virtually unscathed. However after several moments and no movement whatsoever from the rock pile Shego had to conclude that Kim Possible had finally fallen at her hand.

"KIM!" Ron cried again, redoubling his efforts to free himself and on the verge of dislocating his own joints in the process. His body suddenly jerked and stiffened in shock as a sizzling current shot agonizingly through him and turned his muscles into jelly. He barely felt his body hit the floor when the minions finally released him and just before the darkness claimed him, he could finally see that one minion had the foresight to hit him with one of those zap sticks that Drakken had in his arsenal.

"Excellent work, Shego!" Drakken chortled as he gleefully rubbed his hands together. "Just wait until the villainous community hears about this! Oh, this is definitely going in my blog tonight!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. It's what you pay me for," Shego mumbled somewhat half heartedly. She kept stealing glances at the ruined heap of stone, half expecting for what? Kimmie to emerge and continue their fight?

"So what are we going to do now, Dr D?" Shego asked, more to keep busy and do something than dwell on these odd feelings of regret gnawing at her.

Casting a look around the ruined lair, Drakken let out a heavy sigh. "Well, obviously we'll have to relocate. The villainous insurance adjuster is never going to believe this."

"Sure. Whatever you say. I'll get the hover car prepped, you grab the AI," Shego said.

"Oh, and bring the buffoon," Drakken instructed offhandedly as he moved about the lair, grabbing some miscellaneous items he would need for his evil scheme.

"Huh? Why? What do we need him for?" Shego asked somewhat uncomfortably as she stole a quick glance to where the unconscious Ron lay in a heap. "We won. Kimmie's goo at the bottom of that pile."

"Oh, let's just call it insurance," Drakken replied cryptically.

**XXXXX**

As the small fleet of hovercars flew off into the night sky, the pile of stone that Shego had intended to be Kim Possible's burial mound finally began to twitch. At long last, with a grunt of effort Kim thrust the arm bearing the Lotus Shield upwards and sent a small shower of rock tumbling down the side. With another grunt she painstakingly hauled herself free of the mound and slid down to the ground.

There was a hiss of pain as Kim's weight came down on her injured leg and she nearly collapsed, but held herself upright through sheer force of will. In her hand, the Lotus Shield shimmered, briefly shifting into its sword form before resuming its amulet shape. Kim gave the amulet in her hand a look before staring off into the night sky and at the receding fleet of hovercars.

There was a tug on her pant leg and Kim looked down to see Rufus standing there with a lost, forlorn expression on his face. He pointed off into the sky, after the departing fleet and gave her pant leg another insistent tug. In an instant, Kim knew what Rufus was telling her.

"Ron," she said softly.

**XXXXX**

High in the mountains of Peru a feminine shriek of pure outrage cut through the clear, rapidly brightening sky.

"Okay! Now cut that out!" Ron-chan shrilly demanded, moments after being doused with a bucket of cold water. She shivered as the cool air blew across her bare skin. Clad only in her boxers, there was a good deal of skin in contact with the cool air. Drakken's apparatus had her suspended a few inches off the floor, a number of metallic tentacles wrapped around her wrists, ankles and waist. Various scanning devices were pointed at her and while Ron-chan couldn't be absolutely certain, she thought that at least one of them was supposed to be one of Drakken's death rays.

Standing close by, with an empty bucket in hand, Shego snickered loudly. "You know, this is fun no matter how many times I do this."

"I'm so glad for you," Ron-chan said with a withering glare as she shivered in the cool confines of Drakken's lair. With slow deliberation Ron-chan shifted her gaze from Shego to the true subject of her ire. "You know, I got a real special kick to go along with that slap, you pervert," she promised in a glacially chill voice.

"It was an honest mistake!" Drakken bellowed from his seat in front of the lair's computer, a red handprint on his cheek and some tissue paper plugging his nostrils.

**XXXXX**

-Just a few hours earlier-

Drakken's fleet of hovercars circled around the peak of Taishu Falls nestled deep in the mountains of Peru. After a few minutes of playing their scanners over the falling wall of water, the convoy burst through the falls and quickly settled onto the hangar floor.

"Okay, why can't you put in a nice door like the ones Hench Co offers?" Shego complained as she gave her soaked hair a toss over her shoulder. "Do you have any idea how long it takes for hair like mine to dry?"

"Do you have any idea how much those things cost?" Drakken demanded as he gave Shego a withering look. He knew of the systems that Shego was referring to. It was one of those lair options listed in the Hench Co catalog. The system was installed at the top of the waterfall and when opened, diverted the flow of water to either side of the lair's entrance with a pair of massive doors. It was a nice system, but part of the problem was that it was hideously expensive and required a tremendous amount of power. Not to mention it would take forever to complete the construction unless he happened to use non-union labor. But sadly there were drawbacks to that as well.

"What? Can't you use your welfare earnings to buy one?" Shego asked sweetly.

"Shego! Would you just bring the buffoon?" Drakken ordered with an irritated growl.

"You do realize that water and electronics don't mix," she pointed out, still snickering slightly. "Remember what happened with your robots when they got slurpstered."

"Make one little mistake and it haunts you for the rest of your life," Drakken grumbled.

"So we brought Kimmie's sidekick, why?"

"I have my reasons," Drakken replied evasively.

Shego just shrugged. "Whatever. You realize though that Kimmie's going to come looking. She knows where this lair is you know."

"Bah. You said it yourself, Shego. Kim Possible is buried under a mountain of rubble in our old lair. Just wait until the villainous community hears about this. Suck on that Dementor!"

Shego scowled in confusion as an unexpected swell of disappointment washed over her. While confident in her ability and what she had seen with her own two eyes, the thought that Kim Possible had really met her end in the old lair seemed, well, pardon the pun, but impossible. She still half-expected Kimmie to somehow appear out of the blue and foil Drakken's plot. It was just the way these things were done.

Tossing her damp length of hair about, Shego banished those thought and bent to pick Stoppable up off the floor of the hovercar. If Kimmie did survive she would show up eventually. If not, then it would make it that much easier to take over the world. Maybe it would be disappointingly easy, but Shego supposed that ruling over Iceland would manage to occupy her attention for a little while.

Something about the sidekick seemed a little off. Shego didn't mean about how he could be a complete klutz and yet take out Drakken's minions in such a way that it usually resulted in the destruction of Drakken's latest superweapon. There was something funny about the way Stoppable was laying on the floor of the hovercar. He somehow seemed a little smaller and… did he actually look a little curvier?

"Um, Dr. D? Something's not right here," Shego said as she rolled Ron onto his back and was immediately presented with a pair of very female attributes. She gave the unconscious sidekick's chest a tentative poke with a finger just to be sure that what she saw was actually real.

"Can't you handle it, Shego?" Drakken whined. "I want to give Dementor a call and really gloat."

"I'm pretty sure you're gonna wanna see this," Shego answered uncertainly as Ron-chan began to stir, revived by the deluge of water and Shego's exploratory pokes.

"I know I'm a prisoner, but would it be too much to ask for an ibuprofen?" Ron-chan pleaded as she sat up, clutching at her head.

"Wait a minute. Who's she? Where's the buffoon?" Drakken demanded with a confused expression on his face.

"I'm right here. Is it too much to ask that you remember my name? It's not all that hard to remember," Ron-chan grumbled irritably as she adjusted the fit of her soaking wet mission shirt and quickly took stock of their change in venue. "Can't you get one of those sliding rock doors like a normal villain? Or at the very least, put a roof on your hovercars?"

"B-but, you're not, you know, you," Drakken stuttered, ignoring the sidekick's criticisms at he leveled an accusing finger at Ron-chan's rather prominent female assets.

Ron-chan glanced down to where Drakken was pointing. "Oh, yeah. That. Welcome to my world," she muttered with a distinct lack of enthusiasm.

"Bah! It's gotta be some sort of trick," Drakken confidently declared as he grabbed the hem of the sidekick's shirt and yanked it upwards. His eyes widened in surprise as he came face to chest with a well-formed pair of breasts. Slowly, he raised a hand and gave the breast, that could not possibly be, in fact, a real breast, a tentative squeeze. With a look of disbelief at this apparent impossibility on his face, Drakken raised his gaze to the most definitely female buffoon's very angry eyes just as a trickle of crimson dripped from his nose.

_**SLAP!**_

**XXXXX**

"Blood, hair, skin, saliva. All normal," Drakken declared with a look of complete bafflement written across his face. "Aside from the fact that there's no conservation of mass and the differing blood types, you're perfectly normal. Too normal. There's not a single special thing about you."

"Hey! I still have feelings you know!" Ron-chan shouted in protest at Drakken's rather insulting assessment.

"So are you going to quit playing doctor with the sidekick and get back to cracking the AI?" Shego asked, her voice dripping with wry amusement. She glanced at the AI sitting rather forlornly on the floor, unpowered, unconnected and completely ignored.

"Aren't you just the least bit curious about… this?" Drakken wondered with a nebulous wave of his fingers at the mystery of the shape changing sidekick. The test subject in question was currently trying to shake what remained of the chilly water from her hair and shivered as the occasional breeze wafted across her skin.

"What's there to be curious about?" Shego responded with a bored shrug. "So the sidekick changes to a girl with cold water and back with hot water. Woohoo! Neat party trick."

"Trick! It completely defies the laws of physics," Drakken yelled, his scientific curiosity coming to the fore. "It's like the buffoon is two separate people crammed into one body."

"How many times do I have to tell you? It's magic! I'm cursed!" Ron-chan shouted vehemently, her chest heaving with frustration.

"Bah! There's no such thing as magic! There's always a scientific explanation!" Drakken retorted while trying his best to maintain eye contact with the buffoon. Even though all that heavy breathing was doing some interesting thing with buffoon's chest, the buffoon was still a male despite the visual evidence to the contrary. He supposed that it might have been prudent to leave the buffoon clothed in something more than his… er, her… er, whatever, boxers, but some of his equipment was rather sensitive and it was possible that clothing combined with the water and the temperature shifts would throw off his data.

"And figuring this out is going to help us take over the world, how?" Shego asked curiously before Drakken and Ron could launch into a debate about science and magic. It was a tirade that had been going back and forth with no result.

"No pure research is ever wasted, Shego," Drakken asserted loftily.

"Uh huh, and while we're wasting time with this Kimmie might be coming to the rescue," Shego pointed out.

"Bah, you said it yourself. Kim Possible is buried under the ruins of the old lair," Drakken scoffed as he waved aside Shego's caveat. "We have all the time in the world."

"Yeah, maybe not," Shego disagreed. "Kimmie always manages to turn up for some reason. She's harder to kill than a cockroach."

"Ugh," Drakken shuddered. "Y-you don't happen to see any of those disgusting things do you?"

"What? Don't tell me you did the same things to them as you did with the termites?" Shego demanded half accusingly as she quickly cast her eyes around the lair.

"Of course not!" Drakken quickly denied. "It's just that a few of them might have been exposed to a little radiation is all."

"Oy. I'm going to go make sure we have a can of Raid in the kitchen," she growled irritably.

"Wait Shego! You can't go yet!" pleaded Drakken.

"What?" Shego asked expressionlessly. "Why not?"

"I need one more sample, Shego," Drakken said hesitantly.

"So get your sample already," Shego answered. "You don't need me here for that."

Drakken looked distinctly uncomfortable as he glanced from Ron to Shego and back again. "Um, well see the thing is, I really can't do something like that," Drakken said hesitantly.

"Would you quit being a baby and just do it?" Shego demanded with an irritated look at her so called employer. "I thought you had all this 'scientific curiosity?'"

"I do!" Drakken shouted. "It's just that there are certain lines a person doesn't cross."

"What the heck are you talking about now?" Shego demanded.

Drakken looked a little sheepish as he leaned forward to whisper his instructions into her ear and cringed back as soon as he was finished.

"You want me to what?" Shego asked incredulously.

"Well, obviously you can see why I would have trouble with collecting this last sample," Drakken said timidly as he tried to justify his request.

Shego's face was a model of impassiveness as she processed all this. Her eyes shifted over to where Ron-chan was hanging and studied the blonde with a strange look that made her feel more than a little uneasy.

"Fine. I'll do it," Shego said slowly.

Drakken cringed and flinched away from Shego as she delivered her answer. "Ah! I'm sorry, Shego! I didn't mean to…" His voice trailed off as he realized that Shego had agreed to his request and wasn't promising him impending doom or bodily harm. "Wait. What did you just say?" he asked just to be sure that he wasn't simply hearing things.

"I said I'll do it," Shego answered her gaze still lingering upon Ron.

"Score one for scientific curiosity!" Drakken crowed as he raised his fist in triumph.

"Don't get me wrong, you are definitely giving me hazard pay for this," Shego pointed out. "And remember this is a one shot deal. Don't get into a habit of asking me to do things like this."

"Of course, Shego. One sample is all I need anyways," Drakken quickly agreed.

Picking up a kettle of hot water, Shego immediately doused Ron with its contents and watched as the sidekick reverted to his male form. The tentacles binding Ron shifted slightly, ensuring that the change in his body structure wouldn't afford him an opportunity to escape.

"Now get out," Shego ordered flatly as she stared at Ron's bound form with a smoldering gaze. It was an expression that he had never seen on Shego before, but instinctively he knew it did not bode well for him. In fact, in all likelihood this new expression probably correlated with some new painful experience.

"What was that?" Drakken asked in confusion.

"Leave," she ordered in a slightly louder tone of voice.

"But I have to stay to monitor the experiment," Drakken began to object.

Without even removing her gaze from Ron, Shego languidly raised an arm a fired off a blast right at Drakken's feet.

"Right. Well, it's obvious you have everything well in hand," Drakken said quickly in a reversal of his earlier position. "I'll just be leaving. Maybe give mother a call. You know how cross she gets when I don't give her a jingle."

Shego continued staring at Ron thoughtfully for a few moments after Drakken fled while the prisoner and subject of Drakken's latest experiment continued staring right back with a slightly sick and hopeful grin.

It was strange, but the more she stared at Kimmie's sidekick, the more she felt these increasingly odd urges well up within her. It had been there in the back of her mind ever since she had that blackout back at the old lair. A confused expression flickered across Shego's face as a war of emotions waged within her. After an eternity of struggle one side of her finally capitulated and quit the field of battle.

"I must be crazy," she finally muttered softly to herself before she turned to leave the chamber through the opposite door. "I know I'm crazy. This is completely crazy. Lock me up in a padded room crazy. I can't believe I'm doing this."

Alone at last, Ron tugged futilely at his bonds, straining at them until he felt as if his chest would burst, but like so many times in the past, he had to concede defeat. It was probably unintentional on Drakken's part, but the scientist had imprisoned Ron in such a way that he couldn't bring any of his abilities to bear. He wasn't sure if the Breaking Point technique would work on the metal coils, but the point was rather moot since he wasn't able to reach the coils with any of his fingers. He could try to lob a ki blast, but the machine that had produced the tentacles sat directly behind him and though Ron craned his neck about, he couldn't see anything that he could hit which would be remotely helpful to him. Though he ransacked through the library of his newly acquired skills, he could not find one that would help him escape.

"Um, hello?" Ron called out uncertainly as he remained suspended on the harness, utterly alone in the middle of Drakken's lair. "Can I go home now?"

The sound of slow, measured footsteps approaching the chamber filled Ron with a sense of dread. If it was Kim coming to rescue him, the footsteps would be quicker and stealthier. This was a slow pace meant to unnerve him and it was doing a good job of it too. For some reason an image of a black hooded executioner came to mind and refused to leave.

Ron felt his jaw unhinge and he gurgled unintelligibly as Shego reentered the chamber dressed in a strange variation of her usual uniform. Green was still the predominant color, though a slightly lighter shade than on her usual jumpsuit. And there was still some black material, primarily as side panels to separate the front from the back. There the resemblance to Shego's usual outfit ended. This outfit was a sleeveless one piece skirt that showed off Shego's legs to full effect and came with a matching cap perched on top of her head. She was even wearing a pair of heels.

"Um, hi, what's with the outfit?" Ron asked in a slightly sick tone of voice.

"Oh, I just felt like dressing up," Shego answered mysteriously.

"Well, could you go put the rest of it on?"

Shego giggled at that, an unexpectedly girlish sound seemingly devoid of thought coming from one of the most dangerous women he had ever happened to meet. "This is a favor for you. Just consider me your angel of mercy," she answered serenely.

"Would the mercy part involve you letting me go?" Ron asked hopefully.

"Before we begin, I have just one question. Why?" Shego asked, ignoring Ron's tentative question as she gave him a strange look.

"Um, would you get mad if I happened to say that I have no idea what you're talking about?" Ron asked hesitantly.

"Why did you rescue me?" Shego demanded in a louder voice. "That day outside your school when Drakken was all 'declare me emperor of your town.'"

"Oh, that. Uh, reflex, I guess," Ron answered as honestly as he could. He wasn't prepared to see Shego's face contort in anger as his statement hit home.

"Reflex? _Reflex_! I am not some damned damsel in distress. I could have handled myself," Shego yelled, raising a hand wreathed in green flame.

Ron stared at the glowing green hand. Yup, that was the Shego he knew and remembered. And feared. Can't forget feared. That was normal. Normal was good. Okay, normal Shego was violent Shego and would hurt him, so that wasn't all good, but it was better that weird Shego. Weird Shego just plain scared the crap out of him.

"Oh, right, women's lib and all that," Ron said quickly. "So does that mean I was supposed to let you get smushed by the thing that was going to smush you?"

"Argh! You are impossible!" Shego howled in frustration.

"No, actually I'm Ron. Ron Stoppable," Ron answered disingenuously. "Don't think anyone's ever confused me for Kim before. Well, except for that time we got brain switched, but that's another thing entirely."

"Okay, this is getting me nowhere and fast," Shego grumbled to herself as she extinguished her flame. "Might as well just collect the damn sample and be done with it."

"Waitasecond! What in the hell do you think you're doing?" Ron yelped, his eyes wide and panicked as Shego grabbed hold of his waistband.

"Drakken needed one more sample," Shego answered matter-of-factly.

Ron shook his head and wrenched his body about in a renewed attempt to escape his bonds. "What kind of sample does he expect to find in my pants!"

"Come on, you gotta be smarter than that," Shego replied dryly with a somewhat playful gleam in her eye. "I'll give you three guesses and the first two don't count."

"Ohnonononono. You can just forget about that. Why the heck are you collecting that sample for Drakken anyways?" Ron demanded.

Shego shrugged and the confused look once again reappeared on her face as she stared into his eyes. "I-I don't really know why. I mean you're not all that good looking and even though you did rescue me, that's really not enough to make me feel this way about you, plus you're Kimmie's freaking side-kick."

There was a slight shake to Shego's head as if she were trying to clear the strange thoughts and feelings from her mind. "Wait a second. You didn't slip me something did you?" she asked as she gave Ron a suspicious look.

Ron scoffed in disbelief, glancing down at his bound form. "You're kidding me right? In case, you haven't noticed, but I'm the prisoner here. I should be asking you that!"

"This-this isn't right. There's something weird going on here," she muttered uncertainly as she tried again to clear her head.

Ron took a different tack as he tried to take advantage of Shego's momentary confusion. "Okay, I can see that you obviously have some issues, so how about I just leave while you work them out?"

With another shake of her head, Shego managed to clear some of the fog from her mind and fixed Ron with a slightly amused look. "Nice try, but if my issues involve you, then letting you go doesn't really help me."

"Well, it was worth a shot."

Shego snapped her fingers. "I got it. How about you consider this a thank you then?"

"Ah, a thank you?" Ron parroted, momentarily taken aback. "Can't you send a card like a normal person?"

"This is more fun. I don't like ordinary dates," Shego answered, a warm feeling suffusing her body.

"How is this in anyway a date?" Ron incredulously demanded.

"Well, you're a boy. I'm a girl. You're wearing almost nothing. I'm wearing this. Sounds like a date to me," Shego replied as she leaned up against him and used her fingertips to trace an idle design upon his chest.

"Okay, let me remind you. I had no control over any of that," Ron pointed out indignantly as he defiantly jerked his chin over to where his clothes laid. "In fact, gimme my clothes and I'll fix this problem. And as for the other? Well, I'm only a boy half the time, so dating is obviously out of the question."

"Why are you acting so frightened?" Shego mock pouted.

Ron let out a brief, derisive chuckle. "Because you scare the hell out of me," he answered truthfully. "Every time we've been this close, it usually ends up with me getting hurt."

"Oh, don't worry. I won't hurt you, well, not unless you want me to," she offered coquettishly.

Ron merely stared at the villainess in shock, not believing what his ears were hearing. He rapidly shook his head from side to side, hoping that once his vision cleared this would turn out to be nothing more an extremely vivid, if somewhat disturbing, dream. It had to be a dream. Nothing this strange could happen to him more than once in a single lifetime. This was his fault for eating some chunky salsa left out past the expiration date. Any moment now, he would wake up and find this was a really bad dream. Yup, any moment now. He opened his eyes, fully expecting to see his ceiling only to see Shego still in her rather abbreviated nurse's outfit making those same weird eyes at him.

"I have magic fingers," Shego said in a sing-song voice as she playfully twiddled her fingers in front of Ron's eyes.

"I know! I know! Why do you think I'm so freaked? You can rip through solid steel with those fingers!" Ron protested shrilly.

"So you want me to stop?" Shego asked with that same coquettish look on her face.

"Yes! I think that should be obvious by this point!"

Shego paused and actually seemed to consider that momentarily.

"No. You don't really want me to stop," she finally decided.

"Yes! Yes, I do!" Ron protested strongly.

"Relax, I am a professional after all," Shego said soothingly, but her words did not have the intended effect on Ron.

"I don't even want to think about what that means!"

"Trust me. This is purely in the interest of science," Shego said reassuringly as she again grabbed the waistband and pulled it towards her. "Hello," she said in surprise as she quickly took a peek inside.

"Enough already!" Ron pleaded.

"Let's see. How did that expression go?" Shego mused thoughtfully, ignoring Ron's panic as she reached for her goal. "It's time to shake the dew off this lily."

Unable to watch Shego collect her 'sample,' Ron flung his head backward, praying for something, anything that could get Shego to halt her ministrations. "This isn't fair!" he wailed at the uncaring ceiling. "It's not my fault! I didn't even drink anything weird today!"

The more he thought about it, the more it seemed like Shego was under the effects of the same love potion that had Bonnie jumping all over him. But that was clearly impossible. He had been careful not to drink or eat anything when Chin Kang was nearby.

A low rumble permeated throughout the lair causing both Ron and Shego to look around curiously. "What the hell is that?" Shego said as she gave voice to their mutual feeling of unease moments before the lair's wall collapsed inward in a shower of rubble.

"Ack!" Shego yelped as she pressed up against Ron in surprise.

"Knock, knock," a familiar voice could be heard saying through the clouds of dust.

Ron felt his spirits rise at the sound of that voice and then plummet just as quickly. "Oh crap. I'm so dead now," he moaned, instinctively knowing that Kim had come to his rescue as usual and that his luck was running true to form.

"We are here to rescue, Ron-san," Ron heard Yori say. Ron could only wince at the plural implicit in the word 'we.' If Kim had brought along Yori, then it was a sure bet that Lo Shin had come along too. Recalling the punishments that the girls had inflicted upon him for the sin of saving Shego from being pancaked, he could only begin to imagine the punishment for being found in such a compromising situation.

As the dust cleared, all three girls gasped in unison at seeing Ron's state of undress and his rather close proximity to one green tinged villainess.

"Um, hi," Ron said weakly, a sick feeling welling up inside of him. "This isn't what it looks like." Even as he said it, he knew that is was an incredibly lame thing to say. Not that he expected the girls to actually listen to him in the first place.

Not all that long ago, Lo Shin had looked up to Xian Pu as a role model. It was only natural of course. Xian Pu was the strongest and most promising warrior in the village. Their momentary clash in Nerima over possession of the Monkey Talisman had wiped away some of the hero worship, but not all.

True, Xian Pu was constantly abusing Mu Tsu, but there were times when even Lo Shin had to admit that her brother deserved it. Lo Shin had lost count of all the times that her brother had made the mistake of professing his love of Xian Pu to some large farm animal or statue.

The one thing that could possibly be considered as a flaw in her Amazon sister was her lack of fluency in foreign languages. Not to say that Xian Pu was stupid. The purple haired Amazon had simply chosen to concentrate on other things, like Ranma for instance. But in the time that Lo Shin had spent in Nerima in the company of her fellow Amazons she did have to concede that sometimes Xian Pu's curious vernacular had its uses.

"YOU I KILL!" Lo Shin thundered as she charged at Shego, her staff held before like a lance, ready to impale the shameless woman who had attempted to steal her man upon its end.

No less incensed by the display they had just witnessed, Yori was right beside the Amazon, her razor sharp fans snapped open to full extension and her arms quivering with barely repressed rage. Where Lo Shin had given voice to her anger, Yori chose to let her actions speak for her. A blush bloomed upon Yori's cheeks as she considered what might have occurred in the lair before their arrival. Her momentary embarrassment was quickly replaced by rage. The audacity of the villainess had to be punished. The liberties she had taken with Ron-san's body demanded to be avenged.

"Okay, geisha girls, just try it!" Shego challenged as she flung her hands outward and summoned forth her power.

Her glow flickered wanly about her arms, creeping down towards her fingertips. Shego took a deep breath forcing her power to do her will, but there was a marked difference. Before, where the power seemed to flow naturally of its own accord, now it seemed like trying draw water from a dry well.

Finally, after expending a tremendous amount of effort, a wan green glow flowed past Shego's fingertips and coalesced into a set of claws. But something was terribly wrong and Shego could feel it. Before, when she had summoned forth her new claws, they had been solid and incredibly powerful, but now her claws seemed weak and fragile and after a single experimental slash through the air they evaporated in a shower of green sparks

"Oh, crap," was all that Shego was able to get out before the two enraged girls were upon her. She hastily kicked off her heels. Fighting barefoot might have put her at a disadvantage, but less so than attempting to balance herself in high heels. Besides. Those were actually a pair of very nice shoes and she didn't want to ruin them.

Lo Shin jabbed at Shego's head with her staff and she ducked under the blow, grabbing hold of the weapon, pulling the shorter girl in closer for a counterattack. But before she could retaliate with a kick that would fold the Chinese girl in half, Shego's instincts kicked in and she backflipped away from a slash from Yori's fans.

Shego grimaced and tried again to summon her glow power, but to no avail. If only her powers were working properly she would have been able to destroy the staff just now and level the playing field somewhat. Individually, these two girls weren't quite up to her level, but together they were close enough to give her a challenge.

As the three women careened about the lair in a wild melee of fists, staff and fans, Ron's eyes focused on Kim. He was elated to see that she had survived her impromptu burial at the other lair. Apparently his sending the Lotus Shield to protect Kim had saved her from serious harm. He did notice that she walked with a slight limp, but Ron was sure that Kim would be able to completely recover given a few days rest.

"Hey! Would you two give me a break here?" Shego demanded crossly as she hastily dodged a pincer style attack from Yori and Lo Shin. She grabbed at her dress to ensure that she didn't pop out of the garment at the worst possible moment. "I'm wearing a skirt here!"

"Now you know how I feel!" Kim and Ron heckled the villainess in unison.

"Jinx! You owe me a soda," Kim got out an instant before Ron could.

"Aww, man," Ron whined, momentarily forgetting his imprisonment.

Ron gave Kim a slightly sheepish look as he hung in the grip of the restraints. "Um, Kim, I can explain. This wasn't what it looked like."

Kim merely arched an eyebrow at him. "Really, so Shego wasn't dressed in some weird nurse's outfit, you're not hanging from one of Drakken's contraptions wearing only your boxers and the two of you weren't standing really close together?"

Ron blew out a defeated breath from between his teeth. "Okay, so it was what it looked like. But just so you know, this wasn't my idea at all."

Kim spotted the number of discarded kettles and buckets. "Yeah, I think I pretty much figured that. So who found out about your curse? Drakken or Shego?"

"Both! Would believe that Drakken felt me up and got a nosebleed?"

The image that appeared in Kim's mind made her pause in shock. Though the mad scientist had put her in harm's way many times she had never would have imagined him capable of doing something like that.

"Drakken felt you up?" she asked incredulously, her jaw hanging slightly at the image.

There was an apologetic shrug from Ron. "Well, to be fair, he kinda thought they were fake. Well, that is until he squeezed. And then he got the nosebleed."

The image of Drakken and Ron forming in Kim's mind was even stranger than the one she had witnessed only moments ago. "Sick and wrong," she finally said as she stuck out her tongue.

"That's what I said," Ron agreed fervently. "It's worse than that. It's wrongsick!"

"So what did you do then?"

Ron shrugged again. "Well, then I slapped him."

"That's it? You slapped him?"

"Well, I was a girl at the time, so it only seemed natural. Why? What would you do?"

Kim shuddered at the new image forming in her mind. "N-never mind. I hope I never have to find out."

"Oh, oh, yeah. That would be very wrong. Very, very wrong. Worse than wrongsick!" Ron agreed as he now shared the image that was passing through Kim's mind. "Can we change the subject?"

"Please and thank you," Kim said gratefully as she grabbed hold of one of the coils and gave it an experimental tug. The coil hummed under her fingers resisting her efforts to dislodge it.

"Yeah, that's on there pretty good, KP," Ron supplied as he watched Kim's attempt to free him.

Kim glanced about the lair in search of some sort of control to Ron's restraints. There weren't any controls on the device itself, nor could she spot anything that looked like a remote control. She cocked her head to one side as she stared at one of the devices currently pointed in their direction. "Isn't that one of Drakken's death rays?" Kim asked curiously as she pointed at the object in question.

Ron nodded his head enthusiastically. "Now see, that's what I thought," he quickly agreed. "So could we get me out of this thing so the death ray isn't pointing at me?"

Kim took a deep breath, recalling the advice Felix had given her. "Listen, Ron. I have something I need to tell you," she began.

Now that freedom was so close at hand, Ron squirmed anxiously in the grip of the containment coils. "Um, could it any way wait until you maybe get me out of this thing?"

"I promise this will be quick," Kim answered.

"Well, have Rufus see if he can chew some wires or something while you're telling me," he asked plaintively. "I really need to scratch my nose."

Rufus studied the device for a moment with a practiced eye and then squeezed between a seam in the mechanism. Once inside the naked mole rat found a bundle of wires leading into a circuit board. Grabbing a couple of wires at random Rufus swapped inputs with some unexpected results. There was a surprised gasp from Kim as coils abruptly contracted, pulling Ron's arms and legs behind him into a hogtied position before slamming him repeatedly into the ground before grinding him against the stone floor.

"Ow! Whatever that was, could we please not do that again," Ron groaned in pain with his cheek pressed painfully into the floor.

"Oops, sorry," Rufus said apologetically as he swapped around a different series of wires.

Ron barely had time to yelp as the cables hoisted him upwards and yanked his arms and legs apart. "Not… helping…" he ground out from behind his teeth as he hung spreadeagled in midair.

"Eep!" Kim yelped and clapped a hand over her eyes as Ron's involuntary contortions gave her an inadvertent peek into his boxers.

"My bad," Rufus squeaked again in apology as he swapped around yet another bundle of wires and Ron was thankfully returned to his original position though still firmly restrained by the cables.

"Is it safe to look now?" Kim asked, not quite daring to peek out from behind her hands.

Ron glanced downwards to make sure that he was at least modestly covered up. "Yup, I'm decent. Or at least as decent as I can be in just my boxers. Damp ones at that. Well, since it looks like I'm going to be hanging out here for a little while longer could you scratch my nose for me while you're telling me what you needed to tell me."

Kim tentatively scratched gently at the tip of Ron's nose as he wriggled it around so that her fingers were getting the right spot. "See, Ron. Remember, this morning, when we were sparring?"

"Uh huh," he grunted as he leaned harder against Kim's fingers, effectively relieving his itch.

"Well, the thing of it was that you actually won fair and square. I wasn't holding back at all," Kim confessed and felt a great weight lift off her shoulders. It seemed a little ludicrous to tell this to Ron now with him captured, dripping wet and half-naked in the middle of Drakken's lair with her scratching his nose while three other women, one of whom who just happened to be her nemesis, were careening about said lair in a wild free for all battle.

Ron stared at Kim in surprise.

"Booyah, Ron's the man!" he crowed as he tried to do a little dance of joy while still held within the confines of his restraints. Kim cheeks turned a rosy shade as Ron's dance caused his still somewhat damp boxers to ride up a bit.

"But this means you're going into some real training buster," Kim promised, cutting short Ron's celebration. "You left yourself open so many times I can't even begin to count. If you had been fighting Shego you could have ended up seriously hurt."

"Got it, Kim," Ron answered meekly and then gave her a worried look. "Wait a sec, does this mean you're going to make me fight Shego now?"

"We'll see," Kim answered fighting to get her blush under control.

"Um, would that happen to be a not-gonna-happen we'll see?" Ron asked hesitantly with a nervous glance at where Shego was still engaged in battle with both Lo Shin and Yori. It looked like the fight had degenerated into some hair pulling and even some biting. "Cause I don't think I'll be ready for that for a long, long time."

"We'll see, Ron," Kim answered again as Rufus finally found the right combination of wires to dump Ron unceremoniously at her feet.

**XXXXX **

"Miss Possible, we really can't thank you enough."

"It was no big. I'm just glad that we were able to stop Drakken before he managed to use AEON to do some real harm," Kim answered automatically as she cast her gaze about in search of Ron.

Yori and Lo Shin had been dropped off at Middleton earlier, over their vehement protests. Wade had the foresight to arrange two separate evac flights. One heading directly to Middleton and Ron's house and the other heading to the Rhombusoft Programming Lab. In spite of her initial flash of jealousy – no, not jealousy, not really – at the thought Ron with Yori and Lo Shin alone in the plane while they comforted him over his trying ordeal, Kim had wanted Ron to head home and recuperate.

In spite of his exhaustion Ron had insisted on accompanying Kim to Rhombusoft when she made the delivery. He even went as far as to pull the 'are we a team or aren't we?' question on her. Of course, Yori and Lo Shin had insisted on accompanying Ron as well, but the flight to the lab had limited space and the other, larger jet would not have been able to land near the lab.

For some reason the instant that Ron had entered the building he had disappeared. Kim shrugged her shoulders. Ron was probably lost somewhere in the bowels of the building. Well, at least in a civilian building there wouldn't be any self destruct buttons for Ron to accidentally push.

"AEON? No, that's down the hall. Third door on the left. This is project Retrospect," Dr. Lucas explained as he tapped a finger on top of the 'AI.'

"Retrospect," Kim repeated slowly, mulling over the actual project name as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Please tell me that it has something to do with time travel," she asked almost plaintively.

Dr. Lucas' smile was almost beatific. "Well, you could say that. Project Retrospect is a gaming platform built for nostalgic game fans. Bring back some classics from the Winner game console from back in the '70's like Nightcrawler, Meteors, and Rocket Command

"Video games," Kim said flatly. "Why is it always video games?"

Dr Lucas gave her a confused look. "I'm sorry?"

"Nothing," Kim sighed. "I'm just glad we could help out."

**XXXXX**

The sun had long since retired beyond the horizon when their ride dropped them off at Bueno Nacho per Kim's request. She figured that after a trying day like this one Ron deserved a little treat. Much to her surprise, Ron didn't pester her to pop in and pick up some Bueno Nacho to go. In fact, as soon as they had disembarked the tiny hovercraft Ron had immediately set off in the direction of home. As they walked along the streets towards their homes Kim could hear Ron try to hide the occasional sniffle, though his attempts to hide his feelings were marred by the tears he occasionally wiped away when he thought she wasn't looking.

"Ron, it's okay," Kim said consolingly as she took his arm. "Shego had you tied up and helpless when she… when she…" Her voice trailed off, unable to continue as she had trouble dealing with that one image of Shego and Ron together.

Back at the lair, when Ron was held at Drakken's and Shego's mercy, Kim had avoided discussing the ordeal with Ron in order to clear the air between them. That had been the issue that threatened to undermine their relationship. She saw now that the reason that Ron had resisted going back to Middleton with the other two girls because he needed to talk about what had happened to him. He needed her. After all, who out of the three of them knew Ron the best. If there was anyone who could help Ron through this it was her.

"Huh?" Ron grunted as he gave Kim a confused look.

"You're crying," she pointed out.

"First, it wasn't crying, Kim," Ron said defensively as he drew himself up as manfully as he could. "And second, even if I was crying, which I wasn't, I wasn't crying about that."

"Then what are you crying about?" Kim asked, this time she was the one who was confused.

"It's just that I'm so happy, KP," Ron explained as he wiped yet another tear from his eye. "While we were at Rhombusoft, I got a peek at the ending of Ultimate Dream 7, Ultimate Dream 7-2."

"Wait, wouldn't that be Ultimate Dream 8?" Kim asked with a confused frown on her face.

"Of course not, KP," Ron scoffed. "Ultimate Dream 8 is a completely different story with different characters and a whole new game engine."

Kim rolled her eyes. Of course, yet again, it would have to be videogames. If there was a subject that could move Ron to tears it would be video games. That and Bueno Nacho. "Ok, so what's so great about the ending of this new game," Kim asked as she rolled her eyes.

"It's just that you get a sense of closure that you didn't get at the end of UD7. Here the hero, Nimbus, finally gets to make peace with the ghost of Erin, the girl he loved, but you could see that he also has a future, with his childhood friend Tina."

"Okay, now I'm confused," Kim admitted as she scratched at her head. Somehow the names seemed a little familiar, but the details escaped her.

Ron shrugged. Not many people got how beautiful the story of Ultimate Dream 7 was unless they played it for hours on end like he had. The first time he played the game he bawled like a baby when he came to the point where Erin died. Not even Kim had been able to console him. "I could lend you my copy of the game," he offered.

"Thanks, but no. I've got better things to do with my time than play videogames."

They walked along the street for another few moments in silence until something occurred to Kim. "Wait, so you came with me to Rhombusoft because you wanted to get a sneak peek at a videogame?"

"Well, just the cut scenes," Ron replied.

"So you didn't want to talk about what happened in the lair."

Ron rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably and sucked in a deep breath before answering. "Yeah. I'm going to take a rain check on that."

Another few moments passed in awkward silence while Kim considered this. Obviously, it was a delicate subject for Ron, one that he wasn't comfortable discussing, but it was important for him deal with it. Kim drew in a deep breath.

"Look, Ron. About Shego," Kim began in another attempt to broach the subject and maybe get some closure on this disturbing issue.

"Huh. Okay. That. Don't wanna talk about it, KP," Ron answered curtly, himself unwilling to deal with what had nearly transpired.

Kim growled in frustration and leapt forward, placing her hands on Ron's shoulders to block his path and confront him. She knew what was best for Ron, even if he didn't. And getting some closure on this issue was best for him. "Ron, about what Shego was doing… in your pants... er, boxers…" Her cheeks flushed and she found herself unable to continue.

There was a wail of horror as Ron clapped his hands over his ears and shook his head from side to side. "Ah buh, buh," he said quickly. "Going to my happy place! Going to my happy place! NOT thinking about magic fingers!"

"That's just the thing. It looked a lot like Shego's 'magic fingers' were going to your 'happy place,'" Kim interjected wryly.

"KIM!" Ron shouted in protest and despite his earlier assertions that he could not be embarrassed in any way, shape or form, a slow flush began creeping up his neck.

Seeing that she had gotten through to him, Kim prepared to press her point home and help Ron deal with what had happened in Drakken's lair. A slight movement in the trees just over Ron's shoulder caught Kim's eye and she leaned slightly to her right in order to get a better view. There definitely was a person there and it looked like they were struggling to get through the shrubbery.

Following Kim's gaze, Ron turned slightly to catch the same spectacle that had captured her attention and had to wonder what someone was doing there at this time of night. The patch of foliage, one of those little stands of trees that somehow escaped being cut down to make way for human habitation, wasn't all that large. It pretty much fell between property lines so neither neighbor felt compelled to keep up with it. Besides, who in their right mind did landscaping late at night?

Finally, the figure struggling through the wooded patch of land burst out onto the sidewalk. For a moment the figure stood there in apparent confusion and looked around to take stock of his surroundings. With a tired shrug he adjusted the enormous pack he carried on his back and turned up the street away from the two teens to continue on his journey.

Kim stared at the figure incredulously for a moment before she found her voice, her issue with Ron momentarily forgotten. "Um, is that who I think it is?" she asked Ron as she pointed.

"Ryoga?" Ron called out uncertainly.

The Japanese youth turned at the sound of a familiar voice, his glassy eyes staring at them listlessly. "Ron? Kim? What are you guys doing in Hokkaido?"

Before either teen could answer and point out the boy's error, Ryoga's eyes rolled up into the back of his head and he collapsed face first into the pavement.

**Next: 18 again**

**Omake! Omake! Omake!**

Drakken winced as a particularly loud explosion reverberated through the lair. For the last several hours Shego had been just cheerfully blasting everything in sight with her powers. Sometimes she would be content to just blow an object into large, smoking pieces, but occasionally she wouldn't rest until she had completely blown an offending item into its component molecules.

His nose wrinkled as he caught an acrid whiff of burning silicon. From the smell of it Shego had recently blasted one of his mainframes. Shego's powers weren't exactly thermal per se, but sometimes managed to duplicate thermal effects. Near as he could tell Shego's concussive powers obliterated molecular bonds releasing heat in an exothermic reaction. She could even do a bit of spot welding by disrupting enough molecules and releasing enough heat to join two objects together.

It really was fascinating and he would have loved to study the nature of Shego's power some more, but he had little hope of that actually happening. If Shego refused to be cloned then she just as vehemently refused to be poked and prodded simply to satisfy his curiosity. Of course, if he cloned her then he could study the clone's powers. Argh, but that got into that cloning bit again and a tissue sample wouldn't be enough to study her powers.

He really should just leave well enough alone. With Shego in the mood she was in now he ran the risk of incurring some serious bodily harm if he attracted her attention. The thing of it was that he never did find out if Shego had collected that sample for him.

Shego finally finished destroying thing and Drakken could only hope that she had decided to move on to people. Still swearing sulfurously under her breath Shego flung herself on a padded couch that she had left relatively intact and began to tend to some of her minor wounds.

A worried expression crossed Drakken's face he watched Shego apply some ointment to her skin. It seemed that she had calmed down somewhat and now might actually be a good time to broach the subject.

Drawing a deep breath, Drakken decided that his scientific curiosity demanded that he take his life into his hands.

"Um Shego? Did you ever manage to get my stool sample?"

A/N:

Whoo! Done finally.  
Well, done might be a bit premature. Finally done with this chapter.  
I have so many miles to go before I sleep.

It was so hard trying to keep this section from spiraling out of control and crash squarely in the land of lemons. As it is, it seems like we've picked up a little lemonade along the way. Well, maybe weak lemonade.

Now it might seem incongruous that Shego would suddenly fall for Ron like that, but I'm going to explain it thus. Ron still had lingering effects of the love potion in his system. Not enough to get a woman under normal circumstances to fall in love with him.

However, Shego is anything but normal. Comet Powers and in my incarnation, possessed by a cat spirit driven to kill him and the rest of the Twelve courtesy of Drakken's botched attempt at Cat-Fu training. The cat spirit part of Shego also fell for Ron because everything is all jumbled up inside of her. Shego is the cat, the cat is Shego and here comes Ron with this magical potion in him that makes women fall in love with him upon eye contact.

Like I said, the potion had worn off, but there's enough magic in Shego's metabolism, so to speak, for her to be extraordinarily sensitive to whatever love potion still in Ron's system. Think of it like bee toxin. The amount in your system is cumulative even after the swelling goes down.

But even so, Shego did put up a fight and try to resist. I suppose the straw that broke the camel's back would have to be the fact that Ron saved back in the beginning of this book during Drakken's invasion of Middleton. Even though she was all pissed about it, she still kinda got the warm fuzzies thinking about someone caring enough to rescue her.

Oh, and her powers fizzling. That was from all the jumbled up emotions too.

Okay, enough with the exposition.

Sorry to take so long in getting the final part of this chapter out. It's just been one of those infections of can't-bring-myself-to-sit-down-and-write-a-blasted-thing-itis.

Plus, I've had a rather stressful several months. In May, I had a roommate just up and move out, leaving me in a lurch. And then I had to post on all sorts of sites for a new roomie at a time when people move out of a college town. Needless to say, I hadn't got a lot of offers, except for the ones from Nigeria which would eventually end up scamming me for money.

So me and Maalox became pretty good friends. I wonder if it's something one can become addicted to.

Then in fairly short order, my glasses broke, my car battery dies right before I had to take a trip and the toddler son of a friend spilled water into my laptop. And on top of all that I moved from my old apartment into a newer, better, but consequently more expensive place.

Not to make excuses. Like they say, everyone has a couple and they both stink.

And since confession is good for the soul, I will say I've been logging in a lot of hours on Oblivion. Enough so that I can still see the screen when I close my eyes.

Hopefully, I'll be able to get back into the writing saddle, but I've recently been tapped to help write a webcomic. Hopefully that will come out soon as well.

Man, I gotta pick up the pace on this writing of mine. When I first drafted this chapter, Final Fantasy 7 Advent Children, hadn't made it to the US yet. This chapter would have been a lot funnier two years ago.

Till next time...

References to:

Freddy's glove from Nightmare on Elm St.  
The blast pattern of Shego's new attack resembles InuYasha's Windscar, though on a smaller scale.  
The waterfall door to Syndrome's lair in the Incredibles  
Shego's sorta like Ukyo in playing with Ron's curse.  
Tenchi Muyo, in particular Washu collecting data and her sample.  
Final Fantasy 7 and Advent Children and their company Squaresoft or Eidos or whatever.  
The Atari 2600 and the Flashback  
No real way to convey it in written format, but the 'AI's' voice and offers to play tic-tac-toe both refer to the movie Wargames.

37


End file.
